Breakfast was quiet, and the Army ration tasted worse than usual. Staring blankly into space as I shoveled food into my mouth, I couldn’t seem to get rid of the frown on my face. Sitting next to me on the couch, James was tense and distracted, and I swallowed my bite harshly before opening my mouth.

“Are you going to be okay, James?” We’d avoided talking about my departure since we woke up, and I winced at how shaky my voice was. If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t feel comfortable leaving James alone. I’d only just began to scratch the surface of what haunted him, and now I was leaving. My gaze flickered to the satellite phone that sat on the coffee table, and I pursed my lips together.

Last night, after James fell asleep, I had half a mind to call my dad and tell him not to come. I couldn’t just abandon something I’d just started. James didn’t deserve that. Despite the guilt that ate away at my gut, I couldn’t find the courage to call.

It was such a shitty feeling.

“I’m 37 years old, Caroline. I can deal without being babysat.” James’ nasty tone struck a chord in me, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Twisting to glare at him, I watched through narrowed eyes as he scowled darkly into his ration bag. He had a rather large rod shoved up his ass this morning, and I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with it. Sleeping in a wheelchair wasn’t nearly as comfortable as it seemed, after all.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Don’t be such an ass. I’ll come back if you want once my ankle’s better. Or did you forget that I have broken bones?” Shooting me a glare of his own, James scoffed as I tightened my grip on my breakfast. The bag squelched softly, but it wasn’t noticed under the hot, intense atmosphere that swirled between us.

“I didn’t fucking forget. Don’t get pissed at me for something that was going to happen anyway. You were never going to stay here more than a couple of days- we both knew that. If you weren’t so fucking nosy, I wouldn’t be pissed off.” Clenching my jaw, I couldn’t deny that James was at least partly right. This wasn’t a lasting arraignment, and we did know that, even if I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Letting out my breath sharply, I dropped my spork into my bag to set it on the coffee table.

“Well, sorry for trying to help you, James. You’re a grown ass man- you can’t blame this entirely on me. You’re just as capable of calling 911 as I am. If you didn’t want me around, you could’ve called at any time.” Snapping back, I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff. “I should’ve called when I woke up and spared you the misery of some fucking company.”

“Fuck you, alright? I brought you here out of my own volition and you fucking pick my brain like it’s your job.” A harsh gasp flew from my throat, and I clenched my hands into tight fists as James snorted. Red started to seep into the corners of my vision, a lump forming in my throat that labored my already hot, shallow breaths. “I could’ve ignored your damn dog and you would have one less foot right now. And you haven’t even thanked me. So, don’t act like you’re God’s gift to me to make me see the light.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” I was going to choke on my own anger if I spoke another word, and James rolled his eyes. Pushing himself up roughly, he snatched my discarded bag to storm into the kitchen. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I scrunched up my face in an attempt to calm down. Forcing myself to take big breaths, I counted slowly to ten before speaking up.

“I am grateful to you, James- I really am…” What else could I say? The question had no answer, and I unfurled my arms to rub my palms together while my brain churned. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to leave you out here with nobody. It’s not good for you.”

“I can leave whenever I want and rejoin society. Just because you know doesn’t mean you have an obligation to watch over me, Caroline.” James was right behind me, and I lifted my head as his hands came down on my shoulders to squeeze gently. “After my last deployment, I came home and did nothing for years. I bought this house because of Frank, but you said it yourself last night- he’s not here. I’m going finish what the people before me started. Who knows… maybe it’ll be something I’m good at?”

“I think you would be. And you can always call me if you want to. I can come ba-“ A shrill beeping cut me off, and I flopped my head forward to look at the phone on the coffee table. Rolling my lips between my teeth, I shivered slightly when James released my shoulders. Leaning to grab the device, my body ached in protest at the knowledge of who was calling.

My dad wanted directions, which meant he was on his way.

“Hello?” Part of me rejoiced to hear my father’s voice, but the soft creak of the floors when James walked around the couch staunched any smile that threatened to breach my lips.

“Hey, CareBear. Do you have any way of getting me where I’m going? I’m about to reach the campsite exit in about a mile.” Glancing at James as he sat on the couch, I held my breath before lifting the phone from my ear. He took it wordlessly, staring at it to take a deep breath through his grim expression.

Drowning out their conversation, I stared at my lap as my mind worked at a steady pace. I shouldn’t feel so bad for leaving, I knew; James would’ve never came into my life if I hadn’t been stupid and left my tent after dark. It should’ve been easy to slip out of his just as I’d arrived.

But my stupid self went and made it complicated.

“He’ll be here in half an hour.” Humming softly at that, I clasped my hands in my lap while James set the phone back on the table. “Don’t feel bad, Caroline.”

“I promise to come back, though…” My response was pathetic, and James shuffled to sit directly next to me. His body was warm, the muscles in his arm hard against mine, and I rested my head on his shoulder with a sigh.

“It’ll take at least six weeks for that to heal. Your fractured ankle should be good in half that. Maybe I’ll call you up and we can make plans for the house?” Nodding silently, my heart squeezed at how long it’d take to fix my idiocy. Six weeks might as well have been a lifetime after what happened these past two days.

One moment I closed my eyes, and the next I heard the familiar sound of my dad’s truck outside. Stiffening, I opened my eyes to turn to James. His lips were a thin line, pupils restricted and face pinched, and I held my breath as he shrugged off my head.

Hauling himself off the sofa, James grabbed the grips on the wheelchair in front of me in silence. Shuffling carefully into the seat, my arms washed in goosebumps, and my fingers twitched as anxiety filled my veins. My heart beat hard, swelling and threatening to suffocate me even as I struggled to take even breaths. Kiki whined softly as she came up to me, and I pet her head gently before folding my hands in my lap.

“You never gave me your number.” Speaking up lowly, James’ voice wrapped around me to send a shiver down my spine. Licking my lips, I tried to keep my own voice from trembling as I rattled off my cell phone number. Slowly the wheelchair began to move, and my eyes stung lightly as he pushed me around the couch. My camera bag and back pack were already at the door, waiting, but I couldn’t do more than glance at them.

The finality of the situation hit me hard when James set my camera bag in my lap, and I clutched the canvas to my belly. I had over a hundred pictures of him on my memory card, and my mind sped to the future. These photos were going to be my treasure, my secret; even if James had given me permission to share them, I wouldn’t.

A hard knock on the door broke my trance, and I tensed in my seat as the barrier swung open. My dad wore a funny expression- something between anger and worry. Smiling up at him, guilt crept into my chest at how much I must’ve put him through no matter how calm he’d sounded on the phone.

“You look like shit, CareBear.” Letting out a nervous chuckle, I shrugged at the observation before my dad turned his attention to James. Their standoff made me glad I was sitting; the hairs on the crown of my head stood up from whatever they were silently exchanging until my dad spoke up. “Thanks for taking care of her.”

“No problem. I set her ankle, but I’m not a doctor.” Those were the only words that passed between them, and my dad’s gaze flickered to me. Reaching for my back pack by his feet, he stepped into the house to take up position behind my chair.

The sun burned my face as I crossed the threshold, but I didn’t look back while my heart took up permanent residence in my throat.