On the way home from the YouTube session at Rory’s, Rhett didn’t say a word. I wasn’t sure what happened, so I just kept my eyes on the road and watched the scenery go by.

Rory said he would edit the video and run it by me for approval before he posted it. I told him if he wanted to do future videos he had to do it that way, so I think he will respect my wishes.

So that part of my life was going okay. But Rhett’s silence worried me. Was he jealous? Did I say something he didn’t like?

I sighed. Rhett couldn’t stay in the guest house much longer, as much as I liked having him around. Would I even see him once we weren’t in such close proximity? We’d built a routine around each others’ lives but it all depended on us living close together.

I was the one who told him it was temporary, that it didn’t mean anything, that it was a relationship of convenience.

So why was I sad?

As if reading my mind, Rhett said, “I’m looking at some places tomorrow. I’ll be out of the guest house as soon as I can so your tenant can move in.” He didn’t look at me, but kept his eyes on the road.

I swallowed and picked at my fingernails. “Okay. I’m sorry. This situation was already set up before…” I started to say.

“Don’t worry about it.” His voice clipped over mine. I guess he really didn’t want to talk about it.

I didn’t know what else to say, so I didn’t say anything. When we got home, I hopped out of the truck and he headed straight toward his door.

I wanted to say more, but I needed to let it go. Rhett was a player, we both knew that. I was in no place for a real relationship. It hurt, the whole thing did, but the least I could do is not make everything worse.

I mean, what did I want anyway?

I didn’t know. And that wasn’t fair to him or me. I didn’t want to be humiliated — that I knew.

Guard your heart. Guard your heart. He’s moving out. Let him go, and keep your friendship and pride intact.

I watched him disappear into his house, and heard the happy bark of Tiger greet his arrival. Pride and regret at how well Tiger’s training was going swirled through me. The dark and light emotions mixed to make a muddy confusion, and I clenched my fists. My fingernails dug into my palms, and the sensation pulled me a little more into the here-and-now.

I got my ass inside before Rhett came back out with Tiger.

I needed to move on. I scowled at myself. Move on from what? There’s nothing to move on from. It was just a little thing — it didn’t mean anything. I knew what he was when this started, and I’d told him I wasn’t up for anything either.

So get a fucking grip.

I spent a long night scrubbing my new bathroom on my hands and knees. I took solace in the smell of the elbow-length rubber gloves, the acrid burn of the bleach, and the minute focus required by the toothbrush and scrub brush as cleaning implements.

I could pick at the bathroom, and not myself. I could make it perfect, and I could revisit every tile Rhett and I laid together.

It was both beautiful and excruciating. This bathroom would forever symbolize the time we spent together and what we had made together. What we could make together when we joined forces.

Finally exhausted, my joints aching from exertion and my knees bruised from crawling on the tile, I stripped to my shorts and dropped into bed.

I fell into a dreamless sleep — a sweet mercy from the angst growing inside me.

* * *

The next morning I made coffee, and dared to peek out the window at the driveway. Rhett’s truck was gone. He was out apartment hunting already. I knew this. While he was absent I walked the route around the property. I noted where the fence needed repair, checked the progress of the landscaping, and pulled some weeds.

I crouched on the ground and rocked back on my heels. This was a good next project. I could YouTube the improvement of the property. Would that be interesting to people?

Swiftly on its heels, another realization hit me. If I did that, someone might figure out where I live. Did I care? I could be careful. I’d learned a lot in just the almost year I’d been here. It might be interesting to someone else.

I should focus on the shelter animals first. Now that Tiger was on his way to being an upstanding citizen, I could work with an animal from the shelter and then possibly get them adopted.

I leaned all the way back and sat on the grass, thinking about the possibilities. Now that the juices were flowing it was time to make a video schedule again.

Just then Rhett’s truck pulled up. I wanted to escape into the house, but that would look weird and stupid. I opted to stand up and wipe my hands on my jeans and wait.

He hopped out of his truck and strode toward me, pointing at his front door. “I need to let Tiger out,” he said.

“Of course,” I smiled, trying to figure out what to do with my hands. How did things suddenly get so awkward?

He walked past me, and his scent waved through me. He smelled like soap and fresh sweat and sunshine, and…him.

A moment later Tiger bounded across the grass with him following.

“Hey Tiger!” I crouched and he ran to me, wriggling around in my hands before running to his spot and doing his business. I looked up at Rhett, who stood near me, his hands shielding his eyes from the sun. “He’s doing so well,” I said.

“He is,” Rhett agreed. “Watch this!” He called Tiger over, and had him sit and then shake his hand. Then he had him roll over, and then do an army crawl.

At the end of it all, he gave him a treat and praised him loudly. “Good boy! Good Tiger!” Tiger ran and jumped around, all wound up from the tricks, basking in the praise.

I clapped. “Woo hoo! You’ll have him in fire demos in no time!”

Rhett ran his hands through his hair. “That’s the plan. Speaking of which — I looked at some apartments today, but I also stopped by the station and the chief offered Tiger and me a home in the station.” He looked sideways down at me, and then crouched down to pet his dog.

Sometimes a pet is a good distraction from a difficult moment.

I didn’t know what to say. “Tiger must’ve impressed the chief.” I managed.

Rhett nodded. “He did. Didn’t you boy? Didn’t you?” He rubbed Tiger’s white belly, and Tiger rolled onto his back to soak in as much affection as he could. He softly growled and play-bit Rhett’s hands while Rhett teased him with his fingers.

I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to think of what to say next. Rhett had to move out. That was a foregone conclusion. I just had to get through this transition gracefully, and not look like a pathetic stalker.

Rhett waited another beat, and then when I said nothing, he said, “I can have my stuff out today. As you know, there’s not that much of it. My mom said she would store the extra for me, so I don’t have to worry about that.”

“That’s nice of her,” I managed. My heart pounded. Was this my now or never moment? But what in the fuck could I say? Was I supposed to seize the moment, or just get through it without falling apart?

How come I didn’t know how to do this?

I just needed to get through this transition, so Rhett wouldn’t think I was a total pathetic loser who got feelings beyond what we agreed.

Maybe he’d still want to be my friend if I didn’t screw everything up right now.

Yep. That was it. That was my goal.

Keep my shit together and be cool, soda pop.