“-ames! James! Wake up!” Jerking up to sit, I sucked a sharp, ragged inhale as Caroline’s concerned face filled my vision. Her firm hands cupped my cheeks, and I bit down hard on my inner cheek as my teeth chattered wildly. Gasping for air, I blinked hard as the vestige of my nightmare clung to the darkness at the edge of my vision. “You’re okay… deep breaths. It was just a nightmare, James.”

Licking my dry, cracked lips did nothing to moisten them, and I wrapped my palm around my neck to feel my burning throat. Sweat slickened my skin, and Caroline cooed and shushed softly as she held my face with her gentle touch. Her words didn’t really breach the fog in my mind for a few seconds, and I shook my head hard as I tried to calm my racing heart.

“It was real- Caroline, I-“ Taking a huge breath through my nose, I let my hand fall only to start shaking, rattling all the way to my elbow. “I- It was real. I was there- here- t-“

“Shh-… Relax, James. I’m here.” My bedroom lights were on, dull and a dusty gold, and I stared at Caroline’s pale face. Despite how empty my mind was, my fingers found their way around her waist. Sitting on the edge of my bed, she stroked my cheekbones with soft thumbs that helped me regain some control.

Letting my head fall on her shoulder, I relished her heat against my forehead while her fingers swept into my hair. The comforting gesture made my eyes sting and my nose clog, and I tightened my grip on her hips and clenched my jaw tightly.

“… Do you have nightmares every night?” Caroline’s gentle probe caused my lungs to stutter, and I hiccupped a breath in answer. Stroking my head soothingly, she hummed softly in my ear before her voice wrapped me in its cocoon again. “I heard you talking in your sleep… about someone torturing a woman… you said something about a baby. Is that what happened, James? In that room?”

“Sh- she… she was a druggie… and Frank- Frank is a fucking psycho, Caroline… He- he did… things- he k- killed her…” I realized in some small part of my mind that I wasn’t making sense to her, but Caroline still acted like she understood. Scooting closer, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders with a small sigh that dried the sweat on the nape of my neck.

“That’s not your fault, James.”

“But I knew…” Slithering around her waist, my arms trembled almost as badly as my voice, and I took a shuddering, shallow breath. “I knew- I knew he was messed up… but… but I did it anyway.”

“But it’s not your fault. Sometimes good people can’t help but do terrible things, but that doesn’t mean you’re terrible, James. It was this Frank guy’s baby, right? It’s his fault- he made the choices, not you.” Finally, my heart didn’t feel like it’d squeeze between my ribs, and I dug my forehead into Caroline’s shoulder in a bare nod. “Do you want to talk about it? I get the general gist of it, but if you want to talk, I’ll listen.”

“… I- She… she detoxed h- here. And the screaming- I never… I never heard anything like that... Always screaming… constantly unless Frank knocked her out because she couldn’t sleep…” Sputtering slightly, I sniffled hard to catch a whiff of Caroline’s natural body odor. Taking a deeper breath, I held her smell in my lungs before my body couldn’t handle the pressure. “A whole week it took her t- to detox completely… I had to be here… I- I didn’t want Frank to hurt his baby… or her. But… in the end… he- he just stabbed her in the neck… I’ve heard that before- the gurgling and gasping… but that was different.”

“Oh, James…” Carefully Caroline lifted my head, and my quivering muscles did nothing to resist her. Tilting into her touch, I gulped down the tight, burning lump in my throat as her breath flowed down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“I chose to… I could’ve said ‘no’- should’ve said ‘no’.” Mumbling softly, I cracked open aching eyelids to stare at Caroline’s sparkling orbs. “I chose it. I- I wanted to know the worst parts about Frank… I thought I could handle it… but- but he’s…”

I couldn’t even think of a word to describe Frank, and Caroline nodded with a slight frown dragging down the corners of her mouth.

“Don’t worry, now. He’s not here anymore, James. How about I go get you some water, okay?” Leaving my face, Caroline’s fingers wrapped around my biceps to push gently, and I forced myself to relax my grip. Slowly she shuffled into her wheelchair, and I reached to rub my face with the butts of my palms as she wheeled herself out of my room.

This was getting out of control, I realized. If Caroline heard me all the way from the living room, beyond my closed door, I had to be yelling.

“Fuck-“ Swiping back my hair, I tossed off the blankets and threw my legs over the edge of my bed. Propping my elbows on my knees, I held my face in my hands to contemplate the shit storm I’d made of my life. Not to mention I dragged Caroline into my shit…

“You might not feel all that great right now, James, but you’ll feel better in the morning. Talking helps, no matter why you don’t want to share.” A cold bottle pressed against my forearm to accompany Caroline’s soft words, and I lifted my heavy head. Her small smile was almost heartbroken, and my heat squeezed at the sight. She couldn’t understand, but she knew that; she only felt what was in her capacity.

Taking the bottle with an unsteady hand, I twisted the top and let it fall to the floor. The cold water gorged my taste buds, banishing the dryness in my throat as I chugged half the contents. Heaving a sigh, I shook my head absently as she watched me intently.

“Thank you, Caroline.” Croaking out my gratefulness, I caught her gaze and held it. Caroline only smiled a bit wider, and after a moment I leaned back to roll my shoulders. Hundred-pound weights had been lifted from my chest, and I took a deep, steady breath through my nose.

“You’re welcome, James. Do you want me to stay with you?” Reluctance seeped into my bones, and I pursed my lips together before nodding slowly. Caroline smiled wider, and she reached for the brakes of her chair and spoke up. “I’ll tell you one of my favorite stories. It’s Jack and the Beanstalk.”

“I’m not a kid, you know.” Saying those four, tiny words made me feel small and childish, and Caroline arched both her brows. Rolling my eyes, I set the water bottle on the floor to shuffle onto my bed.

“You want me to just sit here awkwardly in silence, watching you try to fall asleep, like a creep? No. Now shut up. It’s story time. One day, in a magical land, there lived a boy named Jack…” Staring at my pointedly, Caroline smirked widely as she began her story. Laying down stiffly, I covered my lower half and propped my head on my arm before closing my eyes. “He lived on a farm, and was very poor. All he wanted to do all day was dream about being a knight of his kingdom, and having all of the glory that came with it…”

Caroline’s voice washed away my episode, as if it’d never been. No ghosts clung under my eyelids, and my ears didn’t buzz with phantom screams. Slowly my muscles unwound as she described her characters with an ease that came from practice. Goosebumps rose on my skin when I heard a dreamy lilt in her words, as if she wished she had such a fanciful life.

“… and Jack had almost made it to the market square before he saw the princess’s procession. Everyone around him ducked their heads, but he craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the woman inside the litter. He saw dark curls and a face that was smooth and the color of cream. He tightened his grip on the rope keeping his cow from running away, and in that moment, he made a decision. His desire to be a knight peaked when he saw who he could be protecting…”

My scope of comprehension narrowed as Caroline weaved her tale, and I found myself missing small portions.

“’Beans?’, said Jack. ‘I don’t need no beans. I need money. Unless you got five silver pieces, go away.’ But the man only smiled and shook his head. ‘No, boy. I got magic beans. Worth more than a hundred gold pieces- a thousand silver pieces. I’ll trade you my beans for that cow.’…”