“How are you feeling?” I asked Eddie. “Do you need anything before I head over to see Derek for a little bit?”

“I’m good, thanks,” he answered me barely loud enough to be heard.

“Are you sure? I can bring you back a coffee or something from the shop?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

I would have pressed him for more, but the past week, Eddie had been a ghost of himself. Most of the time he was zoned out in front of the television in our living room channel surfing and never settling on any show in particular for too long. Honestly, we were all kind of zoned out. Our grandmother included.

Her reaction to the events of the other night was heartbreaking. Even though she hadn’t ever met Avery, she mourned the loss of a genuinely good person taken too soon from this world. She mourned for her little girls who would never really know their mother. And she mourned of course for Joey’s family, who had lost their son to a life on the streets years earlier, but the actions leading up to his death brought along with it even more pain and sorrow than they could have ever possibly imagined.

Bright and early this morning, abuela headed out to church with Ms. Cavanaugh and Ms. Cooper in tow for another round of praying for a few hours. Afterwards, they were all headed over to Joey’s parent’s house and pray with them for a little bit…and deliver them so homemade lasagna she cooked up at around three o’clock in the morning last night because, “We look out for each other in this neighborhood, mija.”

That was exactly what she said to me without sparing me a second glance. This, after she had woken me up from the delicious smell wafting down the hallway of our apartment. She was right though. The neighborhood was good like that; rallying to support one another when it was needed. And, man, did we all need a little something right now more than ever.

Personally, I wasn’t sleeping well anyway since that night. The all too vivid image of Avery’s lifeless body was etched onto my brain. And every time I closed my eyes, it was as if I was right back there in that emergency room again, reliving it over and over.

The sad irony was that while I kept re-experiencing it all the time, she’s gone. There is literally nothing I could to about it now. According to the policemen that were there that night, there was nothing I could do to help Joey either. He was going to do what he wanted to do, no matter if the price he paid was his own life.

“Okay, I’ll see you in a little bit. Text me if you need anything,” I told my brother, before closing the door behind me before he said a word.

Just as well, he wasn’t going to answer me anyway.

Another person not answering me was Max.

He hadn’t responded to my texts or phone calls all week. Technically, I hadn’t spoken to him since I told him Avery was…

The day was gloomy at best and going to be soggy at worst. It was perfect that the weather for the last few days were utter crap. It fit the mood of despair around me and inside of me to a tee.

What am I supposed to do about Max? I thought to myself as I took in a big gulp of fresh air. I hadn’t seen Max since I left his apartment from what I thought was the greatest night of my life and the beginning of something big between us. Looking back now feels like a lifetime ago; a momentary perfect blip in time that happened a long, long time ago. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure we would ever get back there again.

I’d been trying to reach him those first couple of days via his phone with no luck. The radio silence was killing me. A part of me simply wanted to be near him, feel him around me, and comfort each other through all of this. The feeling was so strong, that I decided to take matters into my own hands and tried calling his other brother’s house to see if he was okay. I mean, of course I knew that no one was really okay. I wasn’t okay. I still wasn’t okay and probably wouldn’t be for a while. So I could imagine how Max was feeling. I could only imagine because he has yet to actually talk to me and tell me a thing for himself.

And I had no idea what to make to of that.

“Go away,” Derek yelled to the customer. “We’re closed”

The tapping against the glass door continued. Derek huffed and puffed and under his breath was cursing up a storm.

“Derek, you don’t have to keep the store closed while I’m here,” I told him. “It’s really not necessary.”

But he was already sighing and rolling his eyes…and still cursing. Ignoring my protests, he was already making his way to the front door of his coffee shop.

“Lady, we’re closed.” He pointed to the sign that lay flat again the glass door facing the lady in question. “See this sign? It says closed for a reason. When we’re open it will say that we’re open. It’s an easy concept to grasp. Please come back later and thank you for your patronage.”

As he made his way back to the small café table where we had been seated at, I had to laugh a little. It might have been the first time in a while I had actually laughed even though it was because Derek was being extra salty and yeah, rude to some stranger. But still. It helped to alleviate the constant loop of sadness and despair that I had been feeling since everything went to shit.

“You’re terrible. It’s a wonder you’re still in business,” I told him with a smirk.

“Girl, bye. That lady is not a customer. She’s just trying to sell me some pirated movies on DVD’s.”

“Derek, that’s illegal.”

He arched a brow as he held his tea cup just beyond his lips. “And?”

“And, like I said. It’s illegal to buy those pirated copies of movies. You can get in a lot of trouble.”

“Some random lady in Queens is going to be the next target of a huge sting operation by the cops?” He tsked. “Yeah, right. I won’t hold my breath.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said trying not to laugh a little again.

“Duly noted,” he said under his breath. After taking a big gulp of his tea, he set it down between us. “Okay, so, getting back to you. Tell me again why Max hasn’t spoken to you yet. Because honey, that’s not right.”

I had brought Derek up to speed with everything that had been happening— or not happening— with Max. When I arrived at the coffee shop about a half hour ago he had been helping two customers. Quickly, he shooed them out of the shop after fulfilling their orders and then closed the store because he said from the look on my face a talk was in order.

“I already told you. There’s nothing else to tell. If I had something else to tell you, don’t you think I would have said it by now?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t make sense. Why do you think he’s ignoring you all of a sudden?”

I began to rub my temples softly because I could feel a headache coming on…again. With my lack of sleep and all the worrying about Eddie and how he was dealing with everything, and my worrying over Max, I had been having a lot of headaches as a result. I answered him with my eyes closed. “I don’t know, Derek. But if it keeps up I have to think it’s just over between us.”

“What about the show?” he asked. “How is that going to work?”

“I don’t know. Oliver gave us the week off and—,”

“Oliver?” Derek batted his eyelashes. “Who is Oliver?”

“My boss, you spaz. I told you about him.”

“I don’t think you did. I would remember that name. Tell me more about this ‘Oliver’,” he said and actually air-quoted with his hands.

“Settle down, he’s straight.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know, I just do.”

“Really?” Derek sipped his tea with an exaggerated flourish fit for a showgirl. “I’ll be the judge of this Oliver person when I lay eyes on him myself.”

“Which will be never, so good luck with that.”

We both chuckled at how quickly off topic we had gone. And I felt a very small weight lift off of my shoulders. This was a good idea…seeing Derek for a little bit of one on one time. I needed his humor today more than ever. And I’m glad I decided to leave my apartment even if that meant ignoring my problems and my personal life for a little while. As soon as I thought this, a guilt so heavy fell over me that I could literally feel my shoulders sagging with the weight of it. I was having a conversation with my bestie, gossiping and joking around with him, drinking my perfectly brewed tea on this fine day, and Avery couldn’t do any of those things. Ever.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked, noting my drastic change in mood. A tear slipped past the corner of my eye and slid down my cheek. “Oh honey, why are you crying?”

He stood up and came to crouch down beside me, taking both my hands in his. Thankfully, I wasn’t full on crying, just a little tear or two. It had been happening to me since that night, all week. The enormity of all that had happened…it was a lot to hold onto.

“I’m fine,” I told him, pulling a hand away from his hold to wipe my cheeks. With a small smile, I said, “I’ll be fine, I swear. Sorry, I don’t mean to be so emotional. But it gets me from time to time.”

“Daphne, don’t you dare apologize. Of course you’re going to be emotional. It’s a wonder that you’re even sitting here this calm after what happened. Girl, you are amazing.”

“It’s not fair, you know? That she’s gone and I’m here feeling sorry for myself that Max hasn’t talked to me. I’m fucking selfish too, great,” I told him, just rambling at this point. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to bury my head in the sand for even thinking or worrying about the situation with Max.

“Daph, listen to me,” Derek said with a little more authority. He gently shook my hands in my lap, forcing me to look down at him. His face was soft, but his eyes held that look of determination that I knew all too well from years of being friends with him. “You’re the strongest person I know and I’m going to be here with you every step of the way. I promise.”

“Okay,” I told him shakily. “I’m sure it will get better or easier, or whatever. But right now, I’m just kind of all over the place, you know?”

“Honey, of course you are. After what happened that’s totally understandable.”

“What am I going to do, Derek?”

I wasn’t sure if I was asking about right now, or yesterday, or tomorrow, or next week. It felt like I needed an answer though to all of it right then and there.

His crooked smile was small but obvious. It made me feel slightly relieved as his grip on my hands tightened. “Well for one, we’re going to finish this amazing cup of tea I brewed especially for you this morning. Second, you’re going to go home and have a long talk with Eddie about getting his priorities back in order and get his ass focused on school. Third, tomorrow you’re going to go see your boss and discuss what’s best. And maybe give him my contact info while you’re there so I can slide into his DM’s like the stealthy guy I am.”

This made me bark out a laugh so loudly that I almost choked.

“And then, and only then, can you begin to worry about what’s going on with Max. But Daph, if he doesn’t want to talk to you right now, let him have his space to figure things out on his own. He’s probably dealing with a lot and needs some time to heal and work through all of this too. Don’t worry. It’s going to be good, I promise. Okay?”

“Okay,” I answered him. “Can you do me a favor, Derek?”

“Of course. Anything for you, darling.”

“If I need a job again, can I come—,”

Derek looked as if I had offended him as he came to let go of my hands and stood up in front of me. He rested a hand on his chest like he was trying to catch his breath, being overly dramatic about it all. “Girl, bye. Of course you can come back to work here. You don’t ever have to ask me for a favor like that. Or any favor for that matter. I got your back just like you got mine. Friends till then end, Daph. Friends till the end.”

I stood up and threw my arms around his neck. He hugged me so tightly and so fiercely that I felt how much Derek cared about me in my bones. Sure we joked around and called each other names every so often. But, when push came to shove, we always had each other’s backs…just like he said. Derek was absolutely right, I needed to take it one day and one step at a time; family first, job next, and Max after all of that. And hoping to God that it would all work out for the best, whatever that may be at this point.