Finn
All bets were off.
Somewhere in the distance, Henry started snivelling, and I turned to Lilith. ‘Could you give me a hand to get to the window, please? Think I need some air.’
‘Sure.’
I made my way to the French windows and pushed them open. Snow flurried around our faces, and at last I could breathe. ‘It just doesn’t seem real, Lili. I trust the fella, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think it will, not until I hear their voices, see them. If they want to see me…’ I was caught off-guard by the sudden catch in my voice.
‘They will,’ Lilith said, with such certainty that I nearly let myself believe her. Just enough to stop me becoming as big an eejit as Henry. Lilith placed her hand over mine on the balcony rail, and we watched the snowflakes settle and thaw on her golden skin.
The silence was broken by Henry blowing his nose again. ‘Right, enough of my nonsense. Coffee. That’s what we all need. I’m sure you’ve still got work to do, young man. I may not be able to assist with the technology, but I can certainly provide you with sufficient fuel for your labours.’
‘I’d appreciate that,’ Nat said. ‘I could do with caffeine hit before we go into round two.’
‘And then I should really go and relieve Gabriel. The poor boy must be worn out.’
‘That’s a bit full-on for your first date, isn’t it?’ I said.
For a second, Henry’s bottom lip wobbled, then he gave a snot-ridden giggle. ‘Finn Strachan, don’t be dreadful!’ he chided, and tears sprang to his eyes again. ‘Oh goodness, Finn, it’s true, isn’t it? They’re safe?’
‘Yeah, little man, it’s true.’
Then the waterworks started again, and before I could stop him, he caught me up in a bear hug. ‘Oh, for crying out loud.’ I looked down at Henry’s tear-stained face, and tentatively returned the embrace. ‘Now pull yourself together, you daft wee puff.’
*****
Henry delivered enough coffee to start his own outlet then disappeared again to clean something or other, or maybe even to play hide-and-seek with Gabriel. As much as I was delighted for my fellow captive, I was glad he was staying out of my way for the next stage. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be there myself.
Nat was still hammering away at the keyboard. ‘Finn, if you’re up to it, I could do with a hand sorting out some of these names and faces?’
‘It’s more a question of you being up to it,’ I said, wondering what the hell our fresh-faced young saviour would make of Blaine’s gallery of depravity. Mainly starring me.
We both started at the sudden clatter as Lilith fumbled her coffee mug and bounced it across the floorboards. ‘Oh bugger,’ she mumbled, and I realised she’d just fallen asleep sitting up.
Because I hadn’t slept properly for the best part of a decade, it was easy to forget that other people needed to, and about two hours too late, I realised Lilith might drop at any moment. ‘Ah hell, sweetheart, you must be knackered.’
‘I’ll manage. Don’t want to leave you with all this.’ She sounded drunk with fatigue.
‘I reckon I’ll be all right with Nat for a little while, and you’ll be close by. I can do this, Lili. Promise. I need to do this.’ I kissed her again, breathing in her warmth to help carry me through. ‘And let’s face it, it’s the very fuckin’ least I can do.’
‘As long as you’re sure. But wake me in an hour, okay? Not a minute longer.’
‘Of course.’ I hauled myself up and grabbed the fleece blanket from the table. A fresh strip of temazepam lay under it, and I palmed it; as ever, Lilith had thought of everything. She piled all the cushions together and lay down, her eyes closing as soon as her head touched the makeshift pillow. I draped the blanket over her, then took my place in the seat next to Nat. ‘Ready.’
‘Right then, I’m going to have a good look around, see what else is on here. Then with your help I’m going to parcel it up, and anything that looks remotely illegal gets sent to Ed’s IT bod. Anything else that just looks dodgy as fuck, I follow Lilith’s order and use it to cause as much damage to the existence of those involved as I possibly can, in the time I have available. And don’t worry – I can pixelate your face out of anything that’s on there before we send it to anyone. Let’s keep exposure for the guilty, shall we?’
I hadn’t even thought about who might get to look at Blaine’s collection after the night was through. ‘That’d be good of you.’ I took a quick look around the room. ‘Before we start, would you do me a favour?’
‘Sure.’
‘Would you check out what’s in those decanters on the cabinet there? Think I might need one of them.’
As I popped six temazepam into my palm, Nat got up to inspect the bottles. He took the lid from each one, and gave it a good sniff. ‘Dry sherry, and a fairly decent Scotch, I’d guess.’
‘The Scotch sounds the best bet. Don’t think I’m much of a sherry man.’
Nat passed me the decanter. I threw the tablets into my mouth and washed them down with a couple of gulps of something that tasted like TCP, but worse. ‘Fuck, that’s rank – give me Irish any day. Okay, let’s do this.’
*****
It was never going to be pretty. Sometimes it was just words – letters to Blaine, detailing yet another dissolute request; letters from Blaine, detailing her price once that request was granted. And then there were the photographs. Picture after picture of every tawdry encounter she had arranged. I had no memory of some of them – nights when I’d got sufficiently blasted to sail through without ever remembering – and others that I recalled all too well.
Nat just needed verification: was the name correct? Were there any details missing? Did I want to add anything? All asked without a trace of disgust or, even worse, pity. Just dispassionate, calm questions to fill in the gaps. Not for a second did I regret putting my trust in this man, but I was glad I’d kept hold of the whisky, foul ditch water that it was.
Three hours in, with Lilith still crashed out on the divan, we got to the shots I’d been dreading: my encounter with the fuckers currently locked in the dungeon. I managed to handle myself better this time, but they were no easier on the eye.
It was the first time that Nat reacted to anything that he’d seen. He sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose, and exhaled slowly. ‘Well, she’s certainly thorough,’ he said.
He’d just spent the best part of a night looking at me laid bare in every sense of the word and still he managed to look me in the eye. I was impressed. ‘Sorry for doubting you. Before. All of this -’ I gestured at the computer and the selection of gadgets across the desk. ‘I’m not exactly an expert, as you can guess. Just didn’t seem possible, that’s all…’
‘Not a problem. Nearly there now: just keep telling yourself, this time tomorrow you’ll be in Santa Marita.’
‘Yeah. Yeah, I guess I will. Shit.’ I’d barely dared think of the aftermath, never mind discuss it.
‘It’s a good place to heal,’ Nat said. ‘Trust me.’
‘It’ll need to be.’
‘It worked for me. Remember I told you about doing this as my Masters?’
I nodded.
‘Well towards the end, it really started to get to me. And I mean really. I know it’s nothing like being on the receiving end, but I stopped eating, sleeping, all that stuff – turned out my computer was a hell of a lot easier to switch off than my head. Had a complete breakdown by the time I was twenty two,’ he said, matter-of-factly.
‘No shit.’
‘Oh yeah, full-on meltdown. My mum and dad were all for getting me sectioned, so I did a geographical – that’s how I ended up in Santa Marita. Now life’s all sun, sea and an award-winning dope farm.’
‘Nice. That where you met Lili?’
‘S’right.’ All the time we were talking, Nat was typing away.
‘Does she know? About the, er…’
‘Crack-up?’ Nat smiled. ‘Can you imagine being with Lilith for more than a minute and her not know everything about you, just by looking at the way you hold your knife and fork?’
‘Not now you come to mention it, no. Seems a bit harsh, mind – dragging you back into all this shite if it’s already sent you up the wall the once.’
‘That’s how I knew it was important.’
I smiled. ‘She’s a fuckin’ force of nature once she gets going, mind you.’
Nat glanced over to where Lilith slept. ‘She’s amazing,’ he said, and just for a moment he looked like he’d been kicked in the balls.
I didn’t know what the hell to say. ‘Um, sorry?’ I volunteered.
Nat shrugged, and gave me a rueful grin. ‘Ah, fuck it, I can wallow around in a mire of self-pity as much as I like, but at the end of the day she chose you, mate. I’ll live. Eventually.’ He cracked his knuckles and straightened the keyboard. ‘So. Shall we continue catching bastards?’
‘Good plan.’ I had another mouthful of the bilge-whisky; to my surprise, there was only an inch left in the decanter.
‘Right, let’s get rid of that chamber of horrors.’ Nat opened another file, and a new picture came up on screen. For once, it didn’t involve me; it was a shot of a client that Blaine had dealt with personally. The face was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him; to my surprise, Nat clocked him straight away. ‘I don’t think we let Lilith see this one,’ he said.