Chapter 28
“Pumpkin, don’t insist.”
“Ben-”
“You’re making it harder than it’s supposed to be.”
Madison tilted her head, glaring at him.
“I’m just trying to help, OK? I know it’s not as good as the real deal, but it was the best I could do in a limited time.”
“You sent me a life-size cardboard cutout of you wearing a Tarzan costume.”
“Yes. You should thank Chris for still having that pic, by the way.”
“I… oh my God, how the hell did you explain to him that you had to send me a…”
“I didn’t, obviously. Just told him that I needed the picture for my Tinder profile.”
“He believed you?”
Ben sighed. “Pumpkin, of course he believed me. Fuck, have you seen how banging I look in that pic? I had an eight-pack back then. Did you see? I asked for the highest resolution and quality to make sure you’d get all the details.” He loosened the tie around his neck and sat down on the chair by his desk. “You’re welcome, by the way.”
“I am not keeping it.”
“Of course, you are keeping it. It’s a gift. It’s rude to send back a gift so, again, stop insisting on it.”
“Who sends giant carboards of themselves as gifts?!”
“Well, this guy does. And for the record, I’d love one from you for Christmas. In that red lacy thing you had on last week?”
“No.”
“Fine. Don’t share. I just find it unfair that you get to masturbate to a life-size picture of me, in all my glory, and I only get a tiny pic on my phone.”
“Oh my God, we are so not talking about masturbating on Facetime,” she hissed furiously.
“I know you do it, you know I do it, why pretend?”
“Maybe because you’re in your office, and it’s absolutely not the place to have this kind of conversation?”
“It’s not my office, it’s the one I was given while in LA. Totally different.”
“That makes it even worse! Maybe they have cameras all around the room.”
“Let them look. I have a great dick, as you know. They won’t even need to zoom.”
“You’re impossible.”
“And you miss me,” he bragged.
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“We’re not gonna go through that again.”
“Fine. Where is my cardboard?”
She took a small breath and pursed her lips. “My bedroom.”
“Ha! I knew it! Go in your bedroom.”
“Ben, we are not having phone sex.”
“I know, I know. Just go, will you.”
She groaned then got up from her couch, the phone in her hand moving as she headed to her bedroom. “Right. I’m in the bedroom.”
“Now, I want you to do something for me, Pumpkin.”
“I am not taking my clothes off,” she warned.
“You won’t have to. I need you to go right in front of my cardboard and look at it. Look at my dashing smile. I had gone to the dentist for a full cleansing the day before. My hair, carefully ruffled. My ripe body. My thick thighs.”
“And your white sports socks up to your calves?”
“Yes, baby. Take it all in. Think about how you’re gonna get all of that back in your bed in a few days.”
Her eyes were slits of displeasure as she looked at him, but she eventually let her gaze wander further inside the room.
It took about five seconds before a smile cracked on her lips. “You look ridiculous.”
Ah, that smile. He’d fucking die for that smile of hers. Or ask his best friend for the most embarrassing, stupid picture of him.
“Why didn’t you at least wear flip-flops or leather sandals?”
“It was a Halloween party. Freaking October, Pumpkin.”
“Oh, yes, of course. Makes sense to wear a loin cloth for a costume in October, but you draw the line at flip flops.”
“Are you smartassing me?”
“Yes.”
“You’re a really good smartasser,” he admitted with a nod. He had to give her that.
“I know.”
“And since we’re speaking of your ass-”
“We’re not.”
“Pumpkin, you’re being difficult lately. Good thing I’m back in a few days so we can take care of that little snappy attitude.”
It was an even better thing they were only Facetiming because the look she gave him made his balls shrivel back in his body. “Are you implying I’m being bitchy because I need to have sex?”
“No,” he placated her. “I think you’re being bitchy because you need to have sex with me, which is completely different. Don’t mistake it for a general sex need.”
There was a knock on the door of his office, and he held up a finger. “Hold on,” he said in a low voice before calling out, “Yes?”
“Mister Ackerman, I was supposed to remind you of your meeting,” Anastacia, an intern that was assisting him, said hesitantly as she opened the door.
“Damn. Right, I forgot. Which floor is it again?”
“Fifth. You turn right when you walk out of the elevator, it’s in the conference room at the end of the hallway.”
“Thank you.” He waited until the door was closed. “Sorry, Pumpkin, I have to go. Feel free to do naughty things with my doppelganger, by the way. You can also record it. I won’t mind.”
“Ben, I swear to God, I’m gonna bang your head with your stupid cardboard cutout as soon as you land back in New York.”
“Yup. Definitely need a round of sex or two. Well, that or you’re on your period,” he added with a smirk. “See? I knew all those pads I got you would be useful!”
“You got me stuff for incontinence!”
“Well, I’m sorry, but why do they put those things next to pads? If it looks like a pad, if it quacks like a pad, how am I supposed to figure it out?”
“It’s literally written on the pack. In giant letters! It’s a freaking whole ass diaper, not a pad!”
“I was worried about your flow, OK?”
“We’re not gonna talk about my flow again.”
“Why? I’m your bo- I’m the guy you hook up with, I think it’s normal and healthy for us to talk about your flow.”
Smooth save there, Ackerman.
“Anyway, it should be a long day, will text you tonight.” He blew her a kiss then disconnected the call when she was about to curse his ass to the moon and back.
These phone calls sucked. Even with Skype or Facetime, it wasn’t enough. He had been stuck in LA for a week now, after having been sent to check on their branch office. It was supposed to only be for a few days, just to make sure things were running smoothly but, unfortunately, things hadn’t been running smoothly. Nothing too big, but there were too many risky investments for some customers, mostly due to a young, overly energetic and zealous financial team. A little bit of law and order had been needed.
Having to leave Madison just a few weeks after she had gotten back from London had already put him in a bad mood, but when he had had to prolong his stay, he’d been more than grumpy about it.
So had she.
And since they still hadn’t told their friends about their relationship, he couldn’t exactly ask them to keep her company when he couldn’t.
Something they’d have to fix sooner rather than later. After the almost fiasco when Everleigh had found Madison’s bag in her living room, they had both tacitly decided it probably wasn’t the best time to announce how they had gotten closer in the past year. A part of him had been hurt that Everleigh would think he wouldn’t take babysitting his godson seriously and would invite a random chick to his best friend’s house while he was supposed to take care of his kid. The other part of him had felt awfully guilty right after because… well, he did have wild kinky sex on their washing machine. And something had told him that Christopher’s questioning about why the laundry room smelled like sanitizer would have taken a whole different direction if they had found out. No way Chris wouldn’t have figured out that if Madison had used that many Clorox Wipes, it wasn’t to get rid of the baby vomit smell.
It was decided. They were all supposed to meet up in a few days for his birthday. He’d just tell everyone he and Madison were seeing each other. Problem solved once and for all, no more sneaking away and hiding. Hopefully, Chris and Evie would have forgotten about the Clorox wipes by then.