Chapter Twelve
Laci
Jordan and I had a delicious meal that was so filled with tension that I could hardly enjoy my steak. All I could think about was the way his brother had acted. Why was Jordan the black sheep of the family? And why was James so hell-bent on embarrassing him in front of me? It occurred to me that maybe this was just a brother thing – the kind of thing that brothers did when they were grown up. I wouldn’t know, after all, I’ve never had a brother. But even though I’d felt naïve and awkward speaking to James, I had a feeling that whatever was going on between him and Jordan was more than just “brother stuff.”
When dinner was over, Jordan walked me out to the car. He had his driver turn on the air conditioning, then asked him to leave us alone for a while so we could talk in the back seat.
“I thought privacy would be better,” Jordan said. His jaw was clenched and there were lines in his forehead that hadn’t been there twenty minutes ago. He looked at least ten years older than he really was.
I nodded. I was feeling nervous and sick to my stomach. As Jordan opened the door and motioned for me to climb inside, I wished that I hadn’t eaten my giant piece of prime rib. Jordan followed me inside the limo and poured two glasses of whiskey from the small compartment by the floor. He handed one to me and after a moment, I accepted.
“Thanks,” I said shyly.
Jordan nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Well, I figured this called for a little drink.”
I frowned. I’d had two big glasses of wine with dinner and while I wasn’t tipsy or feeling drunk, I wasn’t sure that alcohol was the solution to the problems Jordan and I faced.
“Jordan, please tell me what’s going on,” I said softly. “And please don’t lie – please be honest.”
Jordan sighed. He ran a hand over his close-cropped head, rubbing his dark stubble.
“James was right,” he began slowly. “I’ve always been the black sheep of the West family.”
I pursed my lips together. “I’m sure that’s not true,” I said. I reached out and put my hand on Jordan’s arm. “You’re a good man, Jordan. And I know your family knows that.”
Jordan laughed, but the sound was hollow and fake and unpleasant to my ears. “I may be a good man now, Laci, but I wasn’t always.”
As much as I don’t want to admit it, his words were chilling and a shudder ripples through my body. I took a sip of whiskey, ignoring the alcoholic bite and swallowing as quickly as I can.
“Yeah,” Jordan said drily. “You’re going to want a lot more of that.”
“What…” I trailed off nervously. “What did you do? What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Jordan said. “Bad blood, or something shitty like that. From the time I was a kid, I was a little asshole. I did everything I could to piss off my father and James. I stole cars, I skipped school, I threw parties in my neighbor’s houses when I knew they’d be on vacation and didn’t give a shit if I wrecked the house or cost them thousands of dollars in insurance money. My father kept bailing me out, time after time, but I knew he hated me for acting like that.”
Jordan’s words felt like a punch in the gut, and I took another long sip of whiskey.
“When I was sixteen, my father had dealt with enough. He made this big deal about disinheriting me from the West family fortune.”
“Oh my god,” I said, covering my mouth with my hand. “You’re kidding me.”
Jordan snorted. “No,” he said. “Laci, I wish I were kidding. But I’m not. And let me tell you,” he added in a firm voice. “I deserved it. I deserved to be thrown out on the street.”
“I can’t believe that’s true,” I said. “I mean, you were a maladjusted kid! Who isn’t?”
“My brother, for one,” Jordan replied. “And I got sick of it. So, when I was seventeen, I left home. I stole some money from my father and never looked back.”
My stomach twisted and churned – just hearing Jordan’s words is enough to make me feel sick.
“I know,” Jordan said. “I know you don’t want to hear any of this.”
I shook my head. “If you need to tell me, then I’m going to hear you out.”
“I ran away, to Boston, and I met a woman named Blair,” Jordan continued on. “She was older and I thought that meant she was wiser. She told me she loved me. I believed her. She’d ask me to do things for her. At first, it wasn’t much. Rob a bodega, slash tires, shit like that.”
I blinked. Jordan’s story was turning from typical teenage rebellion to a dark place that I’d never even imagined.
“And there’s more,” Jordan said darkly. “She framed me for grand theft auto, then took all of our money and left. I served four years in prison. It should’ve been seven, but I got out for good behavior.” He laughed humorlessly. “I know. It’s so fucked up. It’s fucked up beyond belief, Laci.”
“Why…why are you telling me this?” I asked softly. “It’s all in the past, and you’re a changed man now.”
“Because there’s something else you need to know,” Jordan said. “It’s about the night we met. And you’re right – I am changed. I did a lot of work on myself to pull myself out of that dark, fucked-up place and become as successful as I could. But a tiger can’t hide his stripes, and deep down I know I’ll always be a bad man.”
My stomach leapt into my throat and I tasted hot bile. I swallowed it down as tears came rushing to my eyes.
“The night we met, I was walking alone. I didn’t have plans to see you, or meet you, or anything like that. But when I heard your scream, I knew something was wrong. And when I rushed into that alley to beat up the asshole who thought he could hurt you, I recognized him.”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I pushed past Jordan and shoved the limo door open before unleashing a torrent of undigested steak, wine, and whiskey onto the pavement. Jordan watched me vomit in silence for a minute before putting his hand on my back. When I reclined back in the seat, he handed me a bottle of water and a linen napkin. I drank gratefully, then wiped my lips with the napkin and bunched it up in my sweaty hand.
“You…you knew the man who attacked me?” I asked softly.
“I didn’t know it was him, not at first,” Jordan said. “Only after I’d made sure that you were safe.” He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his cropped hair. “But I knew him – we were in prison together, and we even…well, we ‘worked’ together a few times before I got busted for stealing that goddamned car.”
I felt like my world was spinning. I couldn’t even look at Jordan without wanting to throw up again – what if there was more? What if he changed his mind about living cleanly and wanted to go back to a life of crime, a life on the streets?
And what if that whole attack was planned, a nasty little voice said in the back of my mind. What if Jordan knew his friend was going to hurt you…and let him do it, just so he could rush in and be the savior?
“Jordan,” I asked in a small voice, clutching the water bottle tightly in my hand. “Are you sure that attack on me was random?”
Jordan narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
My mouth went dry and I took a tiny sip of water. My stomach was still rolling back and forth like a ship being tossed about heavy seas during a storm, but I knew I had to ask. I knew I had to know.
“Did you help…that man plan the attack on me?” I asked quietly. “I mean, were you a part of it?”
“No,” Jordan said firmly. “Laci, ever since I got out of prison, I’ve worked hard to change my life. I put myself through school and built a trading empire that I never would have thought possible years ago. I’m completely happy with my life now, especially now that I’ve met you.”
I knew that Jordan’s words should have reassured me, but if anything they just made me feel more confused than ever. If he was telling the truth, how could he have changed so drastically? What could have possibly happened in prison that made Jordan want to change his ways forever?
“Jordan, I know I’m naïve,” I said. “But most of the time – at least, in all of the cases I’ve read about – people don’t come out of prison ready to make a clean start and fix their lives. If anything, they just turn back to crime because it’s so hard to get anyone to take them seriously.”
Jordan sighed. “I know,” he said. “The truth was, my parole officer was a great guy. He inspired me to make something of myself. He came from nothing, and I came from everything. And I knew that if he could do it – you know, make something for his own life – then I knew I could, too.”
I nodded. It was all I could do. My head was spinning and despite having thrown up my entire meal, I still felt like I was going to be sick.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? Why did you wait?” I narrowed my eyes. “Until your brother practically gave away your secret right at our table tonight.”
Jordan looked guilty. “I wanted to. I really did, Laci. I was planning on telling you last night, but then we saw Leo, and…”
I shuddered to think that Jordan had once been friends with the man who had grabbed me and tried to mug me.
“I can’t believe you’d even say his name in front of me,” I replied, biting my lip and looking away. As much as I wanted to believe Jordan, I still wasn’t sure what to think.
“Laci?” Jordan asked quietly. “Are you okay? Will you talk to me, at least?”
I leaned against the seat. My heart was pounding and my head was aching with the strain of our conversation. Not only that, but I was starting to feel betrayed and angry that Jordan hadn’t told me the truth before now. He’d led me to believe that he’d been a good man for his entire life.
“Why couldn’t you have told me from the beginning?” I asked angrily. I was ashamed at how I sounded, but I couldn’t make myself stop. “I feel so hurt!”
“Laci, I’m sorry,” Jordan said. There was an edge of desperation in his voice that I’d never heard before. “When I met you, I didn’t know what to think. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and all I wanted to do was be with you.”
“So, you just thought you’d wait until I’d already fallen in love with you to be honest?” The words were coming out now, too fast for me to even think about them.
“Laci, that’s not how it happened,” Jordan said. “I wanted you to know. I did.”
He took my hand. For a second, I let him touch me. It felt good and reassuring, almost like our conversation hadn’t even happened. But then my hot feelings of hurt and betrayal and anger came rushing back and I yanked my hand away.
“I want to go home,” I said angrily. Pushing past Jordan, I yanked the door handle and shoved the door open before climbing onto the street and stepping in the puddle of my own vomit.
“Laci!” Jordan yelled. “What are you doing? Come back here!”
“No,” I snapped. “Leave me alone! I…I need time to think,” I said. Tears had welled up in my eyes and I made every effort to blink them back, but it was futile. Soon, hot tears were dripping down my cheeks and I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk feeling like the world’s hugest moron.
“Laci, please, let me drive you home,” Jordan said. He was pleading with me and just the sight of his sad eyes was enough to pierce my heart with hurt. “Please, don’t go like this.”
“I…I really need to be alone for a while,” I said. I crossed my arms over my chest and hung my head, ashamed to be crying in front of Jordan – not to mention, in public. “Jordan, I need some time to think about us, about our relationship.”
Jordan’s shoulders sagged and he looked like a broken man.
“I don’t know if I can be with someone who lied to me,” I said softly. It was the last thing out of my mouth before I turned and fled, running as far away from Jordan and his stupid limo as I could.
I ran for blocks and blocks before I remembered that I was wearing heels. My feet were aching as I crossed over into my neighborhood and I sat down on the stoop of a grand apartment building and groaned in agony as I massaged the bottoms of my abused feet.
I felt pathetic, absolutely pathetic. I couldn’t believe it – what the hell had just happened? My fairy-tale romance had come screeching to a halt, and it had happened in the blink of an eye. Maybe it was my fault – maybe Jordan and I had moved too fast, or maybe I’d been expecting something that wasn’t possible in real life.
Or maybe it was just the universe frowning down on me.
I sighed. Darkness was falling and all around me, I saw the clear signs of everyone having a good night. Couples walked by, hand in hand, smiling and laughing at intimate jokes. That would have been us, I thought bitterly. If only Jordan hadn’t lived such a shady life in the past!
I sighed before getting to my feet and painfully hobbling towards my apartment building. My thoughts were swirling around in my head so quickly that I felt as if I were standing in the middle of a tornado. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was collapse into bed and forget about the whole thing. My heart was literally aching in my chest and as I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I wondered what the hell I was going to do.
Jenna was sitting on the couch, munching from a bowl of popcorn. She looked up when I stepped in the door and frowned.
“Laci? What are you doing home?” She checked her watch. “I thought you were out with Jordan.”
Pressing my lips together in a thin line, I sat down next to her. “I came home early,” I said, mentally searching for an acceptable lie. “I got sick.”
“What happened? Did he drive you home?”
“I walked,” I said flatly.
Jenna frowned. “Laci, something happened between the two of you,” she said slowly. “I can tell. What’s the matter?”
I sighed. “I don’t think I should tell you.”
Jenna grabbed me by the shoulders. “Laci, if he hurt you, I swear to God—”
“No,” I said quickly as I pushed her hands away. “Nothing like that. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
I bit my lip, knowing I wouldn’t be able to conceal the truth. “Jordan has a criminal past,” I said. “He was even in prison – for four years. He stole a car.”
Jenna’s jaw dropped. “Laci! You have to be kidding me,” she said. “I don’t believe you. He’s like, totally rich and stuff. There’s no way someone like him would have been in jail.”
I took a deep breath. “That’s what I thought, too,” I said. Before I knew it, I was sobbing and confessing the whole sordid story into Jenna’s arms. Jenna hugged me and rocked me back and forth as I cried pathetically on our couch. It was so strange – my whole life, I’d never looked to my younger sister for support. I’d always tried to be the stoic older sister, the one who protected Jenna from harm and danger and anything bad that could happen to her. And now, suddenly, the roles were reversed. She was the one taking care of me as I sobbed in her arms. She was the one comforting me and stroking my hair.
When my crying jag had finally subsided, I felt exhausted and drained. I sat back on the couch and wiped my eyes. Jenna handed me a tissue without even talking.
“Thanks,” I said as I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. “I appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Jenna said softly. She bit her lip. “Look, Laci, I know you probably don’t care, but do you want to know what I would do?”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“I’d follow my heart,” Jenna said. “I know you’re scared and angry. And I’d probably be mad, too – it’s shitty that Jordan wasn’t more up front with you about this stuff from the beginning.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It is.”
“But you love him,” Jenna pressed on. “And real love, the kind of love you guys have, well that doesn’t exactly come around very often.”
I stared at my younger sister, suddenly wondering how she’d become so wise.
“You think so?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Jenna said. “I do.”
“I…I don’t know,” I replied. “I feel so lost and helpless, and I need a lot of time to think things over. I just can’t get over feeling so upset,” I added. “I just feel like he deliberately lied to me.”
Jenna pulled me into a close hug and stroked my hair. As much as I didn’t want her to baby me anymore, I had to admit that it felt good.
“Well, you have to do what you want,” Jenna said. “Why not take some time and think it over?”
I nodded slowly. “That’s what I’m going to do,” I said quietly.
After all, what other choice did I have?