Chapter 22 – Brandon

God, it feels good to be doing something positive. It actually feels amazing. I feel more alive than I have been in a very long time. As I watch Lola walk with her father into the room of the doctor I’ve paid for them to see, there’s an intense warmth in my chest that I’ve never experienced before. I love it. I want to grab onto it and have more of it. It’s delicious.

“We’ll be back in a moment,” Lola calls out behind her, with a happiness shining in her eyes. She’s warming to me, which is wonderful. “Thank you, Brandon.”

“No worries,” I reply with a bright smile. “Take as long as you want.”

I sit back in my seat, thinking about how I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. Yes, I could be in the office, sitting behind my desk making important sounding decisions and impressing my father… but is that really what I want? I know now, more than ever before, that it doesn’t make me happy. Okay, so I might not know what does make me happy, but at least I’m one step closer.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

I roll my eyes and grab my cell phone out of my pocket and I make my way outside. I don’t know if answering a call is still taboo in surgeries anymore, but I just don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to wreck anything in here, not when it cost me a fortune to get such a rush appointment with this well renowned doctor.

“Hello?” I answer the moment I step outside. “Sandi, is everything okay?”

“Where are you?” she whines. “It’s hard for me to be your PA when you aren’t here.”

Urgh, she doesn’t care at all. She isn’t exactly hard worker of the century, this is more about her disappointment in me than anything else. I haven’t heard anything directly but the rumors suggest that she’s more than upset that I didn’t go to Franko’s party.

“I told you, I’m out this morning. I’ll be back this afternoon. There’s always plenty of paper work that needs filing. You can’t be that bored, can you?”

I can hear the irritating sound of her long fake nails banging against the desk. “Yes, I suppose so. What am I supposed to tell your father if he comes around?”

Tension coils in my chest, just as it always dies when I think about letting down my father, but it untwists and floats away just as quick, which is unusual. I start to think that maybe I might be letting go off all my self doubt after all this time. Something I never thought would happen.

“Don’t worry about him. Just tell him to call me,” I reply sharply. “If he’s that bothered about where I am he’ll contact me himself.” Despite my bravery, I hope he doesn’t. One step at a time. “Thank you, Sandi, I’ve got to go now okay? I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later. Don’t be too long, okay?”

I want to be long. In fact I don’t want to go back at all. I want to throw that side of my life aside so I can try to figure out where my dreams and my heart really lies. I have the money, I could do it, but there’s something holding me back for a moment. I think I just need to hold my horses for the moment so I don’t do anything wild. Once I figure out what I want to do, then I can start taking steps.

“Yep, sure. Bye.”

Once I hang up the phone I remain where I am for a few moments, rolling back and forth on the balls of my feet while I think. I’m changing, I can feel myself becoming something better, bursting out of my shell. It’s cool. I like it. The last year of my life has been really gray, dull without any color, and now that Lola’s back the color has burst back into my vision. I feel like maybe I can be the man I was back when we spent time together. I want to be that person, that’s the best version of me.

Right, time to get back inside, I think to myself with a smile. Find out how Lola is.

***

It takes some time, I’m in the waiting room for ages, but I don’t mind. It all gets even better when Lola and her dad come back out and they both look filled with positivity. It’s as if a weight has been lifted from their shoulders, which is wonderful to see.

Lola even races to my side and throws her arms around me. “Oh my God, that was so good, Brandon. You have no idea.” She squeezes tighter, wrapping her fingers around me. “Thank you so much, I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“You don’t have to.” I lean down and whisper into her ear. Her hair blows out as my breath tickles her neck. “Just to see you happy is enough.”

She pulls back to look at me and I can see a light dancing in her eyes. “Even Dad is happy, aren’t you?” Lola turns to look at him but doesn’t give him a chance to answer. She’s too excitable for words. “The doctor was great, he had loads of great advice and exercises to try. Oh, and he’s changed all the meds around too so that should make a difference.” She slips her hand into mine and she pulls me towards her like she can’t get enough of me, which is a sensation I’d almost forgotten. “Come on, let’s go and get some cake to celebrate.”

I’m not complaining as she walks along holding onto my hand like I’m her boyfriend, while also linking her father’s arm. It feels nice, it reminds me of how things used to be. When we were in her town, when things were perfect, this is like that. I don’t want it to end.

“Where are you taking us?” I ask Lola with a laugh. “You’re acting like a crazy person.”

“I know, but I just feel so good.” She points to the nearest café. “That’ll do. Let’s go in there.” She doesn’t give any of us a choice, she yanks us in. “You guys go and get a table, I’ll go and get drinks and cake.”

I take Lola’s dad to sit down, and once we’re both comfortable, I give him a look. “Well, that went very well, I take it?”

He laughs, a musical sound that sounds really genuine. It makes me realize that all the other times he’s been happy it’s been veiled with agony. “I know, Lola is a bit excitable, isn’t she? She was very enthusiastic in the doctor’s office, especially when he gave us some new ideas. He’s a great doctor, one that I’m sure is out of Lola’s price range, but she keeps insisting that she’s fine.”

I nod silently. I did ask her to keep my money a secret from her father because if he’s a proud man, like Lola keeps telling me that he is, then it’ll be a bit weird. He’s not an idiot, I’m sure he knows, but it works out better for us all if we just keep things on an even keel. I like helping him, I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything. That isn’t why I’m doing it at all.

Huh… I like helping people. I wonder if that’s something to focus on…

It’s a bit of a revelation, but not one that I can deal with right now. That’s something that’ll take a lot of thought. Now I just want to focus on this right here.

“Well, Lola is sensible. I’m sure if she’s said that, then it’s fine…”

“Yeah, maybe.” He nods. “We’ll see. I do have to admit that I’m feeling more positive myself. I’ve now got access to stuff that I wouldn’t have before.” He pauses for a moment before he starts again. “I do want to get better for Lola. She’s done so much for me, you know taking care of me and looking after the farm to keep us going. I think if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve given up a long time ago. Maybe even when my wife died.”

“Who’s looking after the farm at the moment?” I ask. “I didn’t think about that!”

“Oh a young lad who lives a few doors down. Tim is his name and he’s just finished school and he needs something to keep him busy. It isn’t a hard farm to look after since we don’t have much there anymore.”

The thought of Tim taking some of the responsibility off of Lola’s shoulders makes me want to smile. I hope that’s giving her more chance to play her music. Maybe. Although it does seem like maybe she’s just taken on more work to pay for her father’s treatment instead.

“Oh well that’s good. I know this isn’t exactly a vacation for you guys but I hope you’re getting some time to relax as well.”

“Well, we are right now.”

He leans back in his seat as Lola comes over with the drinks and cakes. As I glance up at her I can’t help but join in with her very infectious smile. She looks more beautiful than ever now that she’s happy. It makes me realize that she isn’t just my cowgirl fantasy and that she never has been. She’s so much more. Now, she’s in much plainer clothes, but with that happiness shining in her gaze she’s gorgeous. All I want to do is kiss her.

God I wish I could kiss her.

“This is so awesome isn’t it?” she almost squeals as she sits down. “I really feel like things are going to go well from here.”

Her hand falls onto mine, almost as an automatic reaction and as it does I notice her father giving me a look. A happy look actually, like he approves of our union. He seemed happy to see us together before though, and I can’t help wondering if he’d still feel the same way if he knew the truth about how I left last time. It makes me want to sit down and explain to him why I did what I did. I want to make him see that it was all just a mistake and that I understand that now. I was an idiot, and I won’t make that mistake again, but of course I can’t do that here and now.

“You know, you two should really go out to celebrate tonight,” he shocks us both by saying. “Maybe go to dinner and have a few drinks.”

Lola snatches her hand away like she’s been electrocuted. “But, Dad, I can’t. I have to look after you.”

“Kid, I’m tired,” he tells her in a slightly weary, probably put on, tone. “I need my rest. You two need to have some fun. How often are we in the city, Lola? How often do you go out? I want to see you finally have some fun. You’ve always been looking after people. First your mom and now me…”

“But I don’t mind…”

“I know you don’t, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to enjoy yourself too.”

“I would like that,” I tell her in the hope that it’ll make it easier. “I know some great places to eat and drink. I could show you around a bit.” She looks at me out the corner of her eye and bites down on her bottom lip. A pink blush tinges her cheeks which makes me assume that she’s at least considering it. “What do you say?”

“She says yes,” her dad replies on her behalf. “Trust me, Lola, you say yes. You have to do this for me anyway. I’m asking it of you. You can’t refuse your old man, can you?”

She sighs loudly as if it pains her, but finally she nods. “Fine. I’ll go.”

And with that, my heart soars.