Chapter 3
“I love you, Lisa. Put the ring back on your finger. Please...”
After a week with the team, Mike was back in Woodhaven, in the middle of another disaster. Stars twinkled in the cold night sky outside, but inside Lisa’s kitchen, the facets of her engagement ring twinkled in the palm of her outstretched hand. He’d placed the ring on her finger seven months earlier after their college graduations.
“Our lives have changed,” Lisa continued, and he wondered at the calmness in her voice. “The plans we made…they won’t work anymore. The kids are a huge responsibility, and they’re my responsibility. Not yours. I can give you the freedom you need.” She met his gaze, her violet eyes now black and…blank. “The NFL is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” She moved her hand closer, the ring on her palm. “Take it.”
He didn’t move. Wouldn’t make it easy.
“Don’t you understand?” she asked, her voice rising, her expression more animated. “The kids are mine. Forever! I can’t give them away when they challenge your sanity…and they will. Trust me, they will. Chaos is normal. Take the ring.”
Mike studied her clenched jaw, listened to her strained voice, saw her shadowed eyes. The symbol of love rocked in her trembling hand.
Ignoring her request, he deliberately placed his own hands behind his back, his gaze steady on Lisa’s face. “It’s not returnable. The kids will be our family. Your kids are my kids. They like me. I like them. We’ll get married sooner than we’d planned, that’s all. How about this summer, after they finish the school year? Then we’ll all move to Boston.”
The words tripped off his tongue as quickly as the thoughts entered his head, but as he spoke, he realized every idea made sense. At least, to him. His plan could work for all of them. Typical quarterback. Creative and quick.
But Lisa shook her head. “You don’t understand…” She paused, her mouth tight, and he pounced with the ace he’d been holding back.
“You need me, Lis,” he said quietly. “Have you forgotten how much I’ll earn?”
One look at her outrage and he wished he’d never spoken. “I-I didn’t mean it like that…” he floundered.
She tossed the ring on the floor and seemed to grow inches taller. “The Delaney kids are not charity cases. My parents managed with five, and I’ll manage. And as far as your career, what about concussions? ACL tears? Nothing’s guaranteed, Mike.”
He inhaled deeply and nodded. Injuries happened on the field, so why refute it? “The Delaney kids are the best, the smartest, funniest, most loveable kids around…especially the oldest sister.”
He stepped closer, wrapped her in his arms, and, when he felt her stiff body finally lean against him, almost collapsed in relief. She loved him. That was all that mattered.
“Nothing’s changed between us, Lis. You’re worrying too much. We’ll figure everything out little by little, and we’ll do it together.”
“You make it sound so reasonable,” she began, “but it’s not. You didn’t sign on to raise four kids. Kids who’ve been hit hard, who are grieving hard, just as I am. It isn’t fair to you. You’ve got only one brother, and an older one at that, so you don’t know what it’s like to ‘babysit’ for real. To supervise homework, to make sure they’ve eaten, bathed, dressed. To make sure they have enough. To tell the truth, I don’t have the hang of it, either.”
“Maybe not at this moment, but you will. The intrepid Lisa Delaney knows how to carry the ball straight into the end zone.” At last, he got a smile out of her.
“Touchdowns may take a while,” she said.
We’re near the goal line right now, baby. He brushed kisses all over her cheeks and along her neck. “Together, we can take on anything.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
He didn’t understand her hesitation, but he’d never confronted a predicament he couldn’t figure out. He kept his arms around her, simply held her, letting her know he was there. But also ready to pry. “I know you’re scared, sweetheart. I know. Just remember one thing—you’re not alone. I’ll discuss these plans with the kids, too. We’ll have a…a family conversation.”
She pressed against him. “Then you should know the biggest hurdle first. They want to stay here in Woodhaven.”
He hadn’t counted on that but was sure he could talk them around eventually. “The place doesn’t matter in the end, does it? Being together does.”
He heard her sigh, felt her lean farther into him before moving away, her posture still straight and tall.
“You know that. I know that. We’ll see.” She stared hard at him. “But if I have to choose, Mike, I’ll choose Woodhaven. I don’t want to do anything to shake the little ones up again, to make things worse. As if…” She sighed.
Woodhaven today. Boston tomorrow. Location was a temporary situation. He could handle it. “I understand.”
She blinked rapidly, her mouth quivering. “And there’s something else…”
He smelled her fear and drew her close again. “Whatever it is, we’ll intercept it, take it down. Just talk to me.”
She nodded. “I’ve had to petition the court for custody of the kids. After Jen and I told my aunts and uncles we wanted to stay together, they were going to file their own suit—for my own good, they said. Fortunately, I was able to convince them not to.” She peered up at him, offering a tiny smile, the first he’d seen in a long time. “I was always a good debater in high school.”
“And very modest,” he joked, glad to lighten the mood. The proposed custody procedure shocked him. He’d seen for himself the love and affection among Lisa’s family. “I don’t understand. I’d think they’d be satisfied simply to help you out, stay in touch, visit regularly…”
Her sad chuckle made him wince and hold her tighter. “Well, they wanted more. They said if the kids lived with them, I could stay in school. They said it’s what my mom and dad would have wanted.”
She stepped back and gripped both his forearms, her fingertips turning white.
“How can they possibly know what my parents would have wanted? Did they ever ask? All I know is that when Emily cries at night, she calls my name. And when the boys have questions, they run to me. And the other night—after they’d gone to bed—you know what I saw when I checked on them?"
He shook his head. Let her talk. Let her get it all out.
“My dad’s sweater! Andy and Brian were together in one bed, wrapped in my dad’s gray mohair sweater. The one my mom knit for him.”
Mike’s stomach knotted. Beads of sweat covered him, and he shivered. This was heavy stuff.
“As for Jen,” said Lisa, “well, I don’t know what to say or do. Her first day back at school was a nightmare, and she described hell as the five minutes between classes when all the memories flooded her.”
Tears rolled down her face, and he gently wiped them away, but her words continued to flow. Had she held all her thoughts inside until he returned?
“Jen’s ordinary, safe life is over,” said Lisa. “She’s like a yo-yo, running back and forth between her friends’ homes and our house. But mostly ours. My social sister is afraid to turn her back on us. I…I’m worried about her.” Her breath came hard, gasping.
“Easy, easy,” he murmured, kissing her temple, stroking her back.
But it seemed she wasn’t finished yet. She stepped aside, her gaze burning. “If actions speak louder than words, does it sound like my brothers and sisters want to be sent away from me, from each other? So I filed the damn petition quickly in case my aunts change their mind.”
He’d known the Delaney kids since Emily was a toddler and her big brothers had entered kindergarten. Jennifer had been twelve when she’d moved onto Hawthorne Street. The children played together, fought with each other, looked out for one another, and even sang together as they cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. Rob and Grace had started that routine to make time go faster as they worked. Their voices blended in a sweet chorus.
Mike had known better than to join in and spoil the effect. He’d always waited until afterwards, when the noise began. Oh, yeah, the Delaneys could make a lot of noise, definitely more than his family did, each person voicing an opinion about everything. That’s when he loved being with Lisa’s family the most.
“Go to court, baby. Get the kids legally, and we’ll make a life together. All of us. One family.” He kissed her and murmured, “It’ll work out as long as you and I are a team.”
Finally, her eyes gleamed. “The L and M Team? Or the M and L Team?”
He grinned. “Whichever you want, sweetheart.”
She scooped up the ring from the floor and replaced it on her finger.
Touchdown.
#
The little ones were finally sleeping; Jen was in bed probably with her headphones on. Another school day awaited each of them in the morning. Mike had reluctantly left a little while ago as he’d done every evening since returning to Woodhaven. Lisa insisted he go home—also reluctantly—and always watched from the front window as he headed across the street. After he’d turned and waved, she allowed the curtain to fall. She’d wanted him to stay, hold her and make love with her, but they’d both agreed to be careful about late-night visits. They’d do nothing that could create doubt about Lisa’s judgment and her ability to claim the children. Social workers might question the neighbors, and rightly so.
That night, for the third time since the funeral a month ago, Lisa sat on the floor in front of her parents’ bedroom closet and pulled open the bottom drawer of a metal file cabinet. When her folks were alive, she’d never dream of digging into their private papers. But now she had no choice. She wanted to find a will or some other custodial directive before the court date next week.
She’d spent recent days searching every bedroom and coat closet, every nook and cranny in the basement and attic in this quest. If a will existed, the decision about her brothers and sisters would be out of her hands.
She’d never go back on her word to her siblings, but this first month alone had been… She shook her head as her memories swirled. Difficult would be too easy a word. Impossible was better. To be expected, of course, but she wondered if she could handle it. Besides the cooking and cleaning, the crying, sobbing, shouting, but most of all, the questions. Why? Why? Why? She tried to save her own tears for when she was alone. No question her own life would be easier if her siblings did live with their relatives.
She pictured herself back in her grad school apartment, where exams were all she worried about. She’d been happy. Challenged. Excited by the city. Being in Boston had been her first venture away from home, her first taste of the real college experience, living on a vibrant campus instead of commuting from her house each day as she’d done as an undergrad.
On top of all that, she and Mike had wonderful plans for their future. He’d be the starting QB for the Boston Riders and she’d be a practicing lawyer. Mike Brennan. Her rock-solid, funny, smart, talented, and ambitious boyfriend. And so loving. She’d had it all.
Idiot! Did she think returning to campus would make her forget this tragedy? Erase the grief?
Tears welled as her fingers crawled through each manila folder—car, insurance, mortgage—plus a fat, weighty, mailing envelope labeled “recipes.” She wasn’t looking for secret recipes—the ones her mom used were in the kitchen—and had bypassed the envelope on her prior searches. But now she shrugged, opened the flap, and reached in.
Two old-fashioned black-and-white school notebooks. And a legal-sized envelope with the words Last Will and Testament handwritten on it. The shock made her gasp, and her hands trembled as she brought the three parcels to the bed. Sinking into the mattress, she tore open the envelope and skimmed the contents before slowing down to proofreading speed.
She saw nothing. Nothing of significance. The will was a store-bought blank document that her parents had filled out. Each one naming the other as their one hundred percent beneficiary. The lines asking about custodians for minor children had been left blank. No lawyer’s signature. Just two witnesses whose names Lisa didn’t recognize, which made sense when she checked the date: 1997.
Twelve years ago, Lisa had been ten, and Jen, four. The boys and Emily hadn’t been born yet.
A useless piece of paper. She let it fall to the floor and rested her head in her hands. No magic “get out of jail” card existed. The only direction to move was forward as she’d planned.
#
Five minutes later, Lisa placed the notebooks on the kitchen table and put up a kettle of water. Maybe a cup of hot tea would calm her down.
She opened one of the notebooks. The pages were dated and covered with writing. Her mom’s handwriting. Short stories? A journal? Scanning the dates, she selected the earliest—1975.
Dear Diary,
My mother doesn’t understand anything. I’m twelve years old, and she doesn’t trust me to go on a date!
Despite her anxiety, Lisa chuckled. Her mother’s voice rang true and so clearly in her head she could have been in the kitchen with Lisa. Sighing, smiling, but wanting to cry, Lisa remembered feeling the same way about Grace, her own mother.
She fixed her tea and continued reading. And saw her mother grow from young teenager to young adult.
I met such a nice boy today when my friends and I went swimming at the lake. His name is Rob Delaney. So cute! Curly black hair, dark eyes, and a smile that made my heart race…and ache. He asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him. I wonder if he’ll call.
Lisa didn’t have to wonder. Her dad often joked that he fell head-over-heels in love with her mom, and that’s why he had a scar on his forehead! But now the joke made her breath hitch. She could drown in memories, and that wouldn’t help her or the kids at all.
She paged quickly through the second book. The entries became less frequent, but she paused over one dated during her mom’s pregnancy with her.
Robbie and I are pregnant! We weren’t sure how soon this would happen because I have only one ovary, so we are thrilled. We always wanted a large family—three, four, or even five children. I’m not sure that will really happen, but we are counting our blessings with this first. Boy or girl—we don’t care. Please, God, a healthy child.
Very few entries followed. Her mom was probably too busy, but not too busy to share her thoughts with each new child. With Jennifer: A sister for Lisa! How wonderful to have a sister. Almost seven years apart, it’s true, but love transcends time.
And when the boys were born: We’ve been blessed with two healthy sons! Small but feisty. Robbie is ecstatic, but I want to see the babies gain weight. Money is tight, but we’ll manage. Robbie signed up for overtime. Buying a house of our own seems out of reach, but we’re doing fine in the rental house. Handling twins will be a challenge. Fortunately, I can count on Lisa to help. I’m very proud of her. So smart, so pretty and talented. She’s everything a mom could wish for, and she’s never let me down.
Tears streamed down Lisa’s face as she read. Grace’s presence filled the room, filled her. I’m trying not to let you down now, Mom.
2002
Five are enough! Little Emily has rounded out the family. Who could have guessed that Rob and I would actually wind up with five when we thought our first was a miracle? We’ve been blessed with beautiful children, and my wish for them is to grow up together, loving, learning, playing, and knowing that they’ll be friends forever. No matter what the future brings, I want them to know that family ties are unbreakable.
Lisa reread the last paragraph over and over, pausing each time on the words, my wish for them is to grow up together. A quiet peace filled her. She’d made the right choice.
The following page was blank. Instinctively, Lisa picked up a pen:
February 19, 2009—one month post-accident
Dear Mom,
Your sisters want the kids, but I’m fighting to keep your children together. I know after one short month that mothering is not easy. However, I think I can figure it out as I go along.
We’re going to family court in two weeks. Pat and Sally are going to offer their homes, but my God, the little ones have already lost you. I can’t let them lose each other, too.
Mom…Dad…I’m scared. It seems I’m always scared these days.
She began to doodle. A heart with initials inside: M.B. + L.D. Quite the artist.
She smiled and laid her head on her arms. Love would have to be enough. Thinking about Mike relaxed her now. Her mind eased. If he were with her, perhaps she’d be able to sleep—finally. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to go upstairs.
She quietly opened the first bedroom door. The ceiling fixture in the hallway provided enough light for her to identify her brothers, one in the top bunk, one in the bottom one. Two blond-haired imps, legs sprawled, blankets kicked awry in similar fashion. An arm moved above. A leg moved below. A restless sleep for both. She paused, simply to hear them breathe.
Emily’s bedroom was empty, and Lisa quickly glanced into her own room, expecting to find her youngest sibling there. Em had joined her many nights during the past month…but Lisa’s room was vacant, too. Moving faster, she swung Jen’s door open and saw no one. Which meant they had to be…
She entered her parents’ room, which she’d left almost two hours ago. The window shades were up, and pale moonlight revealed the sleeping pair. They lay spooned on their sides, Jen’s arm wrapped around her little sister, both girls her little sisters. Lisa’s eyes filled. She ached to jump in with them, to touch, to feel, to know that the Delaneys were still a family. She leaned over and brushed a kiss on each forehead.
I’m here. Everything will be all right. She wouldn’t admit how scared she was. Not to them.
“Mom?” A murmur, before Jen sat up. “Oh. It’s you. I thought…I-I forgot… Ohh….”
“Yeah, Jenny. I know. Sometimes, when I’m asleep, I forget, too. And then…”
“…and then it’s worse when you get up and remember. It hits like a bomb right into your stomach.”
“Exactly.”
“I-I… Oh. I just hate everything. Everybody. Why us, Lisa? Why us? Why did they have to die?”
She wasn’t God. “Wrong place. Wrong time, and it sucks.”
“Damn right it sucks. It’s just not fair!”
Amen and amen.
Lisa inhaled deeply. “I need you to be strong next week. In court. We need to show everyone that we’re both ready and able to take a step forward.” Her voice dropped. Who was she kidding? She was more frightened than Jen.
“That judge better say we can stay together,” said Jen. “He just better.”
“Or what?” Her sister was an emotional teen with the typical hormonal explosions, and God knew she certainly had reason to be off-the-wall now. But Lisa needed a heads-up.
“Or…” The girl’s mouth tightened, her chin jerked upward. “I’ve got ideas that don’t include living in Hartford with my relatives. And that’s all I’m saying.”
A sharp pain began throbbing in Lisa’s temple. That bottle of aspirin was becoming her best friend.