That night I awoke from a dream only to find myself in a waking nightmare.
The left side of my bed was empty, and Lucy was on a flight, traveling far away from me. It had taken everything inside of me to not beg her to stay when that taxi pulled up in front of the house. It had taken every ounce of me to not allow gravity to force me to my knees. If she’d stayed, I would’ve never let her go again. If she’d stayed, I would’ve started all over from day one, learning how to love her even more than I already had. If she’d stayed, I would’ve always flown, but I knew she wouldn’t—she couldn’t. With my current situation, there was no way I could’ve kept her and given her the love she deserved.
She was my freedom, yet I was her cage.
I lay in bed, my chest tight from the longing my heart felt, and I almost fell apart right then and there. I almost let my heart harden back to the way it was before Lucy walked into my life, but then a beautiful little girl started crying in the nursery, and I hurried to go get her. When I arrived, she reached for me and instantly stopped her crying.
“Hey, love,” I whispered as she curled in against me, lying her head on my chest.
We headed back to my bedroom, lay down, and within minutes she was sleeping. Her breaths rose and fell, and she lightly snored as she curled up against me.
It was in that moment I remembered why falling apart wasn’t an option. I remembered why I couldn’t allow myself to fall into a pit of loneliness—because I wasn’t alone. I had the most beautiful reason to keep moving forward.
Talon was my savior, and I’d promised myself to be a dad to her, not merely a father. Any person could be a father. It took a real man to step up to the role of being a dad. And I owed that to her. She deserved to have me fully.
As she clung to my shirt and found dreams that brought her comfort, I allowed myself to rest, too.
It amazed me how love worked.
It amazed me how my heart could be so broken and yet so full all at once.
That night my greatest nightmares and most beautiful dreams intermixed, and I held my daughter closer, as a reminder of why I’d have to rise in the morning, just like the sun.
Jane moved her things into the house the following week. She made herself comfortable in a home that held no love for her. She went about doing things as if she knew what she was doing, and every time she picked Talon up, I cringed.
“I was hoping the three of us could go out to dinner, Graham,” she told me as she unpacked her suitcases in my bedroom. I didn’t care enough to tell her not to sleep in my room. I’d sleep in the nursery with my daughter. “It might be good for us to start reconnecting.”
“No.”
She looked up, bewildered. “What?”
“I said no.”
“Graham—”
“I just want to make something really clear to you, Jane. I didn’t choose you. I want nothing to do with you. You can live in my house, you can hold my daughter, but you need to understand that there’s not an ounce of me that wants you.” My hands formed fists and my brow knitted. “I chose her. I chose my daughter. I’ll choose her every second of every day for the rest of my life because she is my everything. So, let’s stop pretending that we are ever going to live happily ever after. You are not my final sentence, you are not my last word. You are simply a chapter I wish I could delete.”
I turned and walked away from her, leaving her standing stunned, but I didn’t care. Every moment I could, would be spent with my daughter in my arms.
One day, somehow, Lucy would come back to us both.
Because she was always meant to be my last word.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Mari told me as I walked into Monet’s Gardens.
I took off my hat and nodded. “I know.”
She stood tall and shifted her feet around. “You really should go. I don’t feel comfortable with you being here.”
I nodded once more. “I know.” But, I stayed, because sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is stay. “Does he love you?”
“Excuse me?”
I held my hat against my chest. “I said does he love you? Do you love him?”
“Listen—”
“Does he make you laugh so hard you have to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes do you share? Does he try to change you or inspire you? Are you good enough for him? Does he make you feel worthy? Is he good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed beside him and wonder why you’re still there?” I paused. “Do you miss her? Did she make you laugh so hard you had to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes did you share? Did she try to change you or inspire you? Were you good enough for her? Did she make you feel worthy? Was she good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed and wonder why she’s gone?”
Mari’s small frame started to shake as I asked the questions. She parted her lips, but no words left her tongue.
So, I continued speaking. “Being with someone you aren’t meant to be with out of fear of being alone isn’t worth it. I promise you, you’ll spend your life being lonelier with him than you would being without him. Love doesn’t push things away. Love doesn’t suffocate. It makes the world bloom. She taught me that. She taught me how love works, and I’m certain she taught you the same.”
“Graham,” Mari said softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
“I’ve never loved your oldest sister. I’ve been numb for years, and Jane was just another form of numbness. She never loved me either, but Lucille…she’s my world. She’s everything I needed, and so much more than I deserve. I know you might not understand that, but I’d go to war for her heart for the rest of my life if it meant she’d find her smile again. So, I’m standing in your shop right now, Mari, asking if you love him. If he is everything you know love to be, stay. If he is your Lucille, then don’t for a second leave his side. But, if he isn’t…if there is even a sliver of your soul that doubts that he’s the one—run. I need you to run to your sister. I need you to go to war with me for the one person who always stayed, even when she owed us nothing. I can’t be there for her right now, and her heart is broken halfway across the world. So, this is me, going to war for her by coming to you. This is me, begging you to choose her. She needs you, Mari, and I am going to assume that your heart needs her, too.”
“I…” She started to fall apart, shaking as she covered her mouth with her hands. “The things I’ve said to her…the way I’ve treated her…”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she said, her head shaking. “She was my best friend, and I tossed her and her feelings to the side. I chose them over her.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was a choice, and she’d never forgive me.”
I grimaced and narrowed my eyes. “Mari, we’re talking about Lucille here. Forgiveness is all she knows. I know where she is right now. I’ll help you get there so you can do whatever you need to do to get your best friend back. I’ll handle all of the details. All you have to do is run.”