Equalize – Cars that run at superspeedways are required to run tires with an inner liner. This is a tire within a tire.
It took me a good hour to calm down once Darrin left.
Between the penalties, the race, Sway, Darrin, and my feelings and emotions being all over the place, I drank. Making my way to the bar once again, Marcus, Simplex’s president, caught me.
Marcus, who was lit already, stood next to me with his arm around my shoulders, waving a shot of tequila around as he told me, in no certain terms, how he thought I could improve my driving.
Normally, I would have told him I didn’t give a shit what he thought but Marcus being my sponsor, yeah, I wasn’t going to say that.
After a few shots, I was feeling pretty good and working on my courage to approach Sway.
The bar was full and crawling with pit lizards, all of who I was having a hard time getting rid of. They were always relentless after a race.
“You sure attract the ladies,” Marcus deduced after Ashley, the Fox Sports reporter, shoved her tits in my face once again that night.
Motioning toward Ashley, I said. “I’m sure she’ll show you a good time.”
And I mean “good time” by Marcus standards. Marcus thought he was some North Carolina player, he wasn’t by the way. I don’t think anyone ever told him that just because the boys in Men in Black looked okay, didn’t mean he did.
“Oh, yeah?” he elbowed me. “Know from experience, huh?”
I suppressed a sigh knowing I needed to act civilized.
“No, half the fucking industry does though.”
Yeah, I slept with Ashley once, but in my defense I was so drunk that night, I ended up sleeping on the sidewalk in front of a Safeway store. I couldn’t tell you a single goddamn thing that occurred that night, only that I dimly remember being tangled in the sheets with her at one point. I was also not going to admit this to anyone, it was none of their business who I slept with.
After another round of shots, when I felt Sway behind me.
“Jameson,” she sighed. “Don’t you leavd me wit you sista again!”
When I looked at Sway, she was gone. Bright glassy eyes, sweet creamy skin highlighted from the alcohol and I had to laugh. She was adorable.
“What the hell happened to you?” I stepped closer to her, pulling her against my side.
She frowned concentrating on her answer.
“Oh ... you ... Emma ...” she sighed exasperatedly. She blew a loose strand of her hair out of her eyes, and then braved on. “Spencer he ... I’ll tell’d you’d something ...”
“Something?” I laughed.
“What?”
“Huh?”
Without notice, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. Not just any kiss, a strong determined kiss. One that I was sure my plan would work well with. My mind was reeling, maybe it was all that tequila but either way, I was spinning.
Breathing deeply, trying desperately to keep my erotic thoughts at bay, I responded with, “Unless you want me to lose control in front of the entire bar, don’t kiss me like that.” A nervous laugh escaped me.
Sway took that for acquiescence and smiled. “I don’t think I’d mind.”
This was drunk Sway and drunk Jameson speaking right now and not the two “Grammy Winners” who usually spoke in something similar to morse code when feelings were involved.
“You want me to lose control with you?” my lips were at her collarbone. I kissed softly along the curve and then up her neck before placing a tender kiss below her ear.
“I want you, too,” she pressed herself closer as the song Purple Rain began.
“Let’s dance, honey,” I chuckled pulling her toward the dance floor. “They’re playing our theme song.”
“Team song?” her eyebrow arched in question but followed.
Laughing, I held the Purple Rain drink up.
Sway giggled before nodding enthusiastically, “Yes ... letz.”
Whispering the lyrics to her was my way of trying to seal the deal, she loved it when I sang to her.
When I looked into her eyes, she had an expression I hadn’t seen before. Love maybe? Lust ... I’m not sure what it was but I’m pretty certain mine mirrored hers in some way. There was a room full of people surrounding us, but I couldn’t look away from her in that moment. I’d put my life on hold, telling myself I couldn’t, wouldn’t have or ask for more than what we had. I failed to realize that I could have something with her.
I felt her sigh and lean into my embrace further and then giggle.
“What?” I asked my eyes focused intently hers.
“Nothing,” she said, her speech returning to normal; then she winked.
Could she be any more adorable?
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met,” I crooned against her neck as I pressed a tender kiss right below her ear, just as I’d done all night. I couldn’t pry my lips away from her skin.
“Yeah, well, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. And, Christ almighty, can you drive a car,” her hands reached for mine. “You sure can handle the horsepower, can’t you?”
Oh. My. God.
She had to feel my erection against her—she had to. I should have been concerned at the obvious display we were putting on but I couldn’t help it. But I cared about none of that as much as I cared about the way my body was responding to her.
Removing my hands from hers, I traced them down the lines of her hips—my fingers dug into the velvety skin and pulled her even tighter against my hips. She gasped and closed her eyes as though the sensation was exactly what she wanted.
“You wanna see how I drive your car?”
Sway’s cheeks flushed before whispering. “I’d pay money to see that.”
She had mocked my words from the night in her room.
“Is that so?” I smirked.
She licked her lips, “Oh yeah.”
Dancing seemed pointless, we weren’t even moving just kissing and touching.
“Let’s get out of here,” I finally said.
I couldn’t take this teasing any longer. It was different. While I had a plan tonight, she seemed to rouse that plan into action. Instead of fighting with me, she was flirting, instead of taunting, she was teasing.
If she wanted to see how much horsepower I had, I’d show her. I would show her just how powerful these hands could be.
Funny thing was though, she had no idea the power she held in all this.
BACK AT THE hotel, I gave into the desires I had all those years.
Fuck it all. I had to know.
“Stay,” I whispered against her calf, placing another soft kiss to her skin before she could sneak away.
My heart pounded because here was the woman I had dreamed about all my life standing in front of me in the most amazing skirt I had ever seen. I waited for her answer and then suddenly I was burning up.
Jesus Christ, is it like a hundred degrees out?
“You’re drunk,” she told me crouching down next to me.
“So are you.” I leaned up on my elbows, trying to make her understand.
I could have tried to blame this one the alcohol that had severely damaged our inhibitions, but honestly, it wasn’t that at all. It was the look on her face when I asked her to stay. Everything changed in that exact moment. Our friendship would never be the same with just that one look.
Leaning forward, she kissed me. I couldn’t hold back any longer, that tenacious determined side took over, needing anything she was willing to provide.
As our kisses continued, my mouth moved frantically from her ear to her neck and down to her collarbone, then returning urgently to her lips again as if I needed her breath to breathe. Moving against her with more need than I’d ever felt in the past—I couldn’t get close enough. Sway gave back, just as stalwartly, fulfilling whatever it was I was seeking. Groaning as I moved from one spot to another on her, I was frustrated that I couldn’t get closer.
In return, she clawed at me clinging to me in any way she could. I clenched my eyes shut at the heightening of every sensation that I was already feeling. Some part of me collapsed internally as I realized I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. I was on completely unfamiliar territory here. Yeah, I’d had sex before, but I was always mechanical about it, searching for one need and one need only.
Now, here was the woman who meant the world to me laying in my arms, panting against me. Watching her lose control, the same control I was losing, was something I’d never felt before.
Could I please her?
That was certainly a concern of mine. The faded memories of the women in my past, told me that they did a lot of screaming but was this pleasure from my movements? I never took the time to consider that before as I didn’t care.
Could I give Sway an orgasm?
Just imagining what she’d look like in the midst of an orgasm was enough to send me over the edge right then. I wish I could say I was fine and not scared shitless but that was a lie.
I was unsure and scared. Two more things that were completely unfamiliar to me.
For whatever reason, we seemed to both be letting go, slowly rising with the passion. Letting go of insecurities, boundaries, whatever ties that constrained us before were falling away with each kiss. Everything I had been skeptical of before seemed so silly. If I could have this with anyone it was her, she understood me and understood what I was working for. More importantly, I was comfortable with her and this felt so right.
Complete shock took over at the scene that lay before me. On the center of the bed reclining on a sea of white pillows, was my girl. My imagination as to what she looked like completely naked didn’t do her justice.
Her dark luxurious hair fanned out on the pillows framing her porcelain face. Her emerald eyes held mine with a burning intensity that had never appeared before. A furious blush bloomed over her cheeks, and my eyes followed its path down to her heaving chest. I sucked in a tortured breath and fought to control the lust that shot through me at the sight of her. Pale moonlight splashed across the flat planes of her abdomen and reflected off the sheen of sweat on her damp skin. My eyes were drawn lower to the bare skin of her slightly crossed legs. All that flowed through me now was a raw desire to claim the woman who lay before me.
Her skin glowed with the slow rising sun and my hesitation got the best of me as I begged her to stop. I know inside this was my way of making this her decision. If she told me to continue, she wanted me just as much.
“Tell me to stop,” I whispered gauging her reaction. It took a Herculean act of self-control but I pulled back to look at her, in my arms on the bed of my hotel room. “Please,” my voice broke at the end. “Honey ... tell me to stop.” My fingertips grazed her soft lips, begging for permission to continue but asking her to tell me otherwise.
Her long legs wrapped around my waist, pulling me even closer.
“Don’t,” she mumbled softly. “Please, don’t stop.” Her voice shook with her labored breathing.
I was fumbling and shaky, another part of me that was unfamiliar. But as hesitant as I was, she was acting the same. She was scared.
Resting on my elbows, I looked down at her. “Sway, I ...”
I wanted to tell her so badly that I loved her. Beg her not to break my heart and convince her that I wouldn’t knowingly break hers in the process.
She simply nodded as if she heard me, breathing, “I know,” Against my cheek. “I want you.”
If I wasn’t listening close enough, you wouldn’t have heard it, but I did.
“I want you, too,” I whispered back looking into her eyes.
There was no going back and I don’t think either one of us was reasoned enough to understand that right now. All we knew was what we were feeling.
Soon, I let go of everything I’d been feeling, everything I’d been fearing and want bubbled to the surface overpowering and consuming. Feeling her small body underneath me was almost too much to handle. I’d never felt sensations this unbelievably intense before and I still hadn’t entered her.
I had to seek her permission though because this was different from all those one-night stands. I knew they wanted it. With Sway, though her body was telling me she wanted it, I had to know. I couldn’t do this without confirmation she wanted it just as much.
“Are you okay... I mean... are you sure, Sway? We’ve never....”
I couldn’t believe how badly I was shaking, it was sad.
Stop shaking, asshole, you’re not a virgin! I told myself.
He didn’t listen, nope, he was far too engrossed in this woman before him offering herself up to him in the most intimate way. Now look at me, I’m shaking like a fool and speaking in the third person.
Pull yourself together! I told him sternly.
“Are you sure? We’ve never ...” My voice was so weak it didn’t even sound like me.
Sway smiled shyly, nodding.
“Sway?”
Please, honey, see what I feel for you. Look into my eyes and I’ll show you.
“Yes?” she wouldn’t look at me, but the nervousness was there.
I wanted to say, “You’re nervous? Hah! How do you think I feel!” but I didn’t.
Instead, I settled on something more simple and vague.
“Are you sure, honey?” my voice was rough. I tried to clear my throat quietly. I don’t know why I kept asking but I had to be sure.
“Yes,” she croaked softly, her eyes searched mine.
That was all the encouragement I needed, I was naked between her legs, believe me when I say I didn’t need much encouragement any more. I was one sigh away from crumbling and telling her how I felt.
Obsequiously crazed by her beauty for years, who knew the night I won the biggest race of my career would be the night I ended up in bed with my best friend.
You’d think at some point, the confident, more stable me would have taken over, but no, I was still fumbling when I reached for the condom, dropped it and then had to search for it on the floor.
Talk about frustrating.
Gathering my wits, I got the condom on and settled between her legs once more.
My hand, yeah, the shaking one, reached between us to guide myself into her. My lips were at her ear, my breathing harsh and staggered. That harsh staggering breathing halted altogether when I pushed forward.
Holly fuck!
I looked deeply into her eyes and saw the apprehension melt into raw unconcealed lust. Her hands slid down the planes of my body and came to rest at the base of my spine. My mind was hazy as I struggled to hold onto what remained of my control. I pulled back hesitantly, shaking with the effort, and slid smoothly in, her wet skin massaging me the whole way. Sway panted heavily in my ear, and the scorching heat of her breath intensified the sensations elsewhere. She pulled at my waist, encouraging my movements and spurring me on. It all felt so good. I wanted more of the pleasurable sensations.
Never in my life had something felt so good as when I entered her. Nothing.
Not even the first time I discovered how good bleeding your pressure valve was when I was thirteen. And never in my life had I imagined this moment to be so intense, so consuming. I never wanted the feeling to end.
It took every single ounce of self-control I could rally not to lose myself the moment I was inside of her—completely lost in it for a long moment, clutching her tightly to me with my hands on her upper arms.
She gasped, her body tensing around me.
I froze, not that I’d moved yet anyway but so much as breathing seemed wrong.
“Are you all right? Should I stop?”
Sway nodded, holding on to me tighter. Kissing her, I poured everything I had into those kisses, wanting her to feel the love I had for her even if I couldn’t tell her.
I held her hands above her head against the pillow before hitching her leg further, my head dipped down to whisper low and seductively in her ear.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” I panted as I slowly began to move.
Sway moaned, her mouth finding my own as her chest arched into me, responding willingly to every movement. Her kisses were urgent and full of passion, igniting the burning desire I already had for her.
Trailing kisses down her jaw, throwing her head back, she moaned again while her tiny hands caressed me. It was agony to go slow, but it was the only way. Just the friction, the warmth of her around me was like nothing I’d ever felt before.
“You like that?” I realized right about now, I was panting like a fucking idiot. I couldn’t have looked any more out of control. It was ridiculous. Talk about losing all dignity. I could race six hundred miles but I couldn’t keep my breathing under control when it came to Sway and being inside her.
“Fuck, yes,” she moaned again, her eyes squinted shut in pleasure. “Harder.”
Pleasure shot through my spine and between my legs.
I chuckled. “Honey, that I can do,” I growled in her ear. “Ride my camshaft,” I flipped her over so I could see all of her. The faint light from the rising sun shined down through the break in the curtains. Her skin glowed as if she was on fire. “So, you like car talk, huh?” I asked taking a firm hold on her hips.
“Yes,” her back arched at the confession, throwing her head back.
For someone who hated to have anything on his skin, I loved the wetness seeping from her onto me, coating me. “I can tell you like car talk by all this assembly lube.”
She started moving faster, I gazed at her wanting this to last forever. This beautiful creature moving against me was mine, for tonight anyway and I didn’t want it to end. “Ah, honey, slow down ... please, slow down,” I moaned nonsensically, fighting my orgasm back. She did thankfully with a giggle, but it didn’t stop us from dirty talking.
Once the dirty talking increased, I found it harder and harder not to come. Not wanting this to end, I fought for control. There were no guarantees once this was over. This could be it for us, the only time we’d ever truly share ourselves with one another. I didn’t want that to end.
She didn’t like the level the dirty talking reached at one point and finally yelled, “Okay, shut up,” she slapped me. “Just fuck me already!”
Oh, Jesus, that’s not helping my control.
I fucked her all right. Judging by her moans and downright screams, I’d say she was enjoying this. My mouth quirked into a small smile as one of my eyebrows rose arrogantly when I was sure her moans could be heard outside this hotel room.
That earned me another slap to my shoulder. “You, shut up.”
Every move she made my body came alive, the burning sensation spinning out of control. Beads of sweat were running down my body, the heat was unbearable. Having her that close, all around me, was suffocating me in the most intoxicating way. Gasping for breaths, I was completely overcome by this and annoyed with myself that I couldn’t pull my shit together and act normal.
And though we were connected, it still wasn’t enough. Moving inside her wasn’t enough, I had the urge to crawl inside her and stay there. I could feel emotions stirring inside me that had never been let out before because, really, I’d never done something like this before. As much as it appeared to be just sex between drunk people, it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Not with two people who spent their whole lives growing closer and closer until they didn’t know each other apart from one another. It could never be just sex.
The way she moved, the sounds, the feelings ... it was too much. When her back arched again, her legs tightening around me, I lost it.
“Oh, God, Sway,” I grunted in a loud gasp against her shoulder, “…fuck ... I’m sorry ... can’t hold on any longer ...”
My orgasm hit me hard, wrenching jerking waves. Dropping my head to the pillow, I let go completely. I faintly registered Sway crying out against me, her fingertips dug forcefully into my skin, holding me against her. The tidal wave washed over me, crumbling, but I could feel every sensation. It was by far the best orgasm of my life.
As soon as I pulled out of her, I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t want to stop and that was a problem. A strange tangle of emotions ran through me in that moment. I was okay with not wanting to stop. We could have more, right? If anyone, I could have more with her.
Placing kisses against her shoulder, I chuckled. My voice was rough from all that ridiculous panting I’d been doing.
Coughing, I cleared my throat.
“Why were we not doing that from the beginning?”
Sway shook her head throwing her arms over her face embarrassed.
“Because, we were eleven, you pervert,” she sighed before looking back at me.
My fingers traced along her cheek and down her neck, our breathing starting to slow. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No,” she whispered, her eyes strangely determined as she looked at me.
I wanted to ask her what she was thinking but instead she leaned forward and I kissed her softly losing that train of thought. I don’t know if it was all the alcohol we consumed or what we’d just done, but I was exhausted after that. Completely spent from a day of internally debating, racing, and the most intense physical sensations I’d ever felt.
I must have fallen asleep after that because when I came around again, Sway wasn’t in bed with me.
I started to panic thinking she left until I felt her slide back into the bed with me. The sun had risen so I got a clear view of her naked body as she pulled the covers over her.
God, she is beautiful.
She seemed nervous and anxious as she stayed on the edge of the bed.
Pulling her against my chest, I closed my eyes thinking of what we’d done and wanting to wash away any fear she had that this wouldn’t work.
My brain raced to find a way for this to work but I couldn’t get over the idea that we just had sex.
I had sex with my best friend. The best sex of my entire life, but still, it was with my best friend.
Beyond a doubt, in that moment, I was in love with her. If I ever had a doubt, I couldn’t deny it now. It was scary, intense, controlling and scary ... mostly scary.
Almost exactly eleven years ago today, I met this girl. Over the course of our relationship, I fell, slowly and hard. Now, there was no going back.
“Have you ever thought about this before?” I whispered into the eerie silence of the room knowing she could hear me. My voice soft and soothing as my lips danced across her skin.
“Thought about?”
“This...” My arms tightened around her, kissing her skin once more.
“Yes, and no,” she told me.
Closing my eyes, I let out the breath I’d been holding. I wanted to ask her what she felt and if this was something she wanted to do again but my voice failed me.
Though I pretended to, I couldn’t sleep.
Instead, I held her close, listening to her breathing, praying I hadn’t made a mistake. But I also knew this was Sway and it couldn’t have been a mistake. This was us. There should be no reason for anything with us to be a mistake when everything came naturally. Just like tonight, nothing was awkward, well, besides my shaking and self-control, but that was to be expected, look at her. Any man worth his salt would be intimated by this flawless being.
I also knew it wouldn’t be enough. I craved her like a junkie. I needed it. My body felt like it was still a parched man in the desert and I could have gallons of water, but I was still able to feel the pain of a dry throat. I had to have more of her.
She had disintegrated me to ash and to be this way with her was the most fulfilling feeling I had ever had.