Chapter Nine
Summer between Sophomore and
Junior Year of College
“So, when you decided to get an apartment on the third floor, was it always your master plan to make me do all the heavy lifting?” Elliot’s voice rang out through the semi-empty apartment, and I smiled automatically as I always did around him.
“Well, first of all, it wasn’t my plan to get an apartment on the third floor, that’s just what was available. But, yeah,” I said, turning and leaning my backside up against the kitchen counter, “I kinda knew you wouldn’t let me haul my stuff up two flights of stairs.” I watched, a little breathless, as he dropped a box full of textbooks on the floor of my soon-to-be living room, then turned toward me. His t-shirt was beginning to stick to his body, just slightly damp from working up a sweat carrying boxes upstairs. I knew from personal experience what the landscape of his chest looked like, but something about it being covered in cloth but still visible had my heart rate pounding.
I’d found over the last year of dating Elliot that you could grow to love someone, grow to trust them, build something with them. We’d started out a little rocky, mostly my insecurity and wariness to start a relationship at all, but Elliot had been a steady and constant presence in my life, and made being with him easy, made loving him easy. He was one of the best people I’d ever known.
He was also terribly handsome and sexy, as demonstrated in that moment as he strode toward me with determination and heat in his eyes.
“Every time I have to haul your belongings up those stairs, I’m going to take a kiss from you,” he said, trying to sound threatening, but the idea was anything but unpleasant.
“That will surely add time to the move,” I said, trying to sound as if I couldn’t care less, as if giving in to him was a nuisance rather than a thrill. I turned to put a cup in the new place I’d just deemed my “cup place,” and felt the tingles shoot up my spine as he came closer.
“What if I told you,” he said, his body coming to press up against mine, deliciously warm and firm, his hand brushing my blonde hair off my shoulder, “that every time I kiss you.” His breath was warm on my neck as my breath stalled in my lungs. “I’ll kiss you in a different place?” His lips pressed against my neck, just barely, but then he added pressure and a hint of tongue, and my knees went weak. I gripped the countertop, both trying to hold myself up but also because I simply needed to hold on to something.
I swallowed thickly, and then took in a sharp breath at the feeling of his teeth nipping at me. “I’d tell you,” I rasped, not able to hide the arousal in my voice, “that there are a lot of boxes to be moved.”
“You think I can’t find enough places on your body to put my mouth?”
My hand reached behind me and found its natural place at the nape of his neck. “I think you’d do just fine.” With that, he spun me around, quickly fitting his mouth over mine, hands gripping my backside. I loved kissing Elliot. He was an expert kisser, always passionate. He didn’t kiss as a means to an end, he genuinely enjoyed kissing and therefore, so did I. When his fingers found the hem of my tank top and slid up my back toward the clasp of my bra, I knew if I didn’t stop him, we’d add a half hour to our moving time.
“Hey now, no one said anything about second base,” I said as I gently pushed him away, my hands on his chest. He gave me a smirk, but then backed away, making his way to my front door.
“We’ll see what you have to say about bases after about twenty boxes,” he said with a wink.
“Keep talking, Elliot. I don’t see any more boxes making their way up the stairs on their own.”
He clutched his chest, mimicking pain. “You wound me. I knew you only wanted me for my brute strength.” I raised his arm and kissed his, admittedly, impressive biceps.
“Get out of here,” I said through a happy laugh. He winked again, but then disappeared out through my door. I turned back to the work of unpacking my kitchen. I was still smiling a minute later when my door burst open again, only this time I didn’t hear Elliot’s beautiful voice, I heard Olivia’s melodic one.
“Look at this awesome bachelorette pad!” Her voice was soft and friendly. I leaned back from the counter to see her turning circles in my living room, taking in my new and mostly empty apartment. She dropped her purse on the floor against the wall, and then joined me in the kitchen.
“Hey you,” I said, smiling even harder because she was there. “I didn’t know you were coming over. I’m glad to see you.”
“Devon and I got all our stuff moved in yesterday and then this morning we were just sitting around, twiddling our thumbs, and realized that living together wasn’t much different than what we were doing. So, I wanted to come see your place.”
Liv and I had lived on campus for our sophomore year. We’d gotten a dorm room which we shared with two other girls that had a private bathroom. It was sort of like an apartment, but came with a meal plan and was within walking distance of all our classes. I loved living there and building friendships with the other two girls, but as Devon and Liv grew closer, she had wanted to take their relationship to the next level.
Devon had been good for Liv, but he’d also been good to Liv. He’d been nothing but steady and reliable and, eventually, once she’d finally realized he wasn’t going to rip her heart to shreds as it had been in the past, she calmed down. She stopped drinking excessively, stopped partying often, and became the Liv I’d known all along. She was back to being the sweet, funny, caring friend I’d had for years. When she’d told me they had decided to move in together, I was happy for her, but a little disappointed. I’d imagined living with her throughout our college experience. Not to mention that since I’d been dating Elliot for the same amount of time they’d been together, I’d felt the pressure to make the same move with him.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” I said sincerely. “Where’s Devon?” I tried to ignore the familiar nervousness that shot through me like the crack of a gunshot whenever I said his name. I was always afraid that when I said his name she’d be able to hear it in my voice, hear the way I said his name and know. Know that, of everyone I’d ever met in my whole life, I felt more connected to him, felt more like we were always trying to ignore the pull that existed between us. Because of that, I tried desperately to never say his name aloud. But sometimes it was necessary.
“Someone say my name?”
The panic I felt letting his name pass through my lips was immediately smothered by the low and thick roll of electricity that moved like a wave through me with the sound of his voice. His eyes met mine and we shared our usual moment of unified uncomfortableness. We both felt it and we both acknowledged it, but we never spoke of it. It was the strangest relationship I had with anyone, but possibly the most important.
“Hey,” I said with a genuine smile. It was weird to be around him, to feel the pull to him that I did, knowing he was the love of my best friend’s life, but none of that changed the fact that he was genuinely a nice guy. It was natural to be nice to him, as he was nice to everyone.
“Hey,” he replied with an equally friendly smile, carefully setting the box in his hands down on the floor. “I would have come and helped Elliot move in your stuff, Evie. You should have asked.”
I shrugged. “You guys have your own things going on.”
He let out a small chuckle. “It took twenty minutes to move Liv in, since most of her belongings came in suitcases with wheels.” We all laughed because it was true. Liv had more clothes than anything else. Moving in to Devon’s apartment had been more like switching bedrooms. She didn’t have an apartment to furnish whereas I’d been collecting belongings over the last few months in anticipation of living on my own.
“Well, thank you. I’m sure Elliot would appreciate some help.” He smiled at me then turned and walked out of the door, passing Elliot as he came in with another box. He dropped it on the floor and then walked straight toward me, not stopping until his lips were on mine, kissing me again until I was breathless. When he finally pulled away, after succeeding in making me forget anyone else was in the room with us, he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
“That was for all the kisses I can’t give you now that we’ve got company.”
“Oh,” I said, still a little off kilter.
Then he unceremoniously slapped my ass and walked out the door again.
“Something tells me Devon and I might have interrupted a terrifically sexy game you had going on with your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, something tells me that he’ll find a way to make up for it later.”
“My goodness, Evie. I never knew you had it in you.”
I looked at her for a beat and we both lost our composure in a fit of laughter at her unintended euphemism.
A minute later, both guys came back with boxes and just stared at the two of us as we lay giggling on the living room floor.
“They’re doing that weird girl thing again,” Elliot said, his voice teasing and friendly.
“Yeah, we better just keep moving heavy boxes so we don’t catch it.”
Their remarks only made us laugh harder and soon enough we’d laughed until tears had sprung from our eyes and the guys had moved all my boxes. I allowed Liv to boss the boys around and arrange my furniture in the living room as I kept chipping away at organizing my kitchen. When my love seat, coffee table, lamp, and TV stand with small television were all arranged, the boys started grumbling about food.
“I could have pizza delivered,” I called out.
“Pizza is the moving food of choice,” Elliot remarked.
“But if we have it delivered, it will take so long. Plus, they can’t deliver beer. Boys,” she said, turning her pretty face toward them, batting her eyelashes, “won’t you please go get beer and pizza for us?”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Elliot said loudly, waving a hand in the air, “you want the people who did all the moving to be the ones to go get the reward-for-helping-her-move food? That makes no sense.”
“Well, Evie and I aren’t old enough to buy beer yet,” she replied, fluttering her eyelashes even more. She was right, we were both a few months from being legal. “Besides, I’m sure she’ll give you your reward for helping her move later,” she said, adding a wink. He groaned in annoyance.
“Come on, man. Let’s just go,” Devon said, grabbing Elliot’s arm. “They won’t stop whining until we relent anyway.”
“Ah, the wise words of a man who’s learned the hard way,” Liv joked. Devon walked to her and bent down to kiss her.
“Stop being annoying,” he said the words with a smile so I knew he was kidding. Then he kissed her again, quickly, before turning toward the door. “Any special requests?”
“None. But let me give you some money,” I reached for my purse, but Elliot snagged it from me before I could open it, then grabbed my wrist and hauled me into his chest.
“You’re not paying for pizza and beer, babe.” His words were said quietly, his mouth hovering barely above mine.
“But you moved all my stuff,” I said, confused but also a little breathless from all the grabbing.
“And I’ll take my payment from you later.” And with that, he brushed his lips against mine so softly and slowly, completely in opposition to the harshness his words promised. When he pulled away, he left me dazed, but I watched the two guys leave my apartment, not missing the way Devon’s eyes stayed on me until the very last second possible. I stood in place for a few moments, trying to piece together what Elliot had said, how he’d handled me, and what he’d meant by his words.
“Sounds like you’re in for it tonight.” Liv’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I turned to see her sitting on my love seat.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m not sure how I feel about it though.”
“Well, I don’t want to miss an opportunity to evaluate your relationship, but we’ve only got a small window of boy-less time, and I kind of need your help with something.”
“Okay,” I said instantly, not missing the way her voice, which had been happy and carefree since she’d arrived, was now serious and sullen.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a small paper sack. She didn’t even have to open it for me to know what was inside. There were only two reasons a girl in college had anything in a small paper sack, and this wasn’t an occasion for condoms.
“You think you’re pregnant?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant. This test is a formality, really.” She said those words with not one bit of emotion, which was worrisome. If I thought I was pregnant, with any semblance of conviction, you could bet I would be hysterical.
“How late are you?”
“About four weeks.”
“You’re a month late?”
She nodded. I moved to sit next to her on the love seat. “Why haven’t you told me? Or taken the test sooner? If you’re four weeks late, that means you’re eight weeks pregnant, Liv. That’s, like, really pregnant.”
“I know. I guess I was just hoping… ugh, this sounds terrible. I was hoping that I would become unpregnant.” I thought about her words for a moment and completely sympathized with her. “I didn’t, like, do anything to try and end the pregnancy, I guess I was just hoping it would go away on its own.”
I reached up and rubbed my hand down her back.
“I’m guessing you haven’t told Devon?”
“Nope.”
I wanted to ask her why not, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that she truly believed she was pregnant with his baby. “Well, do you want to get it over with?”
She let out the longest and loudest sigh I’d ever heard, but then popped up off the couch and headed toward the bathroom.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I wasn’t sure what best friend protocol was in this situation. Was I supposed to be in the room with her? Hold the stick? Hold her hair back? I didn’t know, but I’d do anything she wanted.
“I can pee by myself, but if you could just be here when I come out, that’d be great.”
“Of course.”
Minutes ticked by and I was about ready to beat the door down when, finally, it opened. She came out, holding a little white stick in her hand any woman over the age of sixteen could identify from twenty feet away. She was only two feet out of the door when she lifted her eyes and found mine across the room, a depressingly sad smile across her face, as if she were trying to appear like she was happy.
“Can my kid call you Auntie?”
I rushed to her just in time to feel her body start to shake with sobs. We stood in my new apartment, a pee stick between us, and I held her as she came to realize her life would never be the same.
Thankfully, the guys made the longest beer and pizza run known to man, and by the time they returned, Liv was able to put on a good game face. She didn’t know when or how she was going to tell Devon, and I couldn’t offer her any advice. Had not one word of encouragement. I knew if I was pregnant, I would be completely broken. Devon and Liv had only been together a year, and now, a baby. We ate pizza, I declined beer as a sign of solidarity with Liv, and after we’d watched a movie, Liv and Devon left.
I exhaled loudly as I rested my back against the door. I felt terrible for Liv, but couldn’t help but be thankful it wasn’t me. And that thought proved me to be a horrible friend.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Elliot asked, still sitting on the couch, one ankle resting on his other knee.
“What do you mean?” I replied, standing up straight and walking past him into the kitchen.
“I mean,” he said as he stood, following me, “the two of you were acting weird ever since we got back. What’s up?”
I was torn. I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from Elliot, but this was huge and not just normal gossip. “I don’t think I can tell you yet.” I picked up a dishtowel and started worrying it between my hands.
“Babe, you can definitely tell me. Whatever is wrong, I’ll help you however I can.”
His concern was evident and that only made me feel even guiltier for worrying him. “It’s not me; it’s Liv.”
He frowned and his brow furrowed, and I knew he’d figure it out. When he did, I saw the shock come over his face. “She’s not…”
“Yeah. Pregnant. Took the test while you guys were out getting pizza,” I sighed and tossed the dishtowel on the counter, dropping my head into my hands and massaging my temples. When I felt his body right in front of mine, I instinctively leaned into him, resting my forehead on his chest. His fingers found a soothing rhythm up and down my arms. I gripped his shirt and tipped my head up to look him in the eyes. “You cannot tell anyone, especially Devon. Promise.”
“Of course,” he said before kissing my forehead. “Are you all right? This changes pretty much everything.”
“I’m trying not to think about that.”
He was quiet for a moment, steadily running his hands along my skin. “How did they even let this happen? Didn’t they use protection?”
I steeled a little at his question, my best friend defense system kicking on, but then I realized that it was a valid question. “She missed a few days of her pill.”
“And they weren’t using anything else?”
I shook my head.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“What do you think Devon will do?”
Elliot was quiet for a few moments, and then he sighed. “Honestly? I think he’ll marry her.”
The ground dropped out from beneath me. The air simply vanished from my lungs. Every part of my body froze in panic. Never had five words ever caused so much of a physical reaction in me before. “Marry her?” The panic in my voice matched that of my body.
“Whoa, babe, calm down.”
I couldn’t breathe. “He can’t marry her.”
“Hey,” he said as his hands gripped the sides of my face, bringing our eyes to the same level. “Breathe, Evie. Breathe.”
I did breathe, but only because I started to cry. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me while I cried, and little by little, I could feel everything about my life unraveling. Eventually, after I’d completely broken down and tried to put myself back together, he took me into my bedroom and put my sheets on my mattress that was resting on the floor while I took a shower. When I lay down, he lay down with me, but I couldn’t touch him. He didn’t kiss every part of me like he’d promised, and I didn’t turn to him either.