Lilith
When Finn first appeared in the room, looking like the boy next door in his blue jeans and white t-shirt, I was genuinely pleased to see him, and that made the subsequent betrayal all the harder. It could have been a joke, this ridiculous, awful intrusion by someone I foolishly thought I had begun to know. ‘Finn, what the hell do you think you’re doing?’ I finally managed to ask.
‘I’m here to ensure your needs are met. Making sure your stay at Albermarle Hall is as pleasurable as possible.’
No matter how charming the accent, the words sounded hard. For a moment his haunting eyes froze in a mocking stare and I was thrown by the difference in him: the shyly complex young man that had so intrigued me the night before had been replaced by this automaton.
‘Look, if you tell me what you want, what you like – I’m good.’ His tone was softer now as if he was forcing himself to play this role, but it still didn’t sound like his voice. ‘You won’t be disappointed,’ he added.
I gave a harsh laugh. ‘Where the fuck did you get that line? Page twenty-one of the Rent Boy’s Handbook?’
As soon as I had spat the words, that final, elusive piece of Finn Strachan fell into place, and it was too late. I may as well have slapped him. ‘Finn, wait…’ I began, but he gave me one last stricken look and walked out of the studio.
*****
At nine o’clock that evening I sat by the meagre light of a single oil lamp, refining that day’s sketches until my vision blurred and my head informed me that a migraine would be on its way unless I stopped soon. Not only was I prevented from working through the night, getting past dusk was going to be impossible.
I closed my pad in reluctant defeat and was just considering a late run to ease my frustration when there was the lightest of taps on my door. ‘Come in,’ I called.
Henry tentatively pushed the door open. ‘I’m sorry to disturb you. Were you busy?’
‘No, unfortunately. Can I help you?’
‘Lady Albermarle would like a quick chat, if that’s not too much of a problem.’ For such an innocuous request, the usually open man couldn’t look me in the eye.
‘She wants to see me now?’
Henry gave a nervous nod. ‘She’s aware that it is rather late, but she did say that it was important.’
‘But you’re not at liberty to say what?’
‘I’m afraid not.’
‘Well she’s going to have to take as she finds.’ I didn’t bother to put on my shoes. ‘So, where am I going?’
‘What?’ It was a simple question, but Henry responded as if I’d just stabbed him.
‘This vital meeting. Where is it?’
‘Um, if you just follow me, I’ll show you.’ Henry began to walk away.
I didn’t move. ‘What’s going on, Henry?’
‘What? Nothing -’
‘Crap. You’re shitting yourself every time I open my mouth, and as for Finn… Wait a minute, has this got anything to do with that ridiculous scene this afternoon?’
‘I’m sorry, what scene?’
‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s just say that I was forced to do some rapid re-evaluating.’
In truth, I was shaken by the anger that still lingered in me. I had done my best to ignore the whole appalling mess while I worked: I was not yet ready to deal with the shadows from Finn’s unwitting revelation.
‘I’m afraid I can’t give you any more information.’ Henry moved off, declaring the subject closed.
‘Can’t, or won’t?’ I began to follow him.
*****
Instead of heading upstairs to Blaine’s private quarters Henry led me down a tight spiral staircase, and the damp flagstones under my feet made me regret my decision to remain barefoot.
‘We’re nearly there.’ If his words were meant to reassure, they failed.
I peered into the gloom of the subterranean corridor and shivered. ‘God, Henry, where are you taking me? The dungeon?’
Henry simply pushed open a huge oak door that creaked in finest horror movie fashion. In my head, a string ensemble played something menacing in a minor key.
‘Good evening, Lilith.’ Blaine stepped out to meet me in the hallway. ‘Thank you so much for coming at such short notice.’ She wore the same elegant grey silk suit that she wore in the brochure, and looked as though she had just finished a busy day at the office.
I expected her to invite me in, but instead she gestured me into a small anteroom that had borrowed its furniture from a boutique hotel. A bottle of Cristal in an ice-bucket stood next to two crystal flutes: this didn’t look anything like the ‘quick chat’ promised by Henry. ‘Please, take a seat.’ She pointed me at a mahogany-brown leather sofa.
I sat, albeit reluctantly. ‘Blaine, I’m all too happy to agree to as many of your demands as I can, but I feel I earn the right to my own time. Believe it or not, I do try to unwind occasionally.’
Blaine ignored my complaint. ‘I understand you had a somewhat challenging afternoon?’
‘In what way?’
‘In that you had an unwelcome visit from Finn.’
‘It was nothing. Crossed wires. I’m sure there was nothing to it.’ To my irritation I was blustering. I’d probably caught it off Henry.
‘Really? I’d heard that you were furious.’
‘I have a temper, and it’s not something I’m particularly proud of. I flared, and Finn probably received far more than he deserved.’
Blaine nodded sympathetically. ‘That’s a remarkably generous response. However I don’t feel you’re always honest with yourself.’
This was turning out to be nothing like the conversation I had expected. ‘Look, Blaine, I don’t mean to be rude -’
‘You must be thinking I’ve gone mad -’
I didn’t disagree.
‘- I just feel that you should gain a deeper insight into the real philosophy of Albermarle.’
I felt the adrenaline begin to tighten the muscles across my chest: I should have guessed that anything that involved my father’s endorsement would possess some dark element.
‘I operate an exclusive club here on the island, Lilith – one that you’re fortunate to experience, and one that could bring you great benefit if you’ll allow yourself the freedom.’ The light in Blaine’s eyes was positively evangelical now and she leaned towards me, one hand resting on my knee to suggest sorority. ‘I think you’re about to find this extremely interesting.’
I placed my untouched champagne on the table. ‘Blaine, I’m tired, confused and more than a little irritated. As I think I made perfectly clear, I don’t consider myself to be a guest here. I’m a temporary employee, and perfectly happy to keep it that way.’ I went to stand. ‘And I don’t play games.’
‘Then perhaps you should start. You see? There’s that anger again. It never quite leaves you, does it? It just stays beneath the surface, driving you ever onward. Though with your past I’m hardly surprised. I’m sure I’d retain a certain fury with the world.’
‘This isn’t a conversation I’m prepared to have right now.’
‘Lilith darling, I’m on your side here. I think the way you’ve been treated is appalling, and you have every right to defend yourself.’ She gave a knowing smile. ‘We were very impressed by your handling of Johnny Buckle. In fact, that was what first attracted Finn to you.’
I inwardly flinched at his name. I had hoped that she had abandoned that particular subject.
‘For all that outward sophistication, he possesses such a naïve soul – I honestly believe he thought he stood a chance with you, and as beautiful as Finn is, I hardly think he’s in the same league as Gabriel James.’
‘Goodness, word travels fast.’
Blaine took a leisurely sip of her champagne. ‘Well, if you will perform fellatio at thirty-eight thousand feet with the star of the moment, I think you’ll find that word will get out.’
I sighed. Blaine’s ban on technology didn’t extend to herself. Word of my latest encounter would no doubt have been on every gossip site on the internet before we had even touched down.
‘Anyway, I digress. What I want to say is that Albermarle can offer you a greater opportunity for release than most could ever dream. Why don’t you come with me? It’s far easier to experience than to explain.’ Blaine stood and reached out her hand to lead me back through the doorway.
No amount of honeyed words could have prepared me for what I saw. My earlier comment about dungeons was no longer funny, because that was exactly what Blaine Albermarle had constructed in the cellars of her warped fairytale home, complete with bare stone walls, a rack holding a selection of whips and implements I didn’t want to take a guess at, and a colossal bed that dominated the far end of the chamber.
A massive black wooden Saint Andrew’s cross was bolted to the opposite wall and from its beautifully polished leather cuffs, forehead pressed to harsh stone and entirely naked, hung Finn.
Before I could run Blaine stepped between me and the door. In her hand she held a heavy, hand-stitched crop. ‘Imagine, Lilith. Imagine what it’s like to live out any fantasy you’ve ever had without fear of censure or discovery. He can be whoever you want him to be, and you can do whatever you like to him.’
I could say nothing at all, and Blaine took this as permission to continue. ‘Try it.’ She pressed the crop into my hand. ‘You’ve been a very bad boy, haven’t you, Finn? I’m sure Lilith is capable of teaching you an important lesson.’
He slowly turned to face me so his head was forced to one side against the smooth wood. The huge eyes that had sparked with a life beyond this place were dull and dilated.
‘I’m sorry, I really can’t do this,’ I managed to whisper.
Blaine eased the whip from my clenched fingers. ‘First time nerves. Don’t worry, you’ll soon get the technique with those talented hands of yours. Let me show you.’ She raised the crop and brought it down with all her strength across Finn’s exposed shoulders and I knew that this was no consensual role-play. He gave a soft, muffled uh in response and pushed his forehead against the wood. His eyes closed and I was glad.
‘See? The trick is not to be too gentle. If you hold back, you foul the blow. Just one clean movement.’
Too slow, I realised Blaine was still teaching me. Once again the heavily stitched crop fell across Finn, lower this time so that a welt rose across his buttocks. Livid flesh turned to scarlet as I watched.
‘No. Just... no.’ I turned and ran from the room.