SIXTEEN
“VIKAN, WAIT,” HIS female gasped, early the next morning. The suns had just risen and Vikan had slowly brought them out from their shared dream.
He was ready to bring his mate to another few orgasms before they started on their journey for the span, but she’d stopped him before he could get far.
“Tev?” he murmured. “What is it?
Taylor blew out a breath, her cheeks flushed. “I think we need to talk before we do anything more.”
His brow furrowed, but he slowly came up to a kneeling position in between her thighs before sliding up her body. Light was already filtering through the cave and he could see the tide beginning to come in. They would need to leave soon.
She took a deep breath and said, “I know that we said we’d…be more open to this. But it’s just…” Her eyes connected with his. “Whatever this is between us, I feel it getting more serious than I thought it would. It doesn’t feel like we’re just…pretending. Not anymore. Not after last night. And I don’t want to lead you on, Vikan. I don’t want you to think that I’ll stay just because we’re becoming intimate, when I don’t know what the hell is going on in my mind from one moment to the next, okay?”
Vikan ran a hand through her hair. “Are you convinced that you will leave for Earth once we reach the Golden City? Can you tell me right at this moment that you will, without hesitation?”
Taylor shook her head. “I…that’s what I mean! I don’t know. I can’t give you that answer because I simply don’t know what I would do.”
“Then why are we talking when I could be licking your cunt instead?” he purred, his hands straying downwards.
“Vikan! This is serious.”
He blew out a sharp breath. “Luxiva.”
“Yes?”
“All I need to know is that you are not certain you would leave for Earth if you had the opportunity,” he said.
“Yes, but—”
“Nothing else matters right now,” he continued, leaning down to kiss her lips. “But I warn you, I will not play fair if it means my reward is keeping you here with me. I will fight dirty.”
“Vikan,” she whispered, looking up at him, her beautiful green eyes luminous but vulnerable. She bit her lip and then said, “Just a few days ago, you implied that you still weren’t over Nitav. Even if I did choose to stay here with you…I can’t compete with her. You’ve mourned her for over ten years now. Who could compete with that?”
He frowned. “Taylor.”
“We still have all these things that we would need to figure out,” she continued before he could say anything. “I can’t just forget that because of what happened last night.”
“I am not asking you to,” he rasped. “Female, Nitav was never my fated mate.”
“Yes, but you two chose each other. In some ways, that’s even more powerful. And I will admit that it frightens me. You didn’t choose me. Your Instinct did. How would I ever compare?”
Vikan touched his forehead to hers, his chest aching. “Taylor,” he said softly. “Please listen to what I have to say to you.”
“Vikan…”
“Nix. Listen,” he rasped. “I have never compared you two and I will never. I know this with certainty. Tev, it is true that Nitav and I chose one another. But you are also right in saying that it was a long time ago, another age, even. I was not who I am now. It would be impossible to be that male again.”
He let out a long sigh before he pulled back so that he could look into her eyes, so she would see the truth in his.
“I do not regret knowing her. I do not regret loving her,” he murmured. “I do, however, regret letting her death affect me as much as it did and for so long. I can see that now. You made me see that. I lived in darkness for ten rotations. And then when you came, when I saw you, suddenly everything had changed. I resented it, at first, as you sensed from the beginning. I fought it, or at least tried to. I wanted you, I desired you, but I would not allow myself to take that chance.”
“Until you knew that I would be leaving,” she finished for him softly. “That’s why you took me that night, out of the blue.”
“Tev,” he said, inclining his head. “When Vaxa’an told me he was sending the remaining females home, I panicked. I knew that I would forever regret it if I did not take that chance with you. You had me so out of my mind, so scrambled, that I did not even check to ensure we had enough fuel.”
Vikan was glad when he saw Taylor’s slight quirk of her lips. She’d been so somber before, so serious. He wanted to see her smile.
“If Nitav is who you worry about,” he murmured, “do not. She is dead. Gone from this world.”
He swallowed, feeling that knowledge settle deep inside his chest. Acceptance, he knew, after so long.
“It is you who has hold of me now.”
Taylor’s breath hitched.
“Vikan,” she whispered. “I…”
“If you say that there still is a chance you will stay, with me, even if it is just a sliver of a chance, I will take it. I will take anything I can get with you. Tev?”
She didn’t answer him in words. Instead, she gripped his face and brought him down so she could kiss him. He growled against her and into the wildness of their kiss, something he knew he was growing addicted to. Now he knew why his warrior brothers always kissed their human mates, as if they were helpless not to.
Taylor was panting, her eyes glazed, when they finally parted.
“Now,” he rasped, shifting his body over her. “Are we done with this talk? Because I am impatient for my female.”
And they spoke no more. The only sounds that filled their cave that morning, as the twin suns rose, were the sounds of his female’s moans and breathy gasps.
And as Vikan pleasured his mate, he felt determination, like nothing he’d ever felt before, fill his body. He felt hope, for the first time, strands of attainable possibility just within reach.
He’d been telling the truth to Taylor. If there was even a chance that she would stay with him, that they would spend their futures together, then he would do everything in his power to see that to fruition.
To keep her, Vikan would do anything.
* * *
If someone had told Taylor a week ago that she’d be having the time of her life, hiking through the wilderness, with Vikan, sweaty and dirty and smiling, she wouldn’t have believed it.
She would’ve laughed herself silly until she peed.
But there she was…having the time of her goddamn life with her alien lover who she may or may not be falling head over heels in love with.
Because real Vikan? He was very much the Vikan in her dreams. Or rather, her visions. It had just taken her a while to realize it. But it had been easy to make the connection once he began to open up to her.
It was already nearing nightfall and Vikan had begun to keep an eye out for shelter, once again. The days were shorter in the western lands, he’d told her. The nights were longer. But Taylor didn’t mind. Truthfully, she liked nighttime. Especially when she got to spend the longer hours with a sexy, wicked male with a talented tongue.
Wistfully, she wondered where the day had gone. It didn’t seem like all that long ago when they’d left their cave by the sea. But then she realized that just being with Vikan, listening to him tell her stories of his time as a warrior, listening to him tell her all about the different planets he’d visited or fought on, or him asking her questions about her life on Earth, listening to her as she tried to explain the different countries and languages and cultures…it made the time fly. She’d enjoyed herself. Immensely. She’d laughed more than she thought possible.
Not to mention the fact that every hour or so, Vikan would purr, push her up against the nearest rock or tree, and bury his tongue between her legs. Her sex was continuously wet for him, it seemed, and Taylor had never cum so much in the past 24 hours as she had with him.
As the suns sank lower and lower into the horizon, she couldn’t help but think that they were only one day closer to Lopixa. She had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, reaching Lopixa meant a warm, soft bed. It meant that they might finally have sex, something that Taylor had been thinking more and more about.
On the other, it meant she was one day closer to making one of the biggest decisions of her entire life. And she didn’t know if she was ready for it.
How long would she stay at Lopixa before she would need to return to the Golden City? She thought of Bianca, one of the human women she’d grown close to. Bianca had a husband and a young daughter back at home. Every moment that Taylor spent at Lopixa was another moment that Bianca would have to endure away from her family.
None of the other women truthfully had as pressing of a need to return. They were all in their mid-to-late twenties with full-time jobs that took up most of their time. None had boyfriends even and from what Taylor had gathered, many had very few family members, if any, that were still involved in their lives.
The more she thought about it, Taylor began to wonder why it had ever been so urgent for her to return, especially considering the fact that Vikan was now very much a part of her life.
And possibly a very big part of my future, she couldn’t help but think.
Every moment that she spent with him made it harder and harder to imagine leaving him behind. And if she did leave, what would happen? He’d given her a vague answer when she asked about fated mates separating. He’d told her, the night that he’d taken her from the Golden City, that if she returned to Earth, she would always feel him, their connection.
Except, if she was on Earth, she’d have no way to get back to him.
That thought made her chest physically ache. Just the thought of never seeing Vikan again, never feeling his touch again, or hearing his voice, or feeling that soft, warm thrill in her belly whenever he called her his luxiva…it hurt. It hurt more than she thought possible in the short amount of time she’d really come to know him.
Vikan led them down to the sea, once again. The western lands were riddled with caves etched into the numerous cliffs and they found a suitable one to make their shelter in for that night quickly.
As they collected their materials for a fire, Vikan touched her arm, murmuring, “You have been quiet, female. Is something wrong? Have I done something to upset you?”
Taylor frowned, “No, of course not. You’ve been…really, really good to me.”
“Then what it is?”
They’d been honest with each other so far, so Taylor wouldn’t lie to him. “I’m just thinking about what happens next. When we reach Lopixa, I mean.”
He made a sound in the back of his throat, jerking his head in a nod. Then he said, “I do not know what will happen, female.”
“I’m worried that I’ll be selfish if I want to stay with you for a few days. Especially when the other women are so anxious to return to Earth,” she confessed. Or, at least, Bianca was.
Vikan paused in his digging for some of the clay they used for fire fuel to regard her. He was in a crouched position, his thigh muscles straining against his pants. His gray eyes were light, but his expression was serious.
“You may not have to make that decision, luxiva,” Vikan told her.
“What do you mean?”
He inhaled a sharp breath. “Vaxa’an knows I took you, if not that very night, then certainly the next morning. I am certain he knows that you were not willing, either.”
Taylor frowned. “Okay. But what does that matter?”
“He knows I would have taken you to Lopixa. He would wait a little while before departing from the Golden City, but it is possible that he will already be there when we arrive.”
“To take me back?”
“Tev,” he said, jerking his head in a nod. But something in his tone made her stomach churn.
“And what about you?”
“I do not know,” he confessed. “It is possible he will have me punished for stealing you away. He might not. It is difficult to know what goes on in his mind.”
“Punished?” she whispered, eyes wide. “But…surely it’s not that serious. I mean, I’m your mate, right?”
Vikan let out a long breath through his nostrils before he rose to stand in front of her. His shoulders blocked the view of the ocean completely, he was so big. Slowly, he bent so he could connect their foreheads.
Immediately, her heartbeat calmed a little and she breathed him in slowly.
“We will find out,” he finally murmured. “Vaxa’an has been my warrior brother, a close friend, for a long while. I am his Ambassador, but he will consider my taking you a betrayal because he explicitly said that the human females were not to be touched.”
“Then what about Cecelia? What about Beks?” she asked, furrowing her brow as anger ignited in her belly. It was an unfair situation. “We were all saved by the Luxirians from the Pit and yet they were exposed to their mates early on. They chose to stay with them, but are Lihvan and Rixavox being punished for it? No. So why would you be?”
“Because Lihvan and Rixavox made it clear to Vaxa’an what their intentions were and they certainly did not steal them away,” Vikan said. “When I spoke to Vaxa’an about you…I told him I would not pursue you.”
Her brow furrowed.
“I do not know if he believed me, but I also know that I lost some of his trust based on my actions. And I must face him for that when I see him.”
“But that could be tomorrow,” she whispered, frowning. “You said we’re close to Lopixa.”
“Tev. We are. We will arrive this next span.”
“So,” she said quietly, “this could be our last night together.”
The thought made her want to cry and Taylor didn’t remember the last time she’d cried. Perhaps when her grandmother had finally passed away, but that had been over four years ago. And she’d gone through ugly breakups, stressful and long days and nights as she tried to establish her business, and gut-wrenching loneliness since then.
No, wait.
She realized she’d cried just last night. When Vikan had told her about his vision of the little girl. Tears had run down her face then and perhaps she hadn’t even realized it in the moment.
It might not be a huge deal to anyone else, but Taylor knew that if she cried for someone, they were important to her. Damn important. And it told her a lot. It told her things that she’d been too afraid to think about too much.
“If tonight is our last night,” she whispered to him, feeling his sharp exhale against her cheek, “I want to make the most of it, Vikan.”
“Luxiva—”
“And I don’t care about soft furs or hot meals and relaxing,” she murmured. “Those things don’t matter to me. I just…I want you tonight. Because if I don’t, I feel like I’d regret it for the rest of my life, no matter what happens. Okay?”
Vikan studied her. She could feel the tension in him. She knew that when they had sex for the first time, he’d wanted it to be elsewhere, where he knew they’d be safe, where he could take care of her like how he wanted.
And it made her fall in love with him a little more.
But Taylor was a woman who knew what she wanted. And that night?
She wanted Vikan.
“As if I could deny you anything, luxiva,” he finally rasped.