CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Riley
“Come here,” Xavier said, gesturing to the couch. I stood, my knees shaking slightly, then moved to the end of the couch, sat and looked up at him. The tightness of his jaw told me something big was coming. He settled next to me and took one of my hands in his. “I understand why you’re upset, and I have a plan.”
I blinked at him. “What kind of plan?”
Xavier looked me straight in the eye. “I’m going to destroy the list.”
A thousand emotions squeezed my heart. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
Love swelled in my chest. “Thank you,” I whispered from a tight throat.
He lifted my hand to his lips. “It’s for the best. For you and me, and the women on it. Hell, it’s probably best for Julian and Davis too. It’s created too many problems. It should have been deleted a long time ago.”
“Where is it?”
“It’s in a file on the computer in Enigma’s office.”
I frowned. “I kind of figured it would be in a more dramatic place.”
He grinned. “Like written on a scroll that’s locked away in a bank vault?”
“Well, not quite that dramatic...”
Xavier sat back, a pained look on his face. “I’m breaking a pact by doing this, and my word is all I have. It means everything to me.”
I nodded. “You’re a good man.”
He scoffed. “Hardly, but I do have a set of rules I live by, and breaking one of them is hard. That’s why I want to do it soon. Tomorrow. It’s best just to get this all over with so that we can move on.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No,” he said, a bite in his voice.
“What? Why not?”
“Because it’s something I need to do, and it could be...”
“Could be what?”
“Dangerous,” he said between clamped teeth.
I shook my head. “How is it dangerous?”
“If the others disagree—”
“Disagree? What if they do? You own the place along with them, Xavier. You have a right to put an end to this.”
He ground his teeth together and looked up at the ceiling. “It’s not that.”
I still didn’t understand. “Then what is it? Tell me how you’ll be in danger.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about, it’s you. Davis and Julian are good men, but we created an understanding a long time ago. The group comes first, women second.”
“I still don’t get it. You think they would hurt me?”
He frowned. “No, of course they wouldn’t. I’m just not sure how they’ll react. It could get ugly.”
Frustrated, I crossed my arms and glared at him. “It sounds like you’re just being irrational.”
His nostrils flared. “You’re safer here, Riley.”
I threw my arms up into the air. “You say that, but you’re not giving me a reason as to why I’m safer here!”
“You’re safer here because I said so. When, not if, Seth finds out, there will be trouble. There might even be punches thrown. I refuse to put you in the middle of possible danger.”
“Hm.”
“All right?”
I crossed my arms again. “Nope. Not all right.”
“Riley, I swear to God—”
“Swear as much as you like, I’m going with you. And if you try to leave without me, I’ll just follow you there.”
Xavier rubbed his eyes. “Christ, when did you become so strong-willed?”
I grinned. “Since I met you.”
“Tell me,” he said in a calmer voice than before. “And please be honest. Why do you really want to come with me?”
Because I don’t trust you yet.
I looked down, ashamed just to be having the thought. I believed that Xavier loved me and wanted to keep me safe, but I didn’t entirely believe he was of the same mind as me when it came to this list. I saw it as extremely damaging and got the impression that he found it to be more of a mild threat.
How was I to know that he would actually destroy it? What if he just went to the club, took my name off, then sat around for a while before coming back to me?
“Riley?”
“Please let me go,” I whispered. “I’ll die of suspense if I’m forced to wait for you to return.”
He sighed. “I won’t be gone long. Do you not trust me?”
I couldn’t lie, but I also couldn’t bring myself to speak the truth. Instead, I just sank my teeth into my bottom lip and gazed back at him. After a second, his head dropped.
“I’m sorry!” I burst out. “I’m sorry. I know you’ll do what’s right for me and you, but—”
“But you don’t trust me to do what’s right for other people,” he finished for me.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Xavier’s eyes glazed over with sadness. “It makes sense. You don’t have any reason to think I’ll do exactly that. I don’t have the best track record, especially with you. Even when I try to do what’s good for others, I often get it wrong.”
I didn’t know what else to say. The weight of sadness and depression threatened to press me down to the floor. I’d wanted to be honest with Xavier, but I was afraid of exactly this happening.
“All right. You can come with me.”
Hope swelled inside my chest. “Really?”
“Yes. I want you to see me destroy the list. I want your absolute trust, Riley.” He took my hand in his again. “And I know that I can’t earn that in a single day. It will take a lot before you can believe in me.”
My eyes filled with tears of gratitude. “Thank you.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. I absorbed his warmth and relaxed as it filled me with too many emotions to name.
“When are we going?” I asked.
Xavier glanced at a clock on the wall. “Tomorrow. I’ll call Davis and Julian and have them meet us there.”
“Not Seth?”
Xavier’s upper lip curled into a snarl. “Nope. He doesn’t deserve the courtesy of having his input submitted.”
“Okay.” I nodded, then thought of something. “How do you know there’s only one copy of the list?”
He exhaled a long breath. “We have an agreement that no copies of it will ever be made.”
“But can’t that agreement be broken? If someone really believes they need to do it? You’re breaking an agreement by destroying the list, aren’t you?”
The muscle in his jaw popped. “I have valid reasons.”
“Everyone thinks they do.”
“Touché.” He nodded and thought about it some more. “There’s nothing we can do if there are copies,” he finally said. “All we can worry about is this one.”
“Okay.” My stomach twisted. “If there is a copy, Seth probably has it, doesn’t he?”
“Yes. That would make dealing with it easier. After today, he’s under our thumb. He won’t be causing trouble for a while. Julian and Davis are good men. There’s no reason for them to make copies.”
“Okay,” I repeated, sounding like a broken tape. Xavier seemed resistant to face the possibility of a duplicate, but like he said, if there were more copies of the list, there was nothing to be done about it.
“You should try to get some sleep.”
“I don’t feel like I can sleep right now. Not after everything that’s happened.”
“I know.” He rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand. “But just try. Come here.”
He pulled me to him and leaned back against the couch. The cushions were wide enough for two people, but Xavier kept me on top of him. The beating of his heart filled my ears and instantly relaxed me. With his chest rising and falling under my head, I could finally close my eyes.
***
I woke up to the sound of cabinets being shut. I was alone on the couch, a blanket covering my legs. Xavier waited for me in the kitchen. He wore the same clothes he had on when I fell asleep and, judging from the bags under his eyes, he hadn’t rested at all.
“Breakfast?” he asked.
I smiled at him. “No, thanks. Maybe later?”
He poured himself what looked to be a second cup of coffee. “Later is good. Go ahead and get dressed. We’re meeting with the guys in an hour.”
My hands flew to my hair, trying by feel just how messed up it was. Meeting your guy’s best friends was a big deal and stringy hair was not a great first impression.
Xavier grinned, like he was reading my mind. “You look beautiful.”
I snorted and swiped at the sleep crumbs in the corners of my eyes. “Not yet, but I’ll do my best not to embarrass you—”
His hand whipped out as fast as a snake, and he gripped my arm, pulling me hard against his chest. “You are beautiful. Inside and outside, and in every way that matters. My friends will love you as much as…” his eyes softened, “as much as I love you.”
If a person could melt, I would have in that moment. I would have simply turned into a Riley puddle at this man’s feet. Instead, I stood on strong legs and raised a hand to his cheek. “I love you too, Xavier. I know we haven’t known each other long, and I know we still have so much to learn about the other. But I want to know you. I want to learn everything I can about you. I want us to make sure that everything we currently feel will stand up to the test of time.”
He nodded, his face certain. “It will.”
I pushed up to my toes and pressed my lips against his. “It will if we’re both honest with each other. And we stand together through good times and bad.”
He kissed me again, softer and sweeter than before. Then he swatted my behind. “Go, get ready. We have a very important meeting and don’t want to be late.”
As I headed to the bathroom, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Xavier had said that he’d have to work a long time to win my trust, and he was right. Trust couldn’t be earned with a single act, but what he planned to do today would be a good start. We’d both need to work on trusting each other as we got to know the other better. Then we’d have to see where this thing between us led.