Micah had broken up with Seth. Because of us. Because of me. He had ended his first real relationship. Maybe he’d had some in New York he hadn’t told me about, but I doubted it. Endless strings of sex, sure, but never a relationship before. Seth, in a sick twist of fate, had been his chance to break free.

Becoming a member of the Bryant family had saved my life. But it had put chains around Micah.

I didn’t see the stunningly handsome man sitting across from me. I saw the sixteen-year-old Micah. He had been beautiful back then, his hair more blond than it had become as he aged. He hadn’t gone through the awkward skinny stage I had. He’d even skipped the pepperoni pizza face. He could have been the inspiration for any of the Renaissance painters’ obsessions with beautiful young boys.

I hadn’t noticed. Micah had never been beautiful or attractive to me. He had been just Micah. My little brother. In many ways, when I’d looked at him, I hadn’t seen anyone different than the nine-year-old kid he’d been when I moved in. I’d loved him like I loved Gilbert, Hayley, and Lacy. The only thing I’d felt different for him was a fiercer protectiveness because he was younger than the rest of us.

I’d come home from college, Mom and Dad insisting I get a degree even if it was in art. I hated college. I hated living in the city. I’d learned long ago the world was unsafe outside of the borders of Lavender Shores. I just wanted to stay home, but I would do anything Patrick and Regina Bryant asked or expected.

I’d fallen asleep in my own bed, so relieved and happy to be back where I was safe, reminding myself I only had another year and a half and it would be done. I could come back to Lavender Shores for good.

Sometime in the night, I felt another body sliding against mine under the sheets. Naked, smooth, and muscled. It wasn’t a new sensation. There was a guy, Jared, I’d been sleeping with in college. Hands roamed over my body, stroking over my chest in the way he knew I loved. Then lips met mine as fingers curled around my cock. I wasn’t entirely sure if I was dreaming or if it was Jared. In that space hovering around wakefulness, it didn’t matter. A tongue slipped between my lips and caressed over mine. I began to thrust into the fist as I wrapped my hands around a firm back and pulled Jared’s body closer to mine, ready to be inside of him.

I didn’t notice the taste of the kiss being different, didn’t register that the body was thinner, tighter than Jared’s.

Legs straddled my hips and the kiss ended. There was a soft whisper of my name, and the spell broke.

My eyes flew open, and though I instantly knew it wasn’t Jared and wasn’t a dream, it took me several seconds to not only remember where I was but to identify the man on top of me.

Looking back, I think that was what took so long. It was a naked man rising over my body, lifting up, attempting to guide my erection into himself. It didn’t match with the view I knew of anyone. Then he looked down at me and smiled. “I love you, Connor.”

My brain screamed his name a split second before I shoved him.

Micah tumbled off the bed as I scrambled backward, clutching the sheets against me. He looked up from the floor. Hurt and confused.

He wasn’t the only one. I truly couldn’t comprehend that the man I was seeing was my brother. When had he changed? How had he become this man? “What the fuck are you doing?” Even I could hear the disgust in my voice, not that I tried to suppress it.

Still, he looked confused. “I love you.”

I stared at him, no thoughts forming, nothing. Nothing other than panic. “Get out.”

Micah’s bottom lip trembled slightly as he stood.

My gaze flashed over his body. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, how the man in front of me was somehow the boy I had known for so long.

“But, Connor—”

“Micah. Get the fuck out of my room. Hurry up. What if Mom and Dad came in here?”

He hesitated, then whirled around and ran from my room, leaving the door open.

I stared after him, then glanced quickly across the room, expecting to see Gilbert. In the confusion I’d forgotten he’d officially moved out over a year ago and rarely visited home. Then I returned to staring into the bathroom that lay between Micah’s room and mine.

A quick replay of what had happened flashed in my mind, and I stumbled out of bed, hurried to the bathroom, shut and locked the doors, and then threw up.

It would be another two years before I kissed Micah again. Not until I saw he was dating Seth Marino, and it forced me to admit what I’d denied since that night. That every time I’d looked at Micah, I no longer saw my brother. No longer saw some kid I used to know and love. I saw a man. A man who was beautiful and so alive. A man I loved in a million different ways that I couldn’t make sense of. A man who caused my body to react despite every effort I made.

“You and Seth broke up?” Mabel’s restaurant disappeared. I’d spoken those words, those exact words so many years before.

Micah nodded.

“When?”

“The night of the Meat Market” Micah sighed. “I drove over to him right after I left the school. I had to end it.”

“That was over a week ago.” I searched his eyes, wasn’t sure what I was looking for. Some glitch, some thought or emotion that would save me from the memories of what I’d done to him. “Why?”

“You know why.” He sounded like the answer should be obvious. I supposed it was.

He’d broken up with Seth. Again. Not that they’d actually been together before, but still.

It pissed me off.

“Goddammit, Micah. You could have had something with him. Finally.”

He flinched, an echo of the confusion from years before crossing his face. “What?”

“You can’t keep giving everything up for me. It’s not right. You’ve sacrificed everything because I got stuck in your head at some point.” Like I didn’t know which exact moment. Like I didn’t know it was my fault. I’d sworn to protect him, and I’d been his undoing. I knew he’d been the one to crawl into my bed. But I’d kissed him back. It didn’t matter whether or not it was in my sleep. And when I’d woken, when I’d finally realized who it was… I’d wanted him. I saw only the gorgeous man he’d become, and I’d wanted him. Despite my best efforts, I’d never been able to stop. And Micah was the one who paid the price.

Micah’s lips moved silently for a second, as if searching for words, and then his brows creased. “Don’t pretend you didn’t hate me dating Seth. What was that the other night in Ms. Westfield’s room? It wasn’t pretend. It never is with us.”

That was true. One more thing that was my fault. “So what? You can’t tell me that things weren’t different this time. You guys have been dating for months. You had a chance.”

Micah glanced around the restaurant and then leaned across the table, his voice low, a dangerous hiss I rarely heard. “Don’t you dare throw that in my face. The only reason I was dating Seth is because you ended things right before we were going to tell the family. When Moses showed up and you were too worried about us hurting your chances of getting custody.”

Despite myself, a flash of my own anger fired. “Don’t blame things on—”

“I’m not. But it doesn’t change what happened. The only reason I was with Seth was because I decided I couldn’t go through it again. It was time to finally end things with you.”

Those were the words I’d wanted him to say forever. And they cut deeper than I’d imagined. But it didn’t matter. I had to do what was right for Micah. “And you should’ve. You were the one who came to me the night of the Meat Market. You should’ve left well enough alone. You could be happy with Seth. Don’t throw it away.”

“Actually, Connor, I can’t. Believe me I tried. And we both saw how that ended up. I want you. Period. Isn’t it clear by now that I love you? No matter how many years go by, no matter how many other men we try to replace the other one with, that it’s you? That it’s always you?”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Micah pounded the table with his fist and jumped as if he’d surprised himself. He gave another glance around the restaurant, then lowered his voice even further. “You drive me crazy. And you’re being an idiot. You’ve been an idiot for years. We are not brothers. We’re not doing anything wrong. We’re grown men who have lived our own lives and yet keep falling back into each other’s. It’s not because we’re sick. It’s not because something got stuck in my psyche when I was sixteen, like you keep telling me. It’s because I was made for you and you were made for me.” Even as he snarled, he was beautiful. “Believe me, I’m tired of having my heart broken by you over and over again. If I could change it, I would.”

“Then go back to New York. Live your dream. I really will fade.”

“Fuck you, Connor Clark. We both know you came to the Green Violin tonight so you could be with me. We both know I want that.” This time, his snarl was a little less beautiful. “And I don’t want to hear one more time about me giving up my dreams. Where I live, the job I do, the life I live, is up to me. And I’ve chosen it. I get that Moses is here and things have to be different. I get that we can’t tell the family for longer now. Fine. But none of that changes what is. None of it changes what you and I are to each other, what we’re meant to be.” He stood, fist clenched and pressed into the tabletop, though his voice was barely audible. To the rest of the restaurant, who were definitely staring at us, it would look like nothing more than two brothers having a heated disagreement. “You’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever met, but in this, you really are being a fucking coward. It’s time to pull your head out of your goddamn ass.” He gave another punch on the table, then whirled around, nearly knocking over his chair. He righted it, shot me another glare, and then stormed out of Mabel’s.

I stared after him, watched his retreating form outside the large windows as he walked away into the night. We’d fought countless times. Sometimes yelled and screamed. But it had never been like that.

Maybe something had finally broken.