Chapter Two

Noah

My feet pound the pavement as I finish off my ten-mile run. It’s something I usually do in the mornings, that’s if there isn’t anyone in my bed. I usually burn off more calories than running. I get home just as my neighbor and best friend, Austin, is rushing out of his apartment building.

“Hey.” I stop and jog in place to not cramp up.

“I’m fucking late. Why didn’t you call me?” He checks his watch while he waits for his valet driver to get there with his Porsche.

I shake my head. “I just figured you’d be busy. Didn’t you have a date last night?”

Austin and I have been best friends since we were in kindergarten. Our parents were both criminal lawyers, so we were always with our nannies. Of course, no one could top Austin’s nanny, Barbara, while I kept getting different nannies every week. Until I was old enough to fire them myself and hire whoever I wanted. By the ripe old age of fifteen, I had gone through thirty nannies, and at that point, I was hiring them to teach me everything they knew about sex. And let’s just say I was their prized student. That was until my parents found me fucking my last nanny bent over the pool table while she was wearing my mother’s shoes. We still laugh about it today; well, at least he does. I usually just sit there and groan.

“Nah, I was swamped at the office. I got to go. My new temp starts today,” he tells me, putting his Ray-Bans on.

“Dear God, how many is this now?” I ask him, knowing full well he must be on at least his tenth. “You need to chill out and just go with the flow.”

“Look who’s talking. You’re on your twentieth of the year,” he informs me, making me smile.

“Yes, but mine didn’t leave because I was an asshole.”

“You had sex with most of them and then didn’t even blink an eye.”

“Hey, no strings, it’s my policy. I’m a lone wolf,” I tell him, smiling. “Anyway, I have to go. The partners are having a meeting today. Something about a sexual harassment suit, and guess what, it wasn’t even me. Boom, motherfucker.” I make an explosion with my hands, running backward till I turn around and continue my run to my house. I live in a great neighborhood, an up and coming, chic, modern one, where all the houses are three stories high. I notice the house next to me just went on the market. I grab my phone and snap a picture and send it to Austin.

Would you be my neighbor? I press send, running up the stairs two at a time, entering my code into the lock.

He texts me back right away,

Yes, I need to get out of my place.

Then call the girl. If she’s hot, I’ll come with you to visit. Maybe she can come over, give me an estimate.

I just hit a bus.

Holy shit. Are you okay?

It’s the last text that we have. I wait a second till I don’t see the three dots with the bubbles. I whip off my shirt, which is drenched from my run. Thirty minutes later, I’m knotting the blue tie that goes with the blue custom Italian suit. Shrugging on the jacket, I run my hands through my hair, grabbing my phone and keys and heading out to my new Mercedes convertible, black with a deep red interior. I take off toward my law office. You see, I learned from my parents that criminal law is more work than I care to put in, so I’m a corporate lawyer. Nice, easy, simple, or at least most of it is.

I pull up to our law firm, Coco and Associates, sliding into my reserved parking spot. The law firm was started some forty years ago by the founder Leonard Coco. He started the firm with just himself. He did family law, but now we handle it all from family law to criminal law, to immigration law, to environmental law. I was lucky enough to sign on as partner last year. I make my way to our fortieth floor office. I walk past the new receptionist, who is young, blond, and looks really willing, just my type. I greet her with a side smile and a wink.

“Good morning, gorgeous.” Her smile shows me that by Saturday her legs will be wrapped around my neck.

Walking to Harvey Rhinaldi’s office, one of the partners, I smile at his secretary. “Good morning, Ruth, you are looking fine this morning.” The office door is open, so I just walk in. “Harvey, you must have the best looking girl in the office.” I face Ruth, then return my gaze to him while he picks up his cup of coffee. He has been the top family law attorney of the city.

“You know she’s ninety, right?” He puts down his cup while I sit across from him.

I fix my tie. “She’s not ninety, she’s top seventy. Okay, maybe seventy-five, but—”

“You’re insane. It’s a good thing that we’re good friends because one of these days, you’re going to spread that seed of yours and I’ll have to defend you in front of the judge by confirming that you’re actually human.”

“Hey.” I point at him. “I like to shoot my seed, I just do it in plastic, or her mouth.” I shrug. “And can we not curse me with this whole having a child, please?” The frame on his desk shows he’s happily married with three point five kids. “Besides, it’s my duty to make sure all women are taken care of. I think I took an oath somewhere.”

“Oh, I know all about the oath. Trust me, but after a while it gets old. You’ll see you’ll meet that one girl and she’s going to grab you by the fucking balls and never let go.”

“I really fucking hope she grabs me by the balls daily. Fuck that, in the morning and the night.” I wink at him. “Anyway, I have Luca starting today. I’m fucking excited. He graduated top of his class from Harvard Law. He’s going to be a great addition to my team.”

“We have that sexual harassment conference that’s mandatory right after lunch.” He eyes me.

“Oh, is it going to be given by Hannah?” I ask him. “I would so bang her. She’s so hot.”

“You know she’s head of Human Resources, right? That she has you flagged as the biggest liability of this firm. You know that she hired your latest PA and the first thing on her list was male.”

“I don’t know why I was the only one singled out.” I check my phone that has buzzed in my inside pocket.

“You fucked your last twenty secretaries. Sometimes at work.” He points out to me, leaning back in his chair. “And a couple of the interns, some data processors, and let’s not forget a mother or two.”

The text that comes in is from Austin.

I’m going to need a stiff drink after work.

“Now,” I say, putting the phone back in my pocket, “if you can excuse me, I have a merger or two to get to.” I get up, looking down at his caseload. “And you have people to divorce and alimony to screw people over with.” Another reason why I’ll never get married. This whole ‘I love you forever, or till someone else comes along and then guess what, I want half of everything’ isn’t that appealing to me. Not now, not ever.

I round the corner to my office, stopping at my assistant’s desk. It was once the home of Cassandra, who stood six one and had legs up to her armpits, as well as the perfect size C implants I’ve ever seen. I mean, let’s not forget she had no idea what she was doing unless it was under my desk. Fuck, could she maneuver her mouth like the best prosecutor in town. Now there sits a guy old enough to be Ruth’s husband with glasses as thick as Coke bottles. “Morning, Alfred,” I say, gathering up my messages.

“Sir, my name is Aaron. I’ve told you numerous times.”

I smile at him. “And I told you I’m batman and you’re my confidant.” I wink at him, going into my office and trying to read his chicken scratch. I pick up the phone, calling Hannah, who answers after two rings. “Hannah darling.” I smile.

“Noah King, to what do I owe the pleasure?” It comes out almost harsher than it should.

“We need to talk about my assistant and the fact that he can’t write nor can he use a computer.” I flip through my messages again. “I mean, I think one message said to call Dr. Chen.”

“Noah, we’ve gone over this. You can’t have any women. The last one was the final straw and you know it.”

“Okay, fine, but can I have a man who can at least surf the web and type with both hands?” I stare out through my window at Alfred as he puts his face almost into the computer.

“Fine, but I expect you at the seminar we set up this afternoon.” It’s the last thing she says before she hangs up on me.

I open my own computer and go through all my emails as well as some mergers that we need to get fixed up.

At noon, I find myself getting off the elevator at Austin’s company. I turn the corner, getting an eyeful of the nicest ass I’ve seen. Well, today, that is. “Holy mother of God,” I say loudly.

The woman goes to straighten herself up but knocks her head on the desk. The bang echoes in the vast office space.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I rush behind her as I try to help her up. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I’m holding her hand while her other hand is rubbing the back of her head. “It’s okay. You startled me,” she starts to say and then looks at me.

“What the hell is going on here?” The roar comes from behind her.

She pushes away from me and looks over at Austin. He stands there with his hands on his hips, the vein in his neck twitching.

“It’s my fault, Austin,” I tell him, while I drop her hand. “I came in and was surprised to see her. I startled her, and she knocked her head under the desk. I was just helping her up,” I tell him as I walk around the desk, right up to Austin, where I slap him on the shoulder. “I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch.”

I look at Austin, who hasn’t taken his eyes off this woman. “No, I’m eating in. I have to go over the Grey Stone Park file. Lauren, can you get me lunch? Go to the deli at the corner; we have an account there. Just tell them it’s for me. They know what I like.”

She puts her hand on her hip, glaring at him.

“Please,” Austin hisses out.

“Fine.” She grabs her bag and walks out.

We both watch Lauren walk away, her ass swinging from side to side with each step. Austin is so intent on watching her, he doesn’t even notice when I push him aside and walk into his office.

I throw myself on the couch he has in his office, while he opens the shades to see out into the office space.

“Jesus Christ, who was that sex kitten in heels? I nearly had a heart attack when I walked up to find her bending over,” I ask him, looking in the direction of her desk.

“My new stay-away-from-her assistant,” he grumbles as he sits down on the other side of the couch.

I throw my head back and laugh. “Oh, what happened to the ‘don’t fuck where you eat, Noah’ speech that you always give me?” When we were in college he would never ever fuck anyone he was in the same class with, never slept with a girl who was in his work-study. He stayed away from anyone in his circle. Which was great for me, because I took them all.

“She’s crazy,” he says. “I hit her car this morning, and then she shows up in the office. I thought she was fucking stalking me.”

That just pushes me over the edge, and I can’t stop laughing, crouching to the side. “You hit her car and then thought she was following you? Holy shit. Were you an asshole to her?” I ask this question because he can be an asshole of sorts.

He smirks at me. “She named me Asshat in her phone.” That set us both off.

“You know you’re fucked, right?” I finally stop laughing and throw my hand over the back of the couch. “When you saw me touch her, I thought you would charge at me like one of those bulls running toward the red sheet.”

“She’s nothing more than a crazy chick with a tight ass. Who will get me coffee daily.”

“Oh, really?” Her voice cuts through the air. My eyes go from Austin to Lauren, who stands there with a couple of bags, and my man looks like he’s catching flies. “Well, then, I’m happy I could assist you in your day,” she snorts, coming in and dumping the bags on the table in front of us. “I also got something for your friend,” she huffs and then walks away. This time slamming the door on her way out.

“Oh fuck, you are in so much fucking trouble. Dude, she is going to fucking string you up by the balls. Remember that chick you played in college? The one you promised to bring home during spring break? She turned around and cancelled all your tickets. Then she put that ad all over Craigslist. ‘Lonely man searching another lonely man,’” I remind him.

“She was fucking crazy! I had to change my number four times. Four! Then I had to start wearing beanies so she wouldn’t recognize me.” He shakes his head, while I laugh so hard I fall over. He looks over at me. “It was fucking May! I had to take three showers a day. I had no idea the head could sweat so much.”

I finally stop laughing and look in the bags that Lauren just dumped on the table in front of us. “If I were you, I’d enjoy this. It’s probably going to be the last meal she hasn’t had the time to spit in.”

We spend the next thirty minutes eating our lunch while shooting the shit about everything else.

“Are you going out this weekend with Deborah?” I ask him.

“Not sure what my weekend plans are. What do you have planned?”

I take out my phone, scrolling down the list of names. “Andrea, that is who I plan to do. I met her at Starbucks yesterday. She has the longest legs I’ve ever seen. I plan to have them wrapped around my neck, and not in a wrestling move, either.” I raise my eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

I get up, putting the garbage in the bag. “This has been a hoot, but sadly, I must run.”

I get up and walk out, going straight to Lauren’s desk. She is busy typing something, so she only turns her head. “Thank you so much for lunch, Lauren. You were a lifesaver.” I walk away, leaving her with a wink. Just to piss him off even more.

By the time I get to my office the sexual harassment bullshit is underway. I slide in the back and sit next to Harvey. “Did I miss much?” I ask him.

“They just showed a picture of you and what to stay away from.”

I smile at the PowerPoint Cassandra is going over. Listening to what she’s saying.

“If at any time, anyone corners you and makes you feel uncomfortable”—she looks around at the people in the room—“whether by touching or with sexual innuendo, it’s your right to come and say something.”

I lean over, keeping my voice low. “If you corner someone and what you say and do is making her uncomfortable, you aren’t doing it right.” I can’t continue because Cassandra calls my name.

“Is there anything you’d like to add to that, Mr. King?”

“I’m just wondering if we’re going to have a dress code restriction. I wouldn’t want to offend anyone if I”—I shrug my shoulders—“wear my kilt one day and it isn’t long enough.”

“You’re Scottish?” one of the interns asks.

I smirk at her, almost tempted to ask her if she wants to see under my kilt, but Cassandra interrupts again.

“If at any time you have a complaint about what someone else is wearing, please send me an email with the description of the outfit in question.”

“Or lack thereof,” I interrupt.

Some interns roll their eyes while the other half try to catch my eye.

The rest of the seminar or conference or whatever the fuck you want to call it goes by with me laughing at all the ‘situations’ she talks about. They’re mostly stuff I’ve done. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not one to throw myself at a woman, or make her uncomfortable. But if I connect with her and she connects with my cock, who am I to say no to that.

By the time I get home and unwind, I fall asleep to SportsCenter.