Chapter Twenty-Eight

Kaleigh

Three ish months later

I’m sitting here on the couch with tears running down my face. My body almost looks the same, except my tits are bigger and I have a basketball in my belly, or better yet, I have Noah’s son.

That’s right. A month ago we went for an ultrasound. Well, there was no mistaking that.

As soon as they placed the wand on my stomach, there was my little man’s legs open, penis floating. Noah lifted his hands in the air as if he’d just won the lottery. “I need a picture of that. My kid is packing,” he said to the unamused doctor. “Actually make it ten. I need to send them to my friends.”

I was just mesmerized that a human was actually growing inside me.

Now here I am sitting down, waiting for Noah to come home. I don’t have to wait long before he rushes into the house, worry and panic on his face. “Oh my God, are you okay? Is the baby okay?” He sits in front of me, putting his hand on my stomach, the baby kicking as soon as he knows his father is near. He wipes my cheek with the tears that are staining it.

“Look,” I say to him, pointing to a McDonald’s bag. “Look at what your son made me buy.” I sob out while he leans in and opens the bag, showing him that there are eight cheeseburgers in there. Not one, not two, but fucking eight.

“What?” He looks at the bag with a smirk and then asks with a smile on his face. “Did you eat any?”

“NO, not yet. But I want to.” I grab the bag from him, bringing it to my nose. I reach in, taking one out and opening it. “I hate meat, I hate dairy,” I say, biting in, moaning, “but your child wants it. My only craving is meat. Can’t this kid crave, I don’t know, Brussel sprouts? Or, I don’t know, spinach since he’s like in the ninety-fifth percentile.” I take another bite, then another till I’m on my third one. “Why is this so good?” I say between chewing. My mouth is full of the cheeseburger.

“Babycakes, you know this is normal. The doctor said so.” He looks at me while he holds my knee in his hand and puts one hand on my belly. “You made me eat five Philly cheese sandwiches last week just so you could smell it,” he says and the baby kicks his hand, so he leans in, kissing my belly and saying, “Hey there, slugger, can you give your mom a break, please?”

The baby kicks and kicks and punches. I glare at him. “I bet he’s going to like you better than me,” I say and my eyes start to burn. So I blink them faster. “I’m the mom. They are supposed to love the mom more. I mean, look at me,” I say, looking down at my belly. “He’s in me. He should love me more.”

“Kaleigh,” he says, sitting down next to me and then dragging me on him. “He is going to worship the ground you walk on. You will be the reason he smiles and his eyes light up. You will be his whole world.”

I swallow down my tears. “You think so?” I ask him while the baby plays gymnastics in my stomach.

“No, I know so.” He leans in to kiss my lips softly. “Now how about I take you upstairs and run a bath for you?” He kisses my cheek and then my jaw.

“Will you join me?” I ask him. I thought that once we got married and once we got into the hang of things that the sex would stop. I was wrong. We have it more than ever. The only thing we worry about is what positions we can do it in. Missionary is pretty much out of the question since my stomach gets in the way, but we always keep things interesting.

“Is that even a question?” he asks me, getting up and starting to walk to the stairs.

“Wait!” I yell before he gets any farther. “The burgers,” I say, reaching my hand out to the air while he turns around to come back to the table.

“You’re going to bring the burgers in the bath with us?” he asks, walking upstairs.

I tilt my head to the side. “No, silly, that will get them wet. I’m going to eat them after.”

“Whatever you want, babycakes.” And just like that I feel more in love with him. “We can’t fill the tub too much. We almost flooded the kitchen last time.”

“That was all your fault. You teased me to no end.” I smile, thinking of when he came into the tub and decided to ‘wash me.’

“I wanted to make sure that pussy was extra clean. It’s not my fault the soap got all slippery and I had to rub places.” He leans in, licking my ear. “You loved every second of it.” His hot words in my ear make my body shiver. “You want that again, me washing your pussy, my fingers going in and out of you while you have your feet on each side of the tub, open for me, your clit.” And that is the last of what he has to say because I turn around and attack his mouth with mine. And I make him wash me till I turn around and ride him so hard, we actually do flood the kitchen this time.

I’m sitting in the middle of the bed when he finally comes upstairs after having a guy come out and check out the mess. “Jesus, did you finish it all?” he says while seeing the empty pizza box in front of me.

“It’s not me, it’s the baby.” I start to feel tears come. “I didn’t want to eat it. I told him it wasn’t good.” I rub my full belly, feeling my boy do cartwheels.

“Honey,” he says, coming closer to me. “It doesn’t matter. Just next time I’ll have to order two meat lovers instead of one,” he says, opening the veggie one, finding it all in one piece. “The things you do for your kids,” he says while eating the veggie pizza.

“Do you think we should have a baby shower?” I turn on my side, watching him eat. “I mean, it’s a normal thing to have.”

“Who wants to throw you a baby shower?” he asks while taking another piece.

“Well, Lauren did actually.” I look at him. “It’s tradition.”

“Oh, I wonder if we can get the same girl Austin got when he ordered the penis balloons.”

“We are not getting penis balloons,” I say, sitting up, my stomach blocking me, having my shoulders slouch.

“Why? He has a penis,” he says, throwing the veggie pizza back into the box. “We have to have some penis decorations.”

I sit here as I scratch my stomach round and round. “I’m leaving everything to Lauren. We need to go and make a register.”

I hear him groan as he rolls to his back. “We barely survived crib shopping.”

“That’s because you asked them if you could get in and see if it was sturdy enough.” I point at him.

“If my son is going to sleep in it we need to know it’s top of the line.” He gets up, grabbing the pizza boxes. “Anyway, let’s do this whole registry thing and see what happens.” He winks at me and walks away.

“Bring up some of those disgusting pepperoni sticks!” I yell and then send a text to Lauren with the go ahead for the baby shower.

With the amount of meat I am eating, I’m surprised I don’t moo when I walk down the street. “Noah,” I yell from the bathroom. I am now almost nine months. Thirty-seven weeks, to be exact. Noah comes running upstairs, his body slick with sweat from just running.

“What happened?” he asks, coming in, panic in his eyes.

“I’m so fat,” I cry, my hands coming out to my sides. “I don’t even know if my vagina is swollen or not.” I try looking down and see nothing. “See, nothing. I can’t see anything. It’s just stomach. I miss my toes.”

“Babycakes, you look like a goddess.” He comes to rub my huge stomach. “You’re a goddess for my kid.” He kisses my stomach. “And more to come.”

“I don’t think I want another child. I mean, I want more than one, but I’m not sure my body can handle it. I mean, look at me.” I point up and down my body.

“It will be okay. You have a pretty new dress. You will put it on and smile and laugh and eat lots of hot dogs and hamburgers.”

“My whole body looks swollen.” I look down and although I have gained almost forty pounds it is all in my tits, ass, and belly. “You put this baby in me. You need to have sex with me to take it out.”

He looks at me, confused.

“Lauren said if I play with my nipples and we have sex, I might dilate or something.”

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like a piece of meat than now, and I like it,” he says, walking into the shower. “But Lauren just called and she said if we are late she will skin us both alive. Me first, you after you have the baby.”

I waddle—yes, you read right—I fucking waddle over to the bed where I sit down, my stomach feeling like it’s in my throat. I lean back while I pick up the bra that I’m using today. This is one place that went from zero to hero. My nice B cup is now a solid D if not closing in on DD. Putting on my bra and thong, I walk over to the closet we both share now. I grab the blue full-length lace dress with slits all around the legs. Noah comes into the closet with a towel wrapped around his waist. Little drops of water linger on his chest. I lean in, kissing his chest, then step into my dress, turning to have him zip me up. The zip goes up and he kisses my neck after I lean into his chest, turning my head so he can kiss me. His hand goes to my stomach while he kisses me softly on the lips.

“Love you, wife,” he says with a smile on his face.

“Love you, husband.”

He holds my hand gently, softly, securely while we walk into Lauren’s backyard. I stop when I take in the scene. There are more penis balloons than I thought would be possible to have in one sitting. It makes the anniversary party look like child’s play.

“What the hell is all this?” I look around, seeing Lauren with a scowl on her face.

She comes storming over, her eyes shooting daggers at my husband. “I said you can have a couple of balloons. I didn’t say over five hundred.” She looks around as the helium penis floats high.

“Actually there are six hundred and fifty.” He looks at his work with a smile on his face. “The suppliers ran out,” he says, grabbing a drink from the waiter passing by, in the shape of a penis, topped with a penis straw.

“Oh, honey, you’re here.” My mother comes to me as she is wearing glasses with a penis point up in the middle. “These glasses are so funny. Look, I have a penis on my face.”

I take in my mother dressed in a floral dress, with pink sunglasses and penis but what gets me is a wide brimmed hat in a black paper braid material featuring a wired ‘shapeable’ brim, hatband, and bow in a wide, white-on-black polka dot ribbon, white ‘pearl’ accents and an extra-large white rose. “Mom, what is with the hat?” I ask her, confused.

“Oh, this, it’s a derby hat,” she says, throwing her hands in the air. “I didn’t want Noah’s friends to think we didn’t have class, so.”

“I love it.” Noah puts his two cents in as my father walks outside from inside.

“Would you look at this,” he says, watching his feet at he comes down the stairs.

He’s coming to us with something strapped to his chest. “It’s called ‘nurse me tender.’ It’s for Noah so he can see what breastfeeding looks like.” The thing is tied around his waist and over his shoulder, a bottle placed where the breast would go. He grabs a baby doll and puts it to the bottle. “Look, I’m almost a woman.”

“Holy shit,” Austin says as he comes into the backyard. He goes to Lauren and wraps his arm around her waist, bending to whisper in her ear.

Her hard face goes from kill him to it’s going to be okay. She nods her head at him while he walks to us, looking at my father and him trying to breastfeed the baby and then my mother and her ridiculous hat.

“You’re lucky that you’re giving her a nephew.” Austin points at Noah while he smiles.

My stomach gets tight for a second as I rub my hands over it in a circle. “Oh,” I say out loud. “That was a big kick,” I say as I get another tightness around my belly and this time it leads to my back. “Ouch,” I say while Noah looks at me and then the unthinkable happens. My water breaks, gushing out and onto Austin’s shoes.

“What the fuck?” Austin says while I look at Noah.

“I think my water just broke.”