“I have to say, I am truly amazed that you and Laurie have pulled this wedding together in only three weeks. I’d still be looking at color palettes,” Kade said.

He leaned back in his chair, arching his back as he stretched like a cat until he was halfway out of his seat. Zeke and I watched him with matching smirks, well familiar with our brother and his need for attention, even with something as simple as stretching his back.

“Feel better now?” I asked dryly.

Kade winked as he grabbed his beer. “I mean, I’d feel a lot better if some hot daddy would come in and bend me over the—“

“Enough,” Zeke laughed, holding a hand up to stop our brother from finishing that sentence. “We don’t want to hear about you and your freaky need for public displays. Tonight is supposed to be about baby brother, and toasting him before he gets married tomorrow.”

Kade shook his head. “I’m still waiting for him to tell me how the hell they pulled off planning a wedding in only three weeks. Is this going to be some janky, hick-ass thing that I’m going to be ashamed to be seen at?”

I raised a brow at my brother. “Kade, we all know that if it was some hick–ass production, it would pretty much be guaranteed that you’d be there front and center. And probably taking pictures.”

“You know that’s right! That shit would be viral before you finished cutting the cake.” Kade sobered, leaning forward with a pensive look on his face. “Hey, I wanted to ask you something. I mean, Laurie didn’t look right when we picked you up. He looked all kinds of tense—is he okay? Or is he worried that this little fake marriage thing won’t pass the muster?”

“No,” I shook my head. “That’s not it. We been getting a lot of hang-up calls and Laurie’s gotten a few threatening texts from an unknown number. Texts that mention things he’d done with the kids that day, or what he was wearing. Like, how do they even know that shit? It’s as if, no matter what the fuck we do—someone is always watching. And those asshole outlaws of his are still here in town. They’ve taken over the executive suite at the bed and breakfast, you know.”

Zeke frowned. “I don’t know what the hell their deal is, either. They say they want their grandchildren, and they’ve been granted visitation, yet they’ve shown no interest in using it.”

“Except for the time they had Matty over there for dinner at the B&B,” I grunted in complaint. “They call him the fucking heir, and it’s honestly as though Kiki and Chris don’t even exist for them. I think they’re putting up with the younger two just to get their mitts on Matty, judging by the way they treat them. Hell, from what I’ve heard, they think Chris is mentally deficient because he’s hearing-impaired. What kind of fucking assholes think that way?”

“Those kind,” Kade said with disgust as he took a drink of his beer. He lowered his voice before he spoke again. “So, can the fact that they don’t seem to want to see the kids be used as ammunition in the custody dispute? I mean, do you really have to go through this whole marriage charade, or is there a simpler way?”

Zeke shook his head. “I mean, it proves they’re assholes. And that they aren’t quite the loving grandparents they want to pretend they are, but without any visible means of being able to provide for the kids—Laurie’s still screwed. This half-cocked marriage idea was probably the best idea that Dean could’ve come up with—as long as it doesn’t come back to bite him or Laurie in the ass.”

Kade winked. “Yeah, I can think of much more fun ways to be bitten in the ass. Or balls… Or...” He trailed off with a raised brow as he cupped his crotch and licked his lips for effect.

Zeke and I groaned. Pointing at the bar, I glared at Kade. “That’s it. You’re buying the next round—get your ass over there. I need to drink if I’m going to listen to you talk shit like that all night.”

Kade stood without hesitation, but paused to look at me pensively. “You know, you’re marrying a man tomorrow, Dean. You really need to at least pretend to be on board with jokes about dick and ass.”

While Kade went off to get our drinks, Zeke and I discussed the plans for tomorrow’s ceremony. I was telling him the details of our planned family-style honeymoon, or family-moon, with the kids when Kade returned.

“Oh, honey. Are you being serious right now?” Kade set the drinks down and stood with his hands on his hips as he moved into lecture mode. “You want people to believe that you’re really marrying each other, and that it’s not a fake marriage, right? If that’s the case, why in the hell would you take three kids on your honeymoon?”

Zeke chuckled. “I think hiding behind the guise of cementing their new family is our baby brother’s way of coming to terms with the fact that he’s marrying a dude. Can you imagine if it were only the two of them in a honeymoon suite somewhere?”

Kade started giggling loudly. He sputtered between giggles. “Oh, shit.” Giggle. “And if he woke up the next morning and—“ Giggle. “And there was a log of morning wood parked between his cheeks?”

He lost it then, his pale complexion flushing pink as he laughed his ass off at my expense.

I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. “Why do you think that Laurie would be the big spoon?”

“Seriously?” Kade laughed even harder for a moment, before sitting down and looking at me with an interested smirk. “I mentioned morning wood, and your only thought was that you wouldn’t be on the receiving end of it? Okay, little brother. You can be the big spoon in this scenario—I’ll allow it. So tell me, what would you do if you woke up on your honeymoon to find yourself hard as fuck, with your morning wood snuggled up in the middle of Laurie’s perfect ass?”

I glanced over at Zeke. “Should I be concerned that Kade has been checking out Laurie’s ass?”

Zeke shrugged. “Trust me, Dean-o. You’re probably the only red-blooded person in town who hasn’t noticed his ass at some point. Even most of the straight guys glance at his bubble butt—which makes me wonder if you aren’t protesting too much about not noticing it.”

Kade leaned in closer, his brows furrowed with concern. “All joking aside, are you really going to be okay marrying him? I know Laurie is your best friend—but he still doesn’t have the type of plumbing you prefer. Are you honestly prepared to live in a sexless marriage?”.

I rolled my eyes. “From what I hear, aren’t most marriages sexless after the kids come? Laurie has three of them and one on the way, so we have that stereotype covered. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Sure, we’re not in love—and yeah, we’re only doing this to save those kids. Just like Dad saved us from a life of hell with the bitch ice queen who spawned us, I want to do whatever I can to save Laurie’s kids.”

Zeke frowned as I spoke a little louder than necessary. “You can’t say shit like that so loudly, jackass. I’m bound by attorney-client privilege to keep your secrets, the rest of the swinging dicks in this bar are not—it would behoove you to keep that in mind. And Laurie’s situation is totally different than our parents’ marriage and Mom’s issues.”

He looked around, his face lighting with relief when he realized that nobody had been paying attention before he continued with his thought.

“Now listen, this marriage needs to appear real—like I’ve told you. Judge Anderson is performing the ceremony, and Laurie’s in-laws have been invited so they can see the marriage take place with their own eyes. Judge Anderson was kind enough to set up the court date for Monday morning before you guys leave on your family-moon. All you have to do is make it believable, and I’ll make sure the marriage certificate gets misplaced instead of filed.”

Tapping on the table, I nodded as he repeated the same information he’d already told me at least a dozen times over the past three weeks. I shared a glance of amusement with Kade before turning my attention back to Zeke.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when we get home, we return to normal life with nobody the wiser. After a year or so, when the heat’s off Laurie, we can be shocked to realize that we aren’t legally married—or sooner if one of us meet somebody else in the interim. Did I get all that right, counselor?”

“You did,” Zeke said with a relieved smile. “As long as you can pull it off, you’ll be fine. And who knows? Maybe Laurie will meet someone else to marry before the year is up, and you’ll be free again.”

I nodded absently as I took a drink of my beer, trying to cover the way my stomach soured at the idea of Laurie marrying someone else.