Chapter 17

 

 

 

 

 

I went to the kitchen and got our plates ready for Marta’s prepared meal. I didn’t set the dining room table and set them on the bar in the kitchen. I set two wine glasses by our plates and took out a bottle of chilled wine.

I was just putting the food out when he joined me.

He picked up the wine and twisted the corkscrew into it.

“Do I like beer, Drew?”

“Excuse me?” he asked with a frown.

“Beer. Do I like beer? I was just thinking that I would like to have a cold beer, but there isn’t any here. Did we drink beer?”

“No. We hate beer.”

“Oh,” I said, brushing it off. It was probably just my mental state. I didn’t even know what it tasted like, so how could I be craving it?”

Drew poured our wine, and we ate quietly. I don’t think either of us knew quite what to say after the Derik incident. He knew that I had questions, and I knew that I didn’t want to know the answers. I was afraid of them.

I cleaned up the kitchen while Drew showered. I walked out to the yard, barefoot of course, and sat in the soft grass about half way out. I’m not sure why I jumped. I knew he would come out to find me, but I did. He laughed as he sat, moving in behind me. My hands went to his calves.

“Jeans,” I said, and smiled.

“I figured I may as well dress down too. It’s obvious that you’re going to continue to do it,” he said wrapping his arms around my waist. “What are you doing out here? It’s hot.”

“I don’t think it’s that bad now,” I said, leaning into him. I sat back up and laughed.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No, your shoes. Do you not own a pair of sneakers?” I asked, looking at the shiny brown leather.

“What do you think?”

I moved his foot to my lap and removed his shoes and socks. He didn’t stop me or say a word. If I had eyes in the back of my head, I would have bet that he was smiling, amused at me.

“There, doesn’t that feel better? Put your toes in the grass,” I urged, and he did.

We sat that way while the Nevada sky changed to a midnight black, neither of us spoke and Drew every so often pulled me tight in his arms or kissed my neck and shoulder.

“Drew,” I softly said. I was trying not to. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but it was weighing on my mind, and I needed to know.

“Please don’t, Morgan.”

He knew what I was going to say before I ever said it.

I sat up so I could turn to look at him. “I need to know, Drew,” I begged.

“You don’t need to know. You only need to know that you’re fine now, and I’m going to make sure that you stay that way. Please, just trust me.”

I turned back around. “Am I different than I used to be?

“Yeah, in some ways I guess.”

“Are you different, Drew?”

“I guess I am,” he answered as if he were just realizing it for the first time.

“Look up,” I said.

“What?” he asked surprised at my sudden train of thought. I didn’t want to be serious, not that serious anyway.

“Look, there are a million stars out tonight,” I said. There were. The sky danced with tiny little twinkles.

Drew leaned back a little and stared up at the sky. I pushed him back more and moved to his side. I lay in his arm with my leg thrown over his waist, gazing up at the star filled sky.

“I’m going to have to take another shower,” he said, grazing his hand up the back of my leg.

I laughed at him. “It’s grass. I think you’ll be fine,” I teased.

Drew tensed when I ran my hand up his shirt and along his contoured abs. I didn’t stop. I moved it around to his ribs and shifted my weight so that I was above him. I ran the back of my other hand down his cheek as we stared longingly into each other’s eyes. Drew raised his head a little. I accepted the invitation and kissed him. He moaned into my mouth and pulled my leg higher. I could feel his hardness right between my legs as he ground into me.

I screamed and tried to get away from him, but he wouldn’t let me. I was soaked in about two seconds when the sprinkler system kicked on. He used me for a shield, laughing as hard as I have ever heard him laugh before. I had never heard him laugh other than a snicker or a snort here and there. This was a full-fledged laugh, and I loved it.

He flipped me over so that he was now towering over me, shielding me from the downpour. He moved a strand of wet hair from my face and ran his hand up my side and then to the snap on my shorts. I was the one to moan in his mouth next as soon as I felt his fingers slide up my wet slit.

He tugged on my shorts wanting me to raise my hips.

“Drew, what are you doing? Someone’s going to see us,” I protested, but not too much.

“We are twelve miles from the closest person. Spread your legs.”

Okay… No problem…

I don’t think I had ever experienced anything more erotic in my life. Yeah, yeah, I know. My memory only held four months of memories, but still. I pulled on Drew’s shirt, and he slipped it over his head. The water falling from his strong shoulders onto me as we made love under the Nevada sky was incomprehensible. The beauty of his wet body over mine with only the light from the moon and stars was one of those special moments. You know the once in a lifetime kind. That moment would never be recreated.

I slept in Drew’s room that night, and the next, and the next, and the next. I stayed with him a lot in his office too, just because I wanted to be close to him, and for another reason that I wasn’t going to disclose to him, ever. I hung out with him and read while he tended to business, and it seemed that I always ended up taking a nap on his sofa. I couldn’t help it. His business was so boring. The only time that I wasn’t with him was when Derik was there, and then I got the hell out of the house. I didn’t want to be anywhere near that bastard.

When I did drive into the city, it was on the north side. I didn’t go against Drew’s wishes and venture to the strip. I didn’t really want to go there anyway. I liked the north end. I liked my little café, where the guys Timmy, Stan, and Jewels all knew me by name, and knew what I liked. I had graduated from the park and ventured to a nearby high school, where I would sit and watch the baseball games, track meets, and sometimes just the girls practicing their cheers. I enjoyed my time there. It made me happy.

I was watching a boy’s baseball game one afternoon when Drew phoned. I didn’t want to leave and groaned when I saw that it was him. I had been keeping up with the Scorpions, and they were 4 and 0. It was only the fourth inning, and it was going to be a close game. I didn’t want to leave.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Trinity High,” I answered with a smile. I knew he had no idea what that was.

“I’m not even going to ask. Come home. I’m done working for the day and Derik left.”

“Uh-uh, you come to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m watching a ballgame. You come here.”

“Um, no. I’m good on that. I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Get out of that stuffy suit and come and join me. Please.” I begged.

“I don’t know the first thing about baseball.”

“I didn’t either, but I’m learning. Do you know where Trinity is?”

“Yes, but I never said I was coming.”

“You are. I’ll see you in a little bit.” I hung up laughing to myself.

Drew was there in fifteen minutes, wearing his oh, so sexy jeans with a red t-shirt. I smiled when I saw that he was wearing the sneakers that I had bought him just the day before. I moved over on the bleacher, and he slid in beside me.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” he said.

“Shhh, bases are loaded, and this kid who’s getting ready to bat is remarkable. If he can get at least two of them home, it will tie the game.”

“How do you know so much about baseball?”

“I learned by coming here watching when dick face Derik is in my house.”

Drew laughed, and then looked at me like I had lost my mind when I jumped up with the rest of the Scorpion fans, screaming when the batter hit a home run bringing in all four players.

The other team was good too, and it was neck and neck all the way to the ninth inning.

“I thought there were only nine innings,” Drew presumed. He was into the game as much as I was. I thought it was cute.

“There is. They’re going into an extra inning because it’s tied. We’re the home team. If we score this time the game is over, and we win. If not, the other team gets another try,” I explained.

The first batter got a hit. The second batter was tagged out, but the player on first made it to third. Everyone held their breath when the third batter was trying to beat the throw to first. He slid, and the umpire called out, but the guy on third beat the ball to home plate, and scored the winning point.

“That was kind of fun. When do they play again?” Drew asked. I took his hand as we walked back toward the school.

“Friday,” I smiled.

“Where are you parked?”

“In the parking lot at the park, walk with me,” I coaxed.

We walked through the park holding hands and then along the sidewalk of the different stores and restaurants. 

“Let’s go in this sports bar and eat barbeque for supper,” I suggested.

He looked up at the sign and then back to me with a frown. “I don’t think so. Have you been in this place?”

“No. Only because I knew you would throw a tantrum about it.”

“I would. I will take you some place to eat if you want to go out. Not here.”

I gave him the same frown and pulled his hand toward the door. “If you take me out, you’re going to make us go home and change into stiff outfits. We will fit in just fine here.”

Drew growled, but he caved and followed me in. We sat at a high table with bar stools.

“Country music? Are you kidding me?” he protested.

I laughed, and then got serious. Why did I know the words to this song? I was deep in thought when the waitress came to take our drink orders.

“Bud Light in a bottle,” I spoke, unconsciously.

“The same,” Drew said. He knew that I was remembering something.

“What’s wrong, Morgan?”

“How did I know to order that? And why do I know this song?”

“Maybe from when you were in France,” he suggested.

I gave him a look. I might regret it but here goes.

“I was never in France, Drew.”

“What do you mean? Where do you think you were?”

“I don’t know, but I heard Derik tell you that I was going to run away again. I think I ran from you, for whatever reason. I’m just not sure how I ended up back with you or why I left in the first place.”

The waitress brought our beers, and I chugged half of mine in one drink. Damn that tasted good.

Drew reached for my hand. “Morgan, I would do anything in my power for you to never remember.”

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t you think I have a right to know, Drew? Do you have any idea what it is like to wake up every day not knowing where you came from?”

“You have the right to know, but I don’t want you to know.”

“Because it would hurt me?” I asked, quietly.

“Yes, Morgan. It would.”

I drank the rest of my beer in the next drink. “Then don’t tell me,” I said. I didn’t want to know. I was afraid it would ruin what Drew and I had. I didn’t want that.

The waitress came back, and I ordered for us.

“One basket of ribs, an order of jalapeno poppers, and two more beers,” I said, handing her back the menu.

Drew only stared with a confused look. I knew he was fighting his own demons.

“Drew, let’s just forget it, okay?” I said, trying to ease his trepidation.

“I’m afraid of losing you,” he admitted. I smiled a warm smile.

“Don’t be. I’m not going anywhere. Do you know why I’m not going anywhere?” I asked as our beers were brought to us. I waited for her to walk away. “Because I’m so madly in love with you, I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life.”

He smiled. “You love me?”

“A little,” I teased.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I love you a little too.”

I laughed, even though I wasn’t laughing on the inside. We had just said I love you to each other, sort of.

Drew ate seven of the ribs, I ate one of them. He loved it. We drove back the five miles to the house and picked up Marta to drive my car home. I tried to tell Drew I wasn’t that drunk, and I would follow him, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Marta rode with us and drove it home.

I was stripping clothes as soon as his our bedroom door was closed.

“I think I like you drunk,” Drew teased, removing his own clothes.

“We have a new toy that we haven’t tried out yet,” I teased, kissing his chest and shoulder. He got serious, and I wasn’t sure what it was about.

“We don’t have to do that, Morgan. I’m happy just making love to you.”

I shoved my tongue into his mouth. “You’ve had an obsession with my ass the whole four months that I remember knowing you, now all of a sudden you’re not interested? I don’t think so. Put it on,” I demanded.

He smiled moving me back to the bed. I scooted up on my elbows and waited for him to come back with the contraption.

“Spread your legs,” he whispered, in that damned sexy raspy voice as he toed off his sneakers and removed his jeans.

No… Problem…

I lay there exposed, propped on my elbows while I watched him figure out how to slide the device up his rock hard shaft. Drew never took his eyes from my unprotected body, lying on top of his covers. Once the new toy was securely in place. He stroked himself.

Holy mother fucker…

I thought I was going to orgasm just watching him.

“Slide to the edge of the bed,” he rasped. I did.

He moved my legs up so he could watch and guide the knobby ruse into my ass. He was longer, and I felt him move into my wet pussy first, and then I felt the penetration sliding into my ass. I moaned as he held my arms to the bed. I moaned louder as he began to move in and out of me, and then ridiculously loud when the third part of the new toy came in contact with my clitoris with every thrust.

I didn’t feel at all used or abused. It was hot as hell, something that we were sharing together. I had to keep my eyes focused on his face. Every time I closed my eyes I was taken to a dark Drew, one that was angry and made me do things that I didn’t want to do. I didn’t dwell on it. I wanted to stay right there in that moment with Drew. He didn’t have that look on his face. It was pure rapture, like he was tuned into me and nothing else. The faster he went, the more I felt myself losing control.

“Drew, can I come?” I panted. He stopped.

“Don’t you ever ask me that again. I’m trying my damnedest to make you come.”

I smiled, and he began to move again. I was spent and sent spiraling into a whirlwind orgasm. As soon as I was coherent Drew pulled out and removed the device. He lifted my legs higher and slid into my ass with a moan. He pumped hard in and out of me while his thumb kept my clitoris happy. We climaxed together, and he fell to my body, out of breath and panting.

I ran my hand up his damp back and sweaty hair.

“You’re hot,” I said.

“You’re hot,” he retorted, kissing my nose. “Let’s go shower,” he suggested.

“Let’s not. Let’s go get in the pool,” I countered.

Drew started to protest, but didn’t. He pulled me up and kissed me before turning to grab his shorts. I pulled them out of his hand.

“Not with clothes,” I warned with a smile. I opened the door and walked out, down the long hall toward the pool.

“Morgan!” he called after my naked behind in a loud whisper. “Marta is here.”

I didn’t answer and only gave him a sexy smile as I flipped my hair.

I walked down the pool steps and had to laugh at Drew covering himself and speedily walking after me.

As soon as he was in the water, I had my arms and legs wrapped around him. He held me tight to him and walked us out to about four feet. I let go of my hold around his neck and laid back, dipping my hair in the water. He ran the palm of his hand down my chest and brushed my nipple with his thumb.

I pulled myself back up to him, and we kissed.

“I love you, Morgan,” Drew whispered to my lips.

“I hope so, we’ve been married for eight years,” I teased. He wasn’t laughing.

“I mean it, Morgan. I love you more than I ever thought possible, and no matter what happens, I’m telling you now, how sorry I am while you love me too.”

“Don’t, Drew.” I begged. I wanted him to stop. I didn’t want to know anymore. I didn’t care about what I didn’t remember. I hoped that I never remembered.

 

Drew had to go out of town the next morning, but surprised me Friday afternoon by showing up at the Scorpions baseball game. I loved watching him walk toward me knowing he was mine. Our eyes locked with the same smile. He missed me when he was gone. I could tell.

We ate ribs again at the little sports bar, he was secretly in love with them. We only drank one beer because we had no Marta at the house to drive one of the cars home. 

Other than hating Derik, my life was perfect, and I was working on that. I had finally gotten the number for Mr. Callaway one afternoon when Drew left me in his office while he got us something to drink. I had the yellow Post-it in my pocket, and when Drew left the next day I went to town with Marta. We walked around a pawn store for a little bit and then had lunch at my favorite café. That was where I was going to make the call to Mr. Callaway so that I didn’t have to use my cell phone.

Marta and I were standing at the counter laughing with Timmy and Jewels when I heard my name.

“Riley?” I heard, and instantly turned my head.

Everything came crashing back to me like a tsunami. I stood frozen while my whole life flooded my brain, my home in West Virginia, my parents, my little lost brother, Drew… Oh God Drew. I thought I was going to throw up right there. My entire wretched life was being played out right before my eyes. My head hurt. It hurt horribly. Was it the flood of memories? Why did I have such an excruciating headache all of a sudden?

“Dawson,” I managed to say.

“Morgan, I think you need to sit down,” Marta said, concerned with my ghostly white complexion.

“Riley, please talk to me,” Dawson begged.

Marta was right. I needed to sit down. My head felt as if it was going to explode and the sick feeling I had in the pit of my stomach was unbearable. Dawson, it was Dawson, my sheriff. I couldn’t breathe. What was happening?

“I’m sorry, but you evidently have the wrong person,” Marta told Dawson, but she knew something was up too, she had to. I didn’t just have this reaction for no reason. She helped me slide into a booth while Timmy brought me water.

“Marta, could you leave us alone for a second please?” I asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good Idea, Morgan. You look like you’re ready to pass out.”

That’s because I am…

“I’m okay. I’ll just be a minute.”

Marta walked back to the counter, and I knew all eyes were on Dawson and me.

He sat across from me and looked like he didn’t understand. I didn’t understand. What the hell just happened? What a sick fucking joke. Was life really this cruel?

“There’s a high school two blocks north of here. I’ll be there at six tonight. I can’t talk to you here. Meet me there,” I explained.

“Riley, I’m not sure what’s going on here,” he stated. He too looked white as a ghost.

“I can’t talk to you here. Please just meet me over there,” I got up and Marta followed me out. I needed air, not that the Nevada heat had much to offer, but I had to try. I didn’t know if Dawson would show up or not. Hell, I didn’t know if I would show up.

“What the hell, Morgan?” Marta asked as we walked to my car.

“You drive, Marta,” I said, ignoring her and getting into the passenger side.

“Will you tell me what the hell that was all about?” she asked again as she pulled on her seatbelt. I didn’t put mine on. I wanted to crash and burn.

“That was someone from my past, Marta. I remember him.”

“You do! That’s great. We should call Dr. Tharp.”

“It’s not great. He is someone Drew wouldn’t understand,” I snapped at her. I didn’t mean to snap. I just didn’t know what to think myself, and I wasn’t about to explain it to her.

“Oh,” Marta said. I could tell she thought that he was someone that I was cheating on Drew with. I didn’t care. I wasn’t even going to try. I knew her enough to know that she would mind her own business.

I went right to mine and Drew’s bed and lay down. I couldn’t take the pain in my head. I couldn’t think about anything until it stopped. Marta brought me the water and pain pills that I asked her to bring to me.

My cell phone rang. I didn’t want to answer it. I knew that he could tell something was wrong from wherever the hell he was. I didn’t care. I didn’t want his pity party at the moment.

“Hello,” I almost yelled. Even my own voice echoed through my head.

“What’s wrong, Morgan?” he asked concerned.

“I just have a headache from hell. I need to rest for a little bit. It was probably just the heat.”

“I’m calling Dr. Tharp,” he demanded.

“I don’t need Dr. Tharp. I just need to rest for a few minutes. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Go rest. I will call you in a couple hours to see how you’re doing. I love you,” he added.

I could only grunt as I felt the tears. No. I didn’t want to cry.

I covered my head with a pillow, one I couldn’t stand the light at the time, and two, I didn’t want Drew to see me cry.

Dawson Bade, Lauren, Starlight, the coffee shop, my house, Misty Bay, my trip to Vegas, my wreck. I remembered it all. I was going to marry Dawson. We were to get married two months ago. I never fell asleep. I would probably never sleep again. I felt the love that I had for Dawson as soon as I saw him. It was real, and I knew that he loved me. Wait. He knew. He knew all about Drew. He knew what a monster he was. Why did he wait five months to come for me? How did he find me?

I let everything flood through my mind, everything but the one that was going to rip my heart out. I saved that for my last memory or memories. There were so many of them. Not one was good. Drew hit me. He called me names, humiliated me, and he did treat me like a piece of meat. Why Drew? Why did you buy me for cash if you never wanted me? How could you do those things to me? I hated him. I hated him with everything in me. What should I do? Should I just run away with Dawson? What if he didn’t want me anymore?

I lay with my head covered for almost three hours while thoughts and memories flooded my mind. I finally sat up around four to see if my head felt better. The pain wasn’t gone, but it did feel better. I guessed my head was just overloaded and needed time to funnel all of the abrupt information.

“Feel better?” Marta asked as I walked into the kitchen.

“Yes, thank you. Could you make me a sandwich or something before I head out,” I asked, sitting at the table.

“Yes, but I’m not sure you should go to that game. You had a pretty bad spell this afternoon.”

“It was just the heat. I’m fine now,” I lied. I wasn’t fine. I had no idea what to do.

“Maybe I should come with you.”

“Marta,” I warned with a look. “I’m fine. I just need something to eat.”

I didn’t shower, change, do my hair, or put on makeup. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone at the time. I wore the same jean shorts and red tank top. I had been looking forward to this game for three days, and now I knew I wouldn’t even see it.

I saw him standing at the concession stand. My heart ached for him. He smiled a warm smile as I neared.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Lemonade, please,” I replied.

We didn’t walk to the bleachers around the crowd of people. He followed me to a picnic table under a shade tree. He sat right beside me rather than across from me as I preferred him to. I hoped he would start. I didn’t have a clue what to say. He didn’t either.

“How did you find me?” I asked.

“You didn’t make it easy. You lied about everything.”

“No. I didn’t. I only lied about things that would lead you to Drew, which would lead him to me.”

“I don’t understand, Riley.”

That wasn’t my name. I snorted. “How did you find me?” I asked again.

“I tried everything to find you with Starlight and Lauren’s help. I was lying in bed the other night, and I just remembered you telling me about Drew coming to your high school and donating money. I went there and pretended to be investigating a fraud case. They told me that the money that was donated that year was from Callaway Jewels. You told me he was a software developer from Indiana. Did you leave me, Ry? Because you could have just told me.”

“Daw,” I quietly said. How was I supposed to explain this? “I didn’t leave you. I didn’t know you.”

“What do you mean?”

I took his hand and ran his finger over the L shaped scar down the whole right side of my head. “I was in a car accident before I got out of Vegas. I didn’t remember anything until I saw you in that shop this afternoon. I remembered my whole life today, right at that moment. I have spent the last five months of my life not knowing who I was.”

“But you were on the plane. The airline told me that you had departed and landed in Chicago.”

“I did not get on the plane. I left the airport because Derik saw me. He chased me. I drove underneath the front of a bus. I was in an induced coma for five weeks.”

“You are at his house?”

“Yes,” I answered and then had to answer my phone.

Shit…

“I didn’t think you would go to the game. How do you feel?” Drew asked

“I’m better. I told you I just had a headache.”

“But I worry about you when I’m not there.”

“You shouldn’t.” I didn’t want to say much. Dawson Bade was sitting right beside me, and my lying abusive husband was worried about me.

“Well, I do, and there is nothing you can do about it,” he tried teasing. I wasn’t in the mood.

“I’ll call you when I get home, Drew. The game is getting ready to start.”

“Okay. I love you.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No. Dawson, he hasn’t hurt me. He has been very good to me.”

Dawson looked down at my wedding rings. “Are you staying with him, Ry?”

“No. I don’t know what I’m doing yet. There are too many things that I don’t have answers to.”

“Leave with me now. I can’t leave you here, knowing what he’s capable of.”

“I’m not afraid of Drew.”

“What do you mean you’re not afraid of him? You’re terrified of him.”

“I was terrified before. I haven’t been afraid of him since I didn’t know who he or I was. I’m fine. I can’t leave yet.”

“Can I call you?”

“No. I have to lay low until I figure things out.”

“What do you mean, figure things out, Ry? I’m not going to let you sneak around and play investigator. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“Dawson, I have to do this. I will call you when I can.”

“You need to call Lauren and Star. They have been beside themselves worrying about you.”

“I can’t right now, Dawson. Just tell them that I love and miss them. I will talk to them when I can.”

“Am I just supposed to go home and do what, Ry? Are we still a couple?”

“I don’t know, Dawson. I truly don’t. I just remembered who I was four hours ago. I need time to process all of this.”

“Have you been sleeping with Drew?”

“Dawson, don’t do this. I didn’t even know you existed.”

“Was it consensual?”

“I’m not going there with you right now. I can’t,” I pleaded. What the hell did he expect?

“You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

“Dawson, he’s not the same man he was back then.”

Dawson blew out a puff of air. I could read his face. It was calling me a dumb girl.

“You know where to find me when you figure it out,” he said and stood. I stood with him.

“Dawson,” I pleaded. He turned and crushed his mouth to mine.

Goddammit.

I kissed him back, and it was all there, all the love, understanding, care, him putting up with my hang ups. It all came flooding back. I loved this man.

“Please take care of yourself,” he whispered to my lips and let me go.

I sank back to the bench and watched him go. What else was I going to do? The first thing I had to do was get Dawson out of my mind. I hated doing it to him, but he had to be put on the back burner for a while.