LAUREN

 

 

When the taxi pulled up at Peta’s house, all the lights were off. Stones crunched under my feet as I walked across the driveway and the security light flicked on when I crossed the path to the door. I knocked quietly but no one came. Sending Peta a text, I waited for her to come to the door but she didn’t. The night air was cool and I rubbed my hands over my bare arms, willing some warmth back into them. After waiting a few minutes, and after calling her cell phone and Shrek’s, I banged loudly on the door. There were footsteps and a crash and a curse before the door was flung open and Shrek stood in his boxers, eyes blurred with sleep.

“Lauren?” he asked, rubbing his eyes as though they deceived him. “What are you doing here? It’s like—” He paused to look at his watch. “It’s like one o’clock in the morning.” He looked at me then, and noticed my bloodshot eyes. Even though my tears had dried on the way over, as soon as Shrek realised I was upset and concern crinkled his expression, my tears came back with a vengeance, falling down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away.

“Aww, Ren.” Shrek embraced me, rubbing my back comfortingly. “Peta!” he called up the stairs. “Peta, it’s for you.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, pulling me inside. “Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?”

Peta appeared at the top of the stairs, tying the front of her dressing gown together. “Lauren?” she questioned when she saw me. Stomping down the stairs, she took me in her arms. “What did he do?”

I wanted to protest. I wanted to reel back and demand why she thought it was Tyler who had done something, but instead, I just sobbed into her shoulder as she ran her hand over my hair, waiting for my tears to subside enough so I could talk.

It took a while.

“It was me, not him,” I said with hiccups breaking my words.

Peta rolled her eyes and pulled me close again. “Tell me what happened? Was it at Gabe’s party? I heard he was having one this weekend.”

Pulling away from her, I drew in deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I was annoyed at the emotions leaking out of me. Annoyed that such a small argument could upset me as much as it did. But the thought of losing Tyler was almost more than I could bear.

“I don’t think he’ll forgive me.” I hiccupped.

“Nonsense,” Peta admonished. “Now tell me what happened.”

So I let it all spill out. I told her how I had never informed him of meeting up with Gabe that night. I told her how I had basically lied to him and how Gabe was the one to tell him. I told her of the hurt in his eyes, the way he shied away from me. I told her what he had said.

Once I was done, Shrek brought through a cup of tea and sat it before me. “I’m not even sure if you drink tea, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

I pulled the cup close and wrapped my hands around its exterior, hoping the warmth would seep into my skin and remove the coldness in my chest. It didn’t. The coldness stayed there, sharp and blunt at the same time, a knife twisting into my heart.

“I know I’m overreacting,” I said at Peta’s concerned look.

“You’re not. You’re allowed to react however you feel. There are no rules when it comes to reactions.”

“I just didn’t want to upset him.”

Peta covered one of my hands with her own. “Does he get upset a lot?”

Picking up on the tone of her voice, my eyes flew wide with panic. “No! Nothing like that. He’s not an angry man. He is just a little testy when he comes to Gabe. I knew this. I don’t blame him. I can imagine being the same and yet, I still never told him about running into Gabe. Dancing with Gabe.”

“But he knew the situation when he started chasing you. He knew you were with Gabe. He knew what he was getting into. There was no need for him to say what he did.  Everyone has a past.”

“I know,” I said, my shoulders slumping. “I guess it’s just a little more difficult when your girlfriend’s past is your little brother.”

Shrek rested a hand on my shoulder. “Do you want me to go sort him out?” He flexed his muscles. “I’m sure I could take him on. I may return a little worse for wear, and possibly a little turned on, but I’d do it for you, Ren. Anything for you.”

Peta laughed. “Slightly turned on?”

Shrek walked towards the door. “I think that’s my cue to leave. But Peta?”

“Yes, dear?” A smile played with her lips.

“You have seen him, right? The guy is gorgeous.”

Peta rolled her eyes. “I’m not denying it.”

“Really?” Shrek asked as he moved down the hallway. “I feel like you are a little.”

Peta laughed. “That man.” She sighed deeply and looked across at me as I took a sip of the tea. The fragrant drink was just what I needed in that moment. One thing was sure; I didn’t need more wine. “Are you going to be okay, Ren?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice to answer. I needed a good night’s sleep. I needed to forget the words Tyler had hurled at me and just sleep.

“You want to talk some more?”

I shook my head as Peta lifted herself from the table. “There’s no spare room, sorry. You’re going to have to bunk with Henry. Come on.”

Henry, the baby of the family, was sleeping in his cot. Peta pulled out an old couch from the wall and let it fall down into a bed. She threw a few blankets in my direction and found a spare pillow. When she left me alone, I thought I would fall asleep immediately. I was wrong. Henry slept with a nightlight and cartoon planes danced across the walls. He had a cold and there was a hitch in his breath. And Tyler wasn’t there.

I had forgotten how long it had been since I slept alone. Since moving in with Tyler, each night had been spent with him. He often came to bed late, he almost always rose early, but he was always there, pressed against me, hands wrapped around my waist, chin tucked over my shoulder and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I felt cold and empty without him. The fear that he had grown tired of me seeped into my brain. Maybe he just wanted out and the way he spoke was his way of telling me.

I squeezed my eyes shut when the tears threatened again. I checked my phone but there were no calls, no texts, nothing to let me know that Tyler was thinking of me.

And then the fears started. What if this was it? What if we were over? Where would I go? I had promised myself after my world fell apart from my reliance on Derek that I would never let a man dominate my life like that again. But here I was, living in Tyler’s house, working from his building. Everything about my life depended on him and I had been the one to allow it.

* * *

I woke with a start. Someone was laughing. It took me a while to get my bearings. I was in a strange bedroom, one with sun-soaked light blue curtains and the faintest of planes flying over the walls.

Henry stood in his cot, knees bouncing and grinning at me in such a way I couldn’t help but return it.

“Hey, buddy,” I said, sitting up. Henry bounced some more and said something that was either supposed to be a word, or maybe just a garbled sound.

Shrek walked in the door and lifted Henry onto his hip. “So sorry. This little guy isn’t supposed to be awake yet. I didn’t want him to disturb you.”

“It’s fine.” I stretched into the air, before remembering I had stripped down to only my underwear.

“Peta had to open this morning. She had to leave. You want breakfast or are you going to sleep a little longer? I can make sure the boys stay quiet.”

“No, no,” I said, even though I flopped back onto the bed. “I’ll get up. I should probably get going, anyway.”

Shrek jiggled Henry who laughed and clapped his chubby hands together. “Did he call?” he asked while pretending to eat Henry’s fingers.

I dove for my phone. “No,” I said when I checked the notifications. I had one text message but it was from Sadie, not Tyler. “I would have thought by this age I would be past all this.”

“All what?”

“Drama,” I replied.

Shrek’s laughter was muffled by Henry’s fingers. “I think it would be a sad life with no drama. And even if a couple did ever reach that stage where there was none, I would say it’s because their lives were controlled by their children’s dramas instead. You’ll see.” He let go of Henry’s fingers in his mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up—I mean I know that you can’t—Shit. I don’t know what to say, Ren.”

I rubbed my hands over my face, not caring that I was probably smearing the day old makeup. “Don’t worry, Shrek. I know what you mean.”

“I’ve got a big mouth, sorry.”

“You’ve got a perfectly normal mouth. It’s fine. Don’t ever feel like you have to censor yourself around me.”

“Well, come down when you’re ready. We have lots on offer for breakfast. All packaged. All processed. All filled with sugar just the way we like it.” He disappeared out the door but I heard him muttering to Henry. “You hear that, kid? She said my mouth was normal. Mummy doesn’t think my mouth is normal. She thinks it’s too big. You just wait until we tell her.”

The only thing I had to wear was the dress from the night before. I could have asked Shrek for something of Peta’s, but for some reason, the thought of moping around in the emerald green dress appealed to me. As I wrestled the material over my hips, it seemed as though the dress was a lot tighter than it had been the night before. I stood in front of the mirror in the hallway and leaned forward so I could run a wet finger under my eyes, attempting to remove the stains of mascara.

I was a mess. My hair, no longer styled neatly, fell in messy tangled waves around my face. My breasts spilled out of the bodice of the dress in a way that seemed indecent in front of young children. My ankles could barely hold me upright in the high heels and, what I thought was mascara under my eyes, turned out to be smudges of tiredness.

I walked slowly down the stairs, staring at the screen of my phone as if I could magically make Tyler call.

Shrek whistled when I walked in the door. “Well,” he said, stroking his chin. “I’m not really sure what to say.”

I laughed and plonked myself down at the table. “I don’t think there are words.”

“There are definitely words,” Shrek replied. “I’m just not sure if you’d want to hear them, or even if I should say them.”

“Never stopped you before.”

“Well how about I start with the polite offer of a shower?”

It surprised me that I hadn’t even thought to have one myself. I lifted my shoulders and let them fall. “I don’t know if I can be bothered. I’m enjoying feeling miserable. A shower might change that.”

“Wallowing.” Shrek nodded his head. “I get it. Peta should be back around two. What are your plans? I know she’d love it if you stayed for a few days.”

I glanced at my phone again. Nothing. “I’m not sure. I’ve got a shoot tomorrow, but maybe today, at least.”

“We’re planning on hitting the playground later on. You keen?”

I looked over my dress and swung my legs out from under me to wiggle my shoes. “Might have to borrow some clothes.”

Shrek grinned. “I’m sure I’ll have something in my wardrobe that fits.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. Shrek leaned over to Henry. “I think she means Mummy’s clothes.” Henry laughed and clapped his hands together again, not caring that they were covered in some sticky concoction I could only assume was baby food.

“Other boys still sleeping?”

Shrek stuck Henry’s spoon into his mouth and nodded. “We won’t have the pleasure of those little rascals for another hour yet. Hopefully.” He walked across and opened one of the cupboards in the kitchen. “Help yourself to cereal and the coffee is ready.”

There was a knock on the door. Shrek looked at me, eyebrow raised. “You want to get it?”

I shook my head and glanced at my phone. Tyler didn’t know where I was. It wouldn’t be him. Shrek shrugged and headed for the door, not caring that his shirt was covered in baby food.

I listened as the door swung open.

“Oh, hey,” Shrek said.

“Is she here?” Tyler’s voice was cold.

Shrek looked through the doorway at me. Unknowingly, I had risen to my feet, glancing with hope at the door. I nodded.

“Sure.” Shrek opened the door wider. “Come on in.”