Lilith
‘For fuck’s sake, Finn!’
My bathroom sink filled with pale pink water as Finn poured bleach over hands stained with the blood from his mouth.
‘You want to give me that?’
‘No.’
‘O-kay.’ I winced as he took a scouring pad to his knuckles. ‘I understand. You want to get clean. But that stuff is good for getting shit off a toilet. Not for handwash.’ I picked up a bottle of ridiculously expensive cleanser that I had bought in another life, on a weekend trip to Barcelona. ‘Here. Swap you.’
For what felt like forever Finn stared at my outstretched hand, mistrust clouding his face. Finally, he took the bottle and turned his back on me.
As I stood outside my bathroom, waiting for my guest to complete his savage ritual, Henry padded into my room in his carpet slippers, as dapper as ever in paisley pyjamas and a navy blue silk dressing gown. ‘Lilith, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Finn? Only there’s been a bit of a to-do, and Lady Albermarle was a little concerned as to his whereabouts.’
‘Would this ‘bit of a to-do’ involve him being coked up to the eyeballs and getting beaten with a dog-chain?’
‘She didn’t say,’ Henry began, then winced. ‘Oh goodness, is that what happened?’
‘I’m here, Henry.’ The voice from the bathroom was laden with threat.
‘Finn, what the hell are you doing in a guest’s room?’
It was the first time I had heard Henry swear.
‘Fuck off,’ Finn growled.
‘He’s here by invitation,’ I explained.
Henry shook his head. ‘Finn, this really isn’t a good idea.’
‘Yeah, whereas tyin’ me to the bed in the company of some nutjob is a work of towering genius.’ He stepped past me. ‘Go away, Henry. I hurt, I’m knackered, and to be perfectly honest with you I’m right in the mood to hit someone.’
‘Come on, son. Let’s get you back to your own room. You haven’t got like this in a long time,’ Henry pleaded.
Finn glowered at him. ‘Yeah, well it’s been long time since it hurt this much, little man. And I’m not your fuckin’ son.’
‘He’s fine to stay here for a while,’ I assured. ‘It’s not a problem.’
Finn was so nearly calm enough to reason with, when Henry messed up everything. ‘Why don’t you just come with me?’ he asked, and put his hand on Finn’s arm.
‘Don’t touch me!’ Finn howled and lashed out. I thought he was about to deck Henry, but instead he swung his fist across the dresser and brought everything on it crashing to the floor. An empty glass and a crystal vase exploded across the floorboards, and my ears rang with the noise they made against the silence of the night.
‘Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!’ Henry moved to catch Finn’s arm again. This time I knew the smaller man would join the pile of broken glass on the floor.
‘That’s enough.’ The words were said with a firmness that I really didn’t feel. ‘Finn, sit down over there until I’ve got the glass cleared up. I really don’t want to add a couple of amputated toes to the carnage.’
To my relief, Finn mutely obeyed and dropped into the armchair. The dull grating click of his lighter heralded the fact that he had managed to produce a cigarette from somewhere. I turned to Henry. ‘Give him a little longer here.’
‘Well… How long? Ten minutes, perhaps?’
‘As long as it takes. If you try to move him now you risk the whole mess flaring up again.’
Henry hesitated, but I could see the temptation on his face. ‘I mean, what if, you know…’ he gestured at the wreckage and then nodded in Finn’s direction. ‘When he gets like this, things can get a little unpredictable.’
‘The storm’s passed. Look, I did this more times than I could count with my mother, and she was completely barking. Finn’s a rank amateur compared to her.’
‘I’m really not sure about this...’
‘Look, I’m assuming that Blaine’s going to want to know where you found him?’
‘Naturally.’
‘So we’re all already in the shit. Unless she turns up on my doorstep, another hour or so isn’t going to make much of a difference now, is it?’
‘Well, when you put it like that… And I don’t seem to have had much success in sorting things out so far, do I?’
‘You did what you could.’ I managed to muster a smile of encouragement. ‘Go to bed, Henry. Someone’s got to be in a state to do breakfast.’
‘Thank you.’ Henry finally stepped back into the corridor. ‘I feel rather like I’m abandoning you, but thank you.’
‘I’ve really fucked up your night, haven’t I?’ Finn asked. ‘I mean, you get up at God knows what time, and you’ve got work to do and -’
I began to pick up the larger of the shards of glass and place them in the bin. ‘It’s okay.’
‘Sorry for twatting your stuff.’
‘It’s okay, Finn. Really.’
‘Could have been worse,’ Finn added. ‘Last time I got like this, I twatted Henry. Broke his wrist.’ He sat in silence for a while. ‘Hm. Shouldn’t have told you that, should I? It was an accident, though. I wasn’t aiming for him – he just kinda got in my way. I mean, I wouldn’t hit you, y’know?’
‘Yeah, I know. You’re not that dumb.’
He smiled for the first time that night. ‘Too fuckin’ right I’m not.’
*****
When I was satisfied that the last fragment of glass had been removed from the floor, I finally returned to my bed. Finn had sat motionless throughout, silently watching me, coming back to himself.
‘I’ll go soon, honest.’
‘Take whatever time you need. How’re you doing now?’
‘Well I don’t feel like I’m about to go on a massacre anymore. But my back’s having a proper fight with my face to see which one hurts most.’
‘Help yourself to codeine. They’re in that top drawer.’ It was a simple offer, but I must have been exhausted to say anything so stupid. All I could do was lie still in the half-light and hope I hadn’t just made things a million times worse.