The uneasy feeling I had been having all day that Daphne was trying to beat me to the punch was not just my imagination. Because when I arrived at the club we were scheduled to be taping at tonight, she was already there scoping out the place.

I knew it! I fucking knew that she would try to pull some bullshit on me!

Oh, she was good. Really good. And sneaky as hell. But I was better.

Why would she be here this early if not to screw me out of my own show? That had to be the reason, right? Right.

Well, fuck that. You’d have to get up pretty freaking early to pull a fast one on this Allen brother. I may have been the youngest out of all us boys, but I was far from the dumbest. That would be Trevor, in case anyone was wondering. The poor guy sometimes wouldn’t know his ass from his elbow if it weren’t for Veronica.

Frustrated, I pulled my cellphone out and shot out a text to Adam letting him know that he should probably start heading over to the club.

He texted me back within seconds:

I’m already here. Where have you been?

“Oh, it’s like that, huh?” I said to no one in particular while I made my way through the crowded entrance of the club. “I can’t believe this shit.”

I texted him back asking where he was. The familiar three-dot string flashed immediately in our text window. It said: Towards the back exit door with Daphne.

My head felt like it would explode off of my shoulders after reading that text from Adam. Being usurped by Daphne was one thing, but to be screwed over by my own friend was another. I mean come on man, what would someone have to do around here to gain an ally for fuck’s sake. Even though my blood was boiling and I could imagine what the Dr. Bruce Banner must feel like, I had to keep my cool. Unfortunately, being a semi-celebrity in this city made it so every little thing could be documented within seconds. And by every little thing, I should clarify that it really was every little stupid thing I did. Thanks to fucking cellphones. Because god forbid anyone should document how I helped that lady coming out of the Duane Reed last week with her bags. Or how I donated to the ASPCA every month. Or how I sometimes stopped into the local Boys Club for a pick-up game of basketball with some of the kids. No. Nobody ever wanted to read about the good things I did. All they ever wanted to hear was how I screwed up. I could just see the headline now: “Max-A-Million loses cool at nightclub and smashes champagne bottles.” The best part would be that there wouldn’t be smashing of anything. But that kind of shit is what sells the story regardless whether it was true or not.

Calm down, Max, I thought to myself. Count to three or something like that yoga shit Avery is always going on about.

This thought was turning over in my head but then I looked up and saw the bright light of Adam’s camera shining straight on Daphne. They were filming without me?! That make-believe headline was about to come true in about five seconds. Screw the whole Namaste shit! This meant war!

“What the hell is this bullshit?!”

“Shh, Max, we’re trying to figure something out,” Adam said over his shoulder from behind the lens. “Give us one more second.”

“Give you a second? Are you serious?” I asked incredulously.

My mind could barely process this. Adam was seriously trying to shush me. And when I looked over his shoulder to Daphne, well…damn…first of all, yes, she was strikingly gorgeous and somehow the camera’s light on her only accentuated her beauty. But goddamn it all to hell, what the ever loving fuck was she doing?!

I stepped in front of the camera to disrupt the filming. “Cut,” I said into the camera and made the motion to chop off my head. “Cut right now, dammit!”

“Max, we were almost done, couldn’t you wait another couple of seconds? Or is that too much to ask?” Daphne asked from behind me. Turning to give her my full attention and a piece of my mind after Adam cut the lights, she quickly added, “Seriously, you’re such a jerk. I can’t believe you just did that.”

“I’m the jerk?”

“Yes.”

I pointed to myself and looked around me searching for some sane answers. “Me, as in Max Allen is the jerk in this scenario?”

“Yes, that’s what I said. Good to know you’re not deaf,” she told me. And she said it like I was working her last nerve too. That only made me more unbelievably upset.

“You’re talking to me?”

“I said I was didn’t I? Jesus, Max, you’re impression of DeNiro is just as bad as your attitude.”

I turned to Adam for some sense of solidarity from him. Having worked together for a stretch of time should count for something between us. Man to man, he should have my back on this one. At least I thought he would. But the look on his face said it all. He looked like a child that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. And that look cemented the fact that I needed to have a heart to heart with my beloved co-host before the wedge between Adam and I got any worse.

“You. Me. Outside. Now.”

After a couple of steps to the exit door, I glanced over my shoulder to see if Daphne was following me. At least she had the sense to follow my directions. She was apologizing to Adam and then came towards where I was standing now by the door. The larger than life bouncer that was stationed in front of it wouldn’t budge when I went to go open it.

“Can we step outside for just a second? We’ll be right back.”

“No can do, bro.”

“But I’m Max Allen.”

Daphne could be heard scoffing at this from behind me but I didn’t give a damn. My name got me in to places and could get me out and in if I needed to.

“Really? You’re the Max Allen? I can’t believe it! It’s my lucky night! Wow, man, it’s an honor to meet you.” The now smiling bouncer put out his hand for me to shake it. I made sure to look behind me at Daphne so that she was taking note of all of this.

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too. Can we go outside now?”

Letting go of my hand, the bouncer folded his arms and leaned against the door calmly. His face went slack. “Bro, I don’t know who the fuck you are and I wouldn’t give a shit if you were the Queen of England. You’re not going through this door.”

Daphne was laughing her ass off behind me even before the bouncer was done talking. “Poor, poor, Max. Here let me give it a try.”

“Excuse my friend here,” she said and patted my arm. “But he’s had a hard day. Do you mind if we popped outside for some fresh air for about five minutes. I swear I won’t tell a single soul that you let us leave and come back inside this way either. Scouts honor.”

The bouncer’s face turned less harsh with each word that came out of Daphne’s mouth. You would think he had never seen or spoken to a woman before in his life by the way he turned into a heaping mound of putty in Daphne’s hands.

Ugh, I was going to be sick.

“So long as you vouch for him, miss, sure, go ahead.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Shaking my head in disbelief, I told him, “You’re a gem.”

“Shut it, Max,” Daphne said to me as she grabbed my arm and pulled. “Don’t make it any worse than it already is.”

“Me? Making it worse than it is?”

No one answered me. Not like I was expecting them too, either. At this rate, the level of ignorance I was dealing with was at a whole other level than I ever dreamed possible. I mean, how fucking dense did you have to be to one, not know who the hell I was in this city? And two, to let yourself be bamboozled by a woman so you would give her anything that she wanted. Obviously the bouncer fell into each category because there he was opening and holding the door wide open for us to walk out of, a smile as wide as the Mississippi River stretching his usually blank face too. Beyond his tatted up arm was a small courtyard type space that was barely lit and very empty. Daphne and I stepped outside and the steel door echoed shut behind us within seconds.

Looking around us to ensure we were alone, I went off the deep end. Every single thought that had been running through my mind came flying out of my mouth; one after the other, after the other, and then some.

“I show up here tonight to work with you and there you are stealing my show, my cameraman, and acting like it’s just another day in the fucking park for you! Last time I checked, I did you the favor by bringing you on board to be my co-host…not take over the goddamn show, Daphne! And then I have to sit here and watch you just be, I don’t know…be you!

“You don’t get to be fucking charming all the time you know that, right?! It’s not fucking fair, Daphne! My job is on the mother fucking line and you’re sitting there looking all pretty and shit and cool as a fucking cucumber!

“Well, I won’t stand for it! No way in hell! And you can take that right to the fucking bank, missy!”

I had been pacing back and forth feeling a little like a caged panther and a lot like someone who was losing their mind. All the while, Daphne stood with her hands on her hips, her face a mask of indifference. Her only tell was the little tap, tap, tap from her foot as if to let me know she was growing impatient with my insolence or some shit. Like who the hell did she think she was anyway?

“Is that it? Is it my turn now?” she asked through gritted teeth.

I nodded. She took a few steps forward, closer and closer, until she was right in front of me. She was so close to me that when she spoke, I could feel her breath fan across my face; so close that the scent of her perfume, or just the scent of her was overwhelming at first. I had to keep my cool so as to not lead her to believe that she was affecting me when she totally was. Inside, I was fighting against the fact that I flat out wanted her…badly. But my God, I hated her sooo much; it outweighed my desire to have her. Because no woman was worth all of this...this…bullshit!

“First of all, wipe that stupid grin off of your stupid face before I wipe it off for you,” she said as serious as a heart attack. Even with her height being all of maybe five feet three if I had to guess, she still packed a punch with that statement. And I had to admit it kind of turned me on. I licked my lips to keep from smiling again and immediately noticed how her eyes shot to my mouth. That didn’t help me in the slightest. A beat later, her eyes were back and focused on mine.

“Second of all, Adam and I were not trying to cut you out of anything! He was already here when I got here…and no, we didn’t plan it that way. And no, we weren’t filming anything when you showed up. All we were doing was testing the lighting out in that corner of the club to save you time when you did get here, you asshole! Which if you would have waited another two precious seconds, you would have found that out all on your own. But noooo! You had to go and throw a temper tantrum because nobody was paying enough attention to you, were they, Max-A-Million?!

“Lastly, where the hell do you get off acting like a pretentious dick to the bouncer?”

“What the hell do you care how I talk to the bouncer, or anyone else for that matter. I’ll talk to him and you however the hell I want!”

“Are you serious, Max?! You sound like you can’t possibly be more full of yourself. And yet, you somehow always find a way to do just that! Here’s a newsflash,” she leaned forward an inch on her tiptoes, jabbing a finger at my chest. “You’re not all that and a bag of chips! So get over yourself!”

Her breathing was heavy, her chest was heaving, her lips were parted as if she would say something else, and a few strands of her hair fell forward, covering some of her big brown eyes. I was an asshole, but not because of the things she said…I couldn’t give a shit about any of that right then. No, I was an asshole because of the million and one dirty thoughts I was having about Daphne in my head right now. God they were good…and bad but in the best way possible. But then she opened her mouth one more time and it killed the mood as if she had doused a bucket of ice directly on my dick.

“Now, we’re going to go back inside and work together for the night and film everything the way we had already planned it out earlier today. And then we’ll call it a night. I’m warning you, Max, this better be the last time this crap happens because I don’t need this aggravation in my life.”

Daphne was still huffing and puffing. And fuck me if that look wasn’t sexy as all hell on her. But as much as I hated to admit it to myself, or her or anyone else for that matter, she was right. We had to work together instead of always going back and forth like a bad episode of The Odd Couple or something.

“Fine,” I told her.

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Gre—,”

“I get it, you’re going to say everything I say right back to me. You proved your point. Moving on, shall we?” I noted how she hated me interrupting her once again, but whatever. She was the one being childish now, not me. “Now are we truly done out here?”

Daphne looked like she still wanted to kill me, but she managed to nod her answer to me.

“Good, let’s go before Adam thinks you chopped me up into little pieces.” I told her. This made her relax a tiny bit.

“I wouldn’t chop you up into little pieces though.”

“You wouldn’t? Really? That’s nice. You care about me, huh?”

Daphne knocked on the steel door to signal the not super friendly bouncer on the other side. And right before he swung the door open, her one eyebrow quirked up in challenge to match the smartass smirk on her face. She calmly explained, “You’re not worth the time to chop up into little pieces, Max. No. What I would do to you would be swift and thorough. So don’t fuck with me.”

I was trying hard not to laugh at her threat. A threat that came wrapped up in such a beautiful package with ruby red lips that knew how to pout perfectly was really difficult to take seriously. “Sure, whatever you say, psycho-killer.”

“Laugh all you want, but I know people.” She stopped a second to thank the bouncer and then turned to me. In a sickly sweet voice she added, “And they would love to get their hands on your sorry ass, partner.”

She walked off with a bounce in her step the likes of which I hadn’t seen from her yet since we started working together. The brand of confidence that beamed from the inside out from her and the way she held herself was like an aphrodisiac to me. Even though that confidence was because she had been plotting my murder…it was still hot as hell.

I turned to the bouncer, noticed he was checking her out too. Daphne wasn’t mine and there wasn’t anything that would change that between us since we had to stay on the up and up. So I nudged him with my elbow. “What a woman, right?”

“Bro, she is way out of your league. Quit while you’re ahead.”

“Pfft, yeah, right.”

He grinned at me and then gave a little head nod to where Daphne had sauntered off to a moment ago. “Take my advice on this one, that woman will eat you up and spit you out.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Hall & Oates.”

Shaking his head, he chuckled at my back when I left him still leaning against the steel exit door a second later. I, on the other hand, was not laughing at all that this stranger thought I couldn’t handle Daphne either. Not that it mattered or anything because nothing could ever happen between us.

Right?

Fuck, I thought to myself and then hesitated to answer my own question…right.

That probably wasn’t good.