CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Riley
“It’s not that bad.”
I jerked at the voice so close to me and turned to look at Preston. My coworker smiled and leaned on the croissant case. “I know it’s Saturday, but we’ll be out of here soon.”
“Sorry. Was I moping?”
“If that’s what you call staring out the window with an abject longing look on your face, then yes.”
My face flooded with heat. It wasn’t the sunny day outside that I was thinking about. It was Xavier. We hadn’t spoken since we left his building together, and it was already three o’clock on Saturday. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be hearing from him all weekend. If ever.
I’d been thinking long and hard about what Ann-Marie said, and I still felt helpless. I figured that I couldn’t make a decision about Xavier one way or the other until I learned more about what was going on in his life.
If only he’d let me in. He always managed to dodge any question I asked about his past. I didn’t know anything about his friends or his family, and I felt like I’d shared more about myself than most people did in six months.
Maybe he just needed some space. It could have been that he was having problems with work or a friend, and he needed time to let things settle down. Which meant I just had to wait. Unfortunately, that part ripped at my soul. I had all of the next day off, and no plans whatsoever. If I ended up watching my phone, waiting for him to call, I would lose my freaking mind.
“If there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean,” Dan’s voice boomed. Preston straightened up from where he still leaned against the baked goods case, and I quickly rubbed the towel in my hand against the counter. Hopefully, it looked like I was in the middle of wiping something up.
“It’s dead out here,” Dan commented, coming to stand next to us. He put his hands on his hips and scrunched his face up. I’d already apologized to him about Xavier’s interrogation the other night, but Dan’s mood toward me seemed to have hardened even more. He never accepted my apology and just said, “Don’t let it happen again.”
“We just had a rush fifteen minutes ago,” I offered.
“Hm.” His eyes lazily roved across the storefront. There were two women chatting in the far corner, but other than that the shop sat empty. The kitchen was winding up for the day and Preston and I were the only two staff members left up front. With the next shift coming on in thirty minutes, I wasn’t jealous at all for the night’s closer. They were going to have a long evening ahead of them.
Dan continued to stand near us, staring at the window. Preston shuffled away toward the cash register, where he started adjusting credit card receipts.
“Who’s closing tonight?” I innocently asked Dan, purely out of a need to kill the uncomfortable silence.
“I’ll need you to.”
“What?”
Over Dan’s shoulder, Preston made a disgusted face at our manager’s back. His distaste for Dan had never been a secret — except to Dan.
“You’re not working at your other job tonight, are you?” Dan asked. “You put that you were available on this week’s schedule.
“No,” I slowly answered. “I’m not working there tonight.”
“Great, so you can close up here.”
“But wasn’t someone already scheduled? You know, with more than thirty minutes’ notice?”
He scratched his jaw and looked away. “I couldn’t find anyone.”
With no further explanation, he left the front and retreated into his tiny office, closing the door behind him. Preston immediately came over to me. “He means he forgot to put someone on the schedule for tonight.”
“What? No. How could he forget? There’s a block right there. All you do is fill someone’s name in.”
Preston raised an eyebrow. “He’s done it before.”
My temples started to pound. “Are you serious?”
“Yep.”
I exhaled so hard my lips flapped against each other. “Great.”
“Why didn’t you tell him you can’t do it?”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I blinked them away. “Because I don’t want to be difficult. I need to get promoted.”
Preston looked like he smelled something bad. “Here? In this place? You’re telling me working at Crumbs is your dream job?”
I shook my head. “Just for a little while.”
“Hm.” The front doorbell tinkled, and a family with small children entered. Preston went to help them, leaving me all alone. My skin felt unusually hot, and my stomach churned like I was about to hurl.
“I’m taking my break,” I called to Preston, who waved his hand over his shoulder at me in acknowledgment.
I took my apron off and went out through the front door. There was a bench along the border of Crumbs and the clothing shop next door. I plopped down there, closed my eyes, and began to take deep breaths. I expected each one to make me feel better, but they didn’t. Instead, I just became increasingly panicked.
What was I doing here? What if all the extra time and energy I’d put into impressing Dan turned out to be for nothing? I would have loved to blame my fear on Xavier, to tell myself that his outburst had likely sabotaged my chances of getting promoted, but I didn’t really think that was true. Dan had never shown any preference toward me. There was no guarantee my time at this bakery would ever get me where I wanted to go.
I should just go back to school. I should take the money I’ve saved and do it. Or go to some other bakery. Somewhere that cares about their employees and will give me a real chance.
My phone buzzed, interrupting my meditation session. I pulled it from my pocket and saw a calendar reminder there. Pick up couch. 6PM.
“Shoot,” I whispered. I’d completely forgotten about the couch. That settled it. Putting my phone away, I went back into the shop. The family from earlier had left and there were no new customers, so I went past the counter and right to Dan’s office, where I knocked on the closed door.
“Who is it?” he asked.
“It’s Riley.”
“What’s up?”
“I need to talk to you… about tonight.”
A few seconds passed, then the door opened. Dan looked down at me. “What about tonight?”
“I forgot that I can’t stay late after all. I need to help my roommate pick up this couch. She found a really good one on Craigslist, and we have to go get it tonight or else they’ll sell…” I clamped my mouth shut, realizing I was babbling and overexplaining when I shouldn’t need to.
“Can’t someone else help her?”
The chances of finding someone who was willing to spend their Saturday evening heaving a couch up several flights of stairs seemed pretty low. “I don’t think so,” I answered.
Dan sucked on his teeth. “She can get back on Craigslist and find someone to help her. It’ll cost thirty bucks. You’ll make more than that closing tonight.”
I wanted so badly to be agreeable. I needed so badly to be agreeable. But it was like Dan didn’t even get what he was saying. We were supposed to be picking up the couch in three hours. Relying on some stranger from the internet to help sounded like a bad idea in and of itself. And then there was the ever-cautious Ann-Marie. I didn’t need to mention the idea to her to know she would be staunchly against having some random dude in our apartment.
I lifted my chin. “I’m sorry. She needs me to help her.”
Dan’s chest puffed and his shoulders rose almost all the way to his ears. “I thought this job was important to you, Riley.”
“It is important to me.”
His nostrils flared, and he took a tiny step closer. “Maybe it’s not a good fit.”
I stared at Dan, my eyes blinking over and over again. I couldn’t believe he was suggesting what I thought he was. I’d given more hours to this bakery than anyone else who worked here. I’d postponed concerts with Ann-Marie, trips home on the weekends, and better money just to work overtime at Crumbs. I didn’t see anyone else doing those things.
And then it hit me. No one else was doing those things because they weren’t stupid like I was. They hadn’t been allowing themselves to be used.
Dan slowly shook his head. “I thought I could count on you, Riley. You’re my main girl up front. That’s why I need you to pull through for tonight. If you can’t do it, we’ll need to seriously consider whether you belong here or not.”
My eyes burned as I stared back at Dan. “You know, what? You’re right. I’m actually not a good fit for this job.”
Dan’s eyes widened. Seeing his surprise spurred me on. A strength bubbled up from somewhere deep inside and rushed through me like a shot of adrenaline. The words flew from my mouth like they were there all along, just waiting to get out. “I’m actually worth a lot more than this. This job barely pays my bills, and you walk all over me. So, goodbye.” I tossed my apron on the floor between us. “And next time you make the schedule, you might want to think about double-checking it to make sure you actually filled the whole thing out.”
Dan’s face turned red, and his jaw worked around, preparing to shoot something back, but I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. I no longer cared. Spinning around, I grabbed my purse from the nearby staff coat area and breezed into the bakery.
“What’s up?” Preston asked.
I didn’t break my stride for a second. “I just quit.”
I heard Preston’s thrilled whoop from behind me. A second later, I was out the door, the bell jingling behind me for the last time. My shoes slammed against the pavement as I left Crumbs far behind. Each step became lighter and lighter, until I actually thought I might be soaring.
I couldn’t believe I just did that. I’d just quit that shitty job. That shitty job that I thought I needed. And yet here I was, feeling more relieved than I think I ever have in my whole life. It was like a massive weight had been lifted off my chest. I was free to live my life.
I just couldn’t understand how I did it. The girl who said those things to Dan was nothing like the Riley I was used to. She was someone else entirely.
I entered the subway station and caught the train. It was nearly full, but I managed to grab a seat right by the doors. Collapsing against the cool plastic, I closed my eyes and replayed the scene over in my head. Dan’s pudgy cheeks turning purple and red. The dramatic way I threw my apron on the floor. Preston’s triumphant cry.
Ann-Marie was always telling me to leave that job. She would be so proud to hear I finally did. And so would Xavier.
That thought made my eyes snap back open. Xavier. Because of the drama that just happened with Dan, I actually managed to go twenty minutes without wondering what Xavier was up to.
He’d be happy to hear about what I’d just done. Maybe. Actually, there was no telling just what his reaction would be, considering he acted so strange the last time I saw him.
It was partly because of him that I quit my job. Or maybe entirely because of him. He was the person who pushed me to be more decisive and assertive. And now I’d finally done just that.
Just not with him.
It was a hard pill to swallow. Here I was, standing my ground at work and taking charge of my life. It was exactly what I didn’t do with Xavier. I’d been allowing him to call the shots in our short relationship, without demanding that I get a say in things as well. He may have never opened up the door to me, but I’d never taken it upon myself to knock.
I sat on the seat in shock, staring at the floor. I’d been so dumb. How much of my life had I spent sitting around, just waiting for people to give me what I wanted? I went to school and studied something I didn’t care about because I didn’t have the balls to do what I wanted to do. I got a job at Crumbs and nearly killed myself putting in hours with the hopes I’d be noticed. And I started dating a man that I fell head over heels for, but who I never once asserted myself with.
My whole life had been speeding by, and no one had been guiding it. I’d thought I was present for it all, but I’d actually been checked out almost twenty-four-seven. No more. This passive way of living had to end, and it had to end that very day.