Chapter Twelve
Looking up and down the station for their guest, Christopher was worried she had not made it on time. Although the journey was not too complicated, it was still a long way to come to visit them, and there were still many things which could go wrong. The train slowly emptied with a murmur of voices and footsteps and the people milled about the platform collecting their bags and finding their loved ones before exiting onto the street.
Christopher peered over everyone's heads, trying to find that one familiar face, but not spotting it. In her last letter, she had said she had left the ferry and was going to rest the night at the port with her companion, and then catch the morning train to complete her journey. So either she had missed the train, or she had gotten off a stop too early.
But, sure enough, Christopher finally spied her at the end of the platform, an older woman by her side, each holding a large bag, with a pile of suitcases stacked behind them. He waved, but they did not see him, so he began to weave his way through the crowd.
Thomas had stayed home to oversee preparations for her arrival. Christopher knew full well that, whatever Thomas said to the contrary, he was apprehensive about seeing his family again. After how he had been treated, Christopher did not blame him. The younger man was only just coming to terms with the fact that what they had done was not out of love at all, but out of their own self-interest.
But being able to stay so far away from them was probably helping. Thomas had really begun to come out of his shell. He was much more cheerful, much bolder, and much more assertive than he used to be. Still the same sweet, kind, pleasant young man Christopher had originally fallen in love with, but now Thomas shone as bright as a star.
The original transition had not gone quite as smoothly, but they had settled into their new home rather well, Christopher thought. Upon arriving, the heat of the country and being unable to speak the language left Thomas somewhat reclusive, making Christopher seriously doubt his actions. He had been so certain he was doing a good thing by taking Thomas far away from the people who wanted to lock him up but seeing his lover so withdrawn had brought so many fears to the forefront of his mind.
Christopher had never been too concerned about how his actions affected others, but he was slowly learning to change that, for Thomas. Fortunately, as they began to settle into their new home, Thomas had tentatively opened up to the new world around him. And it was still a work in progress, but Christopher was happy to see the younger man beginning to relax.
Catching Delilah's eye, Christopher smiled and waved.
Delilah waved back. “Christopher! We made it!” she exclaimed.
“I can see that,” he laughed a little. “I think you will be needing a hand with all those. It looks as though you are moving down here as well.”
Delilah smiled and shook her head. “A lady needs a lot more than a man to make herself presentable,” she replied.
“Indeed, and two ladies need twice as much, I suppose. Who is your lovely young friend?” he asked.
Although she was old enough to understand he was flattering her on purpose, the older woman still beamed a little and curtsied politely.
“She was my childhood nanny,” Delilah explained. “I thought and thought about who to ask to come with me, and I realized she would be both trusted by my parents, and loyal to myself.”
“Thank you very much for helping Delilah get here safely,” Christopher said. “I know it is not the safest journey for two women.”
The nanny shook her head. “It is nothing, Your Grace. I raised Delilah myself, and I would do anything to make her happy.”
Christopher could hear the earnestness in her voice and felt relieved. The trials of traveling such a distance were not the only risk Delilah was facing. Her parents had expressly forbidden her from seeing her brother ever again and were not aware of where Thomas was or where Delilah was going. As far as they knew, she was staying with a childhood friend in France. It had taken several months for her to build a story which would persuade them to let her leave on such a long journey alone, and Christopher felt she was very brave to be defying them.
The carriage was waiting outside the station, and as soon as it was loaded, they set off on a several hours long journey out into the Spanish countryside where, hidden away among the olive trees, Christopher's father owned a few small fincas.
The sun was setting as the carriage stopped outside the white-washed building. The finca was nothing particularly special, at least not from the perspective of the son of a Duke. His father had many such properties across Europe and America, each with their own distinct regional charms.
This one glistened white by sunlight and by moonlight, with bold red tiles and several balconies on each floor, looking out over the fields. It was usually rather warm there, and even though winter was fast approaching, they had not yet needed to light the fires. Crickets sang in the distance.
As he stepped down from the carriage, Christopher saw that some candles had been lit in a few of the rooms, casting an orange glow on the sparse grass below. Walking through the door, the first thing Christopher noticed was the inviting aroma of dinner.
The second thing he noticed was the sound of Thomas’ footsteps all but running around the corner.
Delilah let out a slight squeak of delight and rushed to hug her brother, rocking side to side as she embraced him. “Oh, Thomas!” she said, beginning to sob loudly. “I have missed you so much.”
Christopher could see that Thomas, too, was beginning to cry, holding his little sister closely and burying his face in her shoulder. Christopher glanced at the nanny who nodded and followed him through to the drawing room where a maid was lighting a few more candles and a servant was uncorking some local wine. They deserved to be left to have that moment to themselves.
“Come, let us have some wine to celebrate your arrival,” Thomas’ voice finally said, slightly shaky with emotion, as he and Delilah walked into the drawing room. “I am sorry about that,” he said to Christopher.
Christopher shook his head. “You have missed your sister; it is natural.”
Thomas blushed as he took a glass and passed it to Delilah. “To be fair, I do believe I have missed everyone. They did not treat me well, but they are my family nonetheless.”
Delilah sighed. “They are not happy. They do not even want me to see you. I... I was not honest when I said where we were going.”
Thomas nodded. “I know, and I appreciate all the effort you have made to get here. I am sorry to cause so much trouble.” His head fell a little as he spoke.
“No, not at all,” Delilah began, “well, I suppose a little bit of trouble. But it is far better that you are here and happy, do you not think?”
Thomas nodded. Then he paused. Christopher caught him staring at Delilah's hand. Following Thomas’ gaze, Christopher's eyes landed on a ring. Delilah noticed they were both looking at her hand and blushed a little. “I was meaning to surprise you with this, but I suppose it slipped my mind... I am engaged to be married!”
“That is wonderful news,” Thomas replied. “To whom?”
“Baron Oldfield,” Delilah replied. “Teddy. Remember him? We used to play together as children. Well, he inherited his title, and he had been visiting, and, well, I suppose one thing led to another. Isn't it fantastic?”
Thomas nodded and smiled. “Yes, it sounds it.”
Thomas was making an effort to seem happy for Delilah, and she seemed to believe it, but Christopher knew better. He could see the slightly glassy look in Thomas’ eyes. He could tell that his partner was upset about something. And not just a little saddened. Something was cutting deeply into his heart.
Although Thomas and Delilah continued chatting, the same slight sadness remained obvious to Christopher. It perplexed him. Seeing Delilah had made Thomas so happy, and for him to become sad so suddenly was not right.
On their way to the dinner table, Christopher pulled Thomas aside in the hallway. Delilah stopped and turned to face them. “Is everything well?” she asked.
Christopher nodded. “Please, do go on. I have something I wish to discuss with Thomas.”
Delilah nodded and, with a suspicious glance, walked on through to the dining room.
“Are you all right?” he asked, hugging Thomas.
Thomas shook his head. “I... My sister is getting married,” he said in a tone of slight disbelief.
“Does that not make you happy for her?” Christopher asked. “She seems thrilled with the gentleman in question.”
Thomas nodded and smiled slightly. “Yes, Teddy is a wonderful person and she is very fortunate to be in love with and betrothed to such a man. But... she has very much gone out of her way to come and see me. She should be with him.”
“You are her brother,” Christopher replied. “She is making the effort for you because you are important to her. Do you not see? She will not be able to visit you like this once she is married. Traveling alone may become difficult, if not impossible. She is seizing the opportunity to spend time with you.”
He nodded again. “And yet... I should be there. She should not have to come down here just to see me. This could be the last time I see my sister, but it should not be. I want to be there for her wedding. To see her children be born. To support her and care for her as a good brother should.”
“I understand,” Christopher replied. “And I am not sure what else we could do.” He held Thomas close to his body. “You could not live the way your family wants you to.”
Thomas sighed. “I have been thinking. Ever since I heard she was coming to visit I have been thinking. And maybe... Maybe we ought to go back.”
Christopher was taken aback. “You want to return? After all that happened?” He had seen how much Thomas had improved. How much happier and more confident he was. How much he relished his freedom. At no point had Thomas voiced a desire to return to England, where the people who had treated him so poorly lived. “Forgive me if I am missing something, but that sounds... insane,” Christopher added.
Thomas nodded. “I know it does. And it would be if I was still the same young man I was back then. But I am not. I have more strength now. I have you now. I do not want to return forever. I simply want to know I am free to return if I wish.”
“But what if they try and keep you there again? What if they tell you how ashamed they are and how much they need you to come back and be like them?” Christopher asked.
“Then I shall turn to you and we shall come back here. Or go someplace else. I do not wish to be trapped in a finca in Spain any more than I wanted to be trapped in a manor in England, Christopher. I want to be free.” He hugged Christopher tightly and kissed his lips tenderly.
Christopher kissed Thomas back and nodded. That made sense to him. Thomas needed his freedom. He had tasted a little of it, and now he craved it in abundance. He did not want to spend his life in any one place, restricted by any one thing anymore. He had lived his entire life like that before and it had tortured him.
Christopher felt a deep sense of satisfaction. Thomas had really blossomed since coming to Spain. Those little seeds of love and hope which had been planted when they first met were slowly blossoming. “Very well,” he said, “we shall travel the world together.”
He had never thought he would want to return to his travels. After all, he had settled down in England to put an end to that lifestyle which had become so stale to him. But looking into Thomas’ eyes and seeing so much naive wonder, so much hunger for new and exciting experiences, he finally realized why he had felt so bored and lonely on his travels.
It was because he had been alone.
No matter where he was, how many people he had surrounded himself with, or who he was taking to bed that night, the journey had always just been him. He had traveled alone, lived his experiences alone, only he could tell his life story. And however thrilling that had been at first, having nobody to share his life with had slowly turned into a miserable existence for him.
It was only now that Christopher realized, despite being almost a decade older than Thomas, he had almost as much growing left to do.
He followed Thomas as the younger man hurried into the dining room and began to explain to his shocked and thrilled sister that they were planning on returning. Seeing them both so happy warmed Christopher's heart.
In a world so set against anyone who chose to live differently, he had never known whether a decision he was making was right. The constraints of morality and law were so tight and so stifling, it was so easy to step over the line, that he could not trust them to tell him what was right and what was wrong. And with no line in the sand to guide him, he had spent much of his life seeking that perfect balance between what he wanted and what was right.
Until then, he had never once been able to look back on his actions and say he was for certain a good man, that he had definitely done what was right. But now, looking at Thomas and Delilah, he knew. Finally, for the first time in his life, he knew he was doing the right thing.