Chapter 3

 

 

 

By noon, the coffee shop had cleared out, and I found myself bored. I was anxious to get started with the much needed organization of the store but decided to wait until Monday to tackle it. Customers were still coming in, and I was busier than any previous day.

Lauren and I went to a much bigger town and shopped. I realized going from store to store that I had never, in my life, shopped for myself. When I was growing up, I wore hand-me-downs and things from the local church or Salvation Army. After Drew and I married, my shopping was done for me, and I never got to pick anything out for myself.

I felt extremely joyful when I picked out new socks. I’d spent the last six years in pantyhose or thigh high stockings. I wasn’t allowed to wear socks. They weren’t attractive enough. I was even excited about the cute little cotton panties. If I were allowed to wear panties with Drew they had to be sexy, lacy thongs that I hated.

I stood in front of the rack with my hand on the underwear with tiny pink flowers as my mind once again drifted back in time.

Thank God, Lauren pulled my thoughts away rather quickly when she noticed I was off in another land again.

“Maybe if you talk about it, it might help,” she offered, touching my hand and bringing me back to the present.

I shook my head. “Sorry, I’m fine,” I lied to her and myself.

 

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“I’m going to carry my bags in and I will be over with some beer,” Lauren said, once we were in my driveway.

As I took the tags from my five new outfits, I ran my hand across the leather of my new hiking boots. I thought they would support my ankles better when I climbed down the rocky terrain to the beach. I would have rather it been a flip-flop kind of beach, but it wasn’t, and I was starting to like it just fine the way it was. I sat on my rock and watched the waves crash against the rocks for at least an hour every evening. My new friend, John, was often there, and he and his dog always stopped to visit.

Lauren and I sat out on my deck and listened to country music and drank a six pack of beer.

“Levi asked me for your number,” Lauren said, propping her feet up to the adjacent chair.

“Don’t you dare,” I scolded.

“Don’t you want to start dating? I mean you have to be getting frustrated by now.”

“I am not the least bit frustrated,” I lied, but didn’t truly know that I was lying until that moment. Maybe that would help, maybe I did need some relief, but I didn’t need Levi or any other man to take care of it. I was perfectly capable of it myself.

“How long were you married,” she nosily continued.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Six years.”

“Wow. What did you do, get married when you were eighteen?”

I didn’t have to answer that question or any others. Her cell phone rang: it was Joel telling her he was at her house, wanting to know where she was.

“Got to go, duty calls,” she joked.

I sat on the deck and stared off into the moonlit ocean. I dumped my warm beer over the side railing and heated a nice cup of Starlight’s relaxing tea instead. I wrapped myself up in a fuzzy blanket and listened to the waves as they collided with the boulders below. This along with my tea was just what I needed to unwind. It didn’t last long when my mind reflected on Lauren’s comment about getting married when I was eighteen.

Drew was there to claim me on my eighteenth birthday. I thought about the weeks before my birthday, and how much the anticipation burned my soul. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing that night as I lay in my thin walled bedroom and listened to the nice looking man who offered my father twenty-five thousand dollars to marry me.

I didn’t even know who he was. I saw him once. He came to our worn out school and did a seminar after donating five thousand dollars. I remembered sitting right in front of him and listening to him talk about success and getting out of our situations and how valuable our educations were for our future. I admired him.

I shook my head at how infatuated I was with him that day. He was so cute and dressed like nothing I’d ever seen before. He actually inspired me. I no longer wanted to stay in that poverty stricken town. I wanted out. I wanted to wear fancy clothes and drive expensive cars.

He sat beside me on the bottom bleacher once the gym had cleared out. I was in no hurry to go home and often hung around the school to keep from it.

“You’re a very pretty girl.” He smiled, and my faced turned the darkest shade of red possible.

“Thanks,” I said with my head down. How could he say that I was pretty? I was wearing Goodwill clothes, and my sneakers were lace less. My hair was too long and straggly looking, and I didn’t own any makeup. My dad would’ve never let me wear it anyway. He didn’t want me to be a whore like my mom.

I should have run that day. I should have started walking and never looked back.

“You should look at me when I’m talking to you,” he assured me, and I looked up. I had to. I was already afraid of him, and I didn’t even know his name.

“I’m Drew,” he offered.

“I’m Morgan,” I replied, looked down and then right back up.

He laughed, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen such perfect teeth in my life.

“I’m going to marry you, Morgan,” he claimed. I remember choking on my own saliva.

I got up and walked out of the gym, listening to him laugh as I did.

Why would he say that? Why would someone like him want to marry someone like me?

I went to bed that night thinking about Drew and living the life of luxury. I fell asleep dreaming of the perfect life with the man with the perfect teeth. That dream soon turned into a nightmare when I swore I heard him in my house talking to my father. It was late, very late, and the thin walls did nothing to conceal the private conversation.

I could tell by my dad’s slurring words that he was drunk. I lay on the mattress on my floor, trying to stop my racing heart.

“So you’re telling me that you want to marry my daughter, and you’re willing to pay me twenty-five thousand dollars to do so?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wasn’t property. He couldn’t sell me. I knew he was going to punch him in the face and tell him to get the hell out of his house.

“That’s right, Mr. Willow, but there is one condition that is non-negotiable.”

“What?” my father asked.

“She has to be pure. If she’s not, I don’t want her.”

“You mean a virgin?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean.”

“Well I can guarantee that she is, or she better damn well be anyway, but I didn’t say she was for sale.”

“And what are you going to do with her when she turns eighteen? You know that you are going to lose her welfare and food stamps.”

“I didn’t say she wasn’t for sale either, did I?”

What? This couldn’t be happening. You don’t sell people. This wasn’t some third world country. This was America. Things like that don’t happen here.

“Whatcha want a girl like her for anyway? I betcha you could have any girl you wanted.”

“Oh, I could, but it’s time for me to settle down.”

“And no other girls will marry you?”

“Oh, I have plenty of women who would love to marry me. I’m not interested in spoiled little rich girls. I want a pure girl who can be trained to be the kind of wife I want.”

Trained? What the hell does that mean?

“Fifty thousand,” my dad spat out.

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Willow,” he stood to leave, and I was praying that my dad let him.

“Thirty thousand,” he retorted, and I couldn’t believe what was going on.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he said. I was sure they were shaking hands on it.

The next three weeks were pure hell. My dad drove me to school every day and picked me up to insure that I stayed pure. He didn’t go out drinking for three weeks and wouldn’t even let me go out after graduation. We attended the ceremony, stopped at the liquor store, and went home to our dumpy little trailer. That was the night that he told me my impending future to marry a rich man who was going to take care of me. He tried to make it sound like I was going to be living the life of luxury, and he was doing it for my own good. He forgot to mention that he was also receiving thirty thousand dollars for selling me.

I would like to say that my eighteenth birthday was the worst day of my life, but I had many worse days of my life. Drew was there at eight o’clock in the morning to claim me. I had gotten sick so many times during the night, hyperventilating and dry heaving for hours.

He had two men with him. One carried a leather bag, sort of like an old timey doctor’s bag. I stayed in my room, rocking back and forth on my mattress, willing this not to be happening.

My dad yelled for me, and I couldn’t move. I sat on the mattress staring at the door with my heart in my stomach. He opened the door and the man carrying the bag came in with Drew.

“This nice man is going to examine you a little, Morgan,” my dad explained.

Examine me? What the fuck?

My dad stepped out, and Drew closed the door behind him.

“I need you to undress from the waist down,” the man said, and I was in instant panic mode. I wasn’t about to take my jeans off in front of either one of them, let alone let him touch me.

I looked at Drew, and he stood in his fancy suit and tie, smirking.

“Why?” I managed to ask.

“We just want to make sure that you are not damaged.”

“I’m not,” I all but yelled.

“Take your pants off, Morgan,” Drew said with dark eyes that scared the hell out of me.

I didn’t know what to do. This was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.

After not moving and staring at the two of them in shock, Drew finally squatted to my face, placing both of his hands on my knees. “We have a plane waiting on us, Morgan.” He smiled.

“I don’t want to go with you,” I claimed.

He grabbed both my ankles and pulled me flat on my back. I could only stare in total shock. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off with my panties in one swift move. I crossed my ankles and covered myself with my hands.

“Spread your legs, Morgan.” Drew spoke while the doctor or whatever he was removed a light and some sort of silver tool.

I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t know what emotions were transpiring as I lay there, trembling.

“NOW!” he demanded.

I slowly opened my legs and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t know which one of them was even touching me. I thought that Drew had been the one who pulled my knees up, exposing my very personal sex. I jumped when I felt the instrument penetrate me and then felt the warmth from the light between my legs.

“Her hymen is fully intact,” the man examining me said, pulling the tool from my vagina. I jumped again.

He stepped out leaving me alone with Drew.

“Get dressed, we have to go,” he demanded, and that was when the tears started.

This was really happening. My dad was really going to let this man take me. Drew squatted down to me again and placed his hands on my bare knees after pulling me back to a sitting position.

“No tears, Morgan. I’m doing you the biggest favor of your life. You are going to live like a queen and all you have to do to earn it is listen to me. Now get dressed. We are leaving,” he demanded with a clenched jaw and a look that frightened me to the core. He moved my knees apart and looked down with a hiss. I quickly snapped them back together. He snickered.

I dressed quickly and pulled on my sneakers.

My dad never said a word as I was led from the trailer. He was too busy counting the dollar bills and anticipating his night at the bar. He never said goodbye, I love you, take care, nothing. I just left with this Drew guy that neither of us knew from any other stranger. I was scared shitless.

I rode in the back seat with Drew while the two other men sat up front. We drove in silence other than Drew talking business on his phone and getting mad because of the poor reception in the hills. We drove for almost two hours, and I wondered where we were going. Where was I going to live? He said we had a plane to catch, but we kept driving and driving. Finally, we arrived at a small airport and Drew led me by my elbow to the private jet.

I looked around, wondering if I could run, knowing that I couldn’t.

“Bring us back some refreshments once we are in the air,” Drew told the man who hadn’t examined me. I would soon learn that this man was around a lot.

I was now nervous about flying. I had never been on a plane. Hell, I had never been out of the mountains.

 Drew directed me to the leather seat and told me to put my seatbelt on. The white leather was the softest thing I had ever felt in my life, and although I was scared beyond belief about my future, I couldn’t help but to be a little excited about the flight.

Drew sat beside me and buckled in as well. Once we were up in the air, I looked out the small window and was in awe of gliding through the clouds. He touched my hair and smiled at me. I flinched and pulled away.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Las Vegas,” he answered.

“Las Vegas?”

“Did you not hear me the first time?” he snidely remarked.

I didn’t know how to respond. He obviously expected some other reply, but I didn’t know what it was, so I didn’t say anything. I stared out the window, wondering what lay ahead.

I wasn’t a dummy. I knew the distance between West Virginia and Las Vegas. I couldn’t believe that I was going that many miles from the only home I’d ever known. Would I ever see my brother again? How would my mom ever find me? My dad could rot in hell. I didn’t care if I ever saw him again.

The man brought two glasses of wine along with some cheese and crackers. Drew handed me a glass of wine, and I sipped it. I didn’t like it and thought it was bitter and sweet. Of course, I drank it, and the cheese and crackers helped settle my stomach. I had never tasted such rich cheese in my life. If I did eat cheese, it was the wrapped imitation kind without much flavor at all.

I was brought back to my current life as I sipped on the now empty cup of tea. It was a lot easier to tell myself that I was going to move here and never think about my previous twenty-five years than it was to actually do it. Maybe I should seek counseling. No. No. I just need to occupy my mind and stop thinking about the past. I liked my job. I loved Lauren, and the house was perfect for me. I even loved the rough terrain beach.

I woke in a panic once again, too early. Sitting up, I tried to calm my speeding heart. I was getting used to talking myself down. I thought about the dream and wondered why it always went back to my childhood. I got up and looked out the window. The moon was full, a misty halo circling it. I could see Justin screaming for me not to let the social worker take him. He was so little and scared. All I could do was watch them take him. They didn’t take me because the lady explained that nobody would want a seventeen-year-old girl and that I was old enough to take care of myself. She promised that I could see him, but every time I called, she had a different excuse as to why I couldn’t.

Even though I should have gone back to bed, I didn’t. It wouldn’t have done any good, and these ridiculous dreams were starting to get to me. I showered, pulled on my new cotton panties and fuzzy socks. I checked myself out in the full length mirror hanging on the back of the bedroom door. My jeans fit much better than the ones I’d brought with me. I wore one of the new shirts as well, and that too looked good on me. It fit snug and hugged my body in all the right places. I pulled a white button-up shirt over top. I knew I should have worn my old clothes. I was going to get dirty. I was sure of it.

 I parked next to the curb of the coffee shop, I didn’t have to worry about taking any parking spaces since the shop was closed on Sundays. I made one pot of coffee for myself and looked around. Where do I begin? I was sure the place had never had a good cleaning, and after a week, my OCD couldn’t take it a second longer. I knew I could rearrange things to make better use of the space. It was a decent sized store; rearranging was going to take more manpower than just me. Maybe I could talk Lauren into helping. I decided I would start at the very front and work my way back. I needed to work on the front while the store was closed.

I poured a cup of the delicious coffee and started on the windows. Wow. These things have never been cleaned. I cleaned the windowsills first, using three buckets of water to rid the wood from the dust and grime. Starlight definitely wasn’t the cleaning type. After cleaning the wood trim, I decided that I should clean the walls as well. I was sure they had never had a good scrubbing either.

The sun was just coming up, and I was almost finished with the front wall. I was astounded at the difference between the front wall and the side walls. They weren’t tan after all. They were very unique pale yellow. I liked it. I was just finishing up with the window cleaner on the door when I heard a tap on the glass. I peeked down from the chair that I had been using for a ladder and hopped down.

“Kind of early for criminals eh, Sheriff?” I asked, opening the door for Dawson.

“Or late,” he replied, stepping in, “and I told you, call me Dawson.”

“What can I do for you?” I asked, not wanting to stop my task at hand. I was making good time, and I wanted to keep at it.

“I just got off the night shift and saw the lights on here. What on earth are you doing here this time of morning?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Couldn’t sleep, I have had this on my mind since I started working here, so I decided to get up and get it done.”

“Wow,” he said turning to the clean storefront.

“I know. Isn’t it nice?”

“It’s amazing,” he said, not believing the difference. “You have a cup of coffee?” he asked, walking to the pot and not giving me time to answer.

No. I don’t. I want you to leave. I don’t have time for entertaining.

“Sure, help yourself.”

I didn’t stop to chat or entertain. I emptied my mop bucket again and started on the next wall, hoping he took the hint. He didn’t. He sat at the table and watched.

“You know coffee has caffeine. I would think after working the night shift you would want to go home and sleep,” I tried.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Yes. That is exactly what I am trying to do.

“No, not at all, but if you stick around too long, I might put you to work.”

“Let me go home and change, and I would be happy to help you.”

I was speechless for a moment. I was joking. I didn’t think he would take me up on it.

I laughed. “Thanks, but I’m okay. You should get some sleep.”

“I actually won’t go to bed until tonight. I work the night shift on weekends. I don’t sleep during the day. If I do, I’ll be all messed up and won’t be able to sleep tonight.

“Thanks for the offer, but I couldn’t ask you to help me.”

“I don’t think you asked, Riley. I think I offered.”

Now what the hell was I supposed to do? I could use some muscles to help me move the shelves, and I would really like to move the cash register counter closer to the door.

“You’ll get dishpan hands.”

“I’m a bachelor. I’m used to dishpan hands.”

Great, just what I need, a bachelor.

I turned to look at him, trying to think of something to say. I noticed how handsome he was and how nice he looked in uniform. He had a military cut, and I could tell that he was very well-built. He had a five o’clock shadow and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. I wondered if they were contacts.

What the hell is wrong with you, Morgan? You are not getting involved with a man. Forget it.

I broke our gaze and turned back to wiping the wall. I still hadn’t said anything and had no idea what to say. I had never in my life said no to a man. I wasn’t trained that way.

“It’s settled. I’ll see you in an hour.”

Dawson left, and I sank to the floor. I didn’t want him to help. I didn’t want him around. I jumped when my cell phone started singing something about having a girl’s night out. I knew it was Lauren. Every time she came around she changed the ringtone on my phone.

“Where the hell are you? I was going to come over and eat your leftovers.”

“At the shop cleaning, you can go over and eat my leftovers if you come here and hang out with me so that I don’t have to be alone with the sheriff.”

“Why is the sheriff there?”

“He saw the lights on and stopped to make sure everything was okay. He saw what I was doing and has now gone home to change so that he can come back and help me.”

“Are you kidding me, Ry? That man doesn’t have an interest in women. He hasn’t dated since his wife left him.”

“When was that?” I asked for unknown reasons.

“Um, let’s see. I have been here for almost two years, and I think she left about a year before that so I’d say three years or so.”

I almost asked why she left and then remembered that I didn’t care.

“Please come here. I don’t want to be alone with him.”

“Fine, I will be there in a little bit, but I don’t understand you. Let me get Dawson Bade alone.”

“Well, I will gladly go to the back of the line so that you can do that.”

“Yeah right, I have asked that man out three times now. My ego won’t take any more than that.”

I was dreading the day ahead with Dawson. I didn’t mind Lauren and was glad that she was coming, but I really, really, really didn’t want Dawson to be there.

Lauren showed up first, and Dawson arrived ten minutes later. Lauren and I were talking about how handsome he was, or she was anyway. I was trying my best not to notice. That worked until he showed up in jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt.

Oh, my God. Stop it, Riley.

I was pleasantly surprised at how much fun we had. We all worked and talked. I was relieved that I didn’t have to answer any personal questions. I didn’t really have anything to talk about, but commented on the things that Dawson and Lauren talked about. We managed to get all of the walls washed down, and after Lauren and I moved all of the things from the shelves we all turned them. Feeling proud of myself after three tries, I happily smiled. I had a really hard time telling them that I didn’t like it the way we moved it the first time, and the second time was even worse. I’d never really been able to have an opinion before. Thank God Dawson picked up on it.

“You don’t like it, do you?” he asked, looking at me staring at the shelves.

I looked over to him, and our eyes did that uncomfortable locking thing.

“Not really,” I smiled and turned my eyes quickly back to the shelves.

We worked until after four and stopped when our pizza arrived. We all sat at the same table, and I looked around at our work. I couldn’t believe we got so much done. I just wished we would have gotten the wood floors cleaned. After moving the shelves, there was a noticeable difference in the two-toned wooden floor. The walls were spectacular, and I planned to talk to Lauren about her friend in the construction business painting the ceilings. The register by the door was a lot nicer too. You could actually engage in conversation with the customers, rather than being in the back of the store.

I hope Starlight isn’t mad about me changing everything.

“Earth to Riley,” Dawson said snapping his fingers.

“What? Sorry. I was just thinking about what to do next.”

“I’m leaving,” Lauren abruptly said, afraid that I was going to start another project at that time.

“I didn’t mean now,” I affirmed, giving her a look of don’t leave me alone with him.

It didn’t work.

“I will see you at home. I need a shower.” And she was out the door. I knew she was leaving me on purpose and wanted me to be alone with Dawson.

“You should probably leave and get some sleep too,” I suggested to Dawson, standing to clean up our paper plates.

“Yeah, you wore me out today too. I should sleep like a baby.”

The mention of sleep made me apprehensive about going to bed. I wasn’t sleeping much lately and hated waking and remembering my nightmares.

“You can go. I’m not far behind you. Thanks for your help today. I greatly appreciate it.”

Dawson stood, sucking the noisy soda through the ice of his cup. “Don’t mention it. It was fun. I would love to see the look on Starlight’s face when she walks in this door.”

“I just hope she’s not mad. I mean she did tell me to do whatever I wanted, but I’m not sure that meant to remodel the whole place,” I smiled.

“She will love it. I’ll see you later.”

Please stop smiling at me like that.

“Okay. Thanks again for your help.”

I didn’t leave and worked until after nine. I was hoping that getting myself good and exhausted would cause me to fall into a deep sleep and not be tormented by my dreams.

It worked, and I slept sounder and healthier than I had since I left Drew.

I felt rehabilitated and improved as I unlocked the back door to the store on Monday morning. The three locals showed up just as the last pot of coffee had run through. All three of the older men made a big deal about how clean the place was. I felt very comfortable with them for the first time, and had no problem talking and laughing with the men as they drank their morning coffees.

I was rearranging some clothes on the rack toward the back of the store when I heard the one man that they called Tom. “Good morning, Sheriff. What brings you out and about on a Monday?” he asked, knowing that he was usually only there on Saturday mornings.

 “Morning, Tom, Jake, Luke. Just thought I would stop in and see what the fuss about the new look was all about.”

I smiled, amused that he didn’t mention doing half the work.

I was looking right at him still carrying the smile when he looked around, looking for me, I was sure.

He smiled when he saw me. “Morning, Riley.”

“Good morning, Sheriff,” I said and nervously moved my eyes away from his.

That wasn’t the only day that Dawson showed up. He was there every morning after that. I tried not to let things be awkward between us. I also made little comments about not being interested in romance or dating, hoping that he got the hint.

My week was going well. I had managed to get the entire front of the store reorganized and looking like a new place. I worked late into the night, mostly because it did wear me out and I slept better.

The next project was the office, and I had to keep telling myself that the store had been just as bad, but the outcome was well worth the work. I planned to start on it as soon as I locked up on Friday. I was on the phone with Starlight wanting to know how things were going when Dawson walked in.

What the hell is he doing here?

He only smiled and took the last little bit of coffee from the pot.

I finished up my conversation with Starlight after telling her that things were going great, not to worry, and have a good time.

I started rinsing the pots and cleaning up when Levi walked in as well.

“Hello,” I said, surprised that he was there. I had only seen him in here once since I had started work.

“Hey, Riley. How are you?”

“Good, Levi, and you?” I asked as I continued to clean up.

Levi and Dawson exchanged greetings, and Levi turned his attention back to me.

“Ms. Riley, would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight?” he asked, and my mouth dropped.

No, I wouldn’t.

“Thanks for the offer, Levi, but I’m not leaving here for a while. I need to get some things done in the office, and I can’t really do it until I close the store.”

“How about I bring us food here?”

Now what the hell do I say? Just be blunt and tell him, Ry.

“Levi, I appreciate the offer, but I’m really not interested. Okay?” I watched his reaction, hoping he understood that I wasn’t going to date him.

“Okay, but just so you know, I don’t give up easily.”

Great.

“I’ll see you around.” He nodded to the sheriff and was gone.

“Turning down Levi Straits uh?” Dawson said with some sort of stupid sexy grin that made me crazy.

“Yes. I guess so.”

“Why?”

None of your business.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Not interested in men,” I said matter-of-fact.

He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “Were you married before moving here?”

“Yes,” I said with only that and continued to clean up the coffee bar.

“How long?”

I looked at him, hoping he could read my face and take the hint that I didn’t want to talk about my past with him. “Six years,” I replied.

“Was it ruthless or mutual?”

Okay, now I am getting a little annoyed.

“Mutual,” I lied. “What are you doing here?” I bluntly asked.

He snickered. “I was going to ask you out to dinner, but now I’m afraid to.”

“I would say no anyway.”

“I didn’t ask you out on a date. Just because you’re not the same sex as me, doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends, does it?”

“We are friends, but I still don’t think dinner is a good idea.”

“Why? You do eat, don’t you?”

I snickered that time. “Yeah. I eat, but I wasn’t lying about tackling the office tonight.”

“How about you give the makeover a break and go out to eat with me. Not on a date, just as friends. You’ve been in here from daylight to dark all week. Take a break.”

Say no Riley, say no.

“Fine, I need to go home and shower.”

“Me too, you didn’t think that I was going to take you out in this, did you?” he asked, looking down at his uniform.

“You’re not taking me out. We are going to get food, something we both need.”

He laughed. “I’ll pick you up at your house in an hour.”

My house?!

“Okay, see ya in a little while.”

I groaned as soon as he was out the door. Why can’t I just learn to say no? Why was that such a challenge for me?

Because you were never allowed to say no, that’s why, but you can now, you coward.