“You’re seriously going to eat two chili dogs and fried broccoli?” Popping open my cardboard box of greasy, yummy goodness, I eyeballed James’ container wearily. “I don’t think that’s healthy.”

“Why don’t you focus on eating that burger, Caroline. Don’t bitch about portion to me when you have a cheeseburger with a bigger circumference than your entire head.” Gasping at the tease, I turned my gaze to my burger to take in all of its unhealthy glory. James had a point; this thing was massive. If I were any less active, I’d gain five pounds just by looking at it.

“Remind me why I put up with your crap…” Taking off the top bun as I grumbled, I snatched up my ketchup packets with a smirk plastered on my face. Tearing them open, I slathered the contents on top of my bacon, pepper, fried cheese loaded burger with a twisting stomach.

“I paid…” Bland and flat, James’ answer pulled a giggle from me as I tossed my empty ketchup packets into the top box. Sitting under a tree, we were shielded by the sun, but it didn’t do anything to staunch the humid heat. Sweat collected between my shoulder blades and breasts, but I wasn’t complaining.

Being outside would always beat being inside, no matter the weather.

“So, if you haven’t been able to go out with your camera, how have you been working?” James posed the question as I took a big bite of my burger, and I used my chewing time to think of an answer. The truth was I just reached into my backlog of photos; even then, I didn’t really need to do anything. My father handled the bills, so I didn’t really have any financial responsibilities.

Groaning softly at how good my cheeseburger was, I closed my eyes to savor it for just a second. Gino’s was famous all along the coast, and this was the exact reason why. They weren’t cheap, per say, but everything they made were delicious.

“Well…” Grabbing a napkin to dab away the juice that dribbled down my chin, I swallowed harshly before continuing. Across the table James looked as interested as he could while shoving the end of his chili dog into his mouth. “My dad doesn’t let me pay bills. He says I’m his kid, I live under his roof, so he’s going to treat me like a kid. Which is fine- I’m not complaining. It’s not like he’s strapped for cash, and if he was, he’d tell me and let me help. So, I’m not broke by any means. If I get bored or start to go crazy from being in the house, I just go through my backlog as if I’m picking something for the Journal. My bosses know what happened, and they’re really good about it.”

“I see- okay. Even though I’m not with Nick’s company anymore, I still get paid like I am. It’s kind of shitty because I just left with no warning, and he still takes care of me… not that I don’t have enough money to live off of for the rest of my life, but…” Ducking my head in a nod, I adjusted my grip on my burger to take another bite. “When you asked me here, I thought about going to see him and Ethan. It’s a long, fucked up story, but I really did him and Hannah wrong.”

For a fraction of a second, I debated asking him, but James would tell me eventually. He’d let something slip- a tiny piece of something- just like he did with his experience with Frank. Reaching absently for a thick, hot steak fry, I set my burger down to hold my cheek in my hand.

“We can go, if you want, James. I don’t know what happened between you three, but you’re obviously close. If you want to see your family, you should. They’re your little brothers, and I’m sure they miss you, too.”

“Maybe.” Glancing up, I couldn’t help but frown at the apprehension on James’ expression. I didn’t comment on it, but a nagging in my brain told me he probably wouldn’t go see his brothers.

At least, not today.

“Have you ever gone to see your mom, Caroline?” Pausing with my fry between my teeth, I bit down automatically as my mind went blank. Forcing myself to chew and swallow, I took a deep breath as the mushy insides burned my tongue. Snatching my soda, the carbonized sugar washed my mouth out only to leave a sour taste behind.

“No. But I’ve more or less made peace with her, James. If I don’t have to associate with her, I won’t. She’s still got two years on her stint, so I’ll worry about her popping into my life then.” My mother wasn’t a sensitive subject at all, but I wanted to shut it down quickly. This wasn’t a matter of ‘she messed up one time, maybe I should give her a second chance’, and I hoped James understood that. Watching him nod, I tried not to think towards the future too much; if she did try to find me, I knew it’d be a disaster. I wasn’t immune to wanting her no matter how many times I tried to kid myself. Her absence just made it easier to ignore her.

“I remember when Ethan got jailed over the weekend for underage drinking. It was, like, a week before his 21^st birthday, and his friends threw him a rager. I’m pretty sure it was Nick that called the cops- Ethan is the youngest, so he was still trying to find himself. Anyway, when I went to pick him up on Monday, he looked miserable and said he’d never get wasted again. I guess he drank so much he was still hungover then, but the cops didn’t give him any help at all. He had puke all over him, so I drove my car near the curb and made him walk home. We all drink pretty moderately, but as far as I know he’s never gotten drunk since.”

“I had a bit of an experience when I was 21, too. My dad was on his last deployment, and I got a couple of friends and partied hard because he was coming home for good. The next morning, I woke up to a trashed house, all of my friends were gone, and Sheila looked ready to bust some capillaries. She made me clean the whole house while I was hung over. Since then, I’ve been sober.” Smiling at the memory, I picked up my burger as James snorted a laugh around his chili dog. “I never told my dad, and I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t know seven years later.”

“So, I take it you’d say ‘no’ if I wanted to take you out for a beer?” James stared right at me, and I blushed hard around my cheeseburger. Rubbing my feet together under the table, I shook my head slightly to draw an almost goofy grin from him.

We’d been through such an intense experience together that I had an uncertain expectation James would ask me out. In the past month, the notion floated in and out of my mind constantly. Staring at the sesame seeds on my bun, I furrowed my brows as I thought about what us dating would mean.

If I dared to look into the future, what would I see? The idea was daunting, and my ring finger twitched against my burger.

“What’s wrong, Caroline?” Flickering to James, my eyes narrowed at the pensive concern on his face. Wordlessly I shook my head, taking a bite of my cheeseburger that suddenly didn’t taste as good as it should’ve. Using my chewing to buy me time, I set down my food to prop my chin in my hand.

“I was just thinking- I haven’t really gone on a date with someone I wanted to go on a second date with since my engagement fell apart. I mean, what we went through… what we’re still going through- I don’t want a date to be based on misguided feelings. I’m 28 years old, and I like to think I’m not naive like I was when I was 18.” Even as I said it, I knew that was what was happening, and I took a deep breath to heavy a sigh. “I do like you, James… I just don’t know if I like you because I want to help you, or because I really just like you.”

“… Does that really matter?” James’ tone surprised me; there was no darkness in it, just seriousness that mirrored his expression. Licking my lips as he set down his half-eaten chili dog, I tilted my head in my hand and nibbled my inner cheek. “Isn’t that the point of going on a date? You know my darkest secret, Caroline… but you really don’t know anything else. When I call you, we don’t really talk about the small things, and those matter just as much as the big things. For that matter, I don’t know that much about you, either. Why don’t we have a light conversation or two, and then you can rethink it?”