I resolved not to make any comments about this YouTube project with Oscar’s ex-partner. Far be it from me to understand the nuances of how social media works. Hell I barely knew how normal life worked. But I couldn’t lie. I was not excited to see Oscar get back on camera with his ex partner.

I never got the full story on Rory’s deal, though I don’t think Oscar did either. But from what I could tell Rory was one of those diva types who had zero interest in sharing the spotlight in a meaningful way. I suspected that was really the root of their conflict but no one asked me. I wanted to tell Oscar he was being used yet again, but I had to stay out of it, and trust him that he knew what he was doing.

There were videos out with Oscar and Rory — tons of them actually. I’d resolved a long time ago not to go looking for them. I didn't want to know Oscar from his videos. I wanted to know Oscar from knowing Oscar.

I also couldn't stand the idea of seeing him on camera with someone else and knowing they’d been an item when I knew we weren't. Not really.

The trip to Rory’s was about a forty five minute drive. Oscar alternated between nervously chatting and lapsing into long stretches of silence.

From what I could tell, my job was to keep my opinions to myself and help Oscar get through this.

Rory greeted us at the door with the camera already rolling. He quickly turned it off when he saw me. He pouted as he looked me up and down with a disdainful eye.

“This is Rhett,” Oscar said. “He…” With this Oscar trailed off, as if he couldn’t think of what to say next. I decided to rescue him.

“Don’t mind me,” I interrupted, as I used my mass to give Oscar an entrance to the house without touching Rory. “You won’t even know I’m here.”

Rory looked me up and down, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe,” he said.

I was only a few years older than Rory but he definitely did his best to make me feel old and unstylish. I wasn’t biting though. I’d spent enough time with aspiring models to know how to deal with his type.

I don't know what was going on with his hair, it was piled on top of his head and all going one direction but like really, really tall. He walked with his head tipped to one side to keep it all going the same way. He kept fluffing it with his fingers and fixing it in the mirrors all over the house.

“Your home is certainly bright,” I said. It was like a rainbow had exploded in the form of furniture, cushions, curtains and knickknacks.

“Thank you,” he crooned. “Oscar liked a more boring look but I like color.” He waggled his fingernails at me, and I realized he had a full manicure in rainbow colors with little gems set in the middle of each nail. No wonder he was giving my work pants the side eye.

Oscar looked back at me and rolled his eyes when Rory wasn't looking. I smiled at him, happy to see he wasn’t missing his old partner. I didn’t like feeling jealous.

“So I have a couple of ideas,” Rory said as he led us through the house. “I guess it depends on if you want to do this as a regular thing or sometimes —“

“Or once?” Oscar said folding his arms.

We arrived where filming was going to take place. Rory had lights and reflectors and screens and all kinds of stuff ready to go. It was a serious set up.

Rory paused and frowned. “Yes okay, or maybe just once.”

I ground my teeth together to keep from saying something. Oscar could hold his own. And he needed to do just that for closure if nothing else.

“Okay what are some of your ideas?” Oscar said.

Rory lit up. “I was thinking one thing we could do is play Monopoly and then title the video something like Rory versus Oscar. Loser Bankrupt!”

Oscar stole a glance my way. I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible.

“How about something less click bait-y?” Oscar said.

Rory frowned. “The viewers know who I am. If they didn't like it they wouldn’t watch.”

Oscar sighed. “Yes, but I don't like it, remember?”

“Hmm.” Rory tapped his shiny fingernails on his chin. “Okay fine. We could do like truth or dare?”

“You really want to do that with me?” Oscar said, an edge in his voice.

Rory considered him for a moment. “Maybe not,” he laughed.

Oscar stuck his hands in his pockets.“What if we just did an update of where we are now,” he said.

Rory shrugged. “I don't know, that might be boring?”

“Or real,” I said, unable to hold my commentary.

Rory looked at me like he was going to say something but thought better of it.

“Let's just do it,” Oscar said. “If it's horrible then we'll do something else, but it might be so different you get more viewers. You know how they crave variety.”

“True,” Rory said, considering. “Just having you in a video should be enough of a draw for viewers.”

I found a chair to sit in and settled in to watch. I already knew from experience these things took forever.

It took them a while to get rolling. “Can we put you in the video?” Rory said to me.

“No,” Oscar said. “Keep him out of it.”

Rory shrugged. “Okay sorry, just asking.”

I knew Oscar was trying to protect me, but at the same time his answer made me feel like I didn't matter. Like I wasn’t a real person with a valid reason to be there. I remembered those times I was the foster kid — not invited to be in the family picture, not invited to be in the video. You don’t belong. When the photos were taken I had to stand to the side and pretend like I didn’t care.

They started rolling. Rory turned on for the camera and went right into recording mode.

“Today I have a special guest. I know you've all been waiting to see him here again. I finally talked him into doing another video with me!”

I watch their tension slide a little as the video rolled and they got back in to their familiar roles. Then Rory asked about Oscar's current YouTube channel. “So I see you have a cute dog in the videos you say belongs to a friend. Is this friend someone special?”

Before Oscar could answer, Rory pressed further. “And what about the help you've had with your remodeling? Is this someone we are going to get to meet? Is this a relationship we need to know about?”

Oscar laughed and shook his head. “Oh, he’s just a friend,” he said. “He's not a YouTuber, so right now I’m protecting his anonymity.”

Rory looked right at me. “Is that true what he said — are you just friends?” He knew that on camera the viewer would know that he was looking at somebody. Fucker.

“You heard what Oscar said.” Inside I was furious at being put on the spot but I didn't want to wreck this for Oscar.

All this went on for a while. It was mostly just a bunch of self-promotion on Rory's part. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Tiger was at home waiting for me. He would need to go out, and run around, and not be locked up. I felt pretty caged myself and wanted to escape.

Oscar look simultaneously back in the saddle and totally embarrassed and awkward with Rory. A mixture of emotions ran through me.

All I could think about was how he said I was just a friend. Rolling this around my head, I realized I wanted more. I didn’t want this just for the summer either.

But he said it so easily, so casually. Oh he's just a friend.

When the damn thing was finally over, Rory shook my hand and said, “If you want to come on my channel, let me know. You've got a face made for the camera.” And then he winked at me. I know he was trying to piss off Oscar, but he also succeeded in pissing me off.

The drive home was long and awkward. It was weird seeing the mixture of animosity and affection between Rory and Oscar. But even with all of that going on, I didn't see any chemistry. I just saw leftover friendship. Like the way you feel around someone with whom you survived an ordeal.

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what I’d wanted Oscar to say about who I was.

I just didn’t like being nobody.