LAUREN

 

 

In the dim light of the bedroom, our fight the night before seemed trivial. His jealousy of Gabe had no basis, as the way I felt about Gabe paled in comparison to how I felt about Tyler.  I was in awe of him.

Tyler’s mouth toyed with my nipples as his fingers teased. His hardness pressed into my stomach and I longed for him to be inside me again. But our feverish fumbling was interrupted by Tyler’s phone vibrating and starting to ring incessantly. Each time it stopped, only seconds would pass before it started again. Distracted, I lifted my eyes to find where it lay on the floor, brightly lit.

“Just ignore it,” Tyler said, his words mumbled by my flesh.

“It’s your father,” I replied, noticing the capital letters angrily displayed across the screen. It was still ringing.

Tyler’s head flopped to my chest and he groaned. Not the sort of groan I was used to hearing in this situation, one of frustration. “I don’t want to talk to him.” His hands fondled my breasts but the moment was lost to the ringing phone. Sighing exaggeratedly, Tyler dragged himself from the bed and picked up the still ringing phone.

“What?” he demanded. He listened for a moment. His eyebrows shot high and his eyes shifted to mine.

“What?” I mouthed.

Tyler nodded, making affirmative grunts and noises before saying, “We’ll be there soon.”

“Is everything okay?” I asked as soon as he ended the call.

“Billie’s in hospital.”

I reached into the bedside cabinet and pulled out a pair of underwear, threading them over my feet and sliding them up my legs. “Is she okay? Is the baby okay?”

“She’s in labour. I said we’d go straight there. She’s asking for you.”

“For me?” A slice of panic cut through me. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to sit there and wait, my mind unwillingly stuck on memories of the past.

Dressing quickly, we drove to the hospital on the outskirts of the city. Hamish Thornton stood outside the entrance, phone pressed to his ear, anger emanating from his tone. When he saw us, he quickly ended the call.

“About time,” he said.

“We got here as quickly as we could,” Tyler replied.

“I called forty minutes ago. Both your brothers are already here.” Hamish’s eyes moved to me. “Lauren,” he said and nodded.

“Hamish,” I replied, lifting my chin a little.

We followed him through the hallways of the hospital until we reached a waiting room where Gabe and Jake were sitting. Gabe sat with his head in his hands. He drew his face upwards to look at me with bloodshot eyes. He was hung over.

Just above Jake’s left cheekbone, the skin was swollen and shiny and there was a little dried blood beneath his nose.

“What happened to you?” Tyler took a seat opposite his brother, casting a wary glance over at Gabe.

“It’s nothing,” Jake replied gruffly.

“It looks as though you had the shit kicked out of you.”

“I didn’t,” was all Jake said.

Sitting down next to Tyler, I threaded my arm through his. Gabe followed the movement with his eyes before sitting up, then slouching back in the seat.

“Are you okay?” he asked me.

“Of course,” I replied.

“You left awfully early last night.”

“It wasn’t early.” I chose not to elaborate any further.

“It was earlier than when Tyler left. How you feeling today, brother? Worn off some of the anger?”

I turned to look at Tyler. Annoyance burned in his eyes. “Enough,” he said to Gabe.

Gabe leaned forward, placed his elbows on his knees and grinned. “Enough what?”

“Enough talking,” Tyler growled.

“Really? Enough talking? Are you going to grab me by the throat to stop me?”

“What’s he talking about?” I asked Tyler who still glared at Gabe, muscles tensing as though he wanted to leap from his chair and do the very thing Gabe taunted him about.

“And you’re okay being here and all?” Gabe asked, turning to me again. There was genuine concern in his eyes this time. He wasn’t merely saying it to wind up Tyler.

“I’m fine,” I said quietly. I shook my head with the slightest movement, trying to relay to Gabe not to keep talking. Nervously, I flicked a glance at Tyler, but he didn’t notice. He was too busy glaring at Gabe.

The door swung open and Hamish walked in, running his hands through his thick grey hair. “She wants to see you.”

“Who?” Tyler asked.

“Her,” Hamish replied, jerking his head in my direction.

“You mean Lauren?” Gabe said.

“Yes, I fucking mean Lauren,” Hamish shouted. He let out a breath of air. “Sorry, it’s just rather intense in there.”

A nurse poked her head through the door.

Hamish took a seat, his head jerking towards the nurse. “She’ll show you the way.”

I followed the clipped steps of the nurse down the hall, concentrating on the noises her shoes made on the linoleum rather than the memories that were threatening to rise to the surface. The problem with hospitals was that they all looked the same. Wide corridors, muted colours, sterile simplicity. Flashes of Derek’s hand in mine as they wheeled me to the operating theatre bolted through my mind. And the memory of the pressure of the pillow as I hugged it when they injected the epidural into my back almost made me frozen with fear.

The nurse stopped at a door. “She’s in here,” she said and then walked off, leaving me facing the blue door, standing just out of sight from the glass panel.

Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders. I may have lost a child but Billie was just about to bring hers into the world. I needed to concentrate on the joy, not the pain. Plastering a smile on my face, I pushed the door open.

“About fucking time,” Billie wailed. She paced the floor, fists balled into the small of her back, feet splayed wide and tummy protruding from a pale green gown.

“We got here as soon as we could.” I walked over to embrace her and she clung to me, leaning on me for support.

“I don’t want to do this,” she whispered in my ear.

I hugged her tighter, well, as tightly as I could with her belly creating distance that couldn’t be reduced. “I don’t think you have a choice at this point.”

Billie laughed but it was unsettled, unhinged, and she let go of me to resume her pacing back and forth over the patch of linoleum in front of the window. “It’s not supposed to happen like this.” Her usually perfectly groomed hair was plastered to the sides of her face. Smears of mascara stained the skin under her eyes. “I was booked in for a C-section in two weeks. I wasn’t supposed to go into labour. I wasn’t planning on doing it this way. The ‘natural’ way.” She put air quotes around the word before crying out and clutching her lower back again. She grimaced and started panting with short, sharp breaths.

“Should I get Hamish?”

“No!” she shouted. “No,” she said again, this time more quietly. “He’s useless. Just sort of stands there with this look on his face like he’d prefer to be anywhere but here.”

“I’m sure he’s excited.”

“Yeah.” Billie rolled her eyes. “Really excited for his fifth son.”

“I’m sure that—”

But Billie was panting again. “Shut up,” she said. “Just shut up, okay?”

I held my hands up in surrender. The room was large, larger than the one I had been in, but the curtains were almost identical. Some hideous striped pattern in blue, orange and green. I ran my fingers over the material and squeezed my eyes shut as the memory flooded through my mind of the knife running along my stomach. I never felt pain, the epidural made sure of that, but I still felt the slice of the blade, the invasion as they pulled her from my body.

“Hold my hand,” Billie demanded, bringing my attention back to the present. She clutched on hard. The knuckles of her fingers turned white as she crushed my bones together. “Oh god,” she panted. “I think you’re going to have to go and get Hamish.”

I was glad to leave the confined space of that room. I didn’t feel like I could breathe in there. It was too hot, too stuffy. Gulping in deep breaths of what I considered to be fresh air, even though I knew there was no difference between it and what had been in the room, I started down the corridor. Hamish was already storming towards me, coffee in hand. He didn’t speak as he brushed past and entered the room.

I wandered back down to the waiting room and flopped in the chair beside Tyler. He lifted his arm, and I settled back into the curve it created. I was shattered. I had gotten very little sleep the night before, and with the tension of the drive back to the city and the intensity of what happened afterwards, my body was left drained. I tilted my head onto his shoulder and decided to close my eyes for just a moment.

When I woke, my head was in Tyler’s lap and he was brushing the hair away from my face. I sat up, startled that I had fallen asleep and looked around the room. Jake was sitting with his ankle hooked over his knee, glaring at it as though it were responsible for all the pain in the world. Gabe was sleeping with his head bent at an awkward angle, hair hanging over his eyes.

“Any news?” I asked.

Tyler shook his head and rested his hand on my shoulder to guide my head back to his lap. “Go back to sleep,” he said. “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

Needing little encouragement, I nestled back, tucking my hands under my cheek. But I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Suddenly the hospital seemed too loud. The swinging doors clanged as they shut. The wheels of the hospital beds squeaked and groaned as they were rolled down the corridors. Even the television hanging in the corner of the room seemed too loud, even though I could barely make out the words spoken.

Tyler ran his hand over my hair again, pushing it behind my ear. The repetitive moment was soothing. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my cheek and whispered in my ear. “I love you, Lauren Green. I don’t care who you dated in the past, even if I have to see him every day. The only thing I care about is that you are with me now and that you will choose to be with me in the future.”

Words not fulfilling the emotions I felt, I reached up and pulled his face close, relishing in the wave of desire and contentment that flowed through me when his lips pressed to mine.

“I love you too, Tyler Thornton.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Gabe, now awake, got to his feet and paced the floor, running his hands through his hair like his father had done earlier. “Get a room,” he hissed.

Rather than rising to the jibe, Tyler simply laughed. “You want a coffee?” he asked. I nodded and he collected orders. As soon as he left, Gabe slumped to the vacant chair beside me.

“Are you okay?”

I lifted my eyebrows questioningly. “I’m not the one pushing a baby out.”

Gabe shook his head. “Don’t,” he said. “I don’t need the visual.” He turned, twisting his body towards mine and hooked one knee over the side of the chair. “I meant, are you okay with all this?” He made a circle with his hand, encompassing the entire hospital, and my stomach.

I shifted uncomfortably. “I’m fine,” I said tersely.

“You sure?” he asked, concerned.

“Quite sure.” I held my stance straight, determined not to let my true feelings show, but at Gabe’s soft eyes, I melted a little and put my hand on his knee. “Thanks for asking though.”

Gabe swallowed. His eyes locked on my hand. I took it away just as Tyler walked through the swinging doors, four cups of coffee perfectly balanced in his hands. Gabe flew from the seat, flashing Tyler a mischievous smile and took one of the cups.

“Cheers,” he said, lifting it in salute. Tyler scowled.

It was the small hours of the morning before Hamish finally returned to give us the news. A healthy baby boy was born. Oliver Clark Thornton. Gabe’s eyes welled with tears. The three brothers rose to hug their father and clap him on the back, and then we all followed Hamish back down the corridor to meet the newest member of the Thornton family.

All traces of Billie’s previous frustration at her condition had vanished. She held the baby in her arms, smiling down like there was no better sight in the world. My heart constricted. My throat swelled and I found it difficult to swallow the thick saliva. Behind Tyler’s back, Gabe’s hand enclosed around mine and he gave me a reassuring smile. I clutched onto the familiar warmth, grateful for the distraction, needing the reassurance and comfort.

Tyler was the first to hold Ollie. Collecting my camera from my bag, I began to take pictures. Billie’s smile and look of utter adoration as she gazed at her baby. Hamish’s tears of joy as he held Ollie’s hand in his. Jake, so big, so wild and untamed, brought to a puddle of goo at the sight of his brother. The chubby and wrinkled fingers of Ollie gripping Tyler’s finger. A slight spill of milk down Gabe’s chest and the look of horror on his face at its discovery. 

In that moment there was nothing more beautiful than the Thornton Brothers.