CHAPTER FIVE
The drive seemed to drag on forever and neither one of us spoke for the first hour, which left a lot of freaking time to think. I kept my eyes focused out the passenger window as we passed through Houston and headed north on I-45. It was dark outside, nearly pitch black, but I could still see when the scenery finally changed and buildings grew further and further apart as fields stretched out between them.
I glanced at Tony for the thousandth time. I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
He was beautiful. There was really no other way to put it. He was definitely more appealing than any country side scenery. If things had been different between us, I’d have leaned over to kiss the ticklish spot on his neck. Instead, I turned away before I got caught ogling him and continued to think.
I remembered the exact moment I was introduced to Tony… or I should say, the exact moment Tony announced his claim over me to a room full of people and embarrassed me, as well as turned me the hell on.
At the time, Lex had been dating Ryan, her lunatic ex-boyfriend, for about six months when she invited me to a super bowl party at one of Ryan’s friends’ house. I later found out it was Tony’s.
We’d locked eyes as soon as I walked through the front door, but when Lex whispered, “That’s Tony,” in my ear, I’d made sure to stay as far away from him as humanly possible because I knew exactly who Tony was. Anyone with a vagina knew who Tony Lopez was. He was five years older than me and had the reputation of a man-whore. I’d heard some of the stories from Lex, and knew that he had a new chick in his bed every week, and not once would he let them stay the night.
I’d stayed the hell away from him and spent most of the time talking to an easy to spot douchebag, a little like Ryan, but hot nonetheless. I’d had a great time listening to his humorous attempts at trying to get me to go home with him… until he grabbed me.
“Get your fucking hands off me,” hissed through my teeth. I didn’t want to cause a scene. The guy had been fine, but I guess all the alcohol he’d been drinking had finally kicked in. I shoved at his chest with my free hand, but it wasn’t until he looked up and over my head that he released my arm.
“You’re a prick,” I spat at him, shoved him once more, spun around and ran smack dab into a rock hard wall of chest. New hands encased my arms, but these hands didn’t serve to threaten, they provided protection. I looked up the exact moment Tony shouted, “Get the fuck outta my house!”
“Tony, dude, she’s a fucking--” douchebag didn’t get to finish his sentence because he’d been too busy jumping out of the way. Tony had shifted me to his side to go after him, but two other guys came to the douchebag’s aid and escorted him out of the apartment before Tony ripped his head off.
“You all right?” he rumbled in a voice so deep I wanted to melt into him.
“I’m fine. Thank you,” I muttered low. I could feel all eyes in the room on us and when I glanced around at everybody, Tony pulled me tighter to his body.
“What the fuck are you lookin’ at? I catch any of you eyein’ her again I’ll kick you all outta my damn house!” he roared to the room and everyone’s eyes widened only a second before swinging away from the scene. I remember freezing.
I remember not knowing if I should pinch him for embarrassing me or kiss him for trying to take care of me.
I missed us.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat after that memory. The radio was on low, but I barely heard it. My head was so muddled with memories, thoughts, worries and questions, but I couldn’t seem to narrow any of them down.
The one thing I knew, as I peeked at Tony out of the corner of my eye, was that I never should have opened my fat mouth the night of his thirtieth birthday party. If I hadn’t said a fucking thing to him, we’d never have become an “us”.
But I did and I really needed to learn how to keep my mouth shut.
That night, two years and three months ago, was supposed to be special. I’d planned a small gathering at Shark’s Bar & Grill with the intention of swallowing my pride and telling him exactly how I felt.
That I loved him.
Well, I hadn’t planned to tell him that exactly, but I had planned to tell him that I was ready for way more. I wanted him
Period.
*******
When I arrived at the bar, I was prepared and more than ready to take on my mission. I was nervous, but I had high hopes that this would be the start of a new chapter in my life… one that had the potential of never ending.
I wore my usual light, natural make-up, curled my eyelashes, swiped on my blackest black mascara, applied my favorite, clear, strawberry Lip Smackers lip gloss that I’d loved since childhood. I left my thick hair down, flowing behind my back and flipping at the ends. The hair surrounding my face stayed slightly, yet purposefully messy.
And my outfit kicked major ass.
I wore a strapless, tan belted, peach romper with tan wedge sandals, accented by my priceless dainty gold crown charm necklace, my large gold hoop earrings and six gold bangle bracelets.
On… fucking… fire!
The party started out great and everything went just as planned. Tony was all over me and I even gave up the usual “hard to get” routine, but the timing hadn’t been right. In my mind, I planned to tell him right after the gorgeous cake I made for him came out.
I was nervous, but I was positive he was ready for this. Our relationship might have started out as us being just friends, but it was so much more than that now.
Tony had wanted more from me since the moment we met, and I admit, it hadn’t been long after our crazy first meeting that I’d realized I wanted all of him too, but by then, he threw women in my face left and right.
He’d fucked around, and it pissed me off to no end, but we weren’t a couple. I wasn’t ready. I knew I had no right to complain, but I still fought with him about it and I knew for a fact that he provoked the majority of our fights, because he liked it when I fought back... a lot.
“I love watching you get pissed,” he’d say in a deep, low voice that made my whole body tingle. “Your eyes flash, your cheeks flush, the nostrils in your cute little nose flare and your tight little body perks up, preparing for war with me. I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you, mi reina.”
He tried to make me jealous on purpose and it worked, but not exactly the way I assumed he wanted. I was far from stupid. Instead of making me want to commit to him or tell him that I wanted him all to myself, his actions kept me at a distance. He had no idea how deep my emotional scars ran, but by him choosing such a shitty way to try to win my heart, I couldn’t fully trust him.
And I refused to let my heart be broken by someone who spent his life breaking hearts.
I was already terrified of how I felt for him and his reputation with the ladies only made it worse, but for the past couple of months, things had changed.
We’d always gravitated toward each other, but lately, we’ve become inseparable. He texted me daily just to ask how I was feeling or ask how my day was going. He’d calle me when he needed advice or just to talk. I swear we talked ten times a day and messaged each other three times as much.
He had a full-time job as a Financial Advisor, but he still managed to bring me lunch or dinner while I studied for exams or couldn’t get away from my veterinarian clinicals. I knew I could depend on him for anything and the only thing he expected in return was for me to stay in his life.
He wanted more, but he never forced himself on me.
Now, I was ready for more.
That is, until Missy walked through the door. She was the latest addition to Tony’s spank bank, but he told me he was through with her months ago.
He lied to me.
I felt so… crushed… defeated. My heart sank to my stomach. She was the typical bimbo, this one blonde, and she sashayed into the room. She wore the customary slut gear; ass hugging, low-waist, boot-cut jeans, snug black tank top and black pumps. She acted like she had every right to be here.
When she walked up to Tony, they hugged. Tony’s eyes locked on mine and I knew it was only another play to make me jealous, but little did he know… he’d just fucked up and he did it huge.
I had never felt so disrespected my life. I felt the tears pricking my eyes and the fact that I rarely cried only made this situation worse, and embarrassed me more. I’d trained myself as a child not to cry, but there were times, times like this, that I couldn’t help it.
I wanted to run, but just then, I watched the waiter walk into the room carrying the cake. The cake I made for him. He sat it down on the table and everyone gathered around Tony. I didn’t move. My tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched Tony smile big and bright at all his friends. A second before he sat down at the table, his eyes found mine and he froze.
He saw my tears, but luckily, Missy caught his attention and the singing began.
I escaped.
“Hey, Ron? Can you get the ticket so I can pay? And call a cab so I can get the hell out of here? I’m in a hurry, please,” I rushed as I wiped furiously at my face.
Rhonda, the forty-something year old bartender that worked nights here with Lex, tilted her head to the side and her brows lifted to her hairline, but she didn’t say anything. She reached for the phone and dialed. As she held it to her ear, she poured me a shot and sat it in front of me.
“Patron,” she mouthed as she gave the cab company on the phone my name and location.
I threw the shot back, slammed the glass on the bar top, and sucked my lime dry only a second before I felt hands on my hips and heat behind my back.
Motherfucker!
“What the hell do you think you’re doin’?” Tony asked in disbelief. He knew I rarely drank, but this occasion called for it.
“What the hell does it look I’m doing?” I snapped back. I forced myself not to glance at the person responsible for my ruined night, possibly my ruined life, the person responsible for making me cry, the person--
My thoughts were cut off when a hand on my hip moved to wrap around my belly, fingers pressed in, and I felt hot breath on my neck, right at my ear. My stomach muscles tensed and my spine stiffened upon contact, but all the psychedelic butterflies in my stomach decided to come out and play. They fluttered around so much that I felt a little sick.
I was not letting him do this to me. Not this time.
“Get away from me, Tony. Whatever sick relationship we had is over. Just go back your friends and Missy, and leave me alone,” I ordered. The fingers on my stomach dug in deeper.
“I didn’t invite her, mi reina. I mentioned it to her when you first started planning this party, but she took it upon herself to show up… I’m sorry.”
He paused and rested his chin on my shoulder. “The whole time I’ve known you… that was the first time I’ve ever seen you cry and it fuckin’ gutted me. What the hell happened back there?” he asked softly.
I couldn’t do this. If he didn’t already know, I wouldn’t tell him. I also wouldn’t fall for his charm or his sweet words or the use of his fucking nickname for me. I was going to move on with my life without him. It took every ounce of energy in my body to do what I was about to do, but I did it.
When I lifted my hands and reached behind my neck, I felt Tony’s heat leave me. He probably wondered what I was doing, but I ignored him and allowed my hands to continue toward their goal. I managed to unfasten the dainty gold necklace that held the small crown charm he gave me on Christmas Eve last year; the same night he’d started calling me mi reina, my queen.
I moved to pull my arms from around my neck, but I was jolted when my wrists were caught in a tight grasp. It wasn’t painful and he wasn’t hurting me, but his grip was tight enough that I couldn’t work my hands free.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, outraged and easily loud enough to turn heads.
“Tony, let me go,” I demanded.
“No. Put the necklace back on,” he demanded in return.
I shook my head and spoke quietly, “We’re done, Tony. I want more from you and I’ve wanted it for a long time and you know it. You think I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I do. You try to shove your women in my face to make me jealous thinking I’ll come to my senses about you, but I’ve known all along how I felt. All you did was prevent me from trusting you…” I paused a second. “You have all your women, you have all your friends, you don’t need me and I don’t want you anymore.”
“You don’t want me anymore?” he asked so violently that his chest rumbled against my back. The butterflies in my stomach slowly died one by one and weighed me down.
“No,” I lied on a barely audible whisper.
Tony’s grip tightened.
“Put the necklace back on, Trish,” he ignored me.
“No.”
“Mi reina, I’m askin’ you nicely, please put the necklace back on,” he ordered again, this time in a low angry growl and he sounded far from nice. I still shook my head stubbornly.
“No, I told you--”
“Put the fuckin’ necklace back on!” he roared at me so loud I flinched. No one had ever screamed at me like that in my life and my whole body trembled. Tony must have realized just how scared I was because he let me go so fast I teetered forward. My arms naturally unwound from behind my neck to catch myself. I grasped the necklace in an unbelievably tight fist and turned to face Tony, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the bar on us, but I ignored them.
Tony looked shattered.
“I’m sorry,” he rushed in a rough voice.
“Everything okay here, Trish? You want me to have Shark throw is ass out?” I heard Rhonda call out from behind me. Shark, whose real name was Timmy, the owner of the bar, hated to get his hands dirty. His idea of intervening was calling the cops.
I glanced at her and answered, “No, I’m fine.”
She stayed right where she was; arms crossed over her chest, eyes narrowed on Tony, but I ignored her too and turned my attention back to the problem at hand.
“It’s okay, Tony, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“Trish, damn it,” he muttered quietly, and he might have said something else, but my attention was now fixed on the movement behind his back.
Missy.
When she made it to Tony she glared at me over his shoulder before she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind him. “Baby, come back to your party,” she said and I couldn’t believe she had the balls to say that in front of me.
I threw him this damn party!
She turned my way and sneered, “Nice touch, Trish, crying to get his attention. He only feels sorry for you.”
My eyesight blurred, and through the haziness, I was vaguely aware of Tony looking at Missy like she’d lost her mind, but I had enough. There was only so much I could take in one night. I was a twenty-five year old educated woman, but at that very moment, my inner Medusa reared her pretty little head and screamed, “You fucking bitch!”
I completely caught them off guard when I lunged. Tony stumbled back when my chest hit his and Missy’s back slammed into the table behind her. Chairs hit the floor, glasses clattered and crashed. I heard Tony shouting my name as various excited men shouted “Cat fight!”.
I swung over Tony’s shoulder because he was unintentionally acting as a Missy’s shield. I managed to grab a fist full of hair and I tried my damnedest to rip it out. I was usually a much better fighter, but I didn’t have many openings and I really wanted to do as much damage as possible.
“Get off me!” she screamed over and over, quickly getting her wish when Tony grabbed my waist, lifted me off my feet and surged forward. I started to bring her with us, but I lost my grip on her hair when someone in the crowd helped untangle her from my hands.
“You stupid bitch!”
“Trish, calm down!” Tony yelled at me, but that only made me wiggle harder to get out of his hold.
“Put me down!” I screamed in his face while I pushed on his shoulders. He was walked so fast that we made it outside, and before I knew it, humid air smacked me in the face.
“Trish, stop!” he shouted. He turned a corner and pressed my back up against the building.
“I love you!” Tony shouted, and for a second, I stopped.
“Shut up,” I whispered.
“Mi reina, I knew from the moment you walked into my life you were going to be trouble, but I couldn’t stay away. I’m in love with you.”
I struggled against his hold again. “Let me go, Tony. I don’t believe you. You would have told me sooner and you wouldn’t have hurt me the way you did! God, all those women! And I just sat back and watched! You know how I feel about you and you have for a long time. I know you knew! You obviously didn’t want me bad enough, because you didn’t fight for me! You just gave up and moved on with other fucking women! I tried to pretend I was happy just being your friend… I swear I did. I kept myself busy with school and Lex and Layla, just to keep myself from wondering which slut you were with. I wanted you to stop on your own. I wanted you to tell me you were through screwing around and that you only wanted me, but you never did. Even tonight you brought one of your whores here! Just get the hell out of my life and let… me… go!” I screamed.
He surprised me by letting me go and my legs fell to the ground, but I realized too late that he only did it so he could grab my face and kiss me breathless. His lips crashed down on mine something brutal and I pushed at his chest.
It was useless.
“Stop fighting me,” he said against my lips, and when I didn’t listen, he grabbed my wrists and pinned them down at my sides to keep them still. His mouth moved from my firmly pressed lips to my cheek, to my neck, down to my bare shoulder, where he placed soft kisses.
“Can you please move away?” I asked in a soft voice as I continued to tug at my wrists.
He answered by opening his mouth and taking a soft bite out of my shoulder. My treacherous body gave away exactly how good it felt and goose bumps spread out over my already sizzling skin.
“You taste so much better than I imagined,” he whispered wistfully before he took another soft bite, this time with tongue.
“I’m sure I taste like them all,” I snapped.
He pulled back and our eyes locked.
“I fucked up. I fucked up so damn bad, but it’s not as bad as you think. I didn’t touch half of those women. I won’t lie and say I didn’t touch any of them, but shit… you have my head so screwed up. You fight with me about it, but you never come straight out and told me you wanted me to stop seeing other people. All you had to do was tell me... I’d have done whatever the hell you asked me to. I’ve never felt what I feel for you with any other woman. I never cared about any of them. I’m in love with you. You own my heart, mi reina. Please just give me a chance make things right,” he pleaded tenderly.
I didn’t respond or move. I did nothing but silently cry and my hot tears left tracks down my cheeks.
“I understand what you’re saying, but can you understand that I wanted you to stop seeing other women because you only wanted me?” I cried quietly. I tried to keep my voice steady, but failed miserably. “It hurts to know that the person you want, also wants you, but will easily find what he needs from other women if he wants to.”
Tony closed his eyes and sighed. He dropped his forehead to my shoulder and rested it there for a few seconds before crushed my body to his. His forehead lifted and his lips touched my shoulder. They moved unhurried and steady, as if I never spoke. His kisses traveled from my shoulder, to my collarbone, up the side of my neck, to my jaw and then to my cheek where he kissed my tears away. He placed a small kiss to my closed eye before kissed the tip of my nose. He moved to the other side and showed that cheek the same attention before kissing my tears away.
I clutched his shirt at the sides desperately. His hands lifted to frame my face and his thumbs wiped away the wetness.
“This is killing me. Every tear you shed it fuckin’ torture,” he said in a strangled voice. He placed a soft, sweet kiss to my lips before he rested his forehead against mine. When I opened my eyes, I was completely caught off guard. His eyes were closed, but a single tear slid down his cheek. His eyes were glassy when they opened.
I couldn’t stop the sob that tore from my lips.
“I’m begging you to give me another chance. Let me make things right,” he pleaded… and I knew in my heart that I would forgive him… but I wouldn’t forget.
“I don’t trust you,” I whispered, even though my words said the complete opposite of what I felt. I knew I trusted him, but I was hurting. I wanted to tell him “I love you” back, but I was terrified.
“You will, I promise,” he vowed.