I n the past, when a staff member of mine has left, that’s it. I don’t invite them back. I don’t beg and plead. None of that. I let them go. Free will is a beautiful thing. But I’ll say this—it’s only happened twice. One’s departure was caused by a jealous boyfriend, the other because my maid got pregnant (not by me, smartasses). Both things I couldn’t do anything about .

But Paisley left because of me .

I feel like shit about that and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I could’ve spoken to her differently. I could’ve shown her she was appreciated. Lots of “I could haves.” But instead, I drove her away. And now I’m driving back to her—literally .

My Lamborghini flies down the highway, crosses the bridge and corners throughout Brooklyn. When my car tells me I’ve arrived at Paisley’s apartment, I step out and note the faces in windows all over the buildings looking out at me down on the street. Maybe I should’ve gone with the Bentley or any one of my more understated vehicles .

It’s a shitty part of town. I don’t know why that bothers me, because I love New York. All parts of it. But something inside me wants to take Paisley Carrington away from this grimy area and put her where she deserves to be—in an apartment in the City, something newer, something more special. Somewhere closer to me .

I run up the steps of the brownstone in need of updating and press the call button for Paisley’s apartment. The sky looms low overhead, pregnant with snow. Her voice comes over the intercom. “Hello ?”

“Paisley, it’s me, Logan .”

There’s a pause. I know I’ve shown up by surprise after two weeks, but I needed to see her .

“Why are you here? You could’ve called or texted .”

“It’s not the same. I wanted to talk to you. Let me up.” At that moment, I realize how bossy I sound even when I’m not on my territory. “Please,” I add .

The door buzzes. I pull on the handle and come inside from the cold. The elevator takes forever, so I use the stairs all the way to the fifth floor. Luckily, I’m in great shape from all the extra stress workouts lately. When I arrive at Apt. 5B, it takes a moment for her to come to the door. It occurs to me that maybe she’s not alone. Jealousy flurries through me that reminds me of the night I pulled her out of the bar when I saw her surrounded by all those men and couldn’t figure out what I was feeling .

I know now what that feeling was .

She opens and peers out through a three-inch space like I’m a stranger. Finally, I get to see those eyes again. It’s her and she looks amazing, but tired. “Can I come in?” I ask .

She relents. “Sorry about the mess.” It’s clear she doesn’t want to see me, is still angry. I don’t blame her at all. The door opens fully, and I step inside. I don’t see a mess. I just see a normal apartment, like the one I grew up in before I had a full staff to clean up after me. Paisley walks off, leaving me to close the door and show myself in. She stands in the kitchen, resuming food prep at the counter. “I was making egg salad for lunch. Do you want some ?”

“No, thanks. I just ate.” I haven’t eaten lunch at all, but I’m not hungry. “Paisley, I want you to come back. The kids miss you .”

“Only the kids ?”

“I miss you, too. And the kids…it’s not going well with the new girl .”

“You mean Caitlyn?” An eyebrow arches at me .

“How did you know her name ?”

“Logan, really? We’re all from Le Nanny.” She chops eggs. More chopping. I’m scared to come near her with that knife in her hand .

“Doesn’t mean you all know each other .”

“Well, we do. In fact, she lives here. She’s my roommate. I thought you knew that. She’s the blonde I was sitting with that night at the bar when you so forcefully made me leave? Remember ?”

I knew I knew Caitlyn from somewhere. She looked so familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. “To be honest, I wasn’t looking at anyone but you that night, Paisley.” At this, she silently mixes all the ingredients in the bowl. I use it as my clue to go on. “I don’t think of anyone but you. You’ve been on my mind, and it’s driving me insane. The kids don’t want Caitlyn. They want you. I want you, too .”

She shrugs as tears well up in her eyes. “Well, I can’t .”

“Why not ?”

“Logan, I’m not made of stone. I can’t just live at your place, take care of your kids, be intimate with you, then pretend it doesn’t hurt when you threaten to fire me or hire my roommate as my replacement. I know how you welcome new nannies, and since Caitlyn is only the hottest girl I know, I can only imagine how well you initiated her .”

“Initiated? You think I sleep with everyone I hire? You think I slept with Caitlyn ?”

“If the shoe fits .”

“The shoe doesn’t fit. I’ve never slept with my staff before, Paisley. I mean, yes, I did with you, but that was different. I never slept with Caitlyn. In fact, I’m going to fire her regardless of whether or not you come back .”

“Why?”

“Because all she’s done since starting work is flirt with me. Honestly, I’m sick of it .”

“Why was it different ?”

“What do you mean ?”

“You said sleeping with me was different. Why was it different ?”

Did I say that? One of these days, I’m going to invent a device that lets you rewind conversations to prove that you did or didn’t say something and make a killing off it. I throw my arms up and let them fall at my sides. “I don’t know, Paisley. It just was. I felt drawn to you. I can’t explain it, I just know that I miss you. Plain and simple .”

She watches me carefully, analyzing my face and tone. Paisley’s eyes are like a human lie detector test. “What about Miriam and my father ?”

“Look, I accept that it wasn’t your fault your dad took the job. I shouldn’t have made you feel like it was. As long as you give your word that you won’t share any details of your job with your father, I’ll trust you .”

“I don’t know, Logan. I’m not used the way you talk to me sometimes, like you own me or like I’ve done something wrong when I haven’t. I need respect. I need kindness .”

“And I will treat you with both. I promise.” I know I can be an asshole sometimes. I still don’t completely understand why, but Paisley doesn’t deserve it. It has to do with the doubt I feel with everyone around me .

Her smirk tells me she’s on the fence. She’s mad at me, mad at Caitlyn, mad at her father, and I can totally see why she’s having the same trust issues as me. But I can’t afford to live without her. Not only because of the kids, but also because…well, because of me. There’s only one thing to do .

“Please,” I add, coming around the counter and slipping the knife out of her hand. I take her wrist and press it against my lips. The scent of her skin fills my nose and sends me back to that place. The place I’d lose myself whenever she was with me. The place the helped me forget. “I need you, Paisley .”

* * *

G etting rid of Caitlyn is easy. It’s almost like she knew she’d be fired but is happy to have made it this far. However, when I tell her why, her whole demeanor changes. “You’re bringing Paisley back?” she asks, blue eyes wide and shocked .

“Yes, the kids have grown accustomed to her, she knows them better than you do, and she’s willing to come back .”

“Oh, she’s willing? I wonder why.” Her entire tone changes .

At this point in my life, it’s better to get the real person up front than go on months or years dealing with a pretender .

“Look, I know you’re her roommate,” I tell her. That’s a little detail she left out of her first meeting with me. “And I know she told you everything about us. But this is about my kids, and all my decisions are in the best interest of my kids .”

It’s not true. Some decisions are made because of me, because I need Paisley in my life, but Caitlyn doesn’t need to know that. This is purely professional .

“Sure.” Her smile is carefree but deep down, I can see she’s hurt. It’s a shitty testament to my reputation that she expected to seduce me all because I slept with her friend and roommate, but I need to end that. I didn’t sleep with Paisley out of habit .

I slept with her because I was falling for her .

“It was a pleasure having you, Caitlyn,” I tell her, a harmless white lie. In actuality, she was a real pain in the ass and not very good with the twins. I stick out my hand. Time to move on and figure out my life. “I’ll be adding five thousand for your trouble and efforts and wish you the best of luck .”

The handshake is weak, and she leaves without a word after that .

* * *

T he next day, my driver delivers Paisley back to my building. I ask him to escort her all the way up to the penthouse just in case Miriam or Caitlyn re nearby. Angry women can be brutally dangerous with each other, and I want nothing to happen to her. Overprotective of me, maybe, but I can’t take any risks with the last months of the divorce still looming .

When I step out of the hall and see her standing in the middle of my living room, bags slung over her shoulders, eyes red with tears, I know I should’ve made my offer before sending Caitlyn back to the same apartment. I can see they’ve had a fight, and now I feel like I should’ve acted sooner. My woman, the words slunk into my brain, seeing her standing there .

“I want you to stay here. Whether or not the kids are here.” I stare at her gorgeous face, cheeks stained with tears. Her light green eyes fuel my soul. She’s home .

“I can’t live here, Logan. I’ll find another place to go, don’t worry .”

“You’ll live here,” I told her, rushing up to her and taking her face into my hands, kissing each cheek softly. “With me .”

She doesn’t argue. Just falls apart in my arms defeated by stress and life, like a warrior finally arrived at a safe haven. I need to make sure she understands this is a safe place for her. I know I haven’t been the most dependable man…I have to make that up to her .

I kiss her gently, and damn it, it’s like coming home .

Why does Paisley make me so crazy ?

There’s a worried look in her eyes like she’s already gotten too involved with me, like she’s not sure if she should let this happen, but love wins out. Or maybe a tired brain wanting, needing refurbishment. I kiss her again, not because I want to, but because I have to. Her tears run down the contours of her face, slipping between our lips and tongue. We’re a salty mess, but I could kiss her all day, and I see her beginning not to care if we did .

Some things are beyond our control in life, and the person you’re drawn to is one of them. She’s right, I had a beautiful woman here for almost two weeks—her friend Caitlyn. But the woman did nothing for me. Why? Because I was already sold. Sold on Paisley Carrington .

We begin tugging and pulling in that insistent way I love, and somehow, we end up in her room through minutes of kissing and walking. I’ve lost my shirt and she’s lost her jacket, and I throw her bags down to lead her into the greenhouse balcony where it’s warm and there’s a great view of the harbor .

“What do you want, Paisley?” I ask. I’ve been the control freak all this time. Now I want to know what she wants of me. I take her face in my hands, admiring her parted lips. “Just tell me, and I’ll do it .”

“I don’t know, Logan. I’ve been so lost .”

“What about right now? Do you feel lost now ?”

“No. Right now, I want you.” She wipes at her eyes and looks into mine, as if to solidify her intent. Words I love. Words that fuel me higher .

“Then we’ll take it one day at a time.” I sweep her face into my hands again and kiss her. We’re spiraling down that dark ravine, the one that’s hard to escape from once you’re in it. It’s almost as if something larger than us is controlling us. Do I hear the voices of a million people warning me not to get involved yet? To finish my divorce and then take time for myself ?

Yes, I do, but they’re not in my shoes. They don’t need something good in their life so desperately like I do. Her breasts push against me, her nipples hard and aching against my skin. I pull aside her bra cups to expose them then squeeze and feel their soft roundness. Lowering myself, I suck and flick her nipples with my tongue, eliciting moans with each movement .

I love those moans and hear them all day long inside my head .

I strain against my pants, which means it’s time to lose them. Before long, we’re completely naked, her hips moving against me, her hot core searching for my fingers to quench it. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Logan. I don’t know why I can’t stop you .”

“I can’t stay away from you either, babe. It’s like I can’t get enough of you .”

“Did you want me back for the kids? Tell me the truth .”

“I wanted you back for myself…and the kids. I’m not going to lie, Paisley.” I suck and nibble at her hard pink nipples, moving from one to the other, pushing them together so I can suck on both at once. Her tits are so fucking great, the way they fill my hands with her warmth .

Her hips push against me, and her eyes filled close, face tilted to one side. Her deft fingers reach for my cock, and I want her to. I want her to decide what we do here today. This morning, because I already know I’m going to want her again tonight, and in the morning, and ten more times tomorrow. I can’t get enough of this woman and think I never will .

Paisley moves her hand from my cock to her slick pussy and dips her fingers in, bringing them up to my lips for a taste. I suck on her fingers. Love the taste of her wet cunt so much, I drop to my knees, resting her ass up against the cushion of the wooden bench. Pressing my cheek against her lower stomach, I take in the scent of her skin as my arms wrap around her hips. Anyone looking at us will think I adore her, and I can’t say they’d be wrong. I don’t normally let my guard down this way, but this is what Paisley does to me .

I want to meld into her body. I want to look up and see that pretty face of hers, those lips parted and moaning, her body twisting in pleasure. I want to taste everything she has to offer and I want to be the one to give her pleasure. Slipping my fingers into her wetness, I rub her clit in circles as she arches into me, searching for more hot touch and begging for my tongue .

Which I gladly give her. Because I want it as much as she does. Pressing my tongue flat against her, I watch her facial expressions change like colors in a winter sunset. God, she’s so fucking hot. She begins by taking it slowly and rubbing herself against my open mouth in circles, which makes me crazy because all I want is for her to let go, grind her whole pussy against me, and coat my face with her juices. I lick her from different angles to get the right one that makes her legs squeeze against my face .

“Come for me,” I mutter against her hot skin. “Do it .”

The more I lick, the more I drive two fingers into her pussy, bringing her closer and closer to climax. Her body responds by moving faster, her small fingers in my hair, urging me on. If I wanted to escape now, there’d be no way. Not that I’d ever want to. I could be stuck in this position all day, every day, for the rest of my life, and be perfect happy .