Chapter Fourteen
Laci
“You know you’ll have to talk to him eventually, right?”
I didn’t look up at the sound of my sister’s voice.
“Laci, I’m talking to you,” Jenna said. She sighed and then sat down next to me on the couch. The usual sarcasm and exasperation was missing from her voice. “You do realize it’s been over two weeks, don’t you?”
I turned to her with a dull look. “Yeah. And?”
Jenna sighed again. “Look, know I’d never tell you what to do, or anything like that…but don’t you think this is a little extreme?”
I shook my head as the hurt from Jordan’s revelations came rushing back to me. “No,” I said. I bit my lip. “I don’t think it’s extreme at all. He should’ve been honest with me, Jen.”
“He was.”
“Not quickly enough.”
Jenna put her hand on my shoulder. From the look on her face, I could tell she was dying to tell me something.
“What?”
Jenna swallowed nervously. “I know you’re my big sister and all,” she started slowly. “But I also know you as a person, Laci. I grew up watching you – I wanted to be just like you.”
I blinked. Jenna wasn’t usually one for sentimentality.
“And I know you love this guy,” Jenna continued. “And like, that’s really important.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “And what makes you the expert on love, hmm?”
Jenna flushed. “I’m not,” she said. “But it’s obvious, Laci. Just being around you was enough to clue me in. I mean, you were like hanging around waiting for him. Every time he called, your face lit up. It was just like in the movies,” she added meaningfully. “I’ve never seen anything like that in real life.”
I sighed. “Jenna, there’s a lot you don’t know—”
“Don’t interrupt,” Jenna said. She held a hand up to silence me. Before she could continue, however, there was a loud knock on the door and I froze.
“What if it’s him?” I whispered. “Jen, I’m not ready to see him!”
“I’ll get it,” Jenna said. She sounded mature and confident, and for the first time I felt really proud of having raised her. She got off the couch and walked to the front door before pulling it open assertively.
A man stood on the other side of the door, holding a giant bouquet of pink peonies and roses.
“These are for…” He trailed off as he glanced down at the slip of paper in his hand. “A delivery for Laci Wright,” he said. “Are you Laci?”
Jenna shook her head. She opened the door wider so the delivery man could see me sitting on the couch.
“That’s my sister,” Jenna said.
“Ma’am,” the delivery guy said to me. “I need you to sign for these flowers.”
“Who are they from?”
The delivery guy gave me an exasperated look and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. He glanced down at his watch. “I just know you gotta sign for them. Can you do that for me?”
“No,” I said.
“Laci!” Jenna said sharply. She whirled around and glared at me before turning her attention back to the delivery guy. “I’m sorry about my sister,” she said. “Can I sign?”
The delivery man looked like he wanted to melt into the dirty carpeted hallway and disappear forever.
“Sure, whatever,” he said. “I don’t really give a shit – as long as someone signs for them, we’re good here.”
Jenna took the bouquet awkwardly in one hand as she signed the release papers. The delivery man took his clipboard and then walked away, his feet pounding the stairs as he descended. As soon as the door was closed, Jenna turned to me and glared.
“Laci, he’s been sending flowers all week,” she said softly, pointing around the apartment.
I sighed. Jenna was right. Every day, Jordan had sent flowers or chocolate or some other kind of gift. Once, the day before yesterday, a courier had come from one of Boston’s most expensive jewelry stores with a small package for me. But much to Jenna’s chagrin, I’d sent the courier away with the package in hand. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see what Jordan had bought for me – it was more than I never wanted to think about him again.
And it was awfully hard to forget a man when my apartment was filled with his gifts.
“These are gorgeous,” Jenna said. She thrust the bouquet at me but I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “I’m not taking them – I’m going to bed.”
Jenna gave me a deadpan look. “Laci, it’s four-thirty,” she said. “The sun doesn’t even go down for like, three and a half more hours.”
I shrugged. “I’m exhausted,” I said. It was the truth. Despite barely leaving my apartment and spending most of my days asleep, I felt tired in a way that I’d never experienced before. Being awake was painful – everything hurt. Even breathing hurt, when I remembered how Jordan used to take me in his arms and kiss him.
“You should come out with me and my friends,” Jenna said. She set the flowers down on one of our bookshelves. “We’re not going to go crazy or anything, Laci – we’re just going to happy hour.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to drink anything,” I said. “It’s just going to make me think about Jordan.”
Jenna pressed her lips together. “I love you,” she said. “And you’re the best sister I could’ve ever hoped for. But you’ve got to get over him! Either that, or just forgive him and get back together! I know you want to,” she added. “So be true to your heart.”
I frowned as I stood up from the couch. “No,” I said softly. “Nothing can ever go back to the way it was before. I’m done with him,” I said. “And all men, for that matter.”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “But you know where to find me, okay?”
I nodded. “I’ll be in my room,” I told her. “Just assume I’m asleep. I don’t really feel like talking later.”
For a moment, Jenna looked wounded – it was one of the only times I’d been so direct with her. But then she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. “Have a good night.”
When I got back to my room, I threw myself into bed and pulled the covers over my head like a little kid. Nowadays, this was the only thing that felt safe – burrowing down into my comforting nest and pretending the world didn’t exist. I hadn’t even turned my cell phone on in days – it annoyed the crap out of Jenna, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know about all of the missed calls and texts that I had from Jordan.
Or worse? What if he wasn’t calling? What if he knew that I’d already given up on us?
And why did thinking about that make me so sad?
God, Laci, get your shit together, I told myself as I flopped over and nuzzled the cool part of my pillow. This is embarrassing!
But it was true – since the school year had ended, I had little to occupy my mind. For the first time, it occurred to me that Jenna could have been right. What if I was wasting away, sitting in my room and pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist?
It was a troubling thought. And even though I’d thought that my bond with Jordan had been special, I was starting to realize that break-ups and broken hearts happened every day. Sure, none of them involved me.
But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t eventually get over him, right?
A lump formed in my throat and I pulled the covers closer. It was hot in my room – Jenna had turned off the air conditioning – and I was starting to sweat, but I didn’t care. The more masochistic part of me felt like I deserved this, that somehow, all of this was my fault.
I eventually drifted off to sleep, still thinking about Jordan and how I’d screwed everything up.
***
In the morning, I wasn’t feeling much better about things. Jenna was out – presumably with her friends – but I couldn’t enjoy the peace and quiet of my apartment. I sat gingerly on the couch and bit my lip before closing my eyes and turning my phone on. Immediately, my phone buzzed to life and the screen was filled with notifications. I forced myself to look away as I got rid of them. I knew they all had to be from Jordan, and I wasn’t ready to see his apologies.
Not yet.
Instead, I dialed Taylor. She answered on the first ring, sounding chipper and relaxed.
“Are you free today?” I asked. “I thought we could have lunch.”
“Oh my god, sure, it feels like forever since we’ve seen each other!” Taylor gushed. “How are you? How is your summer going so far?”
“It’s not great,” I admitted. I frowned. “That guy I was seeing…” I trailed off nervously.
Taylor laughed. “Men are scum,” she said. “Come out with me tonight – we’ll have fun, I swear.” Her words were so much like Jenna’s from the previous evening that I almost rejected on principle. But suddenly, the idea of spending another lonely night inside my bedroom was too much to bear. I made plans to meet Taylor for dinner at a trendy little café in the West End and hung up.
The day seemed to drag on as I waited for the right time to meet Taylor. I spent an hour in the bath, shaving and washing my legs. Then I got up and did my hair, taking extra time with it. Part of me kept thinking about Jordan – if he saw me, would he think I looked pretty? But the other part of me was disgusted. I’d dumped him – why on earth was I so fixed on seeing him again?
At seven, I left my building and started the long walk to the café. It was a nice night – hot, but not humid – and there were a lot of people outside, enjoying the weather. I tried not to sneer at the happy couple in front of me as they spooned and cuddled while waiting for the crosswalk signal to illuminate.
And that was when I saw him. Jordan West, walking side by side with none other than the man who attacked me. My heart leapt into my throat and instantly, my palms were covered with sweat. Stay calm, Laci, I told myself. Don’t let him see you. Don’t let him know you’re angry.
But I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The hurt and betrayal and anger came tearing out of me like a banshee escaping from the pits of Hell, and I whirled around and screamed:
“Bastard!” I yelled. “You fucking bastard!” Charging forward, I set my lips in an angry line.
When Jordan saw me, he paled.
“That’s right,” I cried loudly. “You’d better look afraid! You fucking jerk – you went back to your old life, didn’t you?”
Jordan didn’t answer.
“Answer me!” I yelled. “And tell me – what was I to you, anyway? Some cheap fuck? Some thrill?”
Jordan’s expression hardened. I expected him to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness, just like he had before. But instead, he did something I’d never have expected in a million years. Jordan balled one hand into a fist and swung around, punching my attacker right in the jaw. The man cried out in pain as his body fell to the pavement.
The man cried out again, but Jordan was relentless. He punched and kicked and screamed at my attacker. For a moment, I was shocked.
And then the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
Jordan didn’t go back to his old life of crime.
He was merely pretending to be this man’s friend
“You’re a good man,” I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks. “And I’m so sorry I doubted you.”