TWENTY-TWO
VIKAN RUBBED HIS wrists, still feeling the heaviness of the chains and trying to shake them from his mind. Instead, he took a deep breath, tilting his head back to look at the sky over Lopixa, wondering if he’d ever see it again if Vaxa’an stripped him of his rank.
But even the thought of imprisonment or the thought of never seeing his home again couldn’t compare to the deep, aching fear that his female would choose to leave him.
Much was unresolved between them, much still needed to be said. Vikan could hardly believe that just the night before, he had been inside his luxiva, had loved her with his body, had taken every gasping sigh and every moan of his name into his soul, and felt incredible hope for their future together.
And now? It was all falling down around his head. To go from the highest high to the lowest low in less than a full span? It took everything in Vikan not to roar his anguish to the Fates.
He had lived in misery for too long. Vrax! All he wanted was to make his luxiva happy. But what if she was happier without him? What if she was happier not being tied to another male who had mourned his ex-mate for the past ten rotations and who was sometimes moody and gruff and who had important duties that, at times, would take him away from her?
The thought was sobering. In all of his arrogance, he had never once considered that she might be happier without him.
“There you are,” her soft voice sounded as she rounded the corner into the darkened alleyway he’d tucked himself into.
His breath hitched.
“I was looking for you everywhere. Why are you back here?” Taylor asked, furrowing her brow when she stopped in front of him.
Vikan swallowed, immediately standing from his crouched position, his eyes only on her. He was unable to shake the thought that had entered his mind and suddenly, he had to know.
“Do you think you would be happier back on Earth?”
“What?” she asked, lips parting.
“Do you think that you would be happier…without me?” he forced out, more vulnerable in that moment than he’d been in his entire life span. “I realize I have only brought you problems since…”
“Vikan,” Taylor breathed, reaching out a hand to squeeze his forearm, letting her touch linger.
Instead of filling him with hope, he couldn’t help but wonder if it would be one of the last times she touched him.
She sighed softly, looking around the little alleyway they were tucked in. Then she met his eyes. “Will you take me to our spot? On the shore? I want to see it.”
Vikan’s shoulders sagged but he eventually jerked his head in a nod. Even if Vaxa’an didn’t want them to leave, he would damn well show her the shore, consequences be damned. Nothing would matter anyways if she chose to leave Luxiria.
He took them along the back alley of the nuvera, the tallest building in Lopixa, until they reached the terrace where a few hovercrafts were landed. He commandeered one, knowing it wouldn’t be missed for the rest of the span, and helped his female climb inside. And then he lifted them off the ground and the hovercraft shot into the sky, out of Vaxa’an’s reach, gliding in the air over the expanse of Lopixa’s cliff.
It didn’t take them long to reach the edge and then he steered them downwards, towards the gentle shore of the nearest beach.
Soft sand billowed out beneath them as he landed the hovercraft. Taylor placed her hand on his arm as she jumped down and he steered her to the place where he had brought her in her dream.
“It’s beautiful,” she said softly, sitting down beside him in the sand, looking out over the Lopitax sea, with its shimmering, serene waters.
During the cold season, those waters became dangerous, with waves cresting high up the cliff, but right then? It was perfect.
“Much better in person,” she added softly, looking over at him.
Vikan braced himself for this conversation, pressure weighing him down. It would be the most important conversation of his life.
“Luxiva,” he murmured, his eyes memorizing her face as if it would be the last time he’d see it. “I do not know where to begin.”
“Then let me begin for us both,” she whispered softly, turning towards him, her legs curling under her. “Vikan, I’m sorry for how I handled things earlier this morning. I was hurt and I handled it the way I always had before…by retreating into myself and blocking out the problem until it hurt less. But I don’t want to do that. Not to you.”
“I drove you to it,” he murmured. “The fault is entirely mine.”
“No, it’s not,” Taylor replied, shaking her head. She blew out a breath and met his eyes. “Tell me what happened this morning. I’m ready to listen. Did you…is there some way you can actually visit Nitav?”
Vikan ran a hand over his left horn. He wanted to tell her everything.
“Nix,” he murmured, holding her gaze. “I can revisit specific memories and they can begin to feel as if I could actually speak with her. They morph and change, different conversations we had had or words that she would have said that stem from my own mind.”
“Oh,” she murmured softly.
“After her death, it was a comfort to remember, to visit her there,” he admitted.
“I’m sure it was, Vikan,” she said softly, reaching out to take his hand. “I truly am sorry that you had to go through that. Grief isn’t easy and we all deal with it in different ways.”
Vikan lifted his head. “I needed to go to her last night, luxiva. It was not because I longed to see her, as you thought. I went to her because I needed to say goodbye in my own way. I never truly said goodbye to her because I never got to say goodbye. I was off planet when she died and she was burned in the Luxirian custom before I could return.”
“Vikan…” she whispered.
“I told her that I had found my fated mate. I told her your name. I told her that I had come to finally let go of her because you are my present and my future and that I wanted to start right, to begin again with you,” he murmured, watching her eyes fill with moisture. “I could not do that knowing I had not truly said goodbye and made peace with her death.”
“Oh, Vikan.”
“It was, perhaps, unfortunate timing on my part, but I do not regret seeking her out in my memories, luxiva. It needed to be done and I felt such relief and happiness afterwards.”
“Until I ruined it all,” she whispered, her shoulders dropping a bit. “I should have believed you when you told me.”
“I had given you no reason to,” he murmured.
“You have though, Vikan,” she said softly, meeting his eyes. “You’ve given me so many reasons to.”
His breath hitched at the look in her gaze, but he would not let hope make a mockery of reality.
“Will you tell me about her?” she asked. “About what she was like?”
His brow furrowed because her request was so unexpected. But he would’ve done anything that she had asked.
Vikan swallowed before saying, “Nitav was…carefree. That is the first word that I think of that described her. She lived in her own head sometimes, oblivious to much that was going on around her. But she laughed and smiled easily and she enjoyed her life, as short as it was. Problems to her were fleeting and anything could be solved.
She was beautiful. She was somewhat vain about her hair. She brushed it so often that sometimes she joked that it would fall out and she wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.” Taylor smiled at that. “She did not think about the future much. We spoke of it sometimes, but she was too impulsive for plans. To me, it was…welcome, since all I ever thought about was the future, and not necessarily my own.”
“She sounded lovely,” Taylor whispered, her eyes softened.
“She was,” Vikan agreed, inhaling a slow breath. “But she was also young. We both were. And when she died, tev, I was in misery. But not so much that I decided to end my life span, like so many other mates had when their partners were ripped away. I always felt guilty about that, like I had somehow not loved her enough.”
“Vikan. Don’t ever feel guilty about that.”
“I do not anymore,” he said. “I realized that I did not end it because I knew what awaited me.”
Her lips parted.
“The Fates told me to wait. And I did. And they brought me you,” he finished softly. “Everything fell into place that was meant to and I did not even see you coming.”
Taylor shifted, rising onto her knees so that she could come closer. Vikan’s legs widened so that she could place herself between them and he held his breath as she gently traced the lines of his cheekbones.
She was quiet for a long time, simply touching him and looking at his face. Finally, she murmured, “I’m glad that you went to her, Vikan.”
“Tev?”
She nodded. “And while I’m glad that you finally made peace with her in your own way, it doesn’t mean that I want you to forget her. She was big part of your life and you wouldn’t be the male you are today without her.” She took a deep breath and said softly, “You wouldn’t be the male I’m falling in love with.”
Vikan’s breathing went ragged, wondering if he dared to hope that he’d heard her correctly.
“Rebax?” he asked quietly, his gaze glued to hers.
Taylor licked her lips and said, “I’m kinda crazy about you, Vikan.”
“Rebax?”
She smiled and whispered, “You heard me.”
“Luxiva,” he growled, grasping her waist, unable to keep himself from touching her a moment longer.
“I don’t know how you did it,” she said, her tone slightly teasing, “but somewhere between kidnapping me and dragging me through strange Luxirian forests and our cuddly cave nights, I’m somehow crazy about you.”
Vikan swallowed hard, his mind trying to process everything she was saying. “What…what does this mean?”
Taylor leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together in a gesture that made Vikan’s heart stutter. And he’d never felt it do that before.
“Before you woke up this morning, I made a very important decision.”
“Tev?” he murmured softly, heart thundering so hard she could probably hear it.
“I decided that I want to stay with you, here on Luxiria,” she whispered, her green eyes sparkling with moisture, but he saw joy in her gaze. “I want a future with you and I know how amazing ours will be together.”
Happiness like he’d never felt welled up in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
“Is this real?” he asked her softly. “Or are we dreamwalking right now?”
Taylor grinned against him but said, “This is real, Vikan. It’s always been real, just as you said.”
And just like that, that happiness burst from him and Taylor gasped when he captured her lips in a fierce, hungry, relieved kiss.
Catching her around the waist, he maneuvered her so that her back met the soft, cushioned sand, and he was hovering above her, braced on his forearms.
Her eyes were soft and her lips were red when he looked down at her.
“Had I almost ruined everything?” he asked her, touching her cheek, his hand trembling, breathing in her scent.
Taylor shook her head. “No. Even with what happened, I knew we could work through it. I knew that our future was worth fighting for. I just wish that I’d talked to you about it earlier this morning.”
“It does not matter,” he murmured. “We talked about it now.”
Taylor moaned softly when Vikan couldn’t resist kissing her again. Her taste was addictive and the heat of her tongue was divine.
He growled, feeling that need between them grow. But between kisses, she murmured, “Aren’t you going to ask what Vaxa’an and I talked about?”
“Now, female?” he rasped, still unable to believe that his luxiva had chosen to stay with him, that he would have all the time he needed to love her, protect her, cherish her.
Taylor pulled back for a brief moment. “He’s decided to forgive you. He said he’ll talk to you tomorrow, but that you’re off the hook.”
Vikan closed his eyes, unable to believe his luck. “Truly?”
“Yes,” she murmured, smiling. “I can tell how much he cares about you, how much he respects you. He wants you to be happy.”
“And what about you, female?” Vikan rasped quietly, looking down at her, feeling the cool Lopixa breeze brush between them, bringing the scent of the sea with it. “You never answered my question.”
“About whether I would be happier without you?” she asked, quirking her brow.
“Tev,” he murmured. “You have my heart, luxiva. For the rest of our life spans. I just want to make sure that I will be enough to make you happy.”
Her breath hitched, her eyes softening. “Really? I have your heart?”
“Tev,” he rasped. “Always.”
And then she smiled so brightly that Vikan was momentarily stunned by her beauty, his chest thrumming with his Instinct’s pull.
Then her smile softened and she reached up to brush a finger across his lips.
“Last night I had another vision,” she whispered, instead of answering his question.
“Tev?”
“I was pregnant.”
Vikan sucked in a rough breath, a purring growl immediately rising in his throat. In a flash, he pictured her, heavy with his offspring, and besides his luxiva, he had never wanted anything more in his life span.
A child…
He had given up all hope for a family. But with his female…anything was possible. Those old dreams awakened like a roaring fire that threatened to consume him.
“It was after a lunar celebration and I had fallen asleep. And you were carrying me into our home,” she whispered, her eyes soft with the memory of it. “And that night, as we lay in bed, you fell asleep with your hands over our growing child and I laid there and felt our blood bond. I felt how much you loved me even as you dreamed. I felt how much we loved each other and how excited we were for what was to come.”
“Luxiva,” he rasped, emotion bursting in his chest.
“In that vision, I remember that feeling of happiness, so intense I never thought it could be real. I remember feeling that love,” she whispered. “And I feel those same things right now. In this very moment.” Softly, she pecked his lips before lifting her eyes to his, a teasing smile on her features. “Does that answer your question?”
Vikan growled, need and desire and love and excitement strumming through his body. It released him. Every worrying thought, every fear…they were gone.
Taylor gasped out, “Vikan,” as he caught her lips once again, kissing her until their heads spun and their hands began to wander shamelessly.
“Tev, luxiva,” he said, pulling back to rest his forehead on hers.
He gazed into those beautiful green eyes that had just given him the entire universe.
With a smile, he said, “It answers everything.”