CHAPTER 18

 

Kian asked Cate to meet him at Mill Lake at 8pm, after it had closed for the night.  When she got to the car park, she was surprised that it wasn’t already locked; she’d thought she’d have to park on the dirt track.  Kian was already there, she could see his black Range Rover in one of the spaces on the far side of the car park.  She parked a couple of spaces along from him and reached for her purse.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, catching up with her as she walked across to the pay station.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” Cate snapped.  “I’m getting a ticket.”

  “You don’t need a ticket tonight,” Kian laughed.

  “That’s funny, I didn’t ask for your opinion.  I can’t risk getting clamped, I need my car.”

  “Look around, angel; I don’t see anybody checking tickets, do you?” Kian gestured to the empty car park.  “Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

  “Trust you,” Cate spluttered.  “Yeah, right.”

  She held her phone up, using the light to read the sign above the ticket machine.  The car park was only supposed to be open until 6pm on weekdays.  “What are we doing here anyway?”

  Kian pointed to the pathway at the side of the lake, “just follow me, OK?”

  “No way,” Cate scowled, folding her arms across her chest.

  Kian shrugged, “it’s up to you.  You can either follow me or I’ll put you over my shoulder.  We had a deal.”

  “I’d like to see you try,” Cate muttered under her breath, thinking Kian couldn’t hear her.

  “Fine, have it your way,” Kian smirked.  Before she could escape, he lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder.

  “Ugh,” Cate yelped in frustration, kicking and scratching at his back.  “I hate you.”

  “I don’t think you do,” Kian muttered.  “That’s the problem.”

  “Ha,” Cate scoffed.  “That’s the problem?  Not the fact that you’re a lying, cheating scumbag.”

  When they got to the water tower, Kian unlocked the heavy, wooden door and stepped inside. 

  “No,” Cate struggled.  “You might not have any morals but I do, I am not breaking into the tower.”

  He put her down on her feet, keeping the door blocked so she couldn’t escape.  “Angel, it’s not breaking in if they gave you the key.”  He dangled the bronze key in front of her and then turned, locking the door behind them.  He slid the key deep inside the front pocket of his jeans.  “It’s there if you want it.”

  “You’re disgusting,” Cate scowled, trying not to look at the thick bulge inside his jeans.

  Kian started climbing the stairs.  “You coming?”

  “Nope,” Cate sat on the bottom step, “you go ahead, I’ll be fine here.”

  “You can’t stay there all night.”

  Cate’s eyes widened, “all night?”

  Kian shrugged, “that’s how long we’ve got the tower for.”

  Cate went to the door and tried to force it open but it wouldn’t budge.  “I hate you.”

  She stormed up the stairs, “unlock the door right now.”

  When she got to the top, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  In front of each of the square windows were soft, flickering candles.  The dusty floor was covered with cushions and their wedding quilt.  The wicker hamper Cate had packed the night before Kian left for the World Cup was there as well.  “What have you done?”

  “Here,” Kian handed her a glass of fizz.  “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll try and explain.”

  Cate looked suspiciously at the glass, she couldn’t get drunk – she needed to keep her wits about her tonight.

  Kian chuckled, “it’s just lemonade, I swear.”

  Cate had a flashback of the last time he’d said that, when they were on honeymoon in Vegas.

  “Why did you bring me here?”  An awful thought crossed her mind.  “Are you trying to seduce me?”

  “As much as I want you naked and writhing underneath me again, angel…”  Kian quickly shook his head.  “I know that’s not going to happen.”  He reached for Cate’s hand and tugged her down beside him.  “Tonight, I just want to talk, that’s all.”

  She hugged her knees to her chest; she needed to keep some kind of barrier between them.  “I don’t know if I can talk to you, even just being here like this is really, really painful.”

  Kian dragged the hamper towards them, flipped the lid and began pulling out several plastic tubs.  “Let’s eat instead then.  We don’t have to talk right now.”

  “Mm, so good,” Cate whimpered, her tongue darting out to lick a bead of hummus from her top lip.  She was completely unaware of the effect she was having on Kian’s groin, he shifted awkwardly, trying to hide the growing bulge at the front of his jeans.

  “Is there any more?” Cate asked hopefully, looking at the empty pot.

  “In the hamper,” Kian coughed, trying to think of really unsexy things.  It had been too long since he’d had sex with something other than his hand.  As Cate leaned forward to delve inside the hamper, he had a perfect view down the front of her shirt, the soft swell of her breasts.  Fuck, his mouth went bone-dry.

  He forced himself to look away.  As she retrieved the 2nd pot of hummus, the sleeve of her shirt inched up her forearm, exposing the edge of what looked like a bandage on her wrist.

  Kian grabbed her arm.  “Hey,” Cate struggled, dropping the pot of hummus.

  “Tell me you didn’t.”  His heart was beating furiously out of his chest.  He pushed Cate’s sleeve up her arm, revealing the white bandage around her wrist.  He quickly unravelled the bandage, tossing the bloodied scraps on the dusty floor.  The delicate skin inside her wrist was criss-crossed with jagged, angry, red scars.

  Cate looked down at the floor, she was so embarrassed.  “Look at me,” Kian demanded angrily, tilting her head back.  “Look at me and tell me you didn’t.”

  Cate couldn’t breathe, she needed to get away.  “I need to go.”  She quickly scrambled to her feet and got as far as the banister at the top of the stairs when she felt Kian’s arms snake around her waist.  “Please Cate.”

  Cate focused on a clump of leaves under one of the benches, “It’s not what you think.  I fell.”

  Kian led her back to the pallet of cushions.  He brushed her hair away from her face so he could look unobstructed into those beautiful, black eyes.  Cate had never been able to lie to him.  He searched her eyes for clues that she wasn’t telling him the truth now.  When he didn’t find any, he let out the huge breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.  He wrapped his arms around Cate and he didn’t give a fuck that they were separated; he crushed her to him, until he could feel her beautiful, big heart beating inside her chest.  “Fuck,” Kian groaned, “fuck.”

  “I’m sorry,” Cate pulled back.  “What you did hurt,” she rubbed at the skin covering her battered heart, “it hurts so much but…”

  Kian scrunched his eyes closed and leaned back against the wall.  “I… I can’t have a world without you in it.”

  Cate lifted his hand and laced their fingers together.  It was ironic that she needed his strength now.  “Why did you do it?”

  Kian opened his eyes.  “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

  Cate nodded, “I need to know.”

  “How do you want to do this?”  Do you want to…? I don’t know, ask me questions or…?”

  “Will you tell me what happened that night, the truth?”

  After Kian had finished, Cate didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes.  “You didn’t… you know, with her?”

  Kian winced, “no, the… um, the condom hadn’t been used.”

  “But she…”  Cate gestured somewhere near his crotch, “in the lift?”  Kian nodded.

  “And again the following morning?”

  “No,” Kian sighed. “I mean yes, almost but… fuck, I can’t tell you this.”

  Cate braced herself, “you promised you’d tell me everything.”

  “Fuck,” Kian dragged his hand over his face.  “The next morning when she… fuck Cate, I thought it was you.”

  “You thought it was me?”

  When she looked up at him, a lone tear trickled down her cheek.  Kian instinctively reached up to wipe it away.

  “Please don’t,” Cate protested.

  “I can’t,” Kian gently kissed her cheek.  “I know I’ve got no right but I can’t not touch you, Cate.”

  Cate allowed Kian to lay her back on the pallet of cushions.  As she looked up at the shadows playing across the brick-domed ceiling, she struggled to make sense of what Kian had just told her.

  “Why did you drink so much?” Cate asked, turning over to face him.  “I know you were disappointed, losing the penalty shoot-out to Sweden, but you’ve lost big games before?”

  “I don’t know,” Kian lied.

  Cate sat up.  “Yes, you do.  You’re lying to me.  If you’re not going to keep your promise, I’m going.”

  “Wait,” Kian grabbed Cate’s hips.  “I’m sorry.  I just don’t want you to think I’m making excuses for what happened because I’m not.”

  “Okay.”

  “When I got back to the hotel, after the match, I tried phoning you at home but there was no answer so then I tried your mobile and…” Kian gulped.  “Nick answered.”

  “What?” Cate spluttered.  “Why did he have my phone?”

  Kian hung his head, “you must have left it at the Tavern when you went to see Molly.”

  “You said you found it in the car… oh no,” Cate shivered.  “Is that why you were so angry, you thought I was having an affair with him?”  Kian wrapped the quilt around her shoulders.

  “I was angry about the World Cup and I turned it on you.  I drank shots and with each one, I became more convinced that you and Nick were…”

  “Why would you even think that?  I’ve never had feelings for Nick or any other guy.  I love you.”

  “Fuck Cate, you weren’t there.”

  Cate looked as if he’d actually struck her.  “How dare you…?  I wanted to be there.  It was you that asked me not to go.  You didn’t want me there.  You wanted Ben, Erin, Sinead and Her there but not me, not your wife.”

  Cate got up and paced the floor, fuelled by rage.  “You’ve done everything you can to keep me far away from that part of your life.  Sometimes, it feels like I’m your dirty, little secret instead of your wife.”

  “That’s not true,” Kian said.  “I thought you didn’t want to be a WAG.”

  “But that’s what I am, or I was…  I’m, I was your wife.”

  Cate continued pacing in silence for a few minutes, “when she sold her story, at first the papers thought that you’d cheated on Alice Devereux not on me.  Even when they found out you were married, she was still portrayed as the innocent victim in this mess because I’m just a gold-digging whore who slept with you the night of your Dad’s funeral and got herself knocked up.”

  “I’ll fucking kill them,” Kian clenched his fists angrily.  “You’re my first half, Cate.”

  He tried to put his hands on her but she flinched, scurrying for the furthest part of the tower.  “They’re just words, Kian.  If I meant anything to you, you would have wanted me to be there to support you.”

  “What about the people you go to uni with, do they know about me?”

  “That’s different.”

  “Is it?”

  “Nobody would judge you for being a footballer with a wife; everybody would judge me for being a footballer’s wife.”

  “It works both ways, you know.  If I admitted I had a wife and kid, people would want to know about you, your picture would be in the papers and online, you couldn’t just be a regular student anymore.”

  “I guess we’ll never know,” Cate said sadly.  “I want to go home.”