Abby

 

I was stunned. First he was on the plane, offering to help me with my papers. Then, he was defending me to impatient assholes in first class. Then, he took me up on my offer to take a road trip again, and now he was just tossing his stuff into the trunk like it was nothing! And the radio was on!

Where the fuck was the Colin I knew?

I crossed my legs and looked out the window, bobbing my head to the music. Minnesota was passing by in a flash as we barreled down the highway. Trees that were trying to bloom were thriving with a life being stifled by the cold and the road underneath the tires was roaring to life. The sun was shining high in my home state sky, and never would I have imagined that weather would have grounded a flight today.

“How was your New Year?” I asked.

“Full of work,” he said.

“Now, why is that not shocking to me at all?”

“Because I had a very successful meeting I missed that catapulted us into a very busy next year,” he said.

“Us?” I asked.

“You know, the company we both work for?”

He looked over at me briefly and I snickered when I saw him wink.

“Did you just wink at me?” I asked.

“Depends. Did you like it?”

“What in the world has gotten into you? You are definitely not the Colin I remember.”

“Well, you look a bit different yourself. I’m still trying to figure it out,” he said.

“I know. Having a job and being single look good on me.”

The conversation on his end fell away and we rode for a little while longer before he broke the silence.

“How are your parents?” he asked.

“They’re good. They ask about you from time to time. They don’t understand how I can work at your company and never see you.”

“Did you tell them we work in different states?”

“Yep. They still don’t get it,” I said, giggling. “I’m not sure what’s not connecting, but I just let it be. I tell them you’re good, and by the looks of it I haven’t been lying to them for the past two months.”

“Not at all. Things have been good. Busy, but good. Is everyone treating you okay?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“At the branch in Minnesota. You’re not having any difficulties?”

“If I was, you are definitely not who I would report them to,” I said.

“Don’t wanna get anyone in trouble with the boss?” he asked.

“Don’t want to get anyone in trouble with the founder,” I said. “How are things going with your fun little media competitor? Nothing’s crossed Hadley’s desk lately.”

“It seems to have toned down for now. Hopefully it’ll stay that way.”

“How’s your mother doing?” I asked.

“She’s good. She went to Hawaii for Christmas.”

“I take it you had something to do with that?”

“My mother’s terrible at doing anything for herself. At the beginning of last year, I told her if she didn’t take a vacation of some sort that I would send her on one myself. She didn’t take one, so I sent her to Hawaii.”

“Did she even want to go?” I asked.

“Not until I told her I’d booked her two weeks at an all-inclusive spa resort,” he said.

“Yep. That would’ve done me in, too.”

Colin was very different. He was less grumpy and more easy-going. Talking with him this time around wasn’t like pulling teeth. I didn’t feel the need to tiptoe around him, nor did I feel like he was holding any secrets back from me. It didn’t feel like I was riding with a stranger, but instead, an old friend I’d come to know along the way. His hands weren’t white-knuckling the steering wheel and he was a little more relaxed in the car. It was refreshing to see him this way.

It was refreshing to know he’d taken my advice.

“Looks like you do listen,” I said, murmuring.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Nothing. Are you getting hungry or thirsty at all? We’re about to hit a stretch of highway leaving Minnesota that doesn’t have anything for a while.”

“Sure. Anything in particular?” he asked.

“Whatever you want. I can eat anywhere.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“Because I’m not a snob,” I said, grinning.

“Hey, neither am I.”

“I never said you were. But now that you’ve brought it up, it seems like it’s something you’re probably self-conscious about.”

“How can I be self-conscious about something I just told you I was not?” he asked.

“Okay, okay. Take a deep breath. I was just playing with you.”

So, maybe he wasn’t completely changed, but he had made significant steps in the right direction. He was easier to be around and I didn’t feel like I was about to piss him off with my voice or anything. But there was one thing that hadn’t changed. One thing that was still hard for me to do.

It was hard for me to get a read on him.

Even though his eyes seemed less guarded and there seemed to be the slightest smirk on his lips, I still couldn’t easily read him. I had to make him reactive in order to figure out things about him. Like the comment about my not being a snob. He had to react to that statement in order for me to assume something about him. It was easy to talk, but the topics were still very superficial.

An improvement from last time, but not enough of an improvement for me to understand him any better.

Nonetheless, I was very excited to be on a road trip with Colin again. Even in my dreams, he was nowhere near as handsome as he was in person. His body heat radiated towards me, clawing at my skin and trying to pull me closer. I had to slide my hands in between my crossed thighs just to keep myself from reaching out to him. My fingertips hummed for his touch and my lips were being pulled towards his neck.

I’d missed his presence and his voice. But more than that, I had just missed him over these past two months.

“How do you feel about wraps?” Colin asked.

“What?”

“There’s something called ‘The Wrap Joint’ off the next exit. Know anything about it?”

“It’s actually pretty good. You can get all sorts of things there. Let’s go ahead and drive through,” I said.

He took the exit and we pulled into the parking lot. I could tell he was debating on whether to go in or not. He was looking up at the clouds before looking over in the distance, and I took it as an opportune time to test out our boundaries.

I reached over and put my hand on his forearm to get his attention.

“We can just go through the drive through. There’s no need to go in. I’ll give you my card for the window,” I said.

His eyes looked down at my hand, studying our connection for quite some time. He looked at it for so long that I figured he was getting uncomfortable, so I quickly pulled my hand back. His body underneath his coat was just as muscular as I remembered it, and suddenly my mind was filled with flashes of his naked body pounding into mine. Flashes of his warmth against my neck and his face between my legs. Sounds of a headboard knocking against a wall and the fireplace warming our bodies. I could feel his hand bracing my neck while our tongues danced like the licks of fire crackling beside us, and I had to turn my head out the window to hide the flush growing in my cheeks.

If my touch affected him the way it had affected me, he made no mention of it as we sat there.

“Drive through it is,” he said.

He drove around as I dug through my purse. I handed him my card and we both ordered, shouting at the speaker time and time again to try and get the woman to hear us. We finally had to just pull around and give her our order so she could understand what we were saying, and by the time we got back out onto the highway I was glad we stopped to get food.

In all the excitement of seeing Colin again, I’d forgotten I hadn’t eaten anything all day.

Things quickly turned awkward. The polite and superficial conversation quickly dwindled back into the uncomfortable silence that characterized our first adventure. My chicken Caesar wrap seemed bland as the mood of the car fell, and soon Colin was back to white-knuckling his steering wheel. I could see his anxiety and that uncomfortable nature of his slowly creeping back into his body, straightening his posture right off the back of his seat. His eyes were transfixed on the road in front of us just as we crossed into Iowa, and I sighed as I turned to look back out the window.

I put the rest of my wrap in the to-go bag before I grabbed my drink, then I slouched down into my seat and tossed my feet up onto the dashboard. The air in the car quickly turned from comfortable to tense and the electricity was no longer surging between us. The playful grin on his cheeks slowly slid into the form that was painted on the lips of the Grinch I’d ridden with two months ago. The sparkle in his eye slowly set itself into stone, his eyes now transfixed on the road ahead as he robotically took sips of his soda. I shouldn’t have touched him. I should’ve fucking kept my hands to myself. I shouldn’t have let my thoughts ruin something that had been going so wonderfully.

Why was I always such a screw up? How in the world could I have messed up something like this?

I mindlessly drank my lemonade until I was sucking up the last of the sugar mixture from the bottom of the plastic cup. I placed it in the cup holder between us before I sighed, my head turning back out the window to take in the passing state of Iowa. Already, the clouds over our heads were beginning to darken. Already, the tone of the outside world was shifting with the tone of the car. The once sunny state of Minnesota had kept us bright and smiling, and then the doom and gloom of the Iowa sky had quickly sunken our moods.

If only it was the weather that caused Colin to pull away from me.

I didn’t expect the man to grab me and kiss me. Hell, we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in two solid months! But this kind of visceral reaction was a slap in the face. A punch in the gut. Any other imagined physical assault I could conjure. It was like the touch of my hand against anything he owned had magically turned everything dark. Like the touch of Midas, except everything I touched withered away and died.

Like my ex, or my former job, or my former best friend, or my former home.

Like the little slice of happiness Colin had finally found for himself, or even the happiness I had experienced upon seeing him on that airplane.

If only there was a river I could bathe in to wash this curse from my body. If only the water threatening to pour from the sky could cleanse me and bring back the polite and superficial Colin I had before I made that stupid move to touch his fucking arm.

I figured the situation couldn’t get any worse at this point. The worst that could happen was that we traveled in silence to the conference and then didn’t see each other again for another two months. And things hadn’t gone completely sour. The music on the radio was still playing, and if I kept my mouth shut and didn’t sink, maybe it would breathe new life back into the rental car the two of us were sharing.

Then in perfect Colin fashion, the music on the radio ceased to exist, and we were both right back to square one.

Damn it.