Chapter 17
Diane
Tightness covered my skin, each mark made by my Master burning more so than my already warmed skin. I felt everything intensify tenfold, from the welts his tools had made. I ached. I throbbed. I was alive and thriving in my pain.
Master brought up his other hand and both held my face while he stared into my eyes. Intimacy with him wasn’t comfortable. The dominance and intimidation when our stares connected left my inner self wanting to back away. To turn and hide from the dark energy he emitted. The fascination of the new side of him made it possible to proceed with what we were doing. I wanted to rock forward where my hand was slowly stroking. Kiss him and move my pussy along his hard cock until I was ready to scream through the orgasm I craved.
“This might not be so bad.” His gaze narrowed while he pushed his fingers though my hair to hold to me tighter. “Your hair’s short, but,” his fingers gripped, angling my face back, “I can work with this.” Teeth grazed against my neck and I secured my grip tighter around his thickness. The sound that vibrated against my throat drove me on. My hand moved up the long length a little faster, increasing the speed until his nibbles went to sucking.
He brought my head back up and moved further down toward my shoulder. I longed to reach my other arm around his neck and pull him in closer. Suddenly, I needed his contact like I needed air. For so long, I’d gone without closeness. Even when Master and I had had sex before, it wasn’t like this. The emotional energy surrounding us was different. Even the need was on a completely different scale.
“Master…” My throat closed, my words sounding strangled as I trailed off.
He lifted and I wasn’t prepared for the person looking back. I couldn’t even grasp the raw emotions on his face. Passion, yes, but something almost resembling fear. Did he think from my unstable voice that I was going to call a stop to the intimacy again?
“Yes?”
Even his tone sounded off.
I lifted my hand, pausing it as it began to rise. “May I hold you? I need...” I couldn’t finish. Couldn’t say the words out loud. The guilt was still there. Still threatening to tear me to shreds.
“Call me Sevastian. Just this once.”
The shock at hearing his name left me frozen. As it sank in, the thawing brought on a lust so intense, I couldn’t help but let it roll off my tongue just so I could hear it from my own lips. “Sevastian,” I repeated, quietly.
My arm eased around him, my breasts grazing against his chest as I leaned in closer. The kiss was like the first. Soft. Gentle. I began stoking my hand down his cock again, trying not to rock my clit against the hardness.
I couldn’t resist.
The tiny sparks of ecstasy had my forearm pulling him forward.
“Fuck,” he moaned against my lips. “I want you so much. Right here and right now.”
I moved my pussy along his cock faster, wanting to lift enough to let him breach my entrance. But I knew better. Knew that if I took the lead without asking, he wouldn’t like it. Just because he was acting like someone else, didn’t change who he truly was inside.
“Let me,” I started to say, only to stop. I knew if he wanted to fuck or make love to me, he would. Desperation had me moving too quickly. Every nerve ending vibrated. The soft caress that traveled up and down my back left me all too aware of the damage there, but it only heightened my sensitivity, making the hunger intensify.
“Bed.” He benched his hand under my ass, standing. The sound of his pants hitting the floor was followed by him stepping out of them. He reached, turning the water off and not even bothering to get a towel to dry our wet bodies. I was eased to the comforter and I couldn’t stop shaking. The cool temperature and the man standing, watching me, had my adrenaline soaring.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I can take you to your room right now.”
My brain sputtered. Permission? I hadn’t been given a real chance to make a decision in so long that it left me staring at him, speechless. At his brows drawing in, I nodded. “I want this…Sevastian.”
“God, say it again.” His arms came down to the mattress and he climb on, moving to hover above me.
“Sevastian.”
Weight settled between my thighs as his forearms came to rest on each side of my head. The flicker of his eyes was followed by his finger moving to my chattering lips. Fuck, I couldn’t stop shaking.
“I’m about to warm you up, baby, you just wait. Or maybe you’re scared.” A smile pulled back at the corner of his mouth and I knew he’d somehow nailed it on the head. I was damn near terrified. Not only with what I knew him capable of, but of what we were about to do. I wanted the intimacy, but what would happen afterward? Not only with us, but within me. I feared that the most.
“Please, don’t stop…no matter what.”
Seriousness took over his features and he nodded once. “You have my word.”
The deep tone spoke of Master. I flourished under that voice. Fucking felt myself grow wet at the smoothness.
Sevastian’s lips started at my mouth, only to trail down my neck. My lids lowered while I let the sensations take me over. Warm breath tickled my skin while he went even further and began a path down the middle of my chest. My breast was cupped and his thumb and index finger squeezed the tightened nub enough to have me breathing in deeply. I ached, moving my pussy along the length of his cock. I waited for him to put a stop to it.
It didn’t take long.
Pressure gripped my hip. It was a fair warning and I obeyed, getting distracted by the increasing pressure on my nipple. Teeth bit into the fullness of my other breast with just the right amount of force. In swirls, he moved his tongue until he was teasing the tight tip and squeezing the other even harder.
“Oh…God.” My lips parted and I lifted my head to watch. Suction drew me into his mouth and I cried out at the twinge of pain laced with the pleasure. Even in his making love state of mind, pain was present. Never too much and definitely not like with his other personality, but it was there, tempting that part of me that had grown to depend on and enjoy it.
While he continued to lick and suck, his other hand lowered between my thighs. Nails teased in their approach to my pussy. The light scratching tingled and I reached for the comforter, holding on for dear life.
“Touch me, Diane. No rules unless I give you an order.”
If there were no rules…
My hands lifted to his shoulders and I gently pushed, surprised when he lifted and let me lie him on the bed. The caution was written all over his face, but I put my attention into his body instead. I rose to my hands and knees, lowering to mirror what he’d done. My kisses took me to one of his nipples and I licked over the surface and moved further down, biting into his skin. Not hard, but enough for me to see imprints of my teeth when I lifted.
Sevastian moaned and his hand lifted to my ass. The tap had me moving my pussy more in his direction. I worked my way down his defined stomach, repeating the actions. Kiss. Lick. Suck. Bite. My hands spanned over the surface and I pushed the tips of my fingers down, loving the sounds he made while I approached his cock. My tongue licked over the tip and I collected the pre-cum that was beginning to pool. The saltiness left me desperate to taste more of him. Instead, I continued to give his stomach attention, letting the side of my face rub down his length. The teasing had him breathing harder. I was so close, if I moved back the slightest amount, I could slide him into my mouth.
“Fuck,” he breathed out, heavily. His fingers rubbed over my slit and began to massage the wetness into my folds. The pleasure left me pushing against him. I wanted more. Needed him fucking me with them. Deep. Yes, I wanted him slamming them into me with everything he had.
A frown came to my face. I’d told him I wanted him to make love to me. My fantasy was far from slow and passionate.
My tongue traveled down the side of his cock and his hips rocked. I made it a point not to touch him with my hand. Not to add any more stimulation than the attention I gave with my mouth. As I approached his balls, I flattened my tongue, letting it slide from one side of his sac to the other. The deep throated growl combined with him sliding his finger inside of my pussy led me on. My hair fell forward as I lowered and sucked on the left side, swirling my tongue, and then moving to the right.
Sevastian’s thrust were drawn out, slow, as he pushed in only halfway. The need building within left me moving back down his length. When I reached the head of his cock, I let my lips cover the tip, enveloping the thick width. His withdraw paused and I knew he was waiting to see if I was going to take him in. Instead, I ran my tongue over the underside, loving that his cock twitched under my lips. He wanted more. Happiness surged inside of me. I suddenly realized I liked pleasing him when I had control. And for some odd reason, he’d gifted it to me.
“Shit. You’re killing me, baby.” The groan that followed almost made me smile. Again…happiness took over and the need to please him was prominent.
My head lifted and I grabbed the base of his cock, leading his length into my mouth. Pleasure was building with each push of his fingers deep into my channel, but I didn’t let it interfere with my speed. Something in me wanted to make him remember this always. To imbed a lasting impression that he’d never forget. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because we could both possibly never get this again. He wasn’t the type, and I sure as hell couldn’t see me settling down with another man in my future. It was such a waste for both of us, but if that was the case, maybe whatever we shared could carry us through the hard times?
“You’re so fucking good.” He pushed in deep, only for his fingers to disappear. “Straddle on my face. I want your pussy on my mouth so I can taste you while you do this.”
The command had me moving without thought. I lifted my leg, letting him guide me while I continued to allow his essence to take over me. My hand stroked up, meeting my mouth. In slow circles, I rotated around him, only pausing to catch my breath as his tongue swept over the entrance of my pussy.
“I can’t get over how good you taste.” His thumbs spread my folds and my head flew up as he plunged inside of me. A moan ripped from my throat and I couldn’t stop from gripping his thigh and moving my hips. The urgency only led me to take him into my mouth again. Inch by inch, I brought him closer to the back of my throat, and then beyond, until he was so far back that I couldn’t breathe at all. I held still, testing the feeling, enjoying that he could consume me so much.
My head rose and I went back down again. Repeatedly, I tried to get him further and each time Sevastian, my Master, let out sounds I knew would stick with me forever. They were sexy in their deepness. They cloaked around me, oddly making me feel safe and wanted, despite what he’d done to me since I’d been here. I wasn’t sure how that was possible given the brutality, but I knew I liked it. Somewhere deep down, I even liked him, too. A lot.
“Turn around and come up here.”
I lifted, spinning to straddle his waist. The hunger in his eyes as they traveled down my body and stopped on my stomach had me leaning back and running my fingers over my own signature on him. So much had happened between us and we’d both be scarred for life. How would our names on each other affect our futures? He reached for me and led me down, clearing my mind of everything.
“’What am I going to do with you, slave?”
My Master was temporarily back…yet not. His voice wasn’t the same, but the look deep within his stare was. Who did I want more in this moment? I was confused. To have one didn’t feel like it could be the other. I didn’t see a medium with him, which sadden me more than I wanted to admit. His question troubled me most of all. Suddenly, I didn’t have an answer and I wasn’t sure why. I knew I needed to leave, but what was out there for me when I did? Would I fall back into deep depression? Be left alone with my haunting past and want to kill myself all over again? Although I would have liked to think that wouldn’t happen, the thought scared me.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I…” My head shook and he reached up, pulling me to lie on his chest. The power he emitted when his arms wrapped around me left me turning my face into his neck even more. There was such security in his hold. Such safety, and yet…destruction. I knew what he was capable of, but lying on top of him, having him hold me, I’d never felt more safe in my life. I could so easily see him being able to kill, but could he love? In this moment, I was almost sure it was possible.
The room shifted as he spun me to lie on my back, his weight another comfort that I didn’t want to imagine not there. Each night that he slept with me, his leg or arm was always draped across my body. I’d grown used to it. But for this to continue, his plan for me would be thrown off. The only way I knew how to get him to touch me was to act up. That wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I had to obey. Show him I wanted to live and move on with my life. I couldn’t have both. He’d already made that clear.
Sevastian’s lips pressed into mine and I fought the tears from my confliction. I wouldn’t cry and ruin this. That could come later, at another time when he left me alone. Right now, I’d take what I asked of him and that was intimacy. If I could get through it without breaking down.
“Kiss me back. You’re not allowed to pull back now.”
It amazed me how well he knew me. My lips parted and I met his, sliding my tongue along his. There was no waiting for him to react. It was instantaneous, full of hunger and passion, and everything I’d wanted when I asked him to make love to me. Heat began to pour from my skin and I moved against him as he slid his cock along my wet pussy. I gripped into his back, trying to drive him on and make him go faster. The kissing was torture with the rate we were going and I had no idea how he could control his needs. My orgasm was building with every thrust over my clit.
I broke away, breathing hard. “Please.”
“Tell me you want me to make love to you.” His hands gripped my face, not allowing me to speak the words and turn away from him. “Tell me.”
So many emotions swept over his features and I couldn’t have broken our stare if I wanted to. I knew his walls were mostly down and I was amazed at what I was witnessing. It was almost impossible to see him as the man who’d kept me captive. The monster who’d done unspeakable things to my body. The man who’d made me crave them all. “Make love to me, Sevastian.”
The brush of his lips over mine was followed by him easing his cock into me. My legs spread further, allowing him complete entrance as he stretched me. I wanted to feel every inch of him, to have him so deep that I knew nothing but the way he filled me. If only it would ease the pain for one night. I needed it.
“I want your eyes on me the whole time. You’re not allowed to shut me out. Understood?”
“Yes…Sevastian.” Master wanted to roll from my lips. From a word that had nearly killed me in the beginning, I’d somehow started to love the way it sounded. The title held something dear to me that I couldn’t begin to understand. Maybe it was the harsh punishment I had just received. I didn’t believe so. Even before, I had submitted to him. The decision put me at ease. I could finally see us moving forward. What would become of it, I wasn’t sure, but I wanted to find out.
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you, but I think you’re beautiful.” His hands slid further up my face until his fingers were weaving through my hair. My stomach tightened more, even though butterflies took over. A tear escaped and he rubbed over the wetness with his thumb.
“I’ve wanted to tell you that from the beginning. I couldn’t until now. Until you accepted your place.” His hips grinded into me, and he rotated them, making me all too aware that he was reaching places that no one had before. I let go of his back, letting my palms ease down his forearms until just above his hands. The following thrust had me moaning and clutching his wrists.
“You really think I’m beautiful?”
“I wish you could see what I do. If you could read my thoughts for just five minutes…” His head shook and he leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. “I wish you could.”
My sniffle had his movements slowing. Panic that he might stop set in, causing my legs to draw in and wrap around his waist. I couldn’t halt the flow of tears, but I didn’t want him to pull back because of them either.
“Shh. I’m not going anywhere. Let the fear go. Tonight, you’re safe. Even from me.” My arms were taken from his neck and he eased them between my breasts. “You’re going to lie on your stomach and keep your hands here at all times.”
Sevastian lifted and emptiness consumed me. As he rolled me over and brushed the hair back from my face, I wasn’t sure how this was making love. I’d coined the term for passionate missionary style. Two people holding one another with a closeness not only with their bodies, but their minds. How would I have that with him if I were facing away and restrained by my weight?
The bed shifted while he straddled my thighs and leaned forward, nudging his cock back into my pussy. He pushed deep, until I was sure he couldn’t go any further. My eyes closed at the heaven I was given from his size. Full. Yes. He did that to me. So much so that I was sure there wasn’t any more room for him, not in my mind and sure as hell not in my body.
“You haven’t felt protected since you came here. Tonight, I’ll show you what it truly feels like. What it…could.” The last word was so quiet, yet stifled, I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right. It made sense, but the definition didn’t.
Security once again blanketed me as he lowered his chest to my back. His breath washed over my cheek and his arm slid underneath me to reach across and grip my shoulder on the opposite side. The other repeated the act until his forearms made an X over my chest.
“See,” he said lowly, “I’ve got you. Now let me take care of you in all ways.”
Air was almost impossible to get in, but not from him lying on me. His arms were holding up the majority of his weight. It was the closeness and his words that made me weak with wanting this. Wanting…him. It was almost too much and not enough all rolled into one.
Roughness from his cheek rubbed down mine until he reached my mouth. Still, he kissed me as if he couldn’t get enough. The thrusts were just as slow as the previous, but the depth increased more. My mouth opened at the shock, and the moan that followed was louder than I had intended.
“You like this. I can feel you tightening over and over around my cock.” One of his arms slid down my stomach until the tips of his fingers rubbed over my clit. “I could make you come so fast, baby. Maybe I will. I can’t get enough of your screams.”
My eyes opened at the flash of Master folding the flogger, of him saying that exact thing while I was on the St. Andrews cross. This was still him, regardless of his personality at the moment. He liked to hear my screams, but not just the good ones. He liked the ones from my pain, too. The thought of when he mixed the two caused the wetness to flourish. I gripped my fists tighter, pushing them more into my chest while he drew out each advance of his cock. With the rotation of his hand, I could feel myself pulled right to the edge of release.
“God, you’re so close. You don’t know how good you feel.” The tip of his tongue traced down the curl of my ear and I shivered while his teeth pulled at my earlobe. The shower of kisses along my face left me hypersensitive. His fingers moved faster, but his cock stayed at the same leisurely speed.
“Oh, God. Sevastian.” I barely got his name out before spasms shook my body. My cries turned into screams as the hand on my pussy slid to my hip. He drew up my ass and pounded into me so hard that I was coming right on top of the last. Before I knew it, my hands were clawing at the blanket.
“There’s your making love, slave. Sorry, I enjoyed it, but I’d much prefer to fuck your pussy just as savagely as I enforced your punishment.”
Fingers gripped into my hair and pulled back as he slammed into me repeatedly. Tears stung my eyes at the whiplash of his change. Damn him! Just when I thought I knew who he was, he only proved I didn’t know shit. I couldn’t stand it and yet it drew me to him, like a moth to a flame.
“Hands back under your chest.” The slap on my ass wasn’t as hard as he’d done in the past, but it was enough to make the tears spill over. What happened to the protection and safety he’d been feeding me? Such bullshit. The unfairness of the situation almost had me turning around to fight with him. Submissive. Right. If I didn’t bend, I’d never get to leave.
My hands drew in and I tried to numb myself off as much as possible. Another spanking, this one over my clit, forced me right out of my cocoon.
“Cry for me, baby. Let me see those tears stain your beautiful face. You know how much Master likes that.”
I sniffled, trying to fight the pleasure that left me turned on all over again. “You said I was safe from you tonight.”
Stinging prickled against my scalp as he drew me to all fours. I stiffened as his body molded to mine. “Am I hurting you?”
I paused. “No, Master.”
“Did I not make you come while making love to you?”
“Well…yes. But you didn’t come.”
He laughed, sucking hard against my neck. Enough that I knew it would leave a mark. “Nor will I like that. I did that for you, slave. I knew what you needed.”
The frown couldn’t be hidden as I stared forward. “But I wanted us both to finish that way. For the connection to be complete.”
Harder, Master pulled back on my hair, bringing me to my knees as he pushed his cock into me slowly. “I’m not completing something that intimate with you until you earn it. You got a taste for finally submitting to me. When the time comes, if you earn a full session, I’ll give it to you then.”
“Oh.” Oh…Really? That’s all I could say? Fucking, oh?
Truth was, I didn’t want him to stop, regardless of whether I was starting to enjoy the rough sex or not. He’d given me a glimpse of what he was capable of and I wanted it even more now that I knew I couldn’t have it.
“Head down.” His hand pushed my face into the mattress. “Keep that ass up and those hands under your chest. This will be purest the form of fucking, slave, without the pain you’re used to. Enjoy it while you can.”
His palm remained on the side of my face as he pushed his entire length inside of me. The fast rhythm was accompanied by patterns of brief changes in pace. More weight settled between my shoulder blades from his other hand, pushing me even more into my fists. I tried to gasp for air as he began fucking me so hard, it made it impossible to breath.
“Suck, slave.” The palm on my face moved over and his finger pushed into my mouth. I obeyed as best as I could. At his touch over the opening of my ass, I tensed. While his finger collected my wetness, I let myself loosen and relax, continuing to run my tongue over his digit. The distraction left me able to take the pain as he pushed into the tight channel. New sensations of ecstasy and burning exploded and I couldn’t help but sucked him deeper into my mouth.
“Oh…fuck. That’s my girl. You know what Master likes. Take more. Take all of it.”
The thrust into my mouth matched the rock of his hips and the penetration into my pussy and ass. My fist began to slide toward my clit when I stopped myself and brought it back up. I was so close. All I need was more contact. More…
A frustrated sound fell from my lips and my face turned into the mattress. It didn’t stop his finger from hooking in my cheek and bringing me back to face the side. The withdraw from my back entrance was replaced with more wetness and pain as he pushed in even further.
“You’re not coming yet, slave. Tonight, I have a treat for you. You’ll come when I do.”
The only thing I got out of his words was the fact that he wasn’t let me have an orgasm right now, when I wanted it the most. My teeth applied pressure to his finger, the urge to bite a little harder was all too tempting. Instead, I surged forward, taking the digit as far as I could. My lips fit over his last knuckle and he moaned, loudly, holding it in place. I fought the urge to gag, an almost impossible task. My eyes watered as he pulled back, only to repeat the act. The pressure left my ass, grasping onto my hip, while his thrust into my pussy became brutal again.
“More.” The second finger joined in and they both pushed to the back of my throat. A moan and cry, both muffled with my mouth so full. Repeatedly, he fucked, whispering dirty words to me when I was able to take him even further.
“Now, we’re going to come.” My hair was pulled back hard until I was resting on my knees again. Master wrapped his arm just below my breasts and I was suddenly shrouded back in his strength. “You don’t know how much I wanted to fuck you during your punishment. Do you like my cock pounding your pussy?
The response got caught in my throat as he moved his touch to the top of my slit. Whack! Whack! Whack! The quick succession of slaps had me bucking against the fingers that remained after his last hit.
“Oh, yes. You love everything I give to you, don’t you, baby? Fucking say it. Who can’t you get enough of?”
Pressure over my clit increased and I parted my lips, feeling myself reaching the peak of what I knew was going to be an amazing orgasm. “You, Master. Fuck. I love this,” I cried out as he slammed into me even harder. My fists clenched and I pushed more into his chest while my release shook my body. It caused him to lock on even tighter, making me feel even more the captive and yet, protected beyond measure.
“Fuck…Diane.” Warmth exploded inside of me, not registering as my own waves of pleasure left me foggy and delayed. My eyes shot open, the orgasm fading as reality doused me with the most frigid ice water imaginable.
“Please tell me you didn’t do what I just think you did. My head spun around and his eyes narrowed as he continued to hold me. “I know we’ve gone without protection before, but to go all the way and actually come in me?”
“I don’t see the problem.” He blinked, still staring at me as if I were speaking some foreign language.
I wiggled, trying to break free. “You just came in me.”
Still blank. “Yes…so.”
“What do you mean, so! For the third time, you just came in me.”
“And I’ll probably do it again before it’s over with.”
My teeth clenched together as I glared at him. “And if I get pregnant? What, then?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “I saw your medical records. You’re on the shot. I think you’re safe.
“I’d like to know what medical record you were looking at. Yes, I have had the shot before. No, I haven’t had one in over six months.”
Still, there was no fear in his face. “Not a problem. I can’t ever have any more—” He broke off, his expression turning hard. “You have nothing to worry about, like I said.”
I tried not to let his news worm its way into my heart, but I would have been lying if I said it already hadn’t. He had kids? It blew me away and I wanted to know his story. To try to understand who he was. What had led him to keep suicidal captives in his home?
“Vasectomy?”
“Yes.”
I took a deep breath, relief nearly making me collapse from the adrenaline crash. “How long have you had it, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Years.” He kept it short and pulled his cock out, easing me to the bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off him while he settled to lay down beside me. Fear edged in, but I couldn’t hide what I knew.
“You know there’s always a chance—”
“Don’t even say it. No.”
I closed my eyes at the silence. My world turned on its axis while I tried to process the hell that had been my life for so long now. If something were to happen…if by some twisted, fucked up, attack by Fate, I got pregnant from this man… no, it was too much. It was the whole reason I avoided thinking about the possibilities before. I couldn’t even imagine how that would work. Master and I would have to come to a decision for protection from now on if something happened between us. It was that, or I’d be damn if I let him touch me at all.