One
“I swear, if I don’t get out of here I’m going to lose it,” I said to my cousin Anna, holding my phone against my shoulder as worked on packing up my dorm room. Staying with her this summer was my absolute last resort. I could not live at home with my parents suffocating me. Plans to crash with friends had fallen through, so she was my only hope. She’d moved in with her girlfriend, Lacey, who traveled a lot doing photography, so I didn’t think it would be too much of an imposition. I’d sleep on the couch; I didn’t even care. I would sleep on the damn floor.
“Hey, it’s okay, Serena. Of course you can stay with us. You’re family.” Not only were we family, but she was also one of the only other queer people I knew. My parents didn’t understand my demisexuality or my demiromanticism or my bisexuality and I was tired of trying to explain myself to them so they’d believe I didn’t just make words up from reading too many Tumblr posts.
“Thank you,” I said, those two words not enough to express how I felt. I sat down on one of the boxes that contained part of the crap from my dorm room. Honestly, I would have loved to go straight to Anna’s from here, but I didn’t want to shove all of this junk in her small apartment, so I had to go home first.
Home. It was a strange word, and it didn’t feel the way it was supposed to feel. Home was supposed to be warm and safe and the people in it were supposed to accept you unconditionally.
Or maybe that was just for Hallmark cards.
Time was ticking away, and I needed to get from school to home and then to Anna’s. It was going to be a long day.
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“Thank fuck,” I said, nine hours later when I finally collapsed on Anna’s couch and she handed me a glass of wine. Lacey’s cat, Murder, had commandeered my lap and was purring loudly.
“You doing okay?” she asked and I stuck my hand out and waved it side to side before going back to petting Murder.
“Things go okay with your parents?” I rolled my eyes.
“What do you think?” I seriously needed a shower, both to wash of the sweat of moving everything and to get the feel of being with my parents off my skin.
“I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing my arm. “It seems to run in the family.” Our mothers were sisters and seemed cut from the same problematic cloth. Her parents still lived in town, but she never saw them. I’d grown up just a few towns over, and the chances of seeing mine were also slim. Thankfully.
“Where’s Lacey?” Anna’s eyes took on a dreamy cast when she thought about her girlfriend. They’d met by chance and had been serious right from the beginning. I was expecting a ring sometime soon.
“She’s off in Vermont this week. She’s got to take work when she can get it, but having her gone a lot is hard.” She sipped her wine and sighed.
I hadn’t dated anyone in a while. Actually, the last person I dated was Fiona, my BFF from high school. I’d fallen hard for her and . . . things hadn’t worked out. I still stalked her on social media every now and then. She was off at school in New York. I tried not to think about her too much; I was still raw.
“Are you sure she’s okay with me being here?” I asked. The apartment wasn’t huge, but it had a second bedroom that Lacey used as her in-home photography studio, and that was where I’d be sleeping. I was a little nervous about messing anything up or tripping on some of the equipment when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but Anna had assured me that I could make myself at home on the spare bed that Lacey sometimes used for her boudoir photos.
“Of course. It’ll be fun to have a roommate for a little while. Plus, you can keep me company when she’s gone. What else do you have planned over the summer?” I was hoping to avoid this part, but I needed another favor from Anna.
“Do you think maybe they might need help washing dishes at the café? I will literally work for anything. I just need something to do during the day and make a little money so I can pay you rent.” She shook her head, setting her wine glass down on a coaster on the coffee table.
“No, you’re not paying rent. We already agreed to that. You can help with groceries or utilities, but that’s it. You’re family.” Anna and I had hung out a lot growing up and I’d always felt such a kinship with her, more than some of my other cousins. I wondered if it was the queer in me recognizing the queer in her before we knew.
“And I’m sure we can find something for you at the café.” I breathed a sigh of relief. That was two things out of my way. Now I just had to actually get through the summer.
“Plus, if you wanted to give me a hand with some of my publicity work, I could pay you for some of that. Just like, sending out emails and stuff like that.” Anna was currently working three jobs: waitress at the café, part-time librarian, and she also did freelance publicity for authors. It made my head hurt.
“Oh, wow, that would be great. I could even add that to my resume when I start looking for internships.” I was an English major in college, with the goal of being involved in publishing somehow. Either as an author, editor, or literary agent. I wasn’t sure yet. That was yet another reason I wanted to stay with Anna–we had so much in common. I was definitely going to be raiding her bookshelves. Most of my books had to go back to my parent’s house, but thank goodness for e-readers.
“Sure! Anything to help out.” She put her arm around me and gave me a squeeze.
“I know it hasn’t been easy for you and I want to help. I really do. I wish I’d had someone when I was your age, and I want to be there for you.” I tried to duck my head and wipe away the few tears that escaped my eyes.
“Thanks. That means more to me than you can ever know. I just . . . Thank you, Anna. Seriously, thank you so much.” She grinned and hugged me again.
Things were going to be okay. I was going to be okay.