Jack
That rehearsal was awful. It has left me feeling very unsettled. We’ve all had our bad days, except Hunter. He never has a bad rehearsal, until today.
I watch Leila and the twins playing on the floor. She senses my eyes and looks over at my frowning face.
“Babe, are you still thinking about rehearsal?”
She walks over and settles on my lap, the smirk on her face tells me she thinks I’m brooding unnecessarily. Bad rehearsals bring me back to the days of our first tour when every bad one we had was a direct result of the crap we were dealing with at the time. Like an anemometer that measures wind before a massive storm, you could say I equate a bad rehearsal with signs of trouble ahead. It’s probably a stupid way to think, and I hope I’m wrong.
“He never fucks up,” I blurt out and Leila shoots me a dirty look.
“Jack.”
My eyes fly to the twins, who continue to play oblivious to my gutter mouth. If Madden had heard me, he would have repeated it. Crap. I’ve been so good with that.
“If there is something going on with Hunter, he usually can’t hide it well. With luck, he just ran out of Froot Loops.”
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
I shake my head. “No, if something is up, he’ll tell us. I just…” I grip the back of my neck, stalling for the right words. I hate bringing up those days. It upsets her.
“What?” She instantly calls me out.
“It’s me. It’s my issue. I’m overreacting.” She gauges my facial expression, and I know she isn’t convinced by my words. I give her a chaste kiss, “I’m fine. I swear.”
We both glance over at the twins. Madden becomes increasingly frustrated when the car he is playing with won’t fit into his back pocket. The kid shoves everything into his pockets. Leila and I exchange a look and openly laugh at our son. She once found a teaspoon, a cookie, and the head of one of his sister’s dolls in a pair of his jeans.
He looks up to see us laughing and comes running over. “Mama.” He hands Leila the car and turns around to offer his back pocket.
“This won’t fit, sweetie. It’s too big.” He pouts for a second and takes off for a smaller car. When he runs back to her, she places the car in his pocket to appease him. “Okay?”
“Ya.” He nods before taking off for another thing to swipe, I’m sure.
Someone knocking derails him immediately. He runs to the door, trying to open it with both hands.
“We really need to teach him to be more fearful,” Leila says as she follows him. “I worry he’d let an axe murderer in.”
His twin, who is opposite in every way, comes running over to me. She climbs onto my lap as her brother and mom open the door.
“Hey, Paula.”
“I’m really sorry to bother you. Do you guys have a minute?”
“Of course,” Leila moves aside to let her in.
I cross the room to greet her, “Hey, Paula.”
“Hi, Jack. Hey, Siarra,” she says, offering her hand. Siarra smiles, but makes no move to accept her hand.
“Come, sit.”
She nods slowly, following us further into the suite. The twins take off for their toys as we settle in the living room. Leila picks up on Paula’s nerves and sits beside her. The pessimist in me immediately thinks she has made her decision. Leila and I have been discussing the possibility of Shane joining our family. It’s been several days since we spoke to Paula. Her being here so soon can’t be a good sign.
“I’ve thought about our last conversation a lot,” she takes a deep breath before continuing, “I was surprised by your request, more importantly, I was stunned that you would do that for my son. I think you would give my son an amazing, loving life. He deserves that. I just think I need to move forward with my original plan.”
Leila and I look at her confused. “What plan is that?”
“When I decided to join you guys on tour, I was hoping I’d be well enough to travel until it ended. Of course there was no way of knowing, so I needed a backup plan. When the time came that I became too ill to travel, I would return back to the States with Shane. I researched the foster care system in my state and formed some relationships with the social workers in my area. I wanted some control over his future. I decided that I would be placing Shane into a foster care home that I choose before I…” she stops to take a few deep breaths. I watch my wife desperately try to control her own emotions. Paula smiles warmly at her and continues, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to control how I say goodbye, or how not to at least.”
“I don’t understand,” Leila admits.
“I don’t want him seeing me in that way. I’d rather let him go sooner rather than later.”
“Paula, you can’t do that to him. I lost my mother when I was ten. She tragically died in a car accident. I never had the chance to say goodbye.”
Paula takes Leila’s hand. “How do you remember your mother?”
Leila smiles fondly. “Young, beautiful, full of life.” Her own words help her realize what Paula’s point is. The realization hits her immediately as Paula smiles at her and nods.
“Exactly.”
Leila loses her battle, and a few tears escape. She quickly wipes them away, embarrassed at her lack of control and mutters an apology.
“Don’t be sorry. Your reaction only supports my opinion of you. You’re very loving, very compassionate. If I had to choose the perfect mother for Shane, it would be someone just like you. But I fear that you guys are caught up in the situation I’m in, and because of your compassion you are making rash decisions. When you embarked on this tour, you didn’t think you’d return home plus one. I know you said you’ve thought it over, and you said I should take my time. I feel you should as well. I would arrange for Shane to have open visitation rights from you when you return. I’d also leave a stipulation in my will that if you decided to adopt him, then it would be with my blessing.”
Conflicting emotions tear my wife apart. Paula gives us each a few minutes to process all she’s just said.
“Paula, speaking for both of us, we won’t be changing our minds.”
“I would feel better knowing you took some time to think it through.”
I understand where she’s coming from. It only supports my initial concerns. This is her child. Of course she needs to be sure, but we do as well.
“When will you be leaving?” I ask, wondering if we have days or weeks to be with him.
“Soon. Probably within the next two or three weeks.”
That gives us some time, but even if we were to convince her by then, what’s next? Does Shane stay with us? The thought of Paula leaving without him is gut wrenching.
Shit, this situation is not good.
The women continue to chat quietly, but my mind wanders to my own kids. They have a very long line of people in their lives that love them. This little boy had one person in his life. Now he has at least three. The more time he spends with us, the more people fall in love with him. Paula was meant to meet us. My life has been a string of fateful events that all changed me as a person, getting me to this exact moment in my life. It was fate that brought Paula and Shane to us. There isn’t a doubt in my mind he belongs with us.
Milan was beautiful, but a very short visit. We don’t have many stops that we’ll be in and out of like we were in Milan. For the next week, we’ll be staying at the gorgeous Tuscan beach of Castiglione Della Pescaia and performing in Florence and Rome. The beach is very family friendly, and the commute to both arenas is fairly quick. My wife handpicked it, and she made a spectacular choice. Beverly and the kids can settle in for the week while we are rehearsing or performing.
My wife, being Italian, adores it here. She has hinted she would live here in a heartbeat. Of course I know she doesn’t mean that literally, but vacationing on the Tuscan coast will definitely be something I’ll surprise her with in the future.
The tour is going well. Our European fans are snatching up tickets at every stop. In spite of our botched rehearsal in Milan, the show was awesome. It kicked off our Italian leg perfectly. Whatever was bothering Hunter, he seems to be over it.
We don’t play until tomorrow night. We usually relax the first night in a new city, hanging out in one of our suites. Tonight we were the guests of honor at a swanky new bar in the heart of Florence, where we were treated as American royalty. It was good to party like we used to. We drank and danced. It reminded me of the nights we spent in New York City, reveling in our newfound success. Doing it here in Italy, to the same level of recognition and fandom that we are met with at home is a pure adrenaline rush. We were all so hyped up that we couldn’t call it a night yet.
We are now hanging out on the beach where our hotel is located, enjoying the buzz from all the booze we drank. Leila ran upstairs to check on Beverly and the twins and said she’ll join us shortly after she makes a few phone calls. I griped the kids were fine and the phone calls could wait. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and kiss her senseless in a quiet nook on this romantic beach. She argued that with the time difference it’s hard to find a good time to call home, and she needs to get it done.
So instead, I sit sipping my beer watching Hunter and Trey arguing about stamina, a poor substitute to what I’d rather be doing. Each have an arm around their wives, each kissing her cheek after they hurl an insult at the other. Those two are more alike than they’ll ever admit.
Patti sits on Scott’s lap. Every so often he looks over at me, rolls his eyes, and shakes his head at Trey and Hunt’s dialogue. Scott’s been quieter than usual. I did ask if he was ok. He confided that this whole Paula situation has him and Patti unhinged. They’ve also grown very fond of her and her son.
What surprised me the most was Trey’s reaction to Shane. He admitted he’s had thoughts of what it would be like to adopt him. My mouth hanging open in shock was enough for Trey to change the subject. I wouldn’t let him. After my prodding, he reluctantly said he briefly thought about it. He hasn’t mentioned it to Tara. He doesn’t want to upset her. She would get her hopes up and he couldn’t promise it would actually happen. Not because Paula wouldn’t agree, more because Trey is simply not ready. He did ask that if we became guardians to Shane, if he and Tara could please spend time with him.
His request was as surprising as his admission. He maintains that he has too many of his own issues he’s still battling with. He cannot consciously agree to care for a child, any child, when he isn’t at peace with his own life yet. He does crave spending time with Shane. Although the idea of being a parent is completely foreign to him, he recognizes the need to be near him, to get to know him.
He’s getting there. This Trey is very different than the Trey of a few years ago. Tara is the single most important thing to him. Having her by his side is making his soul-searching journey a bit easier. He does still have a long way to go. I hope he gets there sooner or later. He’s an amazing man and deserves every ounce of happiness he can squeeze out of life. He has many horrific years to make up for.
To be honest, I thought that one of my crew would have become parents by now. My money was on Scott and Patti. I’m guessing, once we get home, Patti or Mandi will be popping them out as soon as they can. I had planned on getting Leila on board with having a third once this tour was over. Now that we may possibly be adding Shane to our family, it wouldn’t be fair to him to bring a baby in as well. I’ll wait. Leila’s young and she knows I want at least a few more. She just rolls her eyes, but she can’t fool me. She loves being a mom and admitted that I’ve become even sexier when I became a dad.
Having kids hasn’t changed our lives much…yet. Ask me again when they’re driving. At the moment, I can handle adding a few more to our brood. Besides, trying to get her pregnant is something I’m very much looking forward to. It’s not because I’m lacking for sex. Leila got pregnant with the twins without trying. My inner caveman can’t wait to purposely knock her up. As I watch her walk across the beach to our circle, the thought of getting my woman pregnant brings with it a raging hard-on.
“What did I miss?” she asks, taking a seat beside me.
“Hunter and Trey are arguing about who can go longer.”
“Ewww,” she scrunches her nose.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Little Lair. We’re talking about playing our instruments,” Trey clarifies, although not too well.
“Ewww,” my wife repeats.
“Bass versus drums,” I spell it out for her.
She bites her lip and shrugs. “Oh.”
“You’re so adorable.” She smiles and takes my hand. “Did you make your calls?”
“Your sister is miserable. She and the baby have a really bad cold and with Evan being away, she is very cranky.”
“She’ll live.”
Leila shakes her head at my compassion. “Everyone else is great. They send their love and can’t wait to see us. Tomorrow I’ll call Evan and Lori to get the scoop on how their tour is going.”
“The reviews have been great.”
She nods, “I know. Dad and Barb saw them in Philly and said they were fantastic…but I already knew that.”
My wife is so proud of her old band mates. It’s adorable how she brags that she was once in Cliffhangers. She tends to forget who she is now. Her career seems to be a second thought to her. When it was once her only focus, it’s now a fringe benefit. She is much more involved in the business aspect of her solo career than she’s ever been. She finally fired Malcolm. She has a new agent who is more a friend than an agent. She now has the relationship she always wanted and never had with either Jen or Malcolm. Zoe is a perfect fit.
“It’s cold out here,” Leila rubs her arms to get warmth.
I pat my lap and she moves onto it without hesitation. With my arms wrapped around her entire body and my lips on her ear, I whisper, “I’ve been waiting for you. I’ll keep you warm.” Goosebumps pebble her skin and she snuggles closer, grinding my cock into an even harder predicament.
One side of her mouth quirks up, “This better be for me. Or did you see a hot Italian girl before I got here?”
“It’s always only for you.” I suck on her bottom lip, applying enough pressure with my hold on her to worsen the ache in my crotch. “Are the kids okay?”
She nods. “Yep.”
“I wanted to find a secluded spot on this beach, but if I get started, we’ll end up out here all night. It’s time to take this to our room.” She stares me straight in the eye while simultaneously slanting her mouth over mine. The kiss instantly becomes inappropriate for a public place.
“Hey, Lair. I still have that bet going with Joe,” Hunter calls over, interrupting our moment like nails on a chalkboard.
My wife lets out a few choice words before flipping him off, beating me to it.