NINE
TAYLOR WAS TIRED, sweaty, and her muscles were beginning to ache in protest by the time that Vikan brought her to a shaded grove for a brief rest.
She didn’t know how long they’d been traveling. After leaving the cave behind earlier that morning, Vikan had taken them back to the downed hovercraft to collect what he’d called his ‘travel sack’ and a sheath of sharp, silver blades that had been tucked underneath the control panel. Weapons, she’d realized quickly. Seeing them had frightened Taylor, wondering just what kind of animals roamed those lands.
But so far, they had yet to see any. In certain areas where visibility was limited due to wild, curling vines or thick brush, Vikan had slowed, concentrating and listening to ensure they weren’t in any danger. He held her close to him during those moments. And except for some tracks that Vikan had squatted down to study and analyze, they’d be in the clear all day.
The suns had already arced high over their heads by the time she caught a brief break in that grove. The landscape had been as changing as Vikan’s moods, going from shoreline and sandiness, to empty, rocky plains, to towering jungles of slim, green plants that resembled aloe vera—if aloe vera grew twenty feet into the air and had giant cotton ball-like hats perched on their tips.
Taylor didn’t complain though. Those cotton balls provided a nice relief from the intensity of the two suns, which had already begun to set.
Vikan had promised that they’d find shelter for the night soon. During their very few moments of conversation, he’d told her that night fell more quickly in the western lands and that they shouldn’t be out after dark. But Taylor trusted him enough—which was already a big deal for her—to get them to safety before it became an issue.
After studying her closely as she slumped against the root of a giant aloe vera plant and wiped the sweat from her forehead, Vikan told her, “I will start looking for a shelter. We can stop for the night here.”
Taylor wouldn’t protest. She was exhausted and hungry. Vikan had what he called ‘travel rations’ in his bag and he’d given the majority of it to her. It had been some kind of tasteless, dried meat, but it had filled her belly and given her energy earlier on in the day. But now, her craving for a good ole burger and fries was off the charts.
She might’ve been embarrassed how out of shape she was compared to him. They’d been hiking through rough terrain for hours and he looked like he’d spent the day relaxing.
“I’m good with that,” she murmured once she caught her breath.
She was so tired she was seriously considering letting Vikan carry her all the way to his outpost, like he originally offered. But her damned pride still got in the way, despite the long day.
Once she felt okay to push on to find their shelter for the night, Taylor followed Vikan through the jungle of aloe vera until they were almost to the outskirts of it.
And there, Vikan eyed a potential shelter. It was spot where the aloe vera leaves were clustered together in a crooked oval shape, shooting up straight from the ground. There were a few gaps in between the leaves, but for the most part, it was a completely enclosed space, more than big enough for the two of them.
Vikan pushed aside one of the leaves, creating ample space for her to crawl inside. It was even roomier than she’d originally thought once she plopped down onto the cool, sponge-like dirt ground.
When he didn’t move to follow her, instead just placing his bag at her feet, she tilted her head in question, “You’re not coming in?”
“We need meat and water and fire,” he replied, watching her. “You rest here. I will not stray far.”
“Let me go with you,” she murmured, already climbing to her feet, although her muscles ached in protest.
“Nix,” he said.
“I don’t like the idea of not pulling my own weight,” she tried to explain.
His expression became almost quizzical. “You have to pull your own weight. That is called moving.”
Despite the long day they’d had, Taylor didn’t suppress her tired laugh. Even though Vikan’s English was exceptional due to his language implant, he still didn’t quite grasp some phrases.
“It’s an expression,” she told him. “It means I don’t like you doing all the work while I sit here and do nothing.”
“It is a male’s responsibility to see to his female’s needs,” he told her, still perplexed.
“I’ve been taking care of myself, by myself, for a long time, Vikan,” she told him.
“That changes now,” he bit out, growing impatient. He raked a hand over his left horn. She noticed the bone was more smooth and worn than his right and she wondered when he’d picked up that habit. Finally, after debating something, he jerked his head in a nod and said, “Dig a pit for the fire, tev?”
Surprise made her smile. “Okay.”
After a moment’s hesitation, he pulled one of his silver blades from the sheath across his chest. He handed it to her and murmured, “It will help you dig.”
And if anything happened…it would protect her.
“I will not be far. I will be able to hear anything that would dare to approach,” he assured her and Taylor nodded, briefly glancing down at the blade.
“Hurry back,” she said, looking up at him, reaching her hand between the leaves of their shelter to squeeze his forearm.
Vikan’s eyes flashed when he looked at her hand and jerked his head in another nod before turning away.
Taylor let out a small breath, watching him go, unable to stop the worry that rose in her. Not the same worry as that morning, however. After her silly impulsiveness, Taylor knew that Vikan would never just leave her somewhere. Rather, at that moment, she felt fear for him.
But he was a capable, strong male. She had to trust that he knew this land and knew what he was doing.
So, even though she was sweaty and tired and aching, she squatted down and began work on the fire pit, digging the blade he’d given her into the rich, fragrant soil that smelled similar to bitter coffee grounds.
When she was finished, she swiped the sweat from her brow, her heart pounding with the physical effort of her digging, but she looked at her work with an appreciative gaze, smiling.
She was just wiping off the caked dirt from his blade when Vikan returned. He’d only been gone maybe twenty minutes, but in his hands, he held two dead, large animals. They had black, gleaming fur, and impossibly long ears.
“That was fast. What are those?” she asked, attempting to hide her relief at seeing him.
“Mirizax,” he murmured. “This land is filled with them.”
“I didn’t see any when we were walking.”
“They burrow under the land,” he told her, depositing the game inside the circle of their shelter. Still, he didn’t step inside. He cast a look over her fire pit and jerked his head in a nod, “Good, female. This will hold the flames well.”
Even though it was a small praise, she felt it warm her chest and an odd flutter started in her stomach. She realized at that moment that she’d wanted to please him.
“I will not be much longer,” he said, ducking back out. Taylor eyed the two—what had he called them?—mirizax and blew out a short breath. She was used to her meat coming in shrink-wrapped packages, but knew that this was how it was done on Luxiria. She’d better get used to it.
Eyeing the blade, she reached for it and grabbed the closest animal to her. Its fur was impossibly soft, like mink, and she whispered, “I’m sorry. Thank you for feeding us tonight,” before she dragged the knife down the length of its protruding, bony spine, cringing the entire time.
She knew that Vikan had to be starving since he’d let her eat most of this travel rations. She wanted to at least help him prepare their dinner, so that he would be able to eat more quickly once he returned.
Even so, she’d never skinned an animal before, so she didn’t know quite what she was doing. It was dirty work and she’d hoped to salvage the fur once she’d skinned the mirizax but she’d butchered the first one. Still, her efforts rewarded her with a freshly skinned animal, not as clean as she would’ve liked, but it was her first try.
Vikan returned shortly after she began on the second. This time, he stepped into the circle of the aloe vera leaves and dropped an armful of strange things. There was a white-colored moss that looked like the cotton ball fluff on the aloe vera leaves. Next were dark green, flaky rocks that smelled atrocious. Then there was a large, flat, dark stone. The last was something she recognized. They were the beige gourds she’d seen hanging from long, spindly trees way back before they’d entered the aloe vera forest. He’d collected over a dozen.
“You’ve been busy,” she murmured, eyeing him.
“So have you,” he commented, eyeing the mirizax and Taylor nibbled on her lip, hoping she’d done it right.
“I’ve never skinned an animal before,” she admitted. “Did I ruin them?”
“Nix,” he said. “You cut well for the first time.”
“I’ll leave the innards to you,” she warned him. Already her hands were covered in bits of furs, clinging to fluids she didn’t want to identify. She peeked at what he brought back. “Did you find any water?”
He tapped the beige gourds. “Water is inside. We will need fire first though.”
Taylor nodded, quickly finishing the second mirizax before laying it back down into its fur, careful not to get any dirt on them.
Vikan made fire in an instant. He’d placed the dark, smelly green rocks down first in a circular pattern, before covering and stuffing them with the white moss. He drew two of his blades out from their sheath and with brute force, clashed them together to create magnificent white sparks that caught on the moss, sizzling down to the green, flaky rocks, which burst into flame.
The whole process had taken less than a minute. Taylor had watched Vikan’s expression in between her curiosity for what he was doing. He’d been intent, focused. Taylor found it devastatingly attractive, in a primal way, something she’d thought herself immune to. But this alien male had caught them dinner, found them water, and started a fire in less than an hour.
It also helped that the fire made his bare chest gleam, making his skin take on a golden hue.
Taylor swallowed, blowing out a steady breath. It amazed her that she could be sexually aroused when her hands were covered in blood and fur and she was dirty and exhausted after a long day of traveling.
Yet, she was.
Vikan figured that out too because a low growl rumbled in his chest, his nostrils flaring.
“Female,” he warned.
Taylor handed him the blade, hoping that if they both just ignored the obvious, she wouldn’t die of embarrassment.
But the way he was looking at her told her she wouldn’t be so lucky.
Finally, she murmured, “Look, if this thing between us goes both ways, then you shouldn’t be surprised that I find you physically attractive. It doesn’t help that I’ve dreamed about…about…you know.” She huffed out a shaky breath. “Besides, we talked about this this morning. Just ignore it.”
“Does this mean you are finally accepting this?” he questioned, laying the water gourds next to the blazing fire, making a ring around it.
Carefully, she said, “I don’t know what it means yet.” She looked at the fire. “How are you…how are you so certain about it?”
“Because my Instinct awakened. That is as certain as a male can be,” he replied.
“It doesn’t matter,” she finally said. “I still intend to go back to Earth. Three or four days in the Luxirian wilderness with you isn’t going to change that. I hope you realize that.”
Vikan went quiet. “Three or four spans is a long time. We shall see.”
Taylor gaped. “You can’t seriously want me to stay? We hardly know each other. And besides, even if we managed to stop arguing for like two seconds, you told me yourself that you weren’t happy that the whole Instinct thing happened anyway!”
“My words came out wrong,” he murmured, his eyes glowing from the fire as they regarded her over it. “I did not mean the way they sounded.”
“Then what did you mean?” she questioned, her heart pounding in her throat. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, his words hurt, like he’d found her lacking in some way. And she’d tried to deny that they had hurt her, but it wasn’t working.
Vikan growled in his throat, but didn’t answer. Taylor waited for a long time before she finally gave up.
“Let’s just cook dinner, okay?” she mumbled, disappointed.
Taylor thought that she was reserved when it came to sharing private details about her life and her past. But even she had nothing on Vikan. She got the sense that he was holding her at arm’s length even though every time she caught him looking at her, she saw desire and need there. He told her that he was certain of their connection, but then acted like he didn’t want that connection.
He was confusing. Everything about this situation was confusing and Taylor was tired thinking about it. She almost wished they could just go to sleep so that she could visit her dream Vikan.
She worried that she was growing addicted to her dreams. To him.
But her dreams were a nice reprieve from her current reality and she’d take the escape over anything else.
Vikan’s jaw ticked like he was angry as he dragged the skinned carcasses over to his side of the fire and made quick work of butchering them and cleaning out the innards. Then, he sliced thin strips of meat off before lying them over the flat stone he’d placed next to the fire.
Immediately, the meat sizzled and cooked and the scent wafted up to Taylor’s nostrils. Her mouth watered and her stomach grumbled. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until that moment.
Once it was completely cooked through, Vikan removed one slice, spearing it with a clean blade before handing the handle over to her across the fire.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, feeling a little bad for getting irritated with him. He’d made sure she was safe that day, had patiently guided her over any obstacles during their journey, and he’d made sure she had a hot meal and a fire for the night.
Vikan tilted his head down in acknowledgement but he didn’t say anything and they ate their dinner in complete silence, save for the crackling of the fire.
The meat was surprisingly delicious and filling. Taylor ate two more slices that Vikan offered her, but let him finish the last of it and the whole second mirizax, which he polished off easily.
Afterwards, he plucked one of the water gourds from its place lining the fire pit and he dug his claw into one end, puncturing the thick, tough skin, before he handed it to her.
“Drink,” he murmured before grabbing another one for himself.
Eyeing the gourd, she did as he told her and drank.
The water inside was warm, but clean. It had a distinctly earthy taste to it, but already she could feel it hydrating her body. After she drained the gourd of its contents, Vikan had another for her, half of which she used to wash her still-dirty hands.
And as if reading her thoughts, Vikan dug into his bag and pulled out a spare tunic before ripping it into six large strips of cloth. He hand her one, along with a fresh water gourd.
“For washing,” he murmured and Taylor gave him a small, hesitant, grateful smile.
She drenched the cloth in the water and began to run it over her face and exposed skin, washing and rubbing away grime and sweat and dirt. Taylor was keenly aware of Vikan’s gaze and she flushed, but didn’t look at him, not until she was satisfied with her level of cleanliness.
She sighed, content, dropping the empty gourd and the cloth beside it. She was fed, watered, warm, and—somewhat—clean.
Now, if only she could stop butting heads with her travel buddy, she’d be in pretty good spirits, given the circumstance.
Vikan was cleaning and sharpening his blades when he suddenly rasped, “When I said I was not pleased that my Instinct had awakened, it was because I had not wanted a mate. It was not meant as an insult to you. Never.”
Taylor’s lips parted and silently digested his words. Was he finally opening up to her? Just a little?
“Why don’t you want a mate? Cecelia told us every Luxirian male wanted to find their mates, that that was why we were kept separated.”
Vikan was quiet, but right when Taylor was beginning to lose hope again that he was done talking, he said, “I had a mate once.”
Taylor’s breath hitched. All at once, she felt a multitude of emotions, some of which she didn’t want to identify.
But the strangest thing that happened after he spoke those words was that Taylor knew he’d had a mate before.
But for once, instead of freaking out about how she knew, she let herself accept it. Only then did she remember. It had been a dream, one of her many dreams. They’d been lying in their bed, sated after a night of sex, and he’d told her about his past mate. Taylor had asked, she remembered. She knew that his mate had been important in his life and she wasn’t jealous of her. How could she be when she knew how much Vikan loved her, when she felt the extent of that love every single day?
In the present, Taylor felt her face draining of blood because she knew the mate’s name.
“Nitav,” she whispered, looking into the fire because she was afraid to meet Vikan’s eyes, was afraid of what that knowledge meant, once again.
Vikan hissed out a breath. “You know her name?”
“Yes,” Taylor whispered, feeling like she dreaming, in a haze of disbelief. She squeezed her eyes shut, but behind her lids, she saw that particular dream, saw and heard Vikan speak about her in an affectionate yet distant way. Her eyes flew open. “I…we…”
There was nothing to say.
Taylor had run out of excuses at that point for how she knew these things.
And if what Vikan claimed was true, that her dreams weren’t dreams at all but visions of the future, what did that mean for them?
She didn’t want to think about it.
Vikan recovered more quickly than she did. “She was not my fated mate. She was a mate by choice, a Breeding partner, as Luxirians call them.”
Taylor grasped onto any information as a way to distract herself. “How long…how long were you together?”
Maybe she knew how long they’d been together. Maybe he’d told her. But Taylor realized she didn’t want to think too much about it. She’d already scared herself enough.
“Not long,” he murmured. “I met her a rotation before the Plague hit.”
“The Plague?” she whispered, recognizing the term, but once again, refusing to dwell on it.
“An attack by our enemies. They unleashed a virus into our atmosphere ten rotations ago. It killed most our females. The rest were left infertile.”
“It killed Nitav,” she murmured, looking up at him.
The pain was written on his face, clear as day. He still wasn’t over her, she realized, and something crushed down on her chest at the knowledge.
“Tev,” he said.
“You loved her,” she knew.
Again, he inclined his head. “Tev.”
Taylor nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat.
“I’m sorry for what happened,” she finally murmured, sad that he’d lost someone he’d loved that way. When her grandmother died, Taylor had been prepared, had slowly mourned her as the disease had progressed.
Still, there wasn’t a day that went by where Taylor didn’t feel her absence.
“You must’ve loved her very much,” Taylor commented, not quite meeting his eyes. “Even after all this time, you are still faithful to her.”
And he was. It made sense now…why he kept Taylor at a distance even though Cecelia had told them that the Instinct’s pull was irresistible.
“Female,” he murmured.
“I…” she trailed off, suddenly feeling a bit trapped and not liking it one bit. “I think I’m going to go to sleep now. It’s been a long day.”
Vikan watched her, but his shoulders had sagged slightly, long dark strands of his hair falling over his chest.
“Taylor,” he called, her name falling from his lips in a way that made her want things she shouldn’t…or couldn’t. When she met his eyes, he said softly, “I am trying.”
His words hit her. She knew exactly what he meant, but he didn’t realize that it didn’t matter, after all. She would be gone soon. He could go on mourning after his lost love and not have to feel guilty about desiring Taylor.
It was a win-win.
So why did it feel like Taylor had just lost something?
“Good night, Vikan,” she said quietly, before rolling over onto her side, her back to the fire, her back to him.
It took a long time for sleep to claim her, but by the time it finally did, Taylor realized that their impossible situation just became even more impossible.