Lilith
Selena picked up the glass that Finn had just emptied and ran a finger around its rim before lifting it to her tongue, as though she could pick up his taste from whatever trace he had left behind. ‘Well, this certainly beats the perfume and flowers I got last year.’
Royce chortled with unbounded delight. Her hand came back down to rest on top of Finn’s, and this time it blatantly remained there. From time to time, Finn would run his thumb across her fingers in pre-programmed, robotic flirtation.
From there on, the evening became a competitive bacchanal between Royce and Selena, who was desperate to make up for the precious time she had already lost through pretending to be halfway respectable. Royce’s anecdotes about ancient tortures and botched executions were matched or bettered by Selena’s own contributions about the men she had screwed in a succession of sado-masochistic clichés before she had finally found her Roycie. Any pretence at sophistication was destroyed by flagrant, cheap lust, fuelled by more drugs than I had ever seen taken in one session.
With coffee, more coke was passed around the table, and the happy couple both took a Viagra with their fourth brandy. Words became slurred and some tales remained half-finished while others were repeated three or four times, and when Selena began to describe – yet again – how Royce had told her all about the Roman Emperors who used to use wild animals to fuck prisoners to death for entertainment, I knew I had to get out of the room for some untainted air before I vomited over the tablecloth.
*****
I stood at the open front door and slowly inhaled to the count of ten. The humid, pollen-thick air did little to ease the restriction, but at least I could actually still breathe. The only fight I could win tonight.
I heard the dining room door open behind me, and hoped it wasn’t Royce about to offer his ‘assistance’ once again. The scratch of a lighter told me it was Finn.
‘Hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, Ms Bresson,’ he called out. ‘M’afraid I’ve got to make my excuses an’ all that – boss’s orders.’
I filled my lungs one last time, then turned to face him. ‘Finn, wait...’
He leaned against the wall and glowered at me. ‘What? Better not take too long - got to get ready for a busy night at the office, if y’know what I mean.’
The catch in his speech should have told me. He was already more loaded than I had ever seen him. Foolishly, I still moved to his side.
‘Shit, Finn! How much have you taken?’
‘Dunno. Half a dozen of the usual?’ he lied. ‘Couple more, mebbe. None of your fuckin’ business, I know that. Enough to get through screwin’ that bitch and keep smiling. Enough to sit there and watch you verbally fuck the pair of them.’
I let that one go. ‘Be careful, please, Finn.’ I touched him on the arm, aiming for neutral ground but for Finn, doped and edgy, it was too much.
‘Get off me. What are you? My fucking counsellor? My pimp? Piss off, Lili. Back to your party for a nightcap and a good laugh about the rough trade that’s about to get shafted.’
‘It’s not like that. You know it’s not. There’s something about them – a cruelty -’
‘Will you shut up, you stupid cow? D’you think I’m looking forward to this, huh? Look, they’ve paid a couple of extra grand just to eat with Lilith bloody Bresson the upmarket cock-tease and right now you’re depriving them of their added extra.’
I winced despite myself at his coarseness and his hard smile registered the hit.
‘I do this, all right? Some impotent, rich old bastard out to impress his child-bride, throwing the cash around to get her moist, then sitting back and wanking himself senseless while she gets screwed by a pro. Maybe a bit of the kinky stuff to make ‘em feel like they’re getting their money’s worth. You know? A chance for him to shove his cock up a fella’s arse, just to see what it’s like? He’s happy, she’s happy and I’m sufficiently out of my head not to give a fuck. It’s all right. You can go to bed with a clear conscience – you’ve said your piece and I’m duly warned.’ He ground the remains of his cigarette under his shoe, leaving a circle of ash on the flagstone.
‘I’m doing this for you,’ I hissed indignantly, suddenly less angry at Finn for his nihilism than at myself for being so stupid as to think this was serving any use whatsoever.
Finn turned on me. ‘Oh, don’t you fucking dare, lady! The only person you’re doin’ this for is yourself, you selfish bitch!’
‘That’s right. I had to beg Blaine to let me sit and have dinner with a couple of half-wit perverts.’
‘Tha’s not what I mean.’
‘Then what do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Come on, enlighten me.’
‘All right, let me ask you this. At any point today did you just happen to feel jus’ that wee bit better ‘cos you knew you were doing your thing to help me out?’
‘Go to hell.’
Finn laughed. ‘Yeah, I prob’ly will.’
‘Blaine said -’
‘For fuck’s sake, Lilith! Why now? You’ve spent months saying no and staying out of her grasp and then you do this!’ He reached out with a trembling hand and touched the fabric of my dress as though it were molten. ‘And this? God Lili, that’s a nice touch. Did she ask you to wear it, huh? Just one more thing to send her pet whore over the edge?’
‘Oh no,’ I winced as I realised. ‘Shit, I’m sorry, Finn – this dress – it was the first time you... That’s not the reason – it’s a costume, nothing else...’
His hand moved upwards so that now he held my jaw in a shaky grip. ‘You’re so beautiful, you know that? ’ His voice cracked with desolation, and he flinched at its betrayal. ‘It fucking burned me just to look at you in there!’
‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated.
His face hardened once more and his fury redoubled, as if fuelled by this momentary lapse. ‘You think that word fixes anything at all? This makes you part of it, you do know that, don’t you? You sitting there and smiling and talking your intellectual bollocks with those freaks means that somewhere down the line you agreed to something that says it’s okay for me to get fucked over at the end of it all.’ He went to walk away, but then something else occurred to him and he closed in again.
‘And you know what?’ he jabbed an accusatory finger in my face. ‘It makes a mockery of those other times. I dunno why you didn’t just dive straight in and whack the living shit out of me that first day. It would have been less of a fuckin’ stab in the back than this. And next time, you can suck Alasdair Dalziell off yourself – I’m sure you’ve got the technique. I bet your slut of a mother gave you a few lessons in the family business before she did the decent thing and topped herself.’
I gave him an open-handed slap across the face that was so hard that the back of his head hit the wall.
Finn held his fingers to his mouth where a single ruby of blood shone on his bottom lip. He brought his hand away and examined the stain with amused fascination. ‘Thank you, Ms Bresson,’ he smiled, and staggered off before I could find even a single word of response.
‘What an ungrateful boy,’ Blaine was at my shoulder. I hadn’t even heard her enter the corridor. ‘Now, I believe we still have quarter of an hour of your delightful company. Royce was particularly aggrieved that you’d slipped away.’
I gave one last try. ‘Blaine, those people in there – they’re not right…’
Her eyes flashed. ‘It’s his job, you stupid, naïve girl. You paint, he fucks.’ She paused, and became more conciliatory. ‘If it’s any reassurance, Coyle will have done some background research on the pair of them. They might have slightly different tastes, but that’s what I cater for here at Albermarle. Now come on. Perhaps the more charming you are, the more pleasant Finn’s experience will be.’