“Why the fuck are we still doing this brunch bullshit?” I asked Trevor.

I had stopped at the apartment he shared with Veronica and we all decided to walk over to Jack’s together.

“Because that’s what Avery would want, you insensitive prick.”

“I’m not being insensitive, asshole. What I mean is maybe we shouldn’t be doing the brunch thing this soon after. Maybe give it a couple of months, not a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying, Max. But Jack is being pretty adamant about it. Plus, I think it’s for the girls more than Jack and the rest of us, you know?”

I mumbled my yes while I took a minute to let that information sink in. If I was needed for anything that had to do with Isabelle and Annabelle, I was going to be there no matter where and what time they wanted me. That was the very least I could do.

Since the funeral a couple of weeks ago, nothing much had happened. The funeral itself was probably the saddest fucking experience of my life. Seriously, I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. You try having to explain to two little girls that are crying their eyes out that their mom wasn’t going to “wake up” from the casket. I knew that open casket shit was a bad idea. But according to Jack, Avery had left implicit instructions, down to the music the organist at the church should play if she died first out of the two of them. For the record, it was Robbie Williams’, “Angels.”

Avery also left a very detailed will and according to what Jack told Trev, letters for each of the girls and for Jack, of course. I assume that part of those letters she requested we keep having the monthly Sunday Allen Family Brunch, which yeah, that made sense and I didn’t mind at all. But so soon after losing her…I don’t know. It felt wrong and weird knowing that she wouldn’t be there.

We arrived at Jack and Avery’s brownstone a few minutes later, the girls sitting on their perch on the window seat looking out for us. They each had a big smile on their faces, which made me so fucking sad. I know, I know, it shouldn’t because yeah, they were happy to see us. But it made my heart break just a little bit more for them knowing they’re mother wasn’t there for them.

“Hey guys,” Jack said. He gave Trev a bro-hug and then one for me. Leaning down, Jack pressed a kiss on Veronica cheek. “Thanks for coming, Vern.”

“I wouldn’t miss a Sunday Allen Family Brunch for the world,” she said with a genuine smile. “Where are my soon-to-be-nieces?”

Isabelle came into view first, walking and talking to her sister, Annabelle about something having to do with dogs. Then, as if I was somehow the authority on dogs, even though I had never owned a fucking pet in my life, Isabelle asked me, “Uncle Max, do you think beagles are good dogs?”

Jack chimed in ahead of me. Thank fuck. “Girls, we’re not getting a dog.”

Annabelle said, “Daddy, pleeeeeeeease!”

“No and that is the end of that discussion for the millionth time, girls.” Jack looked to the three of us and explained how the girls watched something about dogs on the television and it’s been on their brains ever since. “So,” he went on to say, “they’ve been trying to get me to agree but who the fu—,”

“Daddy!” Isabelle and Annabelle both yelled at the same time. “Mommy said no cursing, remember?!”

Fuck, it was funny and it was a sad reminder of the one person who wasn’t here and would never be here again. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or not. So, I looked to Trevor and Veronica. They looked as confused as I felt. And Jack, well, he wasn’t so sure either. The moment passed a beat later without anyone saying anything further about the cursing or laughing about it.

“All right,” he said to the twins with a tight smile. “Go on and wash your hands to get ready to eat, okay?”

They both smiled back and then with the comedic timing of a professional, Isabelle said to Annabelle, “I’m gonna beat you to the crapper!”

And they both took off running down the hallway to the downstairs bathroom. Annabelle could be heard yelling back, “Not if I beat you the crapper first!”

The four of us adults were left biting our lips and trying not to laugh out loud as Isabelle must have been the one to win and shouted, “I won! I’m Queen of the Crapper!”

“Aw, no fair! I wanna be Queen of the Crapper once too!”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I bust out laughing so hard because come on, who the fuck teaches their kids at this age to call the bathroom, “the crapper?” Thankfully, Jack, Trev, and Veronica all started laughing too. You couldn’t help yourself. It was that funny.

“Sorry,” Jack said as his laughter died down a bit. “They’re just kids, you know?”

Veronica was the one to come over and give Jack a big hug. As she pulled back, she told him, “Don’t apologize, Jack. The kids are just being kids. They should be acting like kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Okay?”

“Okay, yeah, you’re right. Of course you’re right,” he said. “Who is ready to eat?”

All of us were pretty hungry by that point. And once the girls were done in the “crapper,” they joined us in the kitchen to feast on what appeared to be a nice mix of vegan, in honor of Avery, and real food, like bacon…in honor of it being the best goddamn food in the world. I will say that I did try some of the food that Avery usually would never have gotten me to eat before. It still tasted like shit, but at least I gave it the old college try for her…even if she wasn’t here.

During the brunch, the twins chatted up like normal about the one topic that only seemed to interest them: dogs. Somehow, I got roped into the conversation again about which breed would be best. And again, I wouldn’t know my ass from my elbow on this topic so I couldn’t contribute much. It felt as if the girls were buttering me up to get them this fucking dog that they didn’t have yet. I say “yet” because I knew it was a matter of time before they had me wrapped around their fingers and convincing me to get them the actual fucking dog.

Talk at the table turned to Avery every so often…how could it not? But it wasn’t morbid. I mean, sure, it was sad, but in a bittersweet kind of way.

And then talk at the table turned to each of us and what we had been up to. When it was my turn and the questions inevitably went to the television show…and Daphne, it got a little uncomfortable.

“Well, the show is temporarily cancelled,” I told everyone. “And Daphne and I...let’s just say it’s not working out. It wasn’t in the cards for us, I guess.”

“Oh no,” Veronica said. “I thought you guys were going to talk?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah, a little bit.”

We hadn’t really talked about it. That whole scene at Oliver’s office a couple of weeks ago was messy, to say the least. And now Daphne knows that I think it was her brother’s fault about Avery. In my heart of hearts, I know that’s not true. But what the fuck could I do about that now? It was done.

We were done.

I couldn’t dwell on how I truly felt about her. Because if this was how love was supposed to feel like, it fucking sucked. It wasn’t fair that any of this happened to any of us. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be between us. I had to believe that…it was the only way to get through the pain of missing her so much.

Thank God the topic was dropped around the table for the rest of the brunch. It wasn’t until after Trev and Vern took the girls to the park for a little bit and I decided to stay behind and help Jack clean up, that it was brought up again. This time, by Jack as he was loading up the dishwasher with the final plate and silverware set that needed to be cleaned.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Daphne,” Jack said.

“It’s fine really. No big deal.”

“I thought things were going good between you two, no?” he asked.

“They were, but...look, it’s not a big deal, okay?”

“Max, seriously. I’ve known you since you were in freaking diapers. I held you when you were a tiny baby and rocked you to sleep. I know when something is fucking wrong with you. So cough it up.”

“Jack, look, it’s complicated. And more than anything, I don’t know, it just feels wrong.”

“What feels wrong?” he asked.

“Me and Daphne.”

Jack leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms on his chest. “How does it feel wrong? I’m not following.”

“Jack, I feel guilty being with her that way because of what happened. Her brother was the reason Avery—,”

“Don’t you dare blame Daphne and her brother for what happened that night,” Jack said with such authority that I was momentarily speechless. “Use your head. They had nothing to do with pulling that trigger any more than you did. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, but—,”

“No, Max, there is no but.”

He was right, of course. But it wasn’t something I could just snap my fingers and change my mind about so easily on.

“Max, let me tell you something that I haven’t told anyone else since Avery’s been gone, okay?” I nodded and let him keep talking. “If you would have told me that day before she left to go work the shift at the hospital would be the very last time I would ever see her, you better believe I would have gotten down on my fucking knees and told her how much I loved her with every ounce of my being. I would have told Avery that the sun fucking rises in her smile and the sun sets at night behind her eyes. I would have told Avery that my heart literally fucking aches sometimes when she wasn’t around because I missed her so much. I would have told her how much of a lucky bastard I was that she picked me out of all the other assholes in this city to marry.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked him quietly. “What does this have to with me and Daphne?”

“I’m telling you this, Max, because when you find the one you’re supposed to be with, you know it with every fiber in your being. You feel it in your bones that they are your person….and you are their’s.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m telling you this because I would give anything in this world to be able to tell Avery that I loved her just one more time. I can’t do that, Max. But, you can tell Daphne…and you should before it’s too late.”

“It’s too late, Jack. I fucked it up.”

“It’s not too late. When you love someone, Max, you have to see it through. Sometimes, no matter the cost. Even if the cost is your dumb pride.” Jack was smiling now, he added, “Your pride may be dumb, but your heart is in the right place. So go and get your girl, man. Don’t waste any more time.”

It was quiet for a beat and I couldn’t tell if that meant he expected me to agree, disagree, or I don’t know, maybe leave right then and there.

“You mean like right now?” I asked him.

He chuckled. “Yes, right now, you idiot. What didn’t you understand from what I just said? Carpe diem and seize the fucking day, Max!”

It felt like I was in some Twilight Zone episode crossover with that movie Rudy all of a sudden. Because I felt inspired…I felt like I needed to leave right now and go see Daphne myself and fix this thing between us before it was too late. Jack was right and I was going to seize the motherfucking living daylights out of it today.