Chapter Twelve

I’ve never been to Tanglewood, the city where Candy hid after she left Harmony Hills. All I know is what she’s told me—the strip clubs, the gambling. The fighting rings where Luca spends his nights.

My heart thuds, a heavy beat. Working my way through the small cities has been hard enough. Learning the street signs, the strange customs that everyone knows but me. Counting money. Buying food. Every single step has been a steep climb.

Now I’m going to the biggest city I’ve seen, the darkest.

We find another string of black SUVs waiting outside when we land. They drive us through the city, which alternates between mansions and tenements, skyscrapers and gutters.

Ivan’s house is like a castle in the center of the city, an urban fortress with high stone walls and sleek black cameras nestled into corners. Candy meets me on the front steps, eyes glistening with tears.

“Oh my gosh,” she says, her voice awed. “She’s beautiful, Beth.”

Delilah resisted going back in her car seat for takeoff, but the rumble of the engine put her to sleep immediately. Now she blinks up at Candy, eyes wide and hazy.

“Thank you,” I say, flushing with nervous pride. Motherhood isn’t something I ever wanted for myself. I never imagined a happy home because I knew that was impossible. Duty. Pain. Those were the things that led me here, but I can’t regret it. Not when I look at the trust in her dark eyes.

Candy pulls us inside, where marble floors expand for miles and chandeliers twinkle overhead. Luca excuses himself to look for Ivan, leaving me in a living room that could fit a hundred people.

“This place is like a palace,” I say, my voice hushed.

She laughs, the sound knowing. “Pretty different from the Great Hall.”

The Great Hall was kind of a joke, even among the true believers. There was nothing great about the dirt floors and the whitewashed walls. Bars on the windows made it look more like a prison than a gathering place.

“I’m afraid to breathe,” I admit. And unlike the plane, where flight safety had made it somewhat babyproof, there’s plenty that’s breakable here.

“Luca called and let me know that you were coming,” she says. “I got a room ready for you upstairs. And my friend Honor’s nanny is coming over tomorrow to help get the rest of the house prepared. She’ll be staying with us for a couple weeks to help me out.”

My heart clenches, thinking of leaving Delilah. It’s been hard enough leaving her with a babysitter when she’s asleep so I could work. This will be days. “Are you sure this is okay?”

“Of course,” she says with a wink. “It’s an honor having the blessed one in our house.”

I make a face. “Not you, too.”

“Hey, I think it’s cool that the savior’s a girl. It was time for a change.”

Pulling out a plastic toy that plays light and sounds, I distract Delilah from our conversation. Delilah examines the familiar toy with an unimpressed sound. Then she half scoots, half crawls over to a potted plant, grasping at the wide green leaves overhead.

“I don’t want her hearing about any of that.”

Candy’s expression softens. “I know it was messed up, but it’s part of her history. It’s definitely part of your history.”

“I wish,” I mutter. “That history has a way of following me around.”

“We’ll keep her safe, Beth.”

Cameras. Walls. Will it be enough? “I can’t lose her. I just…can’t.”

Tears prick my eyes. I put the heels of my hands to my face, trying to keep from crying. A soft touch on my shoulder shatters me. Comfort. Kindness. God.

I try to turn away, but Candy doesn’t let me. She pulls me close, and I cry against her body, her breasts cradling me, her arms encircling me. I cry for getting attacked outside the Last Stop, for giving birth in a low-rent women’s shelter. I cry for the little girl I once was, trembling and alone on a dirt floor.

“We’ll keep her safe,” Candy whispers fiercely. “I won’t let her out of my sight. And no one will know she’s here. All they’ll know is that you’re in Chicago.”

“Bait,” I whisper, my voice thick.

“Trust Luca. He cares about you more than you know.”

I pull away, retreating, hiding my face behind a fall of blonde hair. “You know what he wants from me.”

“What’s wrong with that?” she asks, her tone playful.

My nose scrunches. “You know what’s wrong with that.”

She smiles gently. “I know more than you think I do. I know that being with Luca won’t be anything like what happened in Harmony Hills. And I know that he went crazy when you disappeared. He cares about you.”

“It’s a game to him.”

“Maybe, but Ivan insisted that he forget about you. We have more important things to worry about, all that jazz. And you know what Luca said?”

We met when we were kids. Both stupid, fucked up—sorry. Both of us dumb kids who wanted to get out of the barrio. “What?”

“He told him to go fuck himself.”

I flinch and then smile. “That sounds like Luca.”

“Not before you. He was content to take orders as long as Ivan watched his back. They worked together for a long time without any problems. Then he meets you.”

“And he kidnapped me,” I murmur.

“He saved you.” She knows what it was like there more than anyone.

“I’m grateful to him,” I admit. “And I guess there’s some part of me that’s interested. But the most important thing in my life is Delilah. It has to be her. I’m not sure I can be with a man at all, especially one whose entire life revolves around violence.”

Her hand touches mine. “Beth, our lives revolved around violence.”

And mine still does. “I can’t make it stop,” I whisper.

“Luca will help you.”

Luca will help me and hurt me. He’ll use me in every way until I don’t know where I end and he begins. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be wary. He’s more dangerous than Leader Allen ever was. “You have to promise me something.”

“Anything,” she says promptly.

I glance at Delilah, who’s scooted back to her toy. A Mozart sonata plays through the plastic speaker. My voice drops. “If I don’t come back, you’ll take care of her as your own.”

She gasps. “No.”

“Promise.”

“You’ll come back. Of course you will.”

Except she can’t be sure of that. I can walk into the crosshairs when it means keeping Delilah safe. I could walk through fire for her. I just need to know that she’ll be taken care of if I don’t come back. “As if she’s your own child.”

She looks away, her lower lip trembling. For the first time since she left Harmony Hills, she doesn’t look self-assured. She looks like the young woman we both really are, forced to grow up too soon. “She’s my sister, you know,” she murmurs. “Both of us came from the same man.”

I shiver. “I know.”

“Besides, I owe you. If I hadn’t run away, it would have been me in those prayer sessions. It would have been me with a baby.”

Shame coils inside me. “I hated you for that.”

Her eyes turn glossy with tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“I hated that I couldn’t go with you. That I wasn’t strong enough or smart enough to run away like you.” It was a hollow kind of hate, weak and brittle.

Her mouth drops open. “Strong enough? God, Beth. I wasn’t strong enough to stay. I couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me, not for anything. So I ran, not knowing if I’d survive. Not knowing or even caring who had to substitute for me. That was weakness, not strength. You’re the strong one. You’re made of freaking steel.”

My throat feels thick. That’s what Luca said, but I didn’t believed him. He didn’t know everything that happened in Harmony Hills, and I prefer it that way. I don’t want to see the change in his eyes when he knows exactly what was done to me.

Candy knows. And she thinks I’m strong.

“Promise,” I whisper.

Her nostrils flare. “I promise.”

Relief flushes through me, swift and cool. “Thank you.”

“She’s my flesh and blood. I would always take care of her. It’s an honor, not an obligation. But you—God, you’re me. You’re everything that I am, that I’ve been. Come back, Beth. I know you’ll come back.”