Ten
“I think I’m going to die. I’m pretty sure we ate one entire cow’s worth of ice cream.” I made a face.
“I don’t really want to think about what ice cream is made of right now,” I said, leaning back on the picnic table. She leaned over and swiped the corner of my mouth where I bet there was some fudge or sprinkles lingering. I froze and she stuck her finger in her mouth to lick off whatever it was. I was having déjà vu. I was full to the brim of ice cream and I wanted to kiss her.
She smiled at me and my heart fluttered and we were definitely having a moment at this tiny ice cream stand that was only open in the summers because not many people wanted to eat ice cream in December in Maine.
And then she turned away from me and pulled something out of her bag. Okay, moment over.
Quickly, she scribbled something down and then turned the notebook so I could read it. I was so captivated by her that it took a second for me to figure out how to read again.
Kiss Serena.
Oh. Well now. She raised one eyebrow as if to ask me if it was okay.
“I mean, it’s on the list. We have to do it,” I said, pretending like I was having trouble with that. “Oh nooooooo.”
She grinned at me.
“Shut up,” she said and pulled my chin toward hers.
Her lips were still cool from the ice cream and I could taste the caramel swirl on her tongue. We still hadn’t made any decisions about us, but here we were, kissing again.
Every single thought and hesitation melted out of my head and all I could think about was the feel of her mouth on mine and the sparks firing in my body. Fuck, kissing Fiona was one of the greatest experiences I was probably ever going to have.
Her tongue flirted with mine and we sunk deeper into the kiss. My heart pounded in my ears and I knew my hands were doing things on the border of being indecent in public. Fi laughed and pulled away.
“Your hands are cold,” she said, and I realized my fingers had been messing with the straps on her dress. Oops?
“Maybe we should . . . go somewhere else,” I said, looking around to see if we’d scandalized any of the other people at the ice cream stand. So far, no one was paying attention to us since there was a kid throwing a tantrum about sprinkles that had captured everyone’s attention by the unbelievable volume of noise he produced from such a tiny body.
“Yeah,” she said, and as I stood up, she grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. Okay, we were doing this. She looked at me and I squeezed her hand back.
*^*^*
“So what are you and Fiona doing, exactly?” Anna asked me one evening when Fi had to have dinner with her parents. I had no idea what she was telling them she was doing when she wasn’t at home, but they seemed to be okay with her explanations. Or, at least they weren’t calling in missing person’s reports on her.
“That . . . is a good question that I don’t know the answer to, and I don’t know when I’ll know the answer. I keep waiting for one. I keep telling myself that we need to figure our shit out, but I’m having a nice time with her. It’s a relief to just . . . be. To hang out and kiss a little and not have the pressure. We’re having fun. Why does it have to have a definition slapped on it?” Anna raised her eyebrows. It was kind of a speech.
“I’m not pressuring you. I just wanted to know what’s going on and if you wanted to talk to me. Because you seem happy. And I’m happy for you. And I love you.” She held out her arms and I fell into them.
“Thanks, Anna,” I said, my words muffled in her shirt.
“Anytime, babe. And you don’t have to define anything. Not to me. Not to anyone. Not unless you want to.” I nodded. Why was I feeling like I wanted to cry?
“Part of me is screaming that I should want to define this and make a statement and make a decision, but the rest of me is just having a good time. It’s . . . interesting. And sometimes annoying.” Anna nodded.
“I know what you mean. Take your time. Take all the time you need.” I didn’t have that much time, though. The summer didn’t last forever and sooner or later, I was going to have to say goodbye to Fi and figure out what the hell we were going to do moving forward.
I wanted her. I wanted us. I wanted to be with her. But I didn’t know how that would work in practice. Or if I was even capable of it. Or if she wanted it. We’d been skating around the issue so obviously, and something was going to have to give. One of us was going to have to cave and start the conversation. Just . . . not yet.
We’d checked off a number of things on her list, but one was missing and one I had actually been planning for.
A road trip. In spite of us both being from Maine, we’d never really explored that much of the state and I had started plotting out a hypothetical road trip. One that would take a few days and make a number of stops. Including a night or two at an inn or hotel. I hadn’t made reservations anywhere, but I’d picked places. I didn’t want to make the plans if she couldn’t do it, or she didn’t want to. Then I’d be out of luck and money. I had some squirreled away from my job and I couldn’t think of a better use for it. Living with Anna and Lacey was saving me a lot of cash, which was great. Paying for school was going to be a tiny bit less sucky in the fall.
“So, I have a proposition for you,” I said one night when we were hanging out in the studio together and just doing nothing. I liked making plans with her and setting out a schedule, but more often than not, we just did whatever we felt like. Sometimes that was laying on the couch and talking about all the plot holes in Disney movies and fighting over a can of Pringles.
“Okay?” she said. She looked wary.
“It’s not something bad. Why are you going negative? I haven’t even told you what it is.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
“Fine, what is it?”
I had totally planned this part, and pulled out the printed spreadsheet and list I’d made for the trip.
“I want to check something else off your list.” Her eyes scanned down the list and then she smiled.
“A road trip, huh? A multiple-day road trip? And we’re going to be staying overnight?” One of her eyebrows went higher.
“I’m not trying to seduce you,” I said in a completely unconvincing tone. I mean, I wasn’t. I definitely wasn’t.
“Are you sure about that?” she asked, setting the list aside and using her arms to crawl up to where I was. We’d been laying pretty much head to foot. Suddenly, her mouth was very close to my mouth.
“Do you want me to seduce you?” I asked. The air had changed in the blink of an eye and things were . . . different. Again.
“Do I look like I want to be seduced?” she asked, and I was about ready to explode. This was different than just kissing. She was asking for something beyond that.
I didn’t know what to say.
I opened my mouth and she answered for me. She kissed me.
I gasped into her mouth and she softened her approach. Still, the second her lips touched mine, I couldn’t help but reach for her. Reach for more.
I pulled her face closer and let my tongue answer her. My other hand stroked up and down her side, making her shirt ride up a bit.
I was in so much trouble.
And I didn’t give a single fuck.
Fi started making these desperate little sounds as we kissed and I felt like I was going to completely lose it. I needed her. I wanted her. This was different than when we’d been together before. The fire burned hotter; brighter.
Desire thrashed inside me and my entire body shook with it. I’d never experienced it like this. Not even before.
“I want you so much,” I said and she moaned. I was about ready to lose all sense and reason, but she put a hand on my chest and pushed herself back.
“Are you sure?” she asked. Her eyes were bright and she was so beautiful it hurt to look at her.
“Yes,” I said. “I want you. And I want . . . I want to try this.” The words that I’d been holding back for days spilled out of my mouth. I couldn’t stop them.
“I want to see what we could be. Together.” I stroked her cheek and she smiled.
“I want that too. And you. I want you.” I couldn’t stop the smile that probably took up my entire face.
“So we’re doing this?” she asked.
“We’re doing this,” I said. She rolled over onto her back and looked up at the ceiling and started to laugh.
“Life is strange sometimes, isn’t it?” she said. I turned on my side and looked at her profile.
“Yeah, it is.”