Chapter 8
We stayed in Partheney for another month so that the council and the king could debate matters of state. In that time, Rolf began gaining respect, and he found a kindred spirit in Lord Sauvage, who had long wanted to increase the nation’s border patrols.
As opposed to growing proud or arrogant, Rolf became more self-assured—which was different. In private, he told me everything that was discussed in council meetings, and I offered my thoughts.
I don’t believe he ever did this with Jarrod.
In mid-autumn, we traveled back home and arrived at Volodane Hall in the early afternoon. I had been pondering a number of plans to try and improve the lives of the people in the village and outlying areas, but as of yet, I hadn’t approached Rolf.
All such thoughts vanished when we entered the dining hall to find Sebastian sitting at a table playing cards with a few guards.
“Sebastian,” I called, hurrying to him. “You’re back!”
He stood and I gave him a quick embrace, not caring what anyone else thought. I’d missed him. Rolf and I were partners, but Sebastian was a friend.
He smiled and hugged me back. Then he looked over at his father and brother. “And how fares the ambitious ones?” he asked. “Not too disappointed, I hope.”
“Not at all,” Rolf answered coolly. “I won the seat.”
Sebastian’s face went momentarily blank. Then he looked down at me as if I’d betrayed him. “He won the seat?”
I glanced away. I couldn’t meet his eyes, but I would find him later and explain everything. I’d not let Rolf abuse his power.
Sebastian stepped away from me and put one hand on the table.
“Will you not congratulate me, brother?” Rolf said.
Sebastian’s eyes were hard. “Congratulations.”
* * * *
We met again in the hall before dinner that night. Though I hadn’t found an opportunity to speak to Sebastian alone, he had calmed considerably and was even apologetic to Rolf.
“Forgive my loutish behavior,” he said. “You caught me off guard. I never thought you’d do it, not because you aren’t capable, just because I didn’t think those snobs would ever vote for one of us.”
Rolf watched him carefully and then shrugged. “It’s all right. I know the outcome seemed unlikely.”
There were two pots of tea on the table, one large and one small.
“We’ll have wine with dinner and drink a toast to you,” Sebastian said, “but I brought some of that orange-spiced tea you like so much back from Rennes.” He pointed to the smaller pot. None of the rest of us were fond of orange-spiced tea, but it was a favorite of Rolf’s. Then Sebastian gestured to the larger pot. “I had some black tea made up for everyone else.”
“Tea?” Jarrod asked. “Before dinner? I think not. Have the wine brought in.”
The idea of tea before dinner was unusual, but in truth, Rolf wasn’t all that fond of wine, and he loved spiced tea. Sebastian knew that. Was he making a peace offering?
Rolf blinked as if uncertain how to respond to his brother. “Thank you,” he said finally.
A flicker, something unreadable, passed through Sebastian’s eyes. Something was very wrong here.
I had to act.
I knew I shouldn’t.
What I was about to do broke every rule my father had taught me: Never read one of your own. Sebastian was a young lord of my own house now. It was wrong to invade his thoughts, but this didn’t stop me.
Focusing completely on Sebastian, I was hit by a wall of desperation. He’d depended on me, on what he’d both shown and told me, to keep Rolf off the council. He feared for the future of the nation with Rolf in power.
There was hemlock in the orange-spiced tea.
He was about to poison his own brother.
I pulled from his mind. Keeping my expression serene, I smiled at Rolf and walked toward the table. “Stay there. I’ll pour a cup for you.”
Reaching out, I lifted the pot and then pretended it was too heavy, and I dropped it. The lid came off, and the contents splashed all the over the floor. Beside me, Sebastian drew a sharp breath, but I looked back to Rolf.
“Oh, I am sorry. It was heavier than I anticipated. Should I have Ester make more?”
He waved me off. “No, let’s just sit down to dinner. I’m more hungry than anything else.”
I called Betty to clean up the mess and then serve dinner.
We all sat down, but I could feel Sebastian’s eyes on me.
* * * *
Long after Rolf had fallen asleep that night, I slipped from my bed, donned my silk dressing gown, and left my room.
This late, the keep was silent, but I walked as quietly as possible to the end of the passage right where it curved inside the tower. Although I had never before visited my planned destination, I knew where it was located, and I stopped outside of Sebastian’s room.
After taking a few seconds to gather myself, I knocked.
Nothing happened, but I didn’t leave, and I didn’t knock again.
Finally, the door opened, and he stood there dressed in nothing but a pair of loose black pants. He wasn’t surprised to see me.
Holding the door wider, he asked dryly, “Would you like to come in?”
“No.”
Being found inside his room would be disastrous. It would be bad enough if anyone saw us standing at his open door. But this couldn’t wait until tomorrow.
He raised one brow. “Then to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“You tried to poison Rolf tonight. Don’t do it again.”
“What an imagination you have. Then again . . . one never knows what might come out of that kitchen.”
“I know you’re worried,” I rushed on. “But you needn’t be. I’ve spoken to Rolf and he listens to me. He’s trying other methods to fund his plans. He won’t have national taxes increased.”
At that, Sebastian dropped all pretense. “For now!” he whispered harshly. “What do you think he’ll be like in a year? Two years? You’ll have lost any hold on him.”
I shook my head, focusing on the scar on his collarbone. “I won’t.”
He leaned down closer until I could feel his breath. “You can’t be sure of that.”
“I can. And if you try to hurt him, I’ll know. I won’t say anything about tonight. I’ll keep the secret, but if you ever try anything like that again, I’ll know and I’ll speak out. Both your father and Rolf will believe me.”
“I’d be executed or at best disinherited. You would do that?”
“Yes.”
In that instant, our friendship died. A sharp pain struck me at the thought, but it passed.
Turning, I walked away. I had needed my friendship with Sebastian here, but Rolf was my husband.
My loyalty was to him.
* * * *
In the year that followed, my life changed a good deal.
I turned eighteen.
Rolf and I were now important people. We held small house parties at Volodane Hall, and I was allowed not only to make improvements to the guest quarters but also to take some areas reserved for storage and turn them into guest rooms.
We were invited to stay at great houses across the nation. Sometimes Jarrod came with us, but Sebastian never did.
I’d begun having all leftovers and other food supplies sent down the village, and Jarrod never questioned me. I think perhaps Rolf spoke to him on this matter. I’d also begun whispering to Rolf about easing taxes on his own people.
We had plenty of wealth ourselves, and our lands would be improved if the people were stronger. He listened.
Soon, I found that I could live without Sebastian’s friendship. We existed in a state of polite civility, and he began spending more time in Rennes now that he was no longer so necessary for Rolf to rise in position. I was lonely at first, but I adjusted, and Miriam was ever my friend.
I found myself content.
Only one thing caused true disharmony in our household.
It started off as a small concern, but it grew worse each month. Jarrod would study my stomach for signs that I carried a child. I began to dread the start of my courses. Each month, I fervently hoped they would not come, and that I would feel sick with breakfast and could tell Rolf that a child was coming. This didn’t happen. A year into our marriage, with him sleeping in my bed almost every night, and no baby had quickened in my womb.
If a marriage didn’t produce a child, it was common knowledge that the woman was at fault. If she should give birth only to girls and no sons, it was her fault as well.
Another year passed, and I began to feel like a failure. Miriam consulted midwives, and I was told to eat everything from asparagus to wild game birds. Nothing worked.
Jarrod made cutting remarks about me being barren, but Rolf never said a word of reproach, and I sometimes even caught him looking at me in what appeared to be pity. That was worse.
Then one night, as I made my way down the passage toward the dining hall, I heard raised voices, and I stopped.
I couldn’t see Rolf or Jarrod through the archway, but I could hear them.
“Then put her aside!” Jarrod shouted. “She’s done what we needed for you. Now you need a son! I didn’t go through all this to have our line end! Find a wife who can give you a son.”
I trembled. What would become of me then? Would my father take me back? I shuddered at the thought.
“I’ll never put Megan aside,” Rolf returned. “Not for anything. You must know this isn’t her fault. In your heart, you must.”
I’d never heard him speak like that.
There was no answer at first, and then Jarrod asked tightly, “What do you mean?”
“You remember Bess. Of course you do. And Jane? And Eliza? I never made a secret of any mistress I took from the housemaids or the village. Father, Bess slept in my bed for the better part of a year, and there was no issue between us.” His own voice grew strained. “I’ve never made a child with any woman.”
I couldn’t imagine what it cost a man like Rolf to admit this.
“That means nothing,” Jarrod shot back.
“It does. You could pack the hall with new wives for me, and you wouldn’t have your grandson. At least not from me, and I wouldn’t pin much hope on Sebastian.”
“Then it was all for nothing,” Jarrod said more quietly.
“Not to me. I’ve been more fortunate than I ever could have hoped, and I won’t waste it wishing for something that will never happen. I plan to live the life I have.”
Who knew my husband had such thoughts and feelings?
I almost wept with relief. He didn’t blame me for his lack of a son, and more, he did not seem to care.
Resuming my path, I let my heels click more loudly so they would hear me coming.
“Good evening,” I said upon entering. “Ester’s prepared a turkey for dinner.”
* * * *
The years passed, and Rolf was voted as the head of the Council of Nobles. He often conferred with the king. With my guidance, he proved a good leader, and he never stopped conferring with me on important matters.
We did not have a passionate love.
We did not have a child.
But we had mutual respect and value of each other . . . and we had a good deal of power.
* * * *
The world around me vanished, and I found myself standing once again in the storage room of my parents’ manor, staring into the right panel of the three-tiered mirror.
I stumbled backward, fighting to take in air, thinking on all that I had just seen.
But the dark-haired woman was now looking out from the center panel.
“That would be my life with Rolf?” I gasped.
“That would be the outcome of the first choice,” she answered. “But now those memories will vanish, and you’ll go back to the beginning, to the wedding day once again, to live out the second choice.”
“Wait!” I cried. “I won’t remember anything of what I just saw?”
“To the beginning once more,” she answered. “To live out the second choice.”
My mind went blank, and the storage room vanished.
I found myself back in my family’s dining hall. It was my wedding day.
Chairs had been set up in rows, and guests were seated in them. I wore a gown of pale ivory and held my father’s arm as he walked me past the guests toward the far end of the hall.
Flowers in tall vases graced that same end, and a local magistrate stood there with a book in his hands.
Beside the magistrate stood Sebastian. I had chosen him.
He smiled.
The Second Choice
Sebastian