A solid ten minutes later, Jarrod looked up at her, his own eyes pricking with tears, his anger evident in the way he gestured toward the papers.
“If I hadn’t pushed this, would you have told me?” he asked quietly.
“I’m... I’m not sure,” Lana stammered.
“Daniel did this,” he said, though there was a clear question in his statement.
Lana hesitated before taking a deep breath and answering, “Yes.”
“Did he ever touch Matthew?” Again, Lana sensed the rage in his question.
“No.”
“Five hospital visits, four police reports, and one sexual assault.”
“Yes.”
Jarrod reached out his hand then, waiting patiently for Lana to take it. It took a few moments, but she at last stretched out her hand to meet his. “Will you tell me about it now?” he asked softly.
Jarrod thought that she’d refuse. When she started to talk, he let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
“The schizophrenia made him into someone he wasn’t, Jarrod. He was ill, and that was never his fault.”
“He should have taken his meds,” Jarrod stated, pain evident in this voice.
“Yes. And he would have, if it had been any other kind of disease. But this one affected his mind, so we can’t really blame him for refusing them – he felt worse on them than he did when he self-medicated. But that made everything else worse.”
“Worse in what way?”
She almost didn’t answer. She told herself that he would think less of her. That he wouldn’t believe her. Or worse yet, that he would say that it was her fault. Still, it didn’t really matter, she reminded herself. He needed to know the truth.
She pointed to the files splayed on the coffee table in front of him. “You have the answer in front of you, Jarrod. It got worse when he drank. The last night he... forced himself on me... I waited until he was asleep, and then took Matt and ran to the women's shelter. I couldn't stay any longer. I was scared to death for Matt, and I didn't want him to grow up in a household like that. I filed for divorce as soon as I could.”
She turned again, not wanting to see the disbelief in his eyes, not wanting to see the blame. So she was shocked when she felt him next to her, turning her in his arms and pressing her head to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, and Lana could feel him shaking.
“If he weren’t dead, I’d want to kill him myself,” he said fiercely, the horror of Lana’s life with Daniel at last made clear to him. He simply held her tightly, running his hands up her back, weaving his fingers into her hair. “God, Lana. What I’ve put you through. You must hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Jarrod,” Lana said with a sigh, refusing to allow herself to get too comfortable in his arms. “I’ve never hated you. If anything, I admired the loyalty of your love for your friend.”
Pulling away slightly, he framed her face with his hands and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Lana. So very sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” Lana said quietly, reaching her hands up to remove his hands from her face. Moving away, she sat back down in her chair and wrapped her arms around her legs.
Jarrod took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Lana, I should have seen this. I knew you were terrified when I got angry. I knew that you were responsible with money. I just refused to think these things of Daniel. I had no idea that he was so sick. You have to believe me. If I’d had any idea, I would have been there to help you take care of him.”
Lana sighed. “I know that, Jarrod. Honestly. All of this actually makes some sense now, except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Why didn’t he ever go after his own money? If he had all that waiting for him, why didn’t he go through that too?”
Jarrod pondered that for a moment, then said, “It may have been that he didn’t want to face us. The money was tied up in a number of accounts and trusts, and in order to get to it, he would have had to do some paperwork. If he was paranoid and sick, it would have been obvious to all of us that there was a problem.”
Lana nodded. “I didn’t tell the Wests any of this. I told them what I first told you, but that’s enough, I think, for them to know. This was hard enough for them. They don’t need to hear about his threats to me or to Matt.”
“I agree. Though to be honest, Frank and Rachel are smart, and not a lot gets by them. They may guess more than you want them to.”
“Maybe,” Lana sighed. “But I still don’t want to be the one who tells them.”
“Thanks for talking to me about all of it, sweetheart. I know it wasn’t easy, and I realize now that you needed to build up trust in all of us before you could talk to us. I’m sorry I pushed.”
“It’s OK. I understood why.”
“Do you need to get out of here and have a break from all of this, or can I talk you into staying and having dinner with me?”
“You mentioned wine…”
Jarrod laughed. “I did. I’ll go get the bottle. Come keep me company while I see what I need to do with dinner?”
“Sure.”
Dinner was delicious, and their conversation was, for the first time since they’d met, free of the uncertainties that had marred their relationship all along. Lana felt like a weight had been taken from her shoulders, and Jarrod felt like a barrier between them had fallen. Lana laughed more tonight than she had since they had dinner with Sam and Nick, and she was more willing to talk about things in her past, now that she no longer felt like she needed to hide anything from Jarrod.
After dinner, Jarrod made a pot of decaf coffee and they carried their mugs back into the living room. Lana hastily gathered up the papers that were still strewn on the coffee table and tucked them into her file folder, then joined Jarrod on the couch. She kicked off her shoes and curled her legs underneath her, wrapping her hands around her mug.
“This is nice,” Jarrod said, reaching out his hand to rest it lightly on her knee.
“Can I ask you a question? Now that my life has been thoroughly dissected?”
“Sure.”
“It’s pretty clear why my life is such a mess. But how come you never married? And I’m not asking that in a ‘what’s wrong with you’ kind of way. I’m just surprised someone like you…”
Jarrod turned his head to look at her. “Someone like me?”
“Smart, successful, handsome, family values…. You’re not exactly a player, are you?”
Jarrod laughed then. “I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.”
“Definitely a compliment. But seriously….”
“Truthfully, I never met anyone I wanted to be with long term. Rachel and Frank have a relationship that I always envied, and I promised myself I’d never marry if I didn’t feel the same way about my future wife as Frank still feels about Rachel.”
“That’s sweet. What about your parents? You talk about the Wests as if they’re your family.”
“My own family is a little less Rockwellian. My parents divorced when I was five. Dad remarried a few years later and had a few kids with his new wife. Mom stayed single, and died pretty young.”
“You lived with your Mom?”
“I did.”
“No full brothers or sisters?”
“No. Daniel pretty much filled that role.”
Lana smiled. “I liked the stories you told me about you and Daniel when you were kids. Sounds like you had fun, even if your family wasn’t perfect.”
“Is it hard to talk about him?”
“Daniel? No, not really. He was a good man, before his illness. I like remembering that, for Matt’s sake.”
Lana finished her coffee, leaning forward to set her empty mug on the table next to Jarrod’s. As she did so, she felt Jarrod’s right arm move up her spine to encircle her shoulder. She slowly turned to face him. He settled the palm of his right hand on her face, his fingers reaching into her hair and his thumb lightly caressing her cheek. Lana looked startled, but she didn’t pull away.
“You’re a good woman, Lana. I misjudged you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“I misjudged you as well,” she admitted softly. “I’m glad.”
“I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me.”
She reached her hand up to hold his steady. “Go ahead. I’ll answer if I can.”
“It’s about the sexual assault charge.”
She did pull away then. Not because she was angry or offended, but because she needed space to think how to answer this.
“I need to know how badly he hurt you, Lana. I don’t need to know the details or anything you don’t want to tell me, but I…”
“You’re worried that you’ll do something that makes me afraid of you.”
He sighed with relief that she’d understood his concern immediately. “Yes.”
She smiled slightly then. “It was bad, Jarrod, but not in the way you’re thinking. What made it so bad was his anger and paranoia, not the act itself. He hated me by then. He was sure that I was trying to kill him. I don’t think I’d realized how much Matt and I were in danger from him until that night.
“When I ran away, I ran to a shelter and told them what had happened. They encouraged me to file the police report so I’d have more on record in case Daniel tried to block the divorce, or file for custody of Matt. That’s why the reports are in the file. To me, it wasn’t so much a rape as another example of his illness.
“I don’t know how it affected me. Sexually, I mean. I haven’t been with another man since Daniel. But nothing we’ve done together has brought back any flashbacks or has scared me.” She shrugged. “So… I guess I’m OK?”
“You’ll tell me if I do anything that bothers you?”
“Yes.”
Carefully, then, Jarrod pulled her slowly toward him and lowered his mouth to hers, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she chose to. The initial touch of his lips was gentle, becoming more firm when she made no attempt to stop him. Spreading his other hand over the small of her back, he pulled her onto his lap, her legs parting so that her knees were on each side of his and her soft core was pressed hard against him. She moaned softly, feeling his ready desire moving firmly against her, igniting a fire that threatened to singe her with its intensity. Then his mouth was on hers again, devouring her with a fierce hunger. Her arms circled his neck, holding him against her as her body slid gently forward to fit more intimately with his. He groaned, moving his face from her mouth to her throat to her neck and back to her mouth, the stubble of his beard tickling and exciting her as his tongue flicked over her heated skin.
The hunger in him was too fierce to slow, Jarrod realized. It had been too long since he had felt this way. Too long since he had wanted anyone so much. He tried to ease back a bit so as not to scare her, but Lana didn’t seem to want him to slow down. Her tongue flicked out to lick his upper lip, and darted in and out of his mouth as he moaned softly with pleasure. While his left arm encircled her waist, keeping her firmly settled against him, he leaned his torso back to allow himself access to her breasts. His eyes watching her own, he carefully placed his right hand gently over her breast, then ran the back of his hand lightly over her nipple. He nearly growled with pleasure when he saw Lana’s eyes dilate with passion, then close. Her nipple hardened under his touch, and she arched her back to move her breast into closer contact with his hand.
Pulling his left hand from her waist, he lifted his fingers to the top buttons on her blouse, his eyes holding hers, watching them flick with arousal when his hands brushed her breasts as he worked his way down. When he had unfastened all of the small buttons, he carefully pulled the blouse off of her shoulders, letting it fall in a soft pile on the floor next to the couch. His hands gently stroked the skin above the soft cotton of her bra, running only once over the sensitive nipples before he reached around her back and unclasped her bra with one expert movement. As it joined her blouse on the floor of the living room, he carefully cupped first one breast, then the other, in his hands. His thumbs brushed lightly over her nipples as he looked down into her eyes. Twisting around so they remained pressed together, Jarrod pushed Lana down gently onto the couch, then followed her, supporting his weight on his arms so he didn’t place all of it on top of her.
“You are so beautiful, Lana. So beautiful. I want you so much,” he murmured as he brushed her hair lightly back from her face. She stared up at him with eyes that were bright with passion.
“Jarrod,” she whispered, her hand lightly moving up his chest to his face.
He shuddered in response, lowering his mouth gently to her right breast, then to her left. He teased the nipples with his tongue, and just when Lana didn’t think she could stand it any longer, he drew her breast into his mouth and sucked deeply. Lana moved firmly up toward him, her breath coming in rapid gasps, and her hands reaching behind his head to pull him closer. This felt so erotic, she thought ‒ being half naked while he was still fully dressed.
“Lana, let me make love to you,” Jarrod breathed, moving back up to take her mouth again, kissing her deeply, slowly, seductively. His right hand reached down to her leg, caressing the inner curve of her thigh through her jeans. “Let me inside of you, Lana,” he whispered, moving his fingers to the top of her jeans, and slowly moving to unfasten her belt.
But while Lana kissed him back, she carefully reached down to remove his hand, even as she realized how much she wanted him to continue. She knew that this had to stop. It simply had to. She wasn’t ready for this, especially after spending the evening revisiting her life with Daniel. Her feelings for Jarrod were growing complicated, and while the physical attraction between them was undeniable, her heart needed time. When he felt her withdrawal, Jarrod immediately stopped pressing her. Their kisses grew lighter and softer, until finally she pulled slightly away from him. Her eyes were wet with emotion, and when she spoke, it was with a slight quiver in her voice.
“Jarrod, it’s obvious that I want you too. But I can’t do this. Not tonight.”
Jarrod’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t pull away.
“Why not, Lana?” he asked softly.
She struggled out from under him, and reached for her shirt to cover herself as she sat up on the couch. Jarrod sat up as well, watching her intently as she struggled to find the right words. She was tired and a little stressed, and she was just not sure that she was ready for the emotion that making love with Jarrod may bring. But how was she going to describe that to him?
At last, she raised her eyes to meet his. “I’m just not ready. I know I should be able to explain it better than that, but I can’t.”
He reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. “Lana…,” he started to say, but she interrupted him.
“I’m sorry, Jarrod. Don’t be angry.”
He reached out then and just pulled her into his arms, kissing her gently on the forehead as he simply held her. “I’m not angry, Lana. Disappointed, obviously, but not angry. I don’t want to push you, sweetheart. After everything you told me tonight, I’m just glad you’re letting me into your life. We move at your pace, not mine. OK?”
With that, he released her and turned around so that she had privacy while she dressed and adjusted her clothing.
“I should go,” she said when she was done. “It’s getting late.”
As much as Jarrod wanted her to stay, he knew she needed space. He just nodded, saying, “Text me when you get home safely.”
“I will.”
“Will you be going to the Wests tomorrow?”
“Later in the day. I’m going to my sister’s in the morning, but I promised Rachel that I’d bring Matt by for dinner.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night, Lana. Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me tonight.”
“Thanks for believing me. See you tomorrow.”