I heard Dean’s footsteps coming down the hall, he’d probably followed me to make sure that I was okay, well, screw that. He’d already made it crystal clear that he wanted to figure out a way to end our marriage, so he could just deal with me crying.

I sat up to tell him exactly that when he entered the room, but before I could start going off—Kiki came wandering in. Dean came and sat down on the foot of the bed, eyeing me cautiously before turning a welcoming smile to Kiki.

“What’s up, Buttercup?”

Kiki held up her shoe, and I realized suddenly that she was standing there with only one on, while her other foot was only covered by a frilly pink sock. “Can you fix my shoe, Papa Dean?? It’s got a knot ’n Matty can’t get it out.”

Dean and I both froze when she called him Papa. Shit. I needed to calm down and have a rational discussion with my friend before my kids got hurt. Damn, these pregnancy hormones were making my emotions all wonky. I needed to keep a clear head, not go with my emotions on this one.

“Of course, I’ll help you. Have a seat up here next to me and let’s see what we’ve got happening with this lace.” Dean quickly got Kiki’s shoe handled, and she was good to go.

Before she got down from the bed, she flung her arms around Dean’s neck and gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek. I smiled knowingly at the way he looked like he was about to melt, then laughed when Kiki blew a raspberry against his cheek before scampering away.

Dean playfully swatted at her butt, but she was already too far out of reach for him to make contact.

He looked over at me with a shy smile, his eyes filled with uncertainty. “I hope you know that I didn’t tell her to call me Papa.”

“I know you didn’t. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say your grandmothers started that one.” He and I shared a laugh, knowing that I was probably right.

I took a breath, ready to apologize for my emotional outburst, and start an actual conversation, but then the boys came walking in. My eyes about popped out of my head when Dean made the sign of hello to Chris, and managed to have a short conversation with him that mostly involved fingerspelling—with a few basic signs tossed in.

“Okay, make Chris go away now, Dad. It’s my turn to talk to Papa Dean,” Matty said as he climbed up on the bed with a handful of papers. Dean pulled Chris onto his lap, then turned his attention to Matty.

“What’s going on, little man? Chris doesn’t have to go away for me to give you my attention, spit it out—I’m all ears.”

Matty passed the papers he was holding to Dean as he began to explain in a hesitant voice.

“Granny Libby signed me up for the town kids club. There’s a big campout next month, and the papers say that I’m supposed to bring an adult chaperone. Well, it’s supposed to be a father-son thing—but I can also bring a chaperone.. And I was wondering… I mean… you can say no, if you want to, but… maybe we could go together?”

I started crying again, touched that my son was reaching out to Dean like this. Then Matty turned to me with a horrified look on his face.

“Dad! I wasn’t trying to exclude you, or replace you with Papa Dean, I promise. It’s just that you’re pregnant and I didn’t think you’d want to sleep in a tent right now. Plus there’s Chris and Kiki. They aren’t old enough to go, it’s for ages seven to twelve.”

Shaking my head, I grabbed a tissue and blotted at my tears as I waved a hand at Matty.

“You’re fine, baby. It’s the pregnancy making me emotional, don’t worry. Now listen, you and your brother go play while I talk to Papa Dean, okay?”

Matty surprised me by giving me a quick hug before getting off the bed and motioning to Chris to leave with him. After the boys were gone, I patted the bed beside me.

Dean stood and came around his side of the bed before lying down and turning on his side to face me. I smiled ruefully as I patted his chest with the palm of my hand.

“So about before... I was crying like that because I was heartbroken, thinking you were feeling stuck with me. I should’ve known that you’d want to find a way to get free, it’s not like you wanted this in the first place. I want you to know that I want for us to do whatever we have to do to keep our friendship intact, I don’t want those kids to lose their Papa Dean.”

Dean started to say something, but I covered his mouth with the tips of my fingers as I continue to lie through my teeth.

“Look, it’s all right, Dean—we’ll get through this. But you know what, I think I need you to move out, before the kids get any more attached. Can you go back out and live in the guest house with Chuck again or something? Obviously I can’t run this farm with only Chuck here, especially when I’m nearly six months pregnant. But, maybe after the baby comes and I’m on my feet again—maybe then you should start putting out feelers for a replacement.”

Dean sat up, turning his back to me as he spoke gruffly. “Are you seriously kicking me out? And telling me that you want me to find a new job too? What the hell, Laurie?”

“I’m sorry, Dean. You’re my best friend in the world, and hopefully we can find our way back to that. But I cannot risk my kids falling anymore in love with you than they already have. That little scene we just saw with them and hearing them call you Papa Dean made me realize how serious this little charade of ours has become… and how important it is that we nip it in the bud.”