My kids clap enthusiastically as the room sings Happy Birthday. Shane is providing the music, proudly playing the song on his bass guitar. He’s been practicing for weeks. He thought Madden would especially appreciate it. He worked so hard to perfect the song. Trey helped him throughout. He stands tall, playing his heart out for his brother and sister’s third birthday. When the song ends, he runs over yelling, “Dad, did you see that? I did it all by myself!”
“You did, buddy! That was awesome.”
He takes off to brag to his grandparents, who all stand in a semi-circle still clapping for his performance.
We rented out a toddler gym. We intended to keep it small. Small is no longer possible with our brood. Once you count in my band, their wives, Leila’s former band, and their wives, my parents, Leila’s parents, our siblings and nephew, Jen, Zoe her agent, Beverly, and everyone else that just mean too much to us to not invite, we stand fifty in number.
We aren’t just celebrating my kids’ birthdays today. There’s so much to be thankful for. Our European tour was a huge success. During the first half, we were all personally challenged. During the second half, we excelled professionally. We channeled our emotions through our music. It’s made us that much better as a band, brought us that much closer as friends, and it has solidified my family, making us that much stronger.
The most surprising thing that happened while on tour was the transformation of Hunter Amatto. My best friend is about to be a father. Mandi is in her final trimester. He is fucking terrified. It took him a while to figure out that being terrified did not make him a bad candidate to be a father. That made him normal. He said the only thing he was absolutely certain of was not having Mandi in his life. It’s not an option…ever. I admitted that alone would make him a good father.
I threatened to start charging him a hundred bucks an hour for the countless therapy sessions he squeezed from me. Secretly, I was happy to oblige. My friend has transformed. I’m so proud of him. He’s right. He is lucky to have such a strong, brave woman by his side. Sure, he probably will have to depend on her to be the disciplinarian. Again, that’s not uncommon and there are times Leila claims to have four kids, counting me in the mix.
Tara is busy writing our book. It has taken up all of her time, and Trey screams neglect at every opportunity. We all know he is very proud of her. When she’s busy writing, he’s at our house hanging with my kids. Trey is Shane’s godfather. He takes the role very seriously. Where his one and only mission in life was to teach the twins how to say fuck, he now uses the words fudge or sugar when he’s around the kids. It’s hilarious.
My son Shane is a smart, personable, and an extremely loving little boy. He’s adjusted to our home. He likes his school…well, now he does. He didn’t at first, but a few best friends and one very cool talent show later has made them all into rock stars.
Patti and Scott are awaiting the birth of their child. They decided to adopt after failing to become pregnant on their own. The birth mother is from Guatemala, and like Mandi, is due in a few weeks. Trey and I have fifty riding on whether it will be Scott or Hunter to piss their pants first once their babies are born.
My wife continues to amaze me.
Every. Single. Day.
I most definitely fall in love with her more and more as each day passes.
True to form, she wanted today to be perfect. She worked her ass off to be sure the twins had the best party ever. Based on their perpetual smiles, I’d say mission accomplished. Between the kids screaming, enjoying their cake, and the adults trying to hold conversations above their noise, you can barely hear yourself think. Definitely sure-fire signs of a successful party. Leila glances at me from across the room, she winks and nods.
We meet in the center, and she raises her voice above the chaos, “Hey, everyone!”
After a few minutes, we finally have the noise at a reasonable level. “Thank you all for coming to help celebrate Madden and Siarra’s third birthday. It means so much to us. Jack and I are blessed with the best friends and family anyone could ask for.”
She motions for me to continue. “I agree with my wife. I can’t believe how fast the time is flying by. Having you all here to help celebrate is such a blessing to us. I know you are all happy to be here. I especially know that Hunter has been anxiously waiting for this day to arrive.”
All eyes turn to Hunter, amused and confused as to what I’m about to say. Hunter asks, “What did I do now?”
“Well, buddy. Today we find out if Joe will be receiving your glowing endorsement as the best drummer you’ve ever met…” Hunter smirks when he realizes what I’m getting at. “Or if he will be handing over his beloved John Bonham drum sticks.”
Laughter fills the room. “Both Devil’s Lair and Cliffhangers are all very aware of Hunter’s asinine bet. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, he and Joe wagered that my wife would or would not become pregnant by the time the twins turned three.”
All eyes focus on Leila. She blushes from their scrutinizing stares. Our parents step forward, unconsciously wishing the sooner to be true. I wrap my arm around my wife and pull a set of drumsticks from my back pocket.
“Woo freakin’ hoo!” Hunter wails above the murmurs in the room. “Yeah, baby! Mine, they are mine!” He steps closer, snatches the sticks and twerks his ass off.
Joe shakes his head, stepping forward to concede defeat. He thrusts his hand out to Hunter, “You suck.”
“Screw you!”
“Hey! Language!” I call out, frowning at their stupidity.
In the blink of an eye, my wife is surrounded, being hugged, kissed, and squeezed within an inch of her life. She accepts it all, smiling wide at their enthusiasm. They move toward her in shifts. First my parents and in-laws, then Evan and Liz, two by two our friends approach us, as if in a receiving line.
When Lori steps forward, she points to Leila, “Again? Really?” She then turns to me and adds, “Can’t you keep it in your pants, Lair?”
“I plan on ruling the earth with a Lair army,” I admit.
Now Lori rolls her eyes and says, “Time to move to Mars.”
After we returned from our tour and made sure we all settled back into our New York life, especially Shane, I surprised my wife with a vacation back to the place we honeymooned. I had told her I would be taking her away and made good on my promise. Of course, she argued that being away from the kids for two weeks was too long. She lost the argument. They stayed with my parents the first week, and Leila’s parents the second. It was a great way for them to get to know Shane, and vice versa. Leila and I spent the time as we did after our wedding…naked and physically attached to each other in some way, shape, or form.
We were home from our trip just a few weeks when we found out she was pregnant. I did it! I got her pregnant, just as I had planned.
I’m one baby closer to my Lair army.
As my wife quips back and forth with her best friend, I pull her flush into my body, wrapping my arms around her from behind. I wasn’t kidding with my claim. I love this woman more than anything on earth. My lips automatically attach to her neck. Groans and moans float around us, and I don’t care. My mind drifts to the night I got her pregnant. Every moment permanently etched in my memory, stirring me up from the visual I keep replaying. Even with that night still fresh in my mind, I already know I can’t wait to get her knocked up again and again and again.