Chapter Ten
I take refuge in the ordinary tasks I need to do—rolling up Delilah’s sleep things and then mine. Washing the peanut butter off her face and brushing her two teeth. It’s easier to focus on ordinary tasks than to think about what Luca said to me.
But his words are like a seed, and every moment that passes, it burrows a little deeper into the soil of my soul. There was water all along, a strange hope, a wistfulness that I could be something more than Sarah Elizabeth. That’s why I called myself Beth when I left Harmony Hills, but that’s just a name. Not a person.
I might be stronger than I thought. Might be memorable for more than just my long hair. At least Luca seems to think so—which is the most compelling realization of all. He sees me as more than my body.
Trucks are common in Alaska, with snow tires at this time of year. That’s what I’m expecting when I go outside. Instead I find a string of three sleek black SUVs, a man in a suit standing beside one of them. These aren’t limousines; these are their tougher, more protective cousins.
Inside the seats are covered in butter-soft beige leather, wood enamel along the door.
The pink car seat from my car, the one I left at the Last Stop, now sits in the middle of a wide back seat. Delilah clambers into her spot with relative ease, as if we normally use a car with low ambient lighting and a minifridge.
I buckle her in, feeling a little dazed. I think Luca might take one of the other SUVs—why do we need three of them? But he steps into the car after me, shutting us inside.
Absently I dig in my bag for a set of plastic rings, which Delilah prefers for car rides. She begins to teethe on them immediately, making delicate baby grunting sounds.
Luca sits in the forward seats, facing me, his expression enigmatic.
“Where did these come from?” I finally ask, unable to stop myself.
“After what happened last night, I called in reinforcements. I couldn’t be sure whether those fuckers—those men would have relatives wanting revenge. I made sure we were covered for the ride to the airport.”
I can’t imagine the expense involved in getting these armed men, these glossy SUVs, out into the middle of nowhere. The newest car I’ve seen in weeks is a decade old, its back bumper torn off. This is a hard-scrabble place, which is a backward solace for me.
It’s always reminded me of home.
The relief I feel at being safe is greater, though. I can’t know what will happen next. Being bait for a man who’s been indoctrinated by a murderer and abuser is hardly a safe destination. But as long as Delilah is alive, I don’t care what happens to me.
Someone needs to take care of you, little bird. If you aren’t going to do it, then I sure as hell will.
Luca’s words come back to me in a rush of illicit pleasure. I can’t deny that I like the idea of him taking care of me. Isn’t that what he’s doing? Even though he scares me, he’s helping me protect Delilah. And he’s using me to complete his orders from Ivan Tabakov. It’s not a purely altruistic goal, nothing so special as love, but it’s something. More than I’ve had before.
He remains quiet on the drive to the airport, only occasionally taking a phone call. From his terse replies, he’s still coordinating our trip to Tanglewood.
“Is the plane ready?” he asks.
Someone answers on the other end, sounding brusque.
“I don’t fucking—I don’t care,” he says. “We’re taking off in an hour either way, and your other client can go and… Well, they can just deal with it.”
I have to smile at him, my throat a little tight, eyes too watery to be normal. It’s the same way I felt watching him at the kitchen-floor picnic, this fighter turned soft by one sweet little girl.
Then his earlier words register. The plane.
My stomach drops. “Luca. I don’t have a passport.”
I don’t have any form of identification at all. No driver’s license. No birth certificate. According to the US government, I don’t even exist. Harmony Hills didn’t exactly follow legal procedures when babies were born. The less interference from the government the better.
Actually Delilah doesn’t exist either. I sneaked out of the small women’s shelter where she was born in the small hours of the morning.
“You won’t need one,” he says.
The SUV slows. I look out the window to see a small aircraft, only three windows across the side. “This is what we’re taking? Are you sure it’s safe?”
He gives me a small smile. “It’s safe, little bird. And even better, they don’t ask questions.”
The words are pointed, reminding me that I’m asking too many questions. But I understand the deeper point, that we need someone who will let me fly without paperwork. And hopefully no one will answer questions if someone asks about a girl with long blonde hair.
The plane takes off within an hour. I’m clinging to the seat, my knuckles white. Delilah fusses at the loud noise of takeoff, the strange feelings in her ears. Her cry is drowned out by the roar of the engines.
Only Luca looks unaffected by the rush and the noise.
He turns to dig through a small compartment on the other side of his seat. He finds an empty glass and a bottle of water. Pouring only an inch into the glass, he turns it this way and that near the window. A sliver of rainbow appears on the carpet at my feet.
Delilah quiets, noticing the colorful light. Luca entertains her through the takeoff, the incline, making rainbow shapes on the floor until our ears are clear. By the time the sound of the engines level off, I can hear her squeals of delight.
“More,” she says. “Wah more!”
It’s only a matter of time before she demands the cup itself. Not for drinking, but to play with the small amount of liquid, sticking her hand into the glass, splashing it, spraying droplets at me until I have to laugh.
I’m still laughing when I turn to Luca. The seriousness of his expression makes my smile fade. Suddenly I’m self-conscious, wondering how I look playing with a one-year-old. Do I seem like a child myself? Like a backward country girl on a plane for the first time?
Do I look like a victim?
I’m all those things, but maybe, just maybe, if we make it so I don’t have to run, I can be something more.