Over the next few weeks they fell into a comfortable routine. Cameron and the kids would get up, have breakfast, and then go on some sort of outing. Sometimes it was just to the park or the grocery store. Other times he’d take them to a museum, the movie theater, or one of the many festivals around the city. Then they would go home for lunch and spend the afternoon in the backyard, and more often than not their friends would come over, and there would be a yard full of kids running around and playing.

Most of the other families in the neighborhood had nannies, some had stay-at-home moms, and one had a stay-at-home dad. When the kids would all play together, the nannies grouped themselves, and the moms and one dad would talk to each other, and it kind of left Cameron on the outside. Even when they were all in the Meyers’ backyard.

It was a bit isolating, but instead of sitting around and waiting for someone to talk to him, Cameron would set up games for the kids, playing with them instead of just watching them play. It was a little hard to have games that all three age groups could take part in, so he tended to keep the boys and their friends running around and Kaitlyn and his friends playing separately so they wouldn’t get hurt.

It was fun. The more kids there were, the more elaborate his games could be, and the more involved he could get everyone.

He also did his best to keep his distance from Nathan. It was hard. His very presence made Cameron’s pulse beat a little quicker and his skin flush. Watching him with his kids made Cameron happy but interacting with Nathan made him flustered.

Nathan was nothing but cordial and also seemed to be keeping his distance from Cameron. Nathan didn’t seem all that affected by him, but every once and a while Cameron would catch Nathan looking at him, either from across the table or the room, and his gaze would be slightly intense and a little bit heated.

Cameron felt like a high schooler with a crush, but even as a teenager, he’d never reacted this strongly to anyone. He didn’t know what it was about Nathan that attracted him so much. He was handsome, that was obvious, but he was also kind, sharp, and funny, and a good conversationalist. He was everything a guy could ask for, and everything Cameron needed to stay away from.

Most nights Nathan would come down to sit with the kids and either color or play games with them while Cameron made dinner before they would all sit down together and eat.

It took a few nights before Nathan was able to relax, but after the first week, he really seemed to loosen up, and the four of them would laugh and joke and play while he kept busy preparing their meal.

It was incredible to watch, and it made him so happy for them, but at the same time, a part of him was sad for himself. Cameron had never had a relationship with his dad, and he missed that, but his dad was gone, and Nathan was still here, and his kids needed him. He was just glad Nathan had listened and not fired him for overstepping all those weeks ago.

After the kids were in bed, he would go to the library and read. There were so many books, and he always had a stack next to the comfy leather chair he’d staked out. More often than not he’d have more than one book on the go.

It was a comfortable routine. He got all his chores done, and the kids were happy and blossoming. Nathan was getting involved, and while his paycheck was definitely earned, it wasn’t a hard job because he was enjoying himself.

***

NEARLY A MONTH AFTER he’d come to work at the house, Cameron found himself with a rare night off. The kids had all been invited to sleepovers, and he was on his own until he picked them up at lunch the next day.

It was Friday night, and he was wandering around the house trying to find something to do. He hadn’t told any of his sisters that he had the night off. He’d barely seen anyone since he’d started working, and while he missed them, he did like the freedom of having the whole house to himself.

He’d read for a little while but had gotten restless and had gone down to make himself a snack. Once he’d eaten, he’d wandered around the first floor trying to find something to do. He didn’t feel like watching a movie, and it was late enough that going for a walk was out of the question, so he just wandered.

He found himself in the sitting room, and his eyes landed on a cluster of photographs in the glass cabinet.

There were baby pictures of the kids, and family photos of them with Nathan and who he assumed was their other father. The man was pretty much his opposite. Cameron was five-six, slender, and looked closer to twenty than twenty-six. Nathan’s husband was even taller than Nathan, broad-shouldered, and had a body that looked like the man had spent a lot of time in a gym. He was blond with kind-looking brown eyes and a welcoming smile.

If this was the sort of man Nathan was attracted to, then Cameron really needed to get over his little crush because there was no way Nathan would ever see him as anything more than a kid.

“See anything you like?”

Cameron let out a surprised squeal as he spun around. He hadn’t been expecting Nathan to get home for at least another hour.

“Careful,” Nathan warned, stepping into the room as Cameron teetered precariously on his feet for a second. He’d spun around a bit too fast and had nearly tripped.

“You scared me,” he admonished as he stared at Nathan, his heart thundering in his chest.

“Sorry, I thought you heard me come in.” Nathan moved into the room and stood near the fancy white sofa. 

“How long were you standing there?” Cameron asked, his voice a little breathy. His heart was still racing, and he was having a hard time pulling his gaze from Nathan’s.

“Not long.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been looking at them.” Cameron looked down at the hardwood floors, his cheeks flushing.

“They’re just pictures. If I didn’t want them seen, then I wouldn’t have put them up,” Nathan said pointedly.

“That’s true.”

“Why do you look so sad?”

“What?”

“You seem sad, why?” Nathan asked again.

“I don’t have any family pictures, not with my parents at least. I guess seeing all of these reminded me of that.”

Nathan sat down on the sofa and nodded for Cameron to sit with him. He carefully made his way over to the very fancy and not altogether comfortable piece of furniture and sat down, leaving a few inches of space between them.

“You don’t have any family pictures?”

“No, and really none of my childhood.”

“Why is that?” Nathan asked, leaning back on the sofa.

“I was what you’d call a ‘late in life surprise.’ Mom and Dad already had four girls, and they thought they were done with kids. Then I came along and ruined all their plans.”

“What do you mean?”

“My parents started having their kids early. They were high school sweethearts and got married right out of college. Then they had my sisters in less than eight years. When I came along, they were in their early forties, and they were dealing with four teenagers. All that baby and family stuff that they’d done with my sisters was out of their systems. So I have no baby pictures and no family portraits.”

“That must have been lonely.”

“It was okay. My sisters were like a bunch of moms to me and were really involved in my life; it’s my parents who checked out.”

“Do you know why?”

Cameron sighed and rubbed his hands on his shorts. “Mom had severe postpartum depression after I was born. She hadn’t had it with my sisters, but with me, it hit her hard. She could barely function and take care of herself, so it kind of fell on the girls to raise me.”

“What about your dad?”

“He was a man’s man, you know? Apparently, he was happy to have a boy after four girls, but I think that every time he looked at me he saw eighteen more years of having to bring home the money and take care of yet another kid.”

“Did it get better as you got older?” Nathan asked, his voice soft as his eyes searched Cameron’s.

“Not really. Mom died when I was five. They say it was an accidental overdose of medication, but with her depression, well, I’m not so sure it wasn’t suicide.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Cameron.”

“That left Dad alone to take care of all of us. He was overwhelmed and absent, and when I came out, it killed any hope I’d ever had of having a relationship with him.”

“He didn’t accept it?”

“No. He didn’t kick me out or abuse me, but he didn’t approve. I wasn’t allowed to talk about being gay or have guys over. He hated how small I am and how I’m slightly femme. My sisters were great, awesome really. They all accepted it right away and supported me. But it still didn’t make up for the fact that my father wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I’m sorry, Cameron.”

“What about you? Did you have problems when you came out?”

“Not really.” Nathan sighed. “I waited until high school to tell my family, and they were fine with it. Some friends had issues, but my parents never made a big deal out of it.”

“You’re lucky.”

“Yes, I was.” Nathan nodded. “You said that your father died?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah, almost seven years ago. He had a stroke from years of smoking. I was twenty when he died.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Cameron shrugged. His parents had been gone for a long time; the pain wasn’t exactly fresh anymore.

“You know, I’ve been working here for a month, but I still don’t know anything about you. Or what you do when you’re holed up in your study all day.”

“I’m a writer,” Nathan said after a pause.

“What do you write?”

“College textbooks mostly. History”

“You have your PhD?”

Nathan nodded. “I used to teach  at the college, but I'm focused on writing and research now.”

“Wow, that’s impressive.” Cameron bit his lip and paused. Now that he’d told Nathan so much about his life and childhood he knew he should just shut his mouth and walk away. He’d already revealed so much, and this was really only their third private conversation.

“Why did you chose to become a nanny, Cameron? I know you told me it’s because you couldn’t find a teaching job, but what’s the real reason?”

“The second school I interviewed for told me that on paper I was perfect for the job, but they couldn’t hire me because of what the parents might think. I’d already heard that one, so I wasn’t exactly surprised, but then they added that if I’d been more ‘straight acting,’ I would have been offered the job.

“I am who I am, and I spent a lot of time hating that I’m not big and masculine. I’m never going to pass for being a ‘bro’ or straight, and I’m okay with that. I stepped out of the closet once; I’m not about to go back in it. That’s when I realized I’d made a mistake. Being a nanny seemed the best alternative.”

Nathan nodded, his intense eyes never leaving Cameron’s.

“What was your husband’s name?” Cameron blurted out, then winced. He really had no right to ask that, and he could really stand to work on his tact.

“Jason.”

“Are you divorced?” he asked carefully, not sure if he was crossing some sort of line.

Nathan stiffened for a moment before he shook his head. “I’m a widower.”

“I’m so sorry.” Cameron could kick himself. He’d always had a habit of speaking out before thinking about the impact of his words. He was about to tell Nathan that he never should have brought it up when he saw the other man sigh. 

“He passed away, three years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated softly.

“It was a car accident. It was so sudden. One minute he’s here and we’re happy, and the next he’s gone and I’m alone.”

Cameron bit his lip, unsure of what he could say that wouldn’t make Nathan feel any worse.

“Do you want to talk about him?” he asked after a pregnant pause.

“We met in college, and after only three dates, I knew he was the man for me.” Nathan smiled as his eyes took on a faraway look. “He was older than me. He was in his first year of medical school when I was a sophomore, but that didn’t matter. We dated, had a commitment ceremony right after I graduated, and found a surrogate so we could start our family.”

“So the kids are...”

“Logan is mine, genetically, and Kaitlyn and Daniel are Jason’s.” Nathan pushed his hair back from his forehead. “We did the swirl for them, and I only had DNA tests done after Jason died in case there was ever an issue with paternity.”

“Why would there be an issue?”

“We never married legally. We were going to get around to it at some point, but things were so busy. He was establishing up his practice, and we had the kids. It just never seemed important.”

“Have there been problems?”

“No. I thought that his parents might come after me for custody of Kaitlyn and Daniel, but they didn’t. They hadn’t been a part of Jason’s life since he came out, and they’ve never met the kids. I had no idea what would happen when they found out Jason had died, but I was worried for nothing.”

“I’m sorry for that. I know what it’s like to have a parent who doesn’t accept you.”

“My parents accepted me, but we didn’t have the best relationship,” Nathan said carefully.

“What do you mean?”

“My dad had his own business, and he put most of his energy into it. He was barely home, and when he was, he didn’t really have anything to do with me. My mom was a socialite, and she wasn’t around much either.”

He looked at his hands for a moment and then up at Cameron. “That’s why everything you said that night kind of hit home before. I’m not present. I used to be. Before Jason died, we did everything as a family and I knew my kids. But when I lost him, I kind of lost myself. I pulled away from them in my grief, and it became the new normal, and that’s not okay. It’s sad, but the closest person I had when I was young was my nanny.” He shook his head and gave Cameron a wry grin. “Hence why I wanted a nanny for my kids while I was trying to figure this single-father thing out.”

“You didn’t want one to raise them for you, but to give them what you had.” Cameron nodded, understanding what Nathan was trying to say.

“You’re pretty adept,” Nathan said with a smile.

“I have my moments. I’m not always a klutz who trips over their own feet.”

Nathan laughed and reached out to pat Cameron’s hand.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t notice if that would make you feel better.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” Cameron swallowed and looked down at where Nathan’s big hand covered his. The fluttering in his chest and stomach intensified when Nathan made no move to pull his hand away. Instead, he shifted his hand and slid it under Cameron’s, so they were palm to palm.

Nathan’s skin was soft, and his hands were warm. Cameron’s breath caught in his throat as he tore his eyes away from their hands and looked up at Nathan. He was staring at Cameron with that heated gaze again, and there was also lust and longing in the other man’s eyes. Cameron didn’t know how to react to that, what to think about any of what was happening.

Nathan’s gaze moved from his eyes to his lips and back again. Cameron held his breath as Nathan reached out with his free hand and tipped his chin up as he leaned forward slightly.

Nathan was looking at him so intently, his eyes almost looking through him. Cameron’s heart rate sped up, his skin flushed, and a zing of anticipation rushed through his body. There was a part of his mind telling him to pull away. To run now before it was too late. But the bigger part didn’t want to move.

Gently, Nathan used his hand to guide Cameron towards him as he leaned forward. Cameron drew in a shallow breath and let his eyes flutter closed, giving in to the moment. Nathan’s lips brushed his in a soft kiss before he pulled back.

“What are we doing?” Cameron asked softly as he opened his eyes. His lips were tingling from the kiss and adrenaline was surging through his body. The kiss may have been so soft and chaste, not much more than a lingering peck, but it had rocked him to his core.

“I don’t know,” Nathan said just as softly as he looked into Cameron’s eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”

Cameron knew he should say yes. He should stop it now so they could go their separate ways and forget that first kiss had ever happened, but he couldn’t.

“No,” he whispered and leaned toward Nathan, closing the distance between them as their lips met for a second time.

The kiss was exploratory. Soft but still firm, and it made Cameron’s head spin. Nathan’s hand slipped from his cheek into his hair, gently fisting the long strands so he could tug on them, causing Cameron to moan in pleasure.

Nathan wrapped his other arm around Cameron’s waist and tugged him until he was spilled across his lap. He pulled Cameron against his body, and Cameron settled his legs on either side of Nathan’s hips so he was straddling him, his hands on Nathan’s broad shoulders. It was as though his entire body was on fire and every part of him that Nathan was touching felt warm. Cameron shivered against Nathan as the material of their shirts rubbed together, and Nathan pulled him even closer. It was as though Cameron’s skin was hypersensitive, and every touch sent a jolt of pleasure through him.

Nathan tipped Cameron back, forcing him to sit squarely on his lap as he pressed their bodies flush together. His lips were hard, and his kiss was demanding, and Cameron groaned against his mouth as he felt Nathan’s cock, hard and hot against his thigh.

He was almost dizzy from the onslaught of sensations. All he could do was cling to Nathan and kiss him back as his body tightened and his breaths started to come out in small gasps.

Cameron wanted him. Every kiss, every touch made him want more, and he cried out as Nathan slid his hand up under the bottom of his shirt, his hand teasing the skin on his back. Nathan gripped his hair even tighter, holding his head still as he took control of the kiss. He was showing Cameron how much he wanted him, and it was incredible.

Nathan crushed his body to him and groaned against his lips as Cameron’s hands tangled in his hair. Cameron kissed Nathan back with as much force and passion as he could, wanting to match Nathan and show him how much he was enjoying the moment.

Nathan pulled them back until he was leaning against the couch. There wasn’t a millimeter of space anywhere between them, and Nathan’s strong body felt both hard and soft against him.

Nathan’s hand slid out from under his shirt and moved to cup his ass, squeezing the globe with his strong hand.

Suddenly Cameron’s senses came back to him, and he pulled back. Nathan was staring at him in shock, and Cameron panicked.

He shook his head and slid off Nathan’s lap. It took him a second to get his footing, and the urge to run was overwhelming.

Before Nathan could move or say something, Cameron backed away, 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly as he rushed out the door and ran towards the stairs.

***

NATHAN LAY IN HIS BED, staring up at the ceiling. He shouldn’t have done that. He never should have kissed Cameron. He was his kid’s nanny. Nathan was his boss, and Cameron lived in his house. It was wrong on so many levels and unethical on a few more, but he’d forgotten all of that the moment his lips had touched Cameron’s.

He could still feel Cameron’s tight body against his, his warm skin under his hands, and his soft lips kissing his. He could still smell his slightly spicy shampoo, and he could still see the desire in Cameron’s eyes as he’d looked at him.

Every touch had inflamed his desire for Cameron. Every sigh and moan that had escaped Cameron’s lips had increased Nathan’s passion for him. Every kiss had made him want more, and he’d almost lost himself in the moment.

He didn’t know what would have happened if Cameron hadn’t pulled away. He hadn’t even been thinking as his hand had moved from Cameron’s back to his ass. He’d just needed to touch him, to feel him. He’d wanted Cameron so badly that every other thought had been driven from his mind and he’d been lost in the moment, and in him.

Nathan shook his head, trying to force the feelings and memories out of his mind as he rolled over. His heart was pounding, and his breathing was a little labored. It had been hours since their kiss, and he still couldn’t calm his body down. 

It was the first time he’d touched another man romantically since he’d lost Jason, and he hadn’t even hesitated.

Giving up, Nathan swung his legs over the side of his bed. There was no way he was going to be able to get to sleep, not for a long time. He might as well get up and do something to distract himself.

That couldn’t happen again. He would have to stay away from Cameron unless the kids were there. Being alone with him could prove too much for his willpower, and he might cross a line that could never be uncrossed.