The chief raised an eyebrow at me. “You know we love you here…” he began.

Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. I wanted to get up, walk out, and save us both the trouble. I knew it was a matter of time before they’d decided I was no good. I should have beat them to it.

“Relax, stay in your seat.”  

I sat back down, not realizing I’d started to stand.

“We’re making some changes in the department.”  The chief looked up at me. “This is not my call. I’m sure you’re aware there’s an opening with James leaving.”  He paused and made sure I was paying attention. “You’re being considered.”

I sat up straight, which startled the puppy. “What?” I rearranged him on my lap and tried to soothe him while staring at the chief. His feet dug into my legs as he regained his balance.

“Yeah, the only thing is this position usually requires you to pass the new continuing education exam. So you can either have it now or show you’re on the path to having it in order to be considered for the promotion.” The chief tapped a file folder on his desk and slid it toward me. “I know we’ve handed out these materials before, but in case yours have been misplaced, here’s a new packet.”

I leaned back in my chair staring at the folder. Never mind. More school. I wasn’t good at school. That’s why I was a fireman.

The chief looked over his glasses at me. “You knew this day would come, right? Continuing education is becoming a requirement for this job everywhere.”  

I stared at my work boots. Could I even do anything else? I ran my hand through my hair. “Yeah, I know,” I muttered.

“It’s getting to the point in order to be employed as a fireman, you need a degree. This is just the start. I want to help you as much as I can, because I like you, you’re a damn good fireman, and also because of my respect for your old man.”

I took a deep breath and looked at my fingers pressed against my thigh. My father died of a heart attack three years ago — shocked the hell out of everyone, especially my mom. I took a deep breath and tried to stay cool and collected. These meetings always seemed to go like this, eventually.

My eyes flicked back up to his picture, hanging in its place of honor on the wall. My dad, first as my foster dad, took me in when I was fourteen years old. I bounced around the system seven years before that. He and Norma, his wife, did the best they could to allow me to end my childhood with some kind of stability. This thought introduced a familiar flare of pain in the center of my chest.

He took me to the fire station, convinced me I could be a fireman. He convinced me I could do something good. But school was hard. I never did well. Before them, I was the kid who never had a pencil, never had any paper, never had anyone helping him at home until much later. Hell, why stop there. I never had clean clothes, reliable food, a sober parent present…  By the time the Hayes family took me in, I was hopelessly behind. It was too late for me to do well in school.

School just reminded me how everyone was better. How different I was. If I never saw the inside of a classroom again it would be too soon. Thank god for shop classes and athletic ability. “Chief, maybe this promotion isn’t for me,” I started to say.

The chief cleared his throat and shook his head. “No. I think you’re hearing me. You need to make this happen. You’re a good fireman.” He stared me down with his no-bullshit authority. “You’re cool in a crisis. You stay in the present. You work hard. Nothing fazes you.”

That’s because I’ve seen everything. But I kept my mouth shut. I closed my eyes and took a breath. More school. Great.

“You have it in you to be chief someday,” Chief said.

I laughed out loud, the absurdity of his statement catching me off guard. Yeah right.

Chief stared me down. “I mean it.”

I stared back, trying to think of anything to say that wouldn’t be taken as completely disrespectful. I had nothing.

Finally he said, “Just work on it, okay?”

I raised my chin.“Yes, sir.”

“About the dog,” he began.

A protective bloom spread through me. The puppy in my arms, finally comfortable, was asleep again. His belly radiated warmth. His heart beat against my hand. I pulled him closer, and he turned and nestled into my chest.

All my protectiveness aside, the chief had a point and frustration at the situation suddenly filled me. “What the fuck am I going to do with a dog? Are those people crazy?” I shook my head and looked to the chief, as if he would know.

The chief grimaced. “Dalmatians are no joke. They can have high vet bills. They need a lot of space, a lot of exercise and a lot of training.”

I thought about my one-bedroom apartment. Well fuck. Then I had another idea. “Can he be the station dog, like the note said?”

The chief sighed. “Maybe sometime, after a hell of a lot of training but I have to level with you. This dog is more than we can handle. He’s definitely more than you can handle.” With this he paused, as if he was trying to think of his next words.

Of course he thought that. I knew what he meant. I could barely take care of myself, let alone a dog. He didn’t say it, but the message came through.

“What I mean is dalmatians are not first-time-dog-owner dogs, especially ones with no yard.  You’re better off taking him to the shelter and letting him be adopted by someone who can do right by him,” the chief finished.

The inside of my chest flashed in pain. Letting him be adopted? Just like I was adopted?

I was, eventually. But for seven years I shuttled from one unwelcoming place to the next. At first I would get excited at each new placement, hoping that it would become home. By the time that actually happened, I’d almost given up. What would have happened if the Hayes family hadn’t taken me in?

What would happen to this little guy? And how was it his fault there’s nowhere for him to go?

“Thanks Chief.” I stood and cradled the dog in my arms while extending a hand. He gave me a resigned smile and shook my hand.

I carried the puppy back out into the fire station. The guys were back at their game, but they looked up at me, eyebrows raised. I gave them my most winning smile, and stroked the puppy on his head. My movement woke him up and now he wiggled to get down.

“I need to go home and get my truck so I can take this guy with me. Can someone hold him for me?”  I looked around at the other men. They looked at each other, some of them avoiding eye contact.

“I’ll hold him,” Finn said. “I love dogs.” He stood up and held out his arms for the puppy.

I felt oddly reluctant to hand him over, but transferred him, flailing limbs and wiggling body, into Finn’s arms.

“I think he needs to go out,” Finn said, juggling the squirming puppy.

“Yeah? Show me?” I held my arm out and escorted Finn and my new friend to the door.  We stepped out into the bright sunlight, squinting at the sun.

Finn carried the puppy to the grass and set him down. “Stand near me in case he runs,” he said.

Runs? I looked at the busy street. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Pretty sure,” Finn grinned. “See?” And just like that, the puppy peed on the grass.

“Okay, take him inside and watch him? I’ll be back,” I said, as I headed toward my bike.

Finn saluted. “Sure thing, Mr. June.”

No wonder everyone kept mentioning the calendar. June just arrived, so all eyes were on me all month. It was for a good cause, and it satisfied the competitive part of me, so whatever. I was used to attention. Negative. Positive. It was all kind of the same.

I watched Finn carry the spotted puppy back into the station. Then I climbed on my motorcycle, and headed for home. I’d get my truck, collect the dog, and figure out what to do.